The "marital status" question at job interviews

I have had a few job interviews over here and the one question that really annoys me is along the lines of: "Are you married or single?" or "Do you have a girlfriend/wife and children".

Firstly, interviewers should know that it is against the law to make a hiring decision based on a potential hire's marital or parental status.

But secondly, what is the correct answer? Should I decline to answer? Should I tell them the truth and then ask if the interviewer is married or single? Should I tell them what they want to hear, whether it's true or not?

Any ideas?

well here in germany we need a "lebenslauf " CV where my family status is noted anyway. Your profile doesn't show if you male of female. On the one hand being a male I can't imagine this question has anything to do with getting the job or not on the other hand being female maybe they want to know if in the near future you will not be able to work because of pregnancy. I would just ask them if the answer is relevant and why? I would just answer them if they want to know. It's nothing top secret.

in Germany it is quite common to be concerned about the person as a whole, not only regarding the profession but also private aspects. You are always well off if you tell them that "ich lebe mit meiner Partner/in (meinem Partner) zusammen" or "Ich bin in festen Händen". It also gives a good impression to tell them something about your hobby, wich should be Jogging or Fitness.

In case you are female and be asked about your "Kinderwunsch" this is a strictly illegal question and you are entitled to lie about it (of course children are not for you, your partner already has children or sth similar.

i still stay it's stupid and has nothing to do with how you can work.
If i want kids or not, have a boyfriend or not, am a runner or knitter doesn't show how i work and my job potential. If for some reason one of those things actually have something to do with the job (working for a knitting/yarn store) then that's all together different.

tell them the truth - that you support arsenal

It is best to say you are not married otherwise they will think that you are stupid and you will never get the job.
However you must say that you have a girlfriend otherwise they will think that you are gay.
Common sense really.

Speaking as an American, applying for a job in Germany can be a shocking experience. Even though I was offered a job with my company to move here, I still needed to submit a standard application containing questions such as: marital status, sexual orientation, religion, and a picture! I've learned this is standard operating procedure here, but it's still hard to swallow considering being brought up with an Ami background.

If any of those questions were asked in an interview in the US, it would be grounds for a lawsuit against the potential employer for discrimination. These questions really bothered me because the implication is that they are considered during the decision process. If they were completely irrelevant, then why would they be asked?

In light of Germany's role in WWII, it still surprises me that it is acceptable here to ask these types of questions, that simply categorize people in a similar fashion as was done in years past.

I can just imagine a possible rejection letter. "We're very sorry to inform you that we are really looking for someone better looking to type on our computers."

As a woman I answer:

"I have a child and have no plans to have any more."

If I change my mind, that's MY business because THEY have no damn business asking in the first place. If they are unethical enough to ask an illegal question knowing that they are backing you in the corner, then fuck them. Tell them what they want to hear and then do what you want.

My pet sheep is quite happy with that approach as well

My wife was turned down for a position with Lush Germany on the grounds that "you have a child and they might be sick and you wont be able to come to work " the regional manager actually said that to her face, but apparently there is nothing that one can do about it. Their headquarters in the UK were also shocked about this, but again couldnt do anything.

Davo I think the German system is better as when one requests a photograph one has the opportunity to just select the hot babes for an interview, Imagine for one moment that you were the boss doing the hiring. Germany is easily the better place to work, than the USA, by far.

Derek,

was the manager a woman or a man?

@BattalionBoy
Agreed, there are advantages to being an employer and getting this info upfront from your applicants, but it still sucks to be on the applying side.
And I'm certainly not saying that working here is bad. In fact, I quite like my job. I just didn't appreciate the application process too much. I was SO tempted to just include a picture of Brad Pitt or Tom Cruise on my application and see what the reaction would've been. Or conversely, a pic of the Elephant Man!

Say your married and planning on having kids. Shows commitment and future planning ability, goes down well at any interview.

It's not just your face that can get an applicant rejected. I was recently told by someone in the know that a lawyer here in Germany was rejected for employment because her hands were not to the liking of the law firm partner who interviewed her. This became known when he wrote on her Anschreiben "don't like the bad hands".

We just hired a woman for a team who was up against five male candidates. We felt she was best qualified, but after having another team member go on maternity leave and come back part.time, it was a huge risk to consider a woman in her early 30s for the job. I will just say we did our best to discover her intentions about motherhood. Now we're just crossing our fingers.

