You know you're turning German when...

...when you think that the German laws and customs should apply to everyone everywhere, regardless of what country you are in... oh, wait a sec, wasn't that Americans?

Can you say that louder & slower please, I didn't understand you...

But being rude *is* avoiding conflict. Call a local on their rudeness and they'll instantly dissolve into a little puddle. Tell a Herman to give you more than the three inched of personal space he's rudely allotting you in a supermarket line, and he'll just start muttering to himself and/or the Herman three inches behind him rather than try to explain why he's behaving like an asshat. Once you Mace a few of them, they eventually get the message.

The biggest myth about German society is that people are "direct" ... hell, the Japanese are more direct.

...when you start vehemently arguing whether Figure Skating is a sport.

(Also, when you find it unavoidable to capitalize most Nouns)

Hmmm... sound to me like your definition of avoiding conflict is not being rude to the person that is being rude to you. Your definition of personal space, due to cultural differences, is different than the "asshat," You turn around and make an issue of it, and he is courteous to you (who is being an "asshat"), by not escalating it into a pissing contest because you need your "personal space" in line.

If you want to call that conflict avoidance, then I'm a conflict avoider as well. I call it being polite.

Hmmm ... but, unfortunately, no.

"Rude" in the anglo-american sense is to break centuries-old established worldwide social norms (which, ex-Germany, universally include reasonable personal space) and be a pushy asshat despite fuly-aware of the potential consequences (i.e. being yelled at or, if serious enough, getting a bop in the nose).

"Polite" in the anglo-american sense is to be situationally appropriate based upon a nuanced response to the received discomfort of others (i.e. an anglo-american on a tokyo subway vs. an Indian commuter train) in order to avoid conflict.

"Rude" in the herman sense is being a complete asshat expecting that (on the basis of not-so-old postwar 'social' norms) the 'rude-ee' will not respond because it is assumed that he 'rude-ee' is a spineless worm as well ... and if he happens to be an Auslander, then all the better, because the 'rude-er' is a pathetic pensioner/welfare recipient with nothing better to do all day than make actual taxpayers' lives (and those of their their future taxpaying offspring) miserable!

In my experience, "polite" in the herman sense simply does not exist. It's all about "me".

Again, I have found Mace ™ an effective way to put the offender down on all fours at a reasonable distance whilst one completes commercial purchases.

When you accept 19% tax
When you start thinking germany is better for raising children
When you get excited about stores opening on sunday
When you forget the 2nd Amendment (the right of the people to keep and bear arms)
When you start wearing Che t-shirts
When you accept the fact that men are smarter than women and should get paid more
When you forget that it is and always has been (since 1945) the british and americans who has paid for german national security
When you start ignoring other english speakers in public
When you see old people on bikes who look like they died 20 years ago
When you buy a €80,000 merc/audi etc and put a diesel in it

Man, do you guys have issues.

When you start to talk of nothing other than baby polar bears

when you seriously consider the purchase of some nordic walking poles

I'm safe then

So every single German national is rude? maybe you give 'em reason to...

I'd also say that the general public in the UK is more polite than in Germany, but this gerneralisations does not mean thwat there are no rude people in the UK (as i have encountered many of them) and no friendly ones in Germany.

If I ever buy nordic walking poles, it is to club the retired neighbors who are always giving me grief about not properly maintaining the dirt (supposed garden with weeds) in front of our duplex.

Whack! Whack!

When you meet an American and you immediately think you can probably get something from the PX or commissary from them or ask to use their ration card to buy some cigarettes.

...or some Taco Bell...mmmmm

You refer to the composer of classical music as "Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart" rather than plain "Mozart". Same goes for "George Fred ..." & "Ludwig van ..."

Dead men walking

You know you're turning German when...,

..you still go to work after you have been fired (like the 2000 workers at Nokia)
French workers would surely burn everything down.

...you enter the sauna in London stark naked and suddenly realise that its not right to be so.

...when you miss your train from Clapham junction cuz te clock said it would arrive at 0816h, the train on the platform was there from 0805 and you thought that obviously the 0816 is delayed and not updated on the board, suddenly it leaves and yourealize that it was indeed your train...Gosh! It was there 11 mins early?!

...when you get fined 60 Pounds for driving on the wrong side of the road and the popliceman refuses to believe that an Indian is not used to driving on the left side!

good one!

You know you're turning German when...

you turn down the offer of a piece of cake because there are raisins in it.

Is there a genetic deficiency here where they cannot internally process raisins?

