You know you're turning German when...

It's hard to look away from the shelf during dinner parties.

- you go to the doctor for a cold
- you rummage through bins to get a newspaper
- you become a haklefeuchtbenutzer
- you think that driving 30cms from the person in front of you is a great idea
- you get a twinge of excitement when walking past a tchibo window

Look at a woman kneeling down.
You know they are (turned) German if you can tell whether she used hakle feucht.

i take it you mean a woman kneeling down with no clothes on? and yes...eeeeeewwwwwwwww

Since you often see that with workers that are too fat for their pants the Germans call it "Maurer decollete" (maurer is mason)

That's awesome ... I was tyring to figure a literal translation for Plumber's Ass Crack.

In England it´s called "Builders Bottom"

You know you're turning German when you start driving down the wrong way of the motorway all the time.
Every single day they announce Falschfahrer on the radio. I've even had one coming towards me on the A8. What is wrong with these people? It's almost impossible to go down the wrong way...

You watch over 3 1/2 hours of "Mainz bleibt Mainz" on the TV...

Good Lord HEM, you seriosly need to get Sky installed !

HEM, that not only meant you turned German but also that you are getting old!
(If you drunk 2 bottles of German wine from Rheinhessen before, you are excused)

1) You think Mr Bean is hilarious entertainment
2) You believe Die Kelly Family are really Irish
3) You say Hallöchen at every opportunity
4) You bring presents for your bank manager / Frau xyz down at the Amt
5) The expression "Das ist Coool" no longer sends shivers down your spine
6) You give out to strangers on the street (without fearing a knife/bullet/fist), taking a certain enjoyment in it, before you both kiss and make up and go on your separate ways
7) You fondly remember national treasures like Kristiane Bakker
8) The name Ulla KockamBrink no longer brings a smile to your face
9) You will have a grumble with your fellow commuters about Deutsche Wahn trains, and how everything was MUCH better years ago...
10) You remember things like the Schreibreform, Fünf ist Trumpf Postleitzahl changes and expressions like "clubben gehen" didn't yet exist
11) You urge friends to call their children fantabulous name like "Dirte" "Frauke" "Mechtild" "Marquardt" or something similar
12) When doing a spot of "ladies who lunch", your tongue slips and you say you'll have the Rainbow Salad with Pimmelkäse instead of Schimmelkäse - and then promtly die of embarassment. (Get thee to a shower if its ever that bad...)

It's exaggerated but it's a good joke. I'm not concerned... but it's a very good joke.

You have a compulsion to ask when it's quite obvious no one is sitting there "is this seat free?".

Lavender Rain, Germans are doing it because they have lack of confidence. But Britishers... they're just too impertinent in behaviour. Parents of my boyfriend complained often about British tourists and their behaviour whenever they came across them during holidays. But Russians also seem to be alike.

Okay, I am officially now german, as I haven't shaved my legs in 4 weeks!

And I signed up for the laundry room 3 weeks in advance!

you like wearing t-shirts with english slogans on, because you think they are in some way cool. Yet you have no idea that the words on your t-shirt are actually total gibberish like "total sport fun" "massive pant failure" "playground predator" or some such

Ah yeah, I suppose hearsay you picked up from your boyfriend's parents is definitely sufficient evidence for you to conclude that Brits are 'impertinent in behaviour'. Sometimes reading this forum makes me want to weep ...

It makes me weep too from laughing at the silliness.

Not me personally but it's clear my son is German after he yesterday told the parent of the child next to us not to feed the donkey at the tierpark.

haha, spot on


got this one myself

You know youre a German manager when...

You accidentally fire an entire department (he chose the names from a list with a pin) and are then astounded when they dont come back to work on the monday.

Actually he was of Greek extraction and after about three weeks they were actually all back working out their notice peiods but his initial astonishment was genuine - "but theyve got contracts!".


..when you start thinking "ignoring at" is the opposite of "staring at"


It must be a regional thing. My northern German in-laws keep trying to convince me that Leberwurst only tastes good eaten on "bunten Stuten" (yellowish bread with raisins and sultanas in)


... and dancing the jitterbug in formation


Gosh, just as well youre here to teach us "Dubyas guide to Merkin politeness (y'all)" then.

Americans thinking they can teach the rest of the world manners. The end of the world *is* nigh.


Yupp. I still havent found out what my wife was taught that that lever in the middle of the car was for. I was taught to put the handbrake on at a stop sign (in fact it was one of the common ways to fail your test, not doing that) but my wife shouts at me even if I put the handbrake on when I park and she has to drive away, relasing said handbrake.

andy M

you think handball is a valid and entertaining sport

Did anyone mention wearing white socks and sandals at home / work yet ? Sorry couldn't be bothered reading through the whole 17 pages

Damm the non-handbremse users... I was looking at cars with a mate in a fawvey garage yesterday, and reached into the boot to check something out - the only problem was the more I reached, the further way it got... Someone hadn't put the handbreak on the car, and as I reached into the boot, I was pushing the car across the garage with my knees!

you think the bumpers on cars are there to be hit whilst parking

I think you'll find that's for the 'You know you're turning French when...' thread.

lol yeah the frogs love a bit of that, and as for the italians...

What else are they for?

spoken like a true german! thats exactly what my girlfriend says!

when you call everyone that does not agree with you a facist. Like the majority of people on this board

Cheers cendaf. First time you've made me laugh.

What's a facist?

Somebody who doesn't like faces, you moran.

thats facial abuse that is

Only on the face of it!

Well that is what they are there for. Having paid for my wife touching a BMWs I know how annoyingly stupid and expensive it is for some idiot to think that painting them was a good idea.

Bumpers shouldn't be painted plastic - they should be grey/black scratch-resistant hard foamey stuff like they used to be so thay can be used to their full potential.

Spoken like a true woman! Driving isn't a contact sport.

Timmeh it isnt driving. It's parking thats the problem. Or so I was told.

I think the entire concept is the problem to them

What you mean freedom form the kitchen?

Although I am a woman I can park VERY WELL, as I've never had a garage or driveway but always had to squeeze into tiny spaces in the street. I can do it, but still think a slight touch to the bumber every now and then can help (I don't mean ramming another car)

But getting back on topic - is this not a german thing? Maybe its just me, but I have never ever touched another car whilst parking in the uk, and I certainly never was in a car with anyone who did it either - but in germany I saw it happen all the time - anyone else here english confirm that it's not ever really done in the uk or is it just me?? and if people in the uk manage to park without touching all the time, does this not signify that germans are shit drivers?

I've never noticed German drivers bumping into cars while parking. Where is this coming from? Now in France, touch parking is the norm, but not here. Most people are very careful parking their cars. Of course there's bound to be some who are crap at it, and of course on TT people just love tarring everybody with the same brush, but this is just rubbish!

... you think nothing of asking people how much rent they pay three seconds after setting foot in their apartment.
... you freak out when you see children going barefoot inside a heated house.
... the blanket in your stroller is taller than your baby - standing up.
... you say "good morning" when you walk into your doctor's waiting room
... you read through an 18-page thread just to make sure your answers haven't been posted already

- all my friends in munich parked like that, and as they said " that's what bumpers are for!"

I reckon you've got some weird friends.

but now I think about it, they are nearly all women, so maybe its just women

@Worm, I am from the UK and I have never seen "touch parking" at home, but have seen it a fair few times here in Berlin, and it has been both men and women