Are Germans miserly?

While I would agree that many/most Germans appear to be less "generous" than people of certain other nationalities, I also get the impression that Germans are more reluctant to ask/expect help from others. They don't give so freely and readily, but they also don't take so freely and readily, and generally feel quite uncomfortable about taking. In that sense, it does seem balanced to me. Beats me why you had the experience that people frequently took advantage of your generosity. Either they didn't really want the generosity in the first place (i.e. not "deflating" what you did, but simply not wanting/appreciating it to the extent that you thought they should), or you were unfortunate enough to run into the "wrong" kind of people...? (of course there are always loads of those, here and elsewhere...)

would that be the Turkish version of a "Dutch treat"?

dead easy? If you take along a dressed salad, it will just be dead. You cannot go around suggesting people take a salad somewhere, without mentioing that you don't really want to tip acid on it before serving. Pff.

As to "miserly", or as modern people who do not live in Dickensian England call it, "being a tight pikey bastard", yes Germans are blatantly guilty. All of them. Screw how much a coffee costs at your work canteen, it is easy to see German thrift everyday, in every supermarket. God the sueprmarkets here are sooo bad.


- good luck on that one in your local Lidl. Somebody should start a thread on how difficult it is to get Tarragon in Munich, and how Tesco should open a branch, they would make so much money etc.

Not my experience at all, except for the "they don't give freely" part. I do know generous Germans, but in my experience, they're the exception.


In the many cases in which they rang me up in the first place then berated me for declining to comply, I imagine they did indeed want what they were requesting.

Back in the states, I once agreed to help a German biologist brush up for part-time-job hunting. She was incredibly whiny and demanding - at some point, her (American) husband told her she should try to be open to my pointers, and should see if she could do something for me. Her responses: well, she hasn't gotten me a job! And: I guess I could correct her German - it's terrible!

Have seen this happen with "friends" of my exH, too.

I know what you mean:) Last year, I was travelling back to the UK and the guy sitting next to me on the plane was a well dressed German corporate lawyer going to visit his gf in London.
When we arrived, near the luggage carousel he appeared upset and I asked him what was wrong. Apparently the gf wouldnt answer her phone and on ringing her sister, it seemed she was out of town.
He said it was hard for him to find anywhere to stay for the night (it was the latest Lufthansa flight that day) and on impulse I invited him to stay with me and my mother. We have a spare room and he didn't seem like a dangerous maniac!
The next day he had free (was Sunday) and we took him out for coffee, then a nice pub lunch and so on. Eventually my brother drove him back to Heathrow airport.
At no time during the stay did he offer to buy any of us coffee etc of even attempt to pay for himself. As he was going to the UK anyway of course he must have had pounds sterling on him. My relatives really remarked on this.
It is only one example of many but after having lived in Germany for 2 years I have to say that in general (of course there are always exceptions) there is a reason for them having the 'miserly' tag.

There is no way I would have paid for his pub lunch... in fact he should have bought you lunch!

I have never had a problem with treating the unemployed, students and people who earned significantly less than me, but I don´t like being taken for a ride.

Out of curiosity, why did you take him out for coffee, lunch, etc. and always paid for everything? And after he refused to pay for anything, at the very least you could have told him to take a cab back to Heathrow in the end! Sounds like he's just a jerk, pure and simple...

Yup, there are always people who will take advantage of good nature. Doesn't matter what country they come from. You allowed this to happen. Driving him to the airport after you and your family were annoyed by his behaviour was just daft.

god my ex had this exact same trait - it is an ugly ugly thing in my view, and lowers my estimation of germans

If you're an open person whose default position is to trust/help people until they prove they don't deserve it, you'll bring out the worst in some wherever you go. They sense it and see you as easy prey. Had a couple of very unpleasant experiences that way in my time... the worst being with a Tunisian. I'm really not convinced that's specific to Germany at all, though taking advantage of someone is a different issue to being tight in general. That I do think is very pronounced here and I just find it utterly repellent. Fine, watch the pennies if you really need to, but when you earn three times as much as someone and still feel the need to split the bill for two stamps... that makes me want to stuff a very large bundle of banknotes down your throat.

Are Germans miserly? Not the ones I know anyway. If anything it annoys me sometimes that you can't do them a favour without them wanting to pay you for it.