Yeah, I'm with you on there DH, I'll cross my fingers too that she gets some kind of uterus cancer and has to have it chopped out so she couldn't have any kids, this way she could work for you without any hindrance. Or maybe she's already sterile (or her partner) and so she won't have kids anyways? That would be the best.

BTW hope your wife won't be looking for jobs in the near future.

Fact is some narrow minded German companies are scared of getting lumbered with "women" on maternity. The other factor maybe that they are looking for someone with certain qualities which they feel are more present in a married and childed person, or know that someone who has that behind them will fit better into the team picture. Can also apply to singles. Young and Single often means cheap and abusable to some employers, and often impressionable to some boses. If a company doesnt want to employ you because of you status whatever it is, then you dont want to work there anyway. These things can change drasticly and quickly.

A lot of employment descisions are made on other descisions than just your experience and qualifications. That's life.

Unfortunately that is exactly how many employers think.

Let's be frank- we abhor gender discrimination, but at the same time employers are in business to make a profit. If an employee is in Mutterschutz, she is collecting her salary but not doing any work, so someone has to be hired at additional expense to do it, or co-workers have to pick up the slack. If the woman decides to exercise her right to maternity leave for three years, or not to return to her job, then, absent a restructuring, someone has to be hired to replace her. That costs time and money.
The maternity leave law must be respected and female job applicants should not be discriminated against, but let's not overlook the fact that there are costs to the employer if a female employee becomes preganant.

I was having this discussion the other day about having kids. Another female colleague said 'oh, so you'll stay out for 6 months or longer?' I said 'Hell, NO! I would be bored to death. I need human interaction on a daily basis. I'll get a Tagesmutter for Junior'.

Dumb ass Politicians that made that dumb ass rule about keeping the job open for 3 years.

Unfortunately some women also take advantage of their employers by taking jobs just long enough to get maternity or trying to get pregnant as soon as they're hired.

Which only does other women a disservice as the employer is once bitten twice shy.

If a woman is taking her career seriously, she shouldn't leave for three years straight anyways. All the successful females I know took like few months maternity leave. You can't dance at two weddings at once.

And most of the fucked up kids I know had mothers who did that. Or you end up with the ultimate nightmare for an Au Pair - kids that call her mum, nothing hurts a mothers maternal instinct more, and my god these "succesful women" can't deal with it!

But agreed you cant do both well, but there again it require companies to think around the problem. Yes a business's main aim is turnover and balance sheet. I wouldnt say profit, cos you get taxed on that badley! But a business consists of people, and women getting pregnant belongs to that structure. Maternity leave is a problem financialy for alot of small companies. The three year thing is planable and easy to manage. There is nothing wrong with a parent taking three years out to look after a child, they are after all the most important three years. Probably best if you're scared to lose the "career road" not to have children. They are rather time and emotion consuming little buggers. (This goes for the fathers too...)

I really don't understand the snarky responses. We're a small organization and the team in question is small. The team members need to be in the office daily to do the job properly. We have one team member who was out on maternity and now only works twice weekly which does not fit the job profile at all. Basically we're carrying her. If our new hire goes on maternity leave, we'll be carrying two out of five team members which is 40% of a team performing a critical task. Basicallly we'd be screwed. Given the situation it was a huge risk hiring her, but we thought she was the best one for the job.

That is so not true. Stop talking out of your ass. I know many people who do both quite well, thank you very much. For example, my neighbor has 2 kids, 6 and 2.5 years old. Yes, they go to either day care or a tagesmutter during the day but when Mommy comes home from work, she is not struggling to 1) put dinner on the table, 2) do the laundry 3) clean the house, 4) do the ironing etc, etc because she hired someone to come in do this shit for her so she could spend time with her children, not the washing machine. She is a very good mother and her children worship her. She is attentive, patient, calm, and all the things that mothers (and fathers) should be. In her case, if one of them wanted to stay home, it would be her husband because he makes half as much money as she does.

And I know plenty who aren't as well, not all women live in families rich enough to be able to pay for someone to take over other duties. In fact a lot of women end up working just to pay the daycare. So you can take that statement and shove it, well up yours actualy. It wasn't really necessary, nor nice.

