Praise to single parents - Germany

As I mentioned in another thread, I have been thinking about some of the single parents (around me, mostly mothers) and their lives. Perhaps you do not hear this often enough, but you have my praise. And admiration, and awe.

I am currently an accidental single father a couple of days a week (Wed-Fri/Sat) to our daughters while Mrs Monkey works in Paris. And although I find this both exciting and meaningful, it is exhausting hard work. But I only have a couple of days of this, I am really well-support left and right, and it is my concious choice (I drag my family around, and my wife has a passionate job, university teaching).

Those of you that have been brought into single parenthood by the vagaries of life, and are now educating and raising your children... well, chapeau! Hats-off!!

I've seen a close friend go through all sorts of problems and crisis as a single mother and be full of uncertainty about doing a good job, providing enough, full of guilt over what she assumed to be personal insufficiency, bouts of depression, money issues, etc... What her 10 year-old daughter had said to her, I feel, is worth sharing, "We are not kings and queens, in mansions, but I know the smells and voices and your laughter, stay with me and tell me a story, yours."

Cheers ZM

I am not a single mother, but a married stay at home Dad.

I reckon the single Mums are the heroes of our modern age. Weekends I have freedom to get a bit wrecked and talk crap as wife looks after them then.

Up the ladies I say. Especially those tasty ones.

Welcome back, J.

Well bugger me, I thought I was the only expat married stay at home dad in Bavaria. Just goes to show. Couldn't agree more on the weekend freedom bit - without it I'd be a complete nutjob by now.

You don't feel guilty about your time off on the weekends, jeremy?

I'm a married SAHM who would like to have more evening and weekend time to myself, but I always feel bad for not wanting to spend "family time" for all three of us together. Even though I'm well sick of the toddler by the time Friday night rolls around! I spend the weekends and evenings tidying up while I don't have a toddler underfoot, mostly. Hubby likes to spend all available non-working time with mini-cinzia, so I feel he's not getting any time to himself, between work and family time, which makes me feel guilty asking for time off myself.

Does that make any sense? I'm on day 6 of hubby being completely away on business and I don't know which end is up, truthfully. Which takes us back to the original topic of single moms, who do this for 18 years. Wow.

Make that time for yourself. There's plenty of time for family time and you'll do a better job of being a parent and a partner if you get a bit of space for yourself.

I spent one hour trying to get girlfriend's 2 year old to sleep while she's off flouncing around, and reckon I'm pretty heroic. Doing it for 20 years doesn't bear thinking about. Hmm guess she was a single mom before she met me.

Thanks, Pas. I do know that intellectually. It's just hard to follow through with action sometimes!

You're soon to be something of a single parent yourself, aren't you? Sometimes no kids, sometimes full responsibility for them. I imagine that will be an adjustment, too.

Yes. And part of that has been a failure on my wife's part to make time for herself and to make me feel as quilty as hell when I took it myself. Plenty of other issues in there but that has been a big one.

I know it's bleeding hard work when you have them all day but I think it's about giving them almost all attention but making time for yourself as well. That does my wifes head in as well. I disappear for 10 minutes play on the computer just to get away but she sees it as not necessary. Kids can drive you mad but bite size breaks from them really do me a lot of good.

Keeping a balance - well, not easy but it keeps things from getting boring! Unfortunately lots of moms have the guilt trip that Cinzia and Pas are talking about, and when a man does the stay at home thing it's considered to be such a big deal - but men are quicker to take a break from the family and get more pats on the back when they do.

Anyway, zemonkey's post made me smile. Thanks, dude.

Same here, as he doesn´t see the kids all week, but I don´t feel guilty at all about "my time". And I spend at least half of the time from Friday night to Sunday night, seeing friends and being the mum who is in and out of the house waving hi and bye. It works for us all, because I am a much happier person through it. My husband also doesn´t want any time to himself, his kids are his recreation

Every now and again, my wife bemoans her lack of 'me time', as she spends the weekends with our daughter. However, whenever I try and get her to do stuff for herself, she turns it down saying she'd rather be spending time with the little un. Just can't win sometimes I on the other hand am out the door like a shot at the first available opportunity, but that's guys for you (Selfish gits to a man, eh)

Thanks for the boost, all!

Hubby (who has been travelling at least part of every week in the past 5) is now at the Vikings game. He had the chance to get cheap tickets a couple of days ago, so I said fine. I did draw the line at his announcement that he would be going straight from the stadium to a bar to watch this week's Big Game, though.

Wrong line to draw. Unless of course you have something else most worthy in mind and remember you are interfering with the clash of the titans when you come up with something.

Coming back to this thread as I am once again experiencing this semester of single fatherhood. I've got my day-job and my life-job alone while my wife works in France. We manage and still have lots of support for a lot of details, like two years ago. But that is just background.

Again, I'd like to point out to those mothers or fathers that are alone with your child or children and are perhaps not feeling up to scratch, like some of my "real world" friends, with all the hope of a relation that has gone south, the stress of managing a house alone, the guilt and effort of making do with less time for the kids, often less means that there are outstanding characteristics that your child or children will have. They are growing stronger, self-dependent and resilient when they partner with you as a parent. And they will have memories of you - crazed, nut-job, bonkers but the good parts, too.

Best of luck, and I, the accidental and in passing weekday single, continue to toast you and say chapeau!
Remember to smell the laughter and taste the smiles along with the ruckus, the piles of laundry and the splatters of spaghetti sauce. Cheers.