We have no canteen where I work and everyday two of us are cooking. Then the one who did the shopping calculates how much each one ows to him/her.
I have always paid my part, but when I have cooked I hardly had all my money back.
Today after lunch I sent a e-mail to all of them "lunch was X Euro. Thanks" and I only had the half of my money back.

I think I will not cook anymore

wtf. why dont you just stop paying for his stuff?
meal for one. (you!)

I have just worked there since the beginning of September and this is the way they are organized: who is cooking goes shopping.
Today I went shopping and I cooked because it was my turn, and only had half of my money back (the previous time only one of them gave me the money...well, it's an improvement..)
I would not like to discuss and argue about these things with new colleagues, but I cannot keep loosing money in this way.

just "forget" to pay them next time? that sucks, stuff like that irritates me no end. been there a bit, just try and play their game back at them?

It is simply something I do not like to do...if I know that someone had to pay for what I have eaten, I simply have to give the money back.
Well, as I have my flat just around the corner I will go home for lunch.
I will eat what I want and I will be sure to pay only for myself.

Absolute bollocks my friend, get in there and tell them.

If they think you'll accept it they will carry on treating you in this manner.

Don't be rude but just wander round with a list with all the names on and cross them off as you get the wedge after politely asking for it.

Same way you would do it if you were getting a leaving present for someone or somesuch.

I don't think this is a good way to resolve this by playing their game back. Your problem may then become circular. They also may have very short memories and forget that they actually owe you, but some how will not let you forget you owe them.

So I would call an informal meeting and openly try to discuss this stating very clearly your concern and your expectation and then if it's not resolved by you getting your money back then tell then you cannot continue to contribute to cooking lunch for the bunch and not getting your recompense. So then it's flying solo and they are on their own.

The point is that I am still in my probation period and one of the people owing me the money of three lunches is my boss

Today I sent a e-mail to everyone to tell them what they owed me, they have received it for sure and they cannot have such a bad memory

So he's your boss, that doesn't give him any alienable rights to try to screw over you. If you don't discuss this with him this may set the tone for him to think you are a pushover. It's irrelevant that you are on probation, fair is fair and your money is your money. So here's the script I would use for your boss if it was me. I would go into his office and say jokingly "it's a good thing I know where you work as you still owe me for three lunches and I thought I'd try to collect today as I need more pocket money for the weekend". I would go to each one of this like this or with something similiar. They are testing you to see what you are made of and how you resolve this will set the tone for the respect you get in this organization. If someone can pushover you once, they will do it again every time you give them an opportunity.

Exactly why you have a wander round with a list. They are already aware of what they owe and they have possibly just not bumped into you to pay you, giving the benefit of the doubt.

On the contrary to LR, i wouldn't joke about it, just be polite and businesslike. Germans generally don't do humour when it comes to money.

So do you have a script for him as obviously he's uncomfortable with doing this? He's sent an email that was businesslike and polite and didn't get any results? What I've found in the 10 years I've been here is that when I'm more myself versus conforming to their serious formal culture the Germans are more at ease with me.

"She", the OP is female, at least judging by the info on the profile page.

@clebo
You definitely should ask them to pay for those lunches, don't let them walk all over you.

I already explained the format LR, just a list of names on a piece of paper, handwritten with lines through the ones who have already paid to encourage the others.

It's not confrontational that way and also gets her into contact with her fellow workers.

email is useless as a means of communication if you want action or a response. only the phone (next level up) and in this case face-to-face contact work. bluedave's list is spot on., they can't argue, complain or make you feel bad, it's there in black and white. good luck clebo!

I think you have to get a handful of change and go around with a list. Maybe some people didn't pay the first time because they didn't have the right change. I think it is anglo-saxon manners to expect other people will do the right thing first - and then to be embarassed about tracking them down if they don't (like sending emails to avoid getting your hands dirty). but I find germans pretty easy-going about collared for such things, so it's not like it will be held against you for getting down to brass tacks over the 3 euros and 27 cents, sorry 29 cents sunshine and this note has a tear in it so I can't take it, no absolutely not what do you think I am the world bank or something?

Look up the word Sparfuchs.

I am given to believe that there are historical reasons for this national trait but have not been able to lay my finger on it.

Personally, it did take me a while to get used to this but now I quite like the fact that neither do I have to pay for anyone nor be concerned about keeping tabs on returning favours and suchlike. Coming to think of it, IMHO, it's an honest disposition.