How is my reply snarky? I'm merely telling it like it is. It is how a lot of employers think and it is unfortunate for women because it makes it harder for us to get jobs. I purposely didn't state one way or another whether I think employers are justified in thinking the way they do.

Do you disagree with either of my assertions?

As a woman, I agree with your points.
If you are single and you don't get married, people at work start calling you a lesbian.
If you are single and you don't get serious with anyone, people at work start calling you a whore.
If you are married, people at work start talking about when you are going to pop out your "canned fish".
In male dominated work environments, especially with machos present, you can't really win as a woman. My 2 cents.

Christ, what kind of a crap place do you have the misfortune of working at, LiaB? I am unmarried and I am fairly certain I have never been called a lesbian or a whore by any of my colleagues. And married or not, if anyone ever asked me when I was going to 'pop out my canned fish' (WTF does that even mean?! I'm horrified at this expression and may never eat tuna again!) I would give them a good pop in the mouth.

@Eleanor

Well Genie's was the really snarky one. Still, you say it's unfortunate that employers think this way...but how else are employers to think? Maternity leave, just like sickness or any other reason for long-term employee absence, is a risk. The smaller the organization, the bigger the risk.

Seriously, put your self in our shoes. We had a team already handicapped by one employee moving to part-time status do to parenthood. Now you've got six fairly well qualified candidates and one of them is a woman, early 30s, married, no kids. Are you telling me if you were in our shoes the issue of pregnancy wouldn't cross your mind?

It is unfortunate for me as a 28 year old woman, I'm an unattractive candidate for a job whether or not I actually plan to have kids, never mind my capabilities.

Again, I didn't say whether I think that discrimination is justified or not. You're making assumptions that I purposely did not put in my post because the issue has two sides and I chose to address the side most relevant for me.

@GG

I haven't had anyone say stuff like that to me, but during my work in investment banks, I have overheard male coworkers saying stuff like that about female coworkers. One girl was so offended by being called a lesbian behind her back that she sent wedding invitations to almost everyone there to prove them she was straight.

I posted that nasty reply as a direct reply to your wishing your employee doesn't have children. I find that deeply inhuman, and I hope nobody will ever wish something similar to your spouse.

This sound so German. Eva says hello. Why is motherhood such an issue in Germany? Why does it need to be discussed all the bloody time? Why is it that in Germany women can't just have a good job and children at the same time without being judged by others? It must be some remnant of Nazi-Germany. Why is this possible in most other civilised countries? This place is so backwards. Steinzeit, man.

I never said I wished she wouldn't have children. Your response was childish.

So what are you crossing your fingers for then?

What if a man is asked these types of questions? Do you plan to have children? If he answers yes - does that that make him a less qualified applicant? Surely he will not be able to put the time required at the office. Maybe at first, but when the child grows who will be the football, hockey, swim, baseball, scouts (Girl & Boy), and etc. coach? Don't these activities take away from his dedication to the "job"?

Look at the CEO's of the fortune 500 and the political leaders of the world. Most are married (at least once, some more than once) and have children. Why? You would think that unattached and childless people would be the best workers and be running the planet.

Maybe someone who is responsible for a family with kids would be a better worker because they have that family that relies on him or her?

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/mos...rfulwomen/2007/

http://money.cnn.com/magazines/fortune/global500/2007/

Because she just hired someone who she thinks doesn't want kids and if she changes her mind she will then have someone on maternity leave, that was meant to be covering for someone on maternity leave, ffs read!

Exactly, so he wishes she doesn't have children. ffs read yourself!

No, just not while she is working there

that's the most helpful response, thanks.

The discussion seems to have been sidetracked into the question of maternity leave, which does not apply to me as a male.

I understand why employers ask such questions, but that does not make it right or legal.

So either she's a short-term employee anyways, or she should wait with children until she retires?

Cause this is Germany and these things are an issue. That's why Germany has the lowest percentage of working mothers in Europe. Steinzeit.
Study by Bertelsmann Stiftung

As it is not honourable to ask private things anyway I always felt free to stretch reality a bit to my requirements. In case you are married to a successful businesslady tell them. Be the kind of stereotype that fits you most without really having to make up a new character.
One example is a former colleague of mine. She spoke frankly about her hobby which she said was kickboxing. It turned out later she hadn't gone there for years.

