Qualms about dating a single mother

I'm going on a date with a single mother (two kids) this weekend. Never thought I would even entertain the idea, but she is quite hot so I'll give her the benefit of the doubt. of course having plenty of mental anguish about possible outcomes. does this make me bad?

No, it's normal, I would say. I, personally, have nothing against dating single moms - you just have to take the kids into account.

But remember: because of the kids, a large part of her attention will be on them and not you. It can be a weird and difficult adjustment, if you haven't dated single moms before.

You are surprised that a single mother can be hot?

but do you think signle mums date 'normally' ie just fancy a shag every now and then or is she gonna get all weird on me and be on the look out for some new dad for her kids who i certainly have no interest in. should I just not even bother going on the date because i certainly don't see myself looking after someone elses kids

I think that you're looking to far ahead.

Just go out and have fun with her. Her intentions/goals will become obvious over the course of time. Who knows, maybe her intentions will jibe with yours?

i just don't want to be responsible for 'leading someone on' and hurting someone's feelings if i know that nothing would ever come of it, but goddam it's made me realise it must suck big time being a single mum and trying to meet anyone

Just be upfront from the start about what you're (not) looking for, and you'll avoid a whole load of trouble.

Yep, exactly. Honesty doesn't hurt (usually).

How about just treating her like a normal person rather than alienating her from the beginning? Forget about her children for the first date at least, I'm sure she'll appreciate just being treated like a woman/lady rather than a mother. Then, as the others say, see what happens.

Actually, the fact that being a single mom generally discourages kid-hating guys like you is more a blessing.

If you have no interest in ever being with someone who already has children then i presume you are just looking for a shag, you should make that clear from the start that just a bit of fun is what's on your mind.

A mum's priority ( single or otherwise ) will/should always be her children.

i don't hate kids, i love them, just not into second hand ones.

fully agreed - but what if this precludes me from actually getting a shag? This would be a disaster

If the kids are second hand then so is their mother, if you want to use that terminology.

Then you shouldn´t waste both your times unless you can ascertain quickly that she is just out for a bit of fun too.

There are plenty of hot single women with no kids out there for you surely.

If you are so worried about covering up your real intentions and also that she may get 'weird' ( strange interpretation ) on you then give it up, is this the only shag you can get?

Edit: Pretty much what Renia said i guess.

?? Nope. This argument is full of holes.

you mean she's got a fanny like a windsock in a gale? i had also considered that possibilty. 2 kids must have inflicted extensive collateral damage

Keep those details for when you are making smalltalk with her and you might find your agonising over any possible liason was completely premature.

@Kat - give the guy a break. Just because he's anxious about dating a single mom does not make him a child-hater.

@worm: again, I would just try to go have fun with her. If it continues to more than one date, though, you will have to consider the children in the equation.

I think clearly worm lives under a bridge and is just bored and having fun.

@worm: judging by what you say, you don't sound comfortable with the situation in which case you should look round for somebody else!

Well I just don't see why it's an issue unless the kids turn out to be horrible whingy brats that noone can stand to be around. Otherwise, they can be a really fun part of the package.

Done. Seriously. If it amounts to little then enjoy it for what it is.

Remember this: even in the best case scenario, every relationship you'll ever have will fail except for one.

P.S. I had a few beers at lunch.

Because many men would rather rear their own children, rather than somebody else's.

That is why so many children are killed by step-parents sadly... Its like the lion killing all the cubs around so the female will come into heat again.

i agree with jerseyboy.
go on a date and see who it goes. she might be the one saying what she wants.
just because he is honest and saying that he is not sure about taking someone else's children on, doesn't mean that he cannot go on a date. for all we know, he could actually really like her and end having to deal with the children.

Renia, do you have any figures to back up that statement? Otherwise it goes along with Cinderella for accuracy in describing step-familes.

You certainly know how to live up down to your username.

You only have to start worrying about these things when she asks you to meet the kids.

so worm is going to kill those children?

No figures Showem and I can´t be bothered looking for any to make you happy. I have however read plenty of articles over time about child abuse and the incidences of serious child abuse by stepfathers. Just can´t quote anything, so I will continue to live in my cinderella la la land.

Edit: And I should have said abused, not killed.

haha i like it how i have changed from someone looking for a no strings shag into a child killer

Unlikely.

...unless they have ginger hair

I think you're right Renia, I seem to remember reading about links between step-parents being most common abusers of children in domestic situations.
Don't see what it has to do with worm going on a date with a single mother though.
There are reasons why some would be wary about dating someone from a pre-packaged family that don't include wanting to kill or eat the children. Tis a bit of an extreme jump really.

Renia, I don't need figures to make me happy. I just thought you'd like to provide some to make your statement seem credible.

Oi, my nephew is a redhead and he is adorable! (Ok, he can be naughty once in a while just like any other kid.)

I was orginally commenting on this statement and nothing to do with worm´s intentions. Biologically it seems that this is the way we are programmed. it is something to be aware of in the most generalised level. Of course, its lovely to pretend we are all civilized and grown up, but we are still animals by instinct.

Disclaimer, I am neither a single mother nor have step parents so am talking out of my ass of course. I deal mostly in emotional unbacked up generalisations .

I think the vast majority of step parents love and nuture their step children.

And many natural parents do not act in their children´s best interests either...

I am both but this is all off topic.
How can we assure this cringing worm that he is a good person if he shags a single mother but doesn't want to get involved with her kids? I say she may (!) be using him. Go on the date, see what develops. She might even have a great personality as well as a hot figure.

You can go, Worm, if you tell us about the date afterwards

Oh bullshit. If it were impossible to love non-biologically related children, there would be no adoption. A child is a child and usually very easy to love, related or not.

Just don't eat the kids on the first date eh? Might make a bad impresiion on her.

Surprised i managed not to kill or eat either of my step kids but ho-hum.

I had the same concerns.
It turned out to be one of the best chapters of my life. I'm sorry it ended soon, for whatever reason...

...and let's face it - two kids are double the proof that she's a goer.

Research has apparently been done on the subject which Renia raised:
Relative danger
Dangerous steps

>...and let's face it - two kids are double the proof that she's a goer.

it sounds a joke, but it's not!

Kids can be a hell of a lot more fun than most adults, if you ask me. Of course, if your idea of fun only includes drinking and shagging and other forms of purely personal gratification, you'll probably not get that. Too bad for you.

Watch About A Boy with Hugh Grant. Plenty of research tips in that film for you. This thread is great.

I've meet this hot single mother but am worried that after two children sex is going to be like throwing a sausage into an aircraft hanger... would have been the title of the year. Worm just go and shag her.