I'm feeling ill

I'm not feeling atall well, and in true TT tradiiton, I thought I'd avoid the doctors surgery, and instead simply ask the masses on Toytown, seeing as we probably know collectively more than any German doctor anyway. Seriously, the wind blowing in the wrong direction is a recognized illness here, how can you trust that sort of shit.

So, symptoms, since yesterday morning, chronological order:

Blurred vision here and there
Sensitivity to smell
Sensitivity to light
Lightheadedness
Mild diaorrhoea
Massive fatique

And today, all of the above, but I am now shivering alot, yet apparently feel warm to the touch.

Diagnosis?

No idea but take some meditonsin and you'll be better in no time (see other thread I just started).

I think you may be ill.

You should have taken the meditonsin a couple days ago.

Maybe the flu.. Or the bird flu if you're especially lucky. You should probably lie down. (I kind of feel like Captain Obvious today..)

Vampirism. Don"t go outside today, it's going to be sunny.

You need drugs. Lots and lots of drugs. And beer. drugs and beer.

And gaming. Drugs, beer and gaming.

And some Only Fools and Horses reruns

Oh! And those mini sausage rolls and possibly one of those Ginsters Breakfast Rolls or whatever they were. Bacon, eggs, sausage, covered in breadcrumbs and well well nice.

If I were to hazard a guess, I'd say you were pregnant

sounds like the initial stages of multiple sclerosis to me

Just a question before I come to a conclusion :

Have you been raped lately? By Jimbo?

(ok 2 questions but pertinent)

Either you sat in a draft or your circulation has collapsed.

Ooh!! I know this one. You are really hungover.

Ok. Chronic fatigue syndrome?

Have you been sitting near an open window or any other sources of fresh air in the last 2 weeks? This could be the cause you know.

Have you been to, or recently had contact with someone from, Congo?

Definitely cooking withdrawl.

It's psychosomatic. Your subconscious feels revulsion for having inanely insulted drummers on the Led Zep thread and you are now feeling like shit. It's completely normal. Rest, drink plenty of warm liquids and admit that drummers and good drum solos are like, totally awesome, and you'll feel better in no time.

That German draft will do it everytime.

Blurred vision?

Could be dwarfism - it is one of the causes of blurred vision and eye abnormalities.

Went to med school, can you tell?

sounds like a migraine to me

You've gone native, mate. Prob sat too close to an open window or saw one on TV. Shoot yourself now, it's the only way, a life lived in Birkenstocks is no way to be.

Glad to help pal.

Sounds serious. You haven't been working, have you?

Maybe yo just aint drinking enough beer...

Oh God, no! I tried those things at home for a few weeks and thought I was going to die when I tried to put on real shoes. Horrible torture devices the birks are.

I agree with the migraine diagnosis.

Go to your chemist ask for something called Formigraine. It doesn't require prescription, though it costs 10 yoyos.

I am definitely ill, I'm now sweating and shivering like a...erm...something that sweats and shivers, man. I probably should go home, but I always feel a bit guilty about that, because I seriously enjoy lying under a blanket watching moronic daytime telly, so I'd feel like I was skiving.

I forgot to mention probably the most serious symptom - last night on the way home, I purchased a bottle of powerade rather than a beer for the train journey. That symptom seems to suggest that I am suffering from serious gaylordness, but does not fit with the other symptoms.
Perplexing...

I would go with the flu diagnosis. Do not go to Lower Bavaria, they are culling ducks for the flu. Have someone cook some chicken soup for you, take one taste, spit it out and swear violently and at absurd length, then go make some yourself that is fit for human your consumption.

Or see a doctor. No, not just take a look at one passing by in a golf-cart, consult one and treat him like one of us: Either follow his advice or not.

I hope you feel better soon.

Its your Kreislauf collapsing - honest!

Call in on the Apotheke on your way home, there's a variety of revolting tea you can buy for any ailment. One cup and you won't feel you are skiving at all.

You've obviously caught the same virus that I've been suffering from for a week. Must be computer spread.

Sounds like flu. Go home, switch the telly on, take a bottle of water and jump into bed. Don't let yourself get dehydrated.

Test your Flu knowledge. Myth or fact?

pregnant?

I've started sneezing, maybe this thread is infectious.

My diagnosis, which is almost always correct, says that you are suffering from a case of severe excess masturbation. The only cure for this is to proceed wholeheartedly with more self-pleasure.
Let us know how you come along.

This statement is the key:

Obviously you're going through the stage of "change of life", otherwise known as menopause... the symptoms will go away by themselves in a few years, hopefully

very interesting I recently read a report on “Space Sickness� the comparability is uncanny

Mmmm. My bet is Pufferfish poisoning-- also referred to as fugu poisoning. *snicker*

Have you recently consumed pufferfish from the Indo-Pacific regions?

Some symptoms of fugu poisoning:

numbness of lips and tongue
numbness of face and extremities
sensations of lightness or floating
dizziness
headache
vomiting
abdominal pain
diarrhea
slurred speech
difficulty walking
extensive muscle weakness

Sounds like the typical morning after a particularly heavy drinking session, frankly. However, if you start to experience respiratory distress, convulsions or paralysis, you're pretty much doomed.

Sounds like you're turning into a krout, and a Bavarian one at that. Today is just the kind of glorioius weather where they all go staggering around clutching their heads and moaning "Ach, der Föhn, der Föhn". Sucking a Weisswurst might help.

Maybe he's in love.

Knowing just how easy it is to get fish in Munich, I doubt that it could even be sardine poisoning, let alone pufferfish.

I think a special herbal cure might in order.

So no buboes yet, then?

Lovesickness.

This quiz only applies to the American version of the flu (aka Kreislaufthing in Germany):


Oh, and I think pregnant is spot on. Has been diagnosed a couple of times in this topic now, must be true.

You've not been anywhere near here have you...

Nasty bug

FFS pay attention will you!

It's obvious to me you are turning gay, however these guys can help.

Bugger, I do try and be original.

I think you're pregnant. Possibly with twins who have lactose intolerance and are vegetarians.

Ebola sounds like a blessing.

He should be happy they're not vegans!