Never thought that's a German thing.
But it's true, I also don't like cakes with raisins. I do like raisins without cake or cake without raisins, though...

must have Irish blood in you ...

you know you're turning german when...

you let your girlfriend persuade you that its perfectly normal to shave your armpits

Ditto. Raisins OR cake. They are incompatible in my world.

Amen to that.

There must be. My German husband HATES raisins!

Speaking of raisins: you now know what a sultana is (Sultanine).

WTF???!!! Most german women have a Naturschutzgebiet going on in the pit-al region!

Expaticus, you've got me and my German wife in fits of uncontrollable laughter... excellent!

when you start believing that the Föhn causes sleep disturbances.

Also German man have their Naturschutzgebiet. They are not circumsized.

No, but I do feel a Kreislaufstoerung coming on that may prevent me from returning to work tomorrow...

I get that Kreislauf problem too, but we have special drops to take at the office, so we cannot use it as an excuse to miss work

All men in other countries are? Not in the UK I wouldn't think (that's only as far as my knowledge goes)

@ Carm, is there anything Meditonsin cannot do? Amazing.

its not Meditonsin... that stuff is crap, I take real drops called Eltropin... we keep it for patients that have low blood pressure, especially after injections.

Well then I'll add "taking Meditonsin religiously" to the list of things to let you know you're turning German, if it isn't here already. I've heard breathless testimonials about its power to cure everything from herpes to bladder infections to general weakness to cancer and probably Malaria and elephantitis as well. But try to buy extra vitamin C at the Apotheke, and be prepared for some major tut-tutting if you don't have acceptable Germanopharmaco Logic prepared beforehand.

-You separate your trash into more than five different bins.
-Your front door has a sign with your family name made from salt dough.
-You carry a "4You" backpack.
-You eat a cold dinner at 6pm.
-You call your cell phone "handy" and a projector "beamer".
-You have no problems with nude beaches and saunas.
-You shave youself clean as baby's ass.
-You wear socks with your sandals.
-You are uncomfortable and shocked if a stranger smiles at you.
-You have asked your Asian-American friend, "No, but where are you
*really* from?"
-You have gotten splinters from environmentally friendly toiled paper.
-You call an afternoon stroll "Nordic Walking".
-You feel like a fish out of water in unstructured organizations and
foreign countries.
-You are shocked when you have to pay for dental care.
-You have your 'feierabend' at 1730hrs - the world can burn down.
-You own a pair of jeans in a color other than blue.
-Being spontaneous is at 3 weeks notice.
-People start talking about Hitler and Hofbräuhaus when you tell them
where you're from.
-Tenth grade was all about dancing lessons.
-You work 40 hour weeks and have 6 weeks of vacation a year, but
complain about hard times.
-Your childhood diet consisted of Alete and Zwieback. Your college diet
consisted of Miracoli and Döner.
-You were educated about sex by Dr. Sommer.
-You yell at people for jaywalking and suffer from road-rage.
-You grew up watching "Löwenzahn" and "Die Sendung mit der Maus". And
Baywatch.
-You think college tuition is an outrage.
-You routinely go 100mph on the highway and tailgate heavily.
-On your last day of high school you made your teachers sing Karaoke and
jump through hoops.
-You wear brown leather shoes.
-Your first audio tape was Benjamin Blümchen and Bibi Blocksberg.
-You have ended an English sentence with "..., or?".
-You can tell at least one Manta joke.
-You're a college student in your 11th year.
-Your first sexual experience was on Sat1, Saturday night at 11pm.
-You spent hours in school learning to pronounce "th".
-You expect chocolate in your shoes on December 6th.
-You complain that in other countries everything is dirty

You ask your wife to cook Kohlrouladen & say "lecker" when its served (our son ate 3...)

When "Fart humour" is no longer funny !

Was it ever?

Is there not a discrepancy between finding farting totally anathema, yet spending the extra thirty seconds in the loo, staring at the shelf, measuring the anaconda? Oddness abounds...

Must be a Berlin thing, my pharmacy has it on a shelf right behind the cash register, the pharmacist recommends it to anyone buying Meditonsin.

When everyone knocks on the table at the end of a meeting...

Instead of banging your head against it during the meeting?

Eastpack surely?

Or when they come in (late) to a meeting.

When you consider the epitome of working hard to make a honest living is being employed as an IMMOBILIEN.

..you immediately cry "Es zieht" after somebody opened a window.

It is slightly worrying how well informed you seem to be about other people's loo habits.