My solution - force both parents by law to take equal leave. Not together, but for every week mommy takes, daddy must take one too. (Not well thought out, but willing to discuss the consequences of something like this).

I think Danhessen is a he.
He can ask their female coworker to get neutered? Have her ovaries removed so she won't breed.
I think a male employer can find many reasons not to hire a female and on the same hand, he can also find many reason why he should hire a female employee instead of a male one. Saying that one should not hire women cause they will get pregnant is a whole lot of BS.

During one interview this guy said "well I hired a female employee and she was great but then she took off for maternity leave" and he laughed out loud.
I said in a serious tone "That's a wonderful story but not all women want to have children."
He got pissed and he said "I was only joking"

Back in the U.S., I had the naive idea that as a woman, I was allowed to say stuff like this. So when my boss told me that a fabulous candidate had accepted our offer, I said, "great! Let's hope she doesn't turn around and get pregnant." He looked at me like I was insane, and said "you know I'm required by law to contradict you on that." Still didn't get it. We went for lunch soon after she started, and I rather undiplomatically brought up the kid thing. She said there were other things in life.

A year later, she was queasy in the mornings and kept going to doctors appointments. She'd been so adamantly against kids, I figured, okay, she slipped up, found out too late and it's thus taking longer to remedy the situation. So I brought her grapes and saltines and things. Turned out, she thought she had an ulcer, and when that was disproven she thought she had cancer. At about the 5-month mark the doctors ran another test. She'd thought she was sterile.

She stayed home with the sproglet for a couple of weeks, then took on stuff from home, and was back full time. There were some childcare issues, she worked them out. I left, but stayed in contact and it seems she cut back on work, that held for a couple of weeks, she was given a huge new project & promoted. By the time her second surprise occurred, she was V.P. and our boss was sidelined. She's not a blathering breeder-mum - and her kids are intelligent, sensitive and well-adjusted.

Having kids settled her down. I doubt she'd have gotten as far as she did had she remained childless.

BUT: few German firms would have valued her work and kept asking her to come back. The co. didn't handle things perfectly - she tried a flex arrangement at half pay, and was expected to work about 60 hours without compensation for the more-than-half time.

I know of very few German men who stayed home with the kids. In two cases, both the dame and sire worked for the same company/agency, and the management decided they could spare the man but not the woman. Maybe that's the only way to get German men to contribute more extensively than as wallets and sperm donors.

It's very simple. We're hoping she stays around as a valued team member for say, at least three or four years...hopefully longer. In our business and at this level there are certain expectations from both sides. She expects us to keep her on even if the market goes soft for a while. At the same time we expect her to make the same sort of commitment to us and stick with the team for at least those 3-4 years. Anyone who wants short term employment with no commitment on either side can go work at McDonalds.

As mentioned we already have one headcount who is superfluous after returning from maternity leave. If our newest colleague gets preggers we'll have to hire yet another, leaving us with 33% of the headcount being superfluous. You don't have to be a Havard MBA to see that "carrying" a third of your headcount means you have serious operational issues.

I really don't understand your caustic responses. We're in a male dominated industry and an all-male hiring committee just hired the lone woman out of a competitive field of candidates despite the fact that she's in the sweet-spot of her life in terms of timing for starting a family. I think we did the risky thing but the right thing. I have no idea what your beef is.

You're right, you deserve a good word for taking her, probably many people in your position wouldn't have taken her. That said, your attitude regarding her getting kids remains deplorable, as if this is some tragedy when a woman becomes a mother and this removes her immediately from existence as a productive human being.

And to make this clear, I have met mothers who have taken 3 years of maternity leave and I find this unjustifiable. I know it's allowed by law, but there are many things allowed by law that I don't think should be done. I think the contribution of women who "take advantage" of this possibility (I'd argue who's being taken advantage of) to the equality of women in the working market in Germany is by and large a net negative one, and I've seen careers of women being destroyed (3 years out of a working place, well, everybody else gets ahead) for a very marginal improvement of their children's wellbeing.

I have other issues here, such as the (in)availability of day care for working families' children, the unacceptability of children in working places (I've seen exceptions so I don't think there should be a big taboo), and the whole attitude of children being the mother's "problem". Luckily we're not planning any children in Germany, although I know if we would have our position would be far better than many others.