The two-kiss greeting

Right then,

Being from Britain where we all have stiff upper lips, I have had my mind somewhat broadened a bit both here in Europe,the Middle East, Africa and North East Asia. I'v eaten goats head soup in the Mongolian steppe, seen dogs skinned in Vietnam and brothels in Nairobi. Oh man that Mongolain strip club...

However there is one thing I can never get the hang of. How to kiss socially.

Do you go for the right cheek, the left cheek? Do you hold back and wait? Do you lunge and embarrassingly kiss mid air while the woman is offering her hand when you open your eyes?

Then having planted said first kiss, do you pull your head back far enough so your lips don't make contact in case the wife is watching and thinks theres a snog coming?

Then how many exactly are you supposed to do? One two or three?

Do you pretend they arent attractive if the wife is watching?

Its all in front of the family of course, not like those debauched 18 year old Christmas kisses where t
hos eklisses turn into long snogs with admitted gropes thrown in...

Worse still, how do you make sure she doesnt give you a hug just after then finds out that the little woffie down below in your trousers isnt doing s "sit up and beg" routine?

It's a weird thing if you have a "stiff upper lip".
If you do it it is generally you go left first then right.
You touch cheeks and make a kissing sound.

If you don't want to do the Bussi-Bussi thing (and I don't always want to) just stick out your right hand and shake hands.

Don´t know how the German women do it, but I just always wait and see what the man does and which side of my face he goes for first. Two bussis is the usual here, though French people go for three or four. Usually it´s either a bussi-bussi or a hug, not both. And if you get a hard-on from a bussi, then you must be in the throes of spring feelings...

That depends entirely on where they are from, in some regions they only do two.

It must be my ambidextrous nature coming through, but I go for the right cheek first, generally laying either a hand on the guy's shoulder or - for really good friends - an arm around his neck. Ladies get the hand-job* only.
*feel free to extemporize

Sara, I usually go for the right cheek automatically too, but have had several near-collisions as a result so have to concentrate on the direction. Trouble is, if you hold back a bit to see what direction the kissee is going to go for, it looks as if you're backing off. Tricky one.

I generally let the woman decide whether she want to cheek-kiss, shake-hands or high-five me.

And this goes for the number of cheek-kisses too.

I think that's the general rule in England (read it from The Times' modern manners bit).

Now, when it comes to two women cheek-kissing I guess you would let the older one choose. If there's no obvious, or politic, age-difference then I really don't know. Personally, I woud suggest bum-bumping as a compromise but I'm not sure what Debrett's view is on that. And, and this is important, I don't care.

By the way, it's considered very bad form to high-10 someone in public unless you've shagged them first.

Carry on.

OMG I hate this custom ! I don't like to have people get right up in my face and invade my personal space. I have to struggle to keep myself from actually cringeing when someone does that. To hold off this onslaught of "affection", I just stick my hand out to shake hands, and that kind of holds the other person at a distance. People who know me now know that I don't go for all that hugging and kissing stuff.

You're supposed to shag them in a public place?

I never know what exactly to do either. A lot of Germans are used to English people not doing the cheek kisssing thing so automatically put out their hand instead - but at the same time you lean in for your "german conditioned" cheek kiss - then you/they are always embarrassed. Then wearing glasses (more so if both do) is also difficult.

I have got used to it by now, but still never sure to do or not to do the cheek kissing.

@crusoe & SB, good to know - I always go left first, so will be careful with you two! I'd assumed you were looking dubious last time I advanced on you due to my rather excessive alcohol consumption, crusoe!

Might as well merge this one with the older thread on the subject:

The 3-kiss greeting

I always go for their right first, think it comes automatically like from the same side as you shake hands...

I was surprised to find that the men from the Balkans do the bussi bussi thing mano a mano, not just man-woman and woman-woman.

Thats 3 times; left-right-left. And watch that your stubble doesn't "velcro" together...ah the surprise at meeting my wife's brother and father for the first time!

I've been to Moscow and Ukraine and it's definitely the 3-kiss thing. If you forget to do the third one, don't be surprised when you get 'yanked' back for the 3rd one.

Actually, a lot of Germans are not quite used to cheek kissing, themselves. Might depend upon region of origin, among other things.

I grew up in Brazil, and they do like kissing in this country. I always kiss the right cheek first, and normally one kiss only. If they are my good friends, then it is a kiss, and a loooong hug (mostly now, because I dont see them very often, plus we have no concept of personal space ). things have changed though, as I remember having to kiss relatives 3 times in their cheeks when I was little. Got confused in Italy, they kiss the left side first (awkward, very awkward situations).

Heck, sorry Tiggi, any duck and weave wasn't intended as an evasive manoeuvre! As for dubious, it's unlikely to have had anything to do with an excess of alcohol - insufficiency maybe...

Well, if it's not a career-critical encounter or something, you could make your own mind up.

When I came over to visit, ooh get this right Colin - eine Freundin von mir - I had no idea how people greeted each other (e.g. her parents) in Germany. Oh how I troubled over this, but then realised they'd have no idea how people greeted each other in UK and the plan was formed ...

Wham ! ... big hug Frau X, big hug Herr X - as though I was their little sailor, home from the sea.

After the initial shock it went down quite well, and now you can see their Germishness fall away "juchhu, it's unser Engländer, hug time !"

Only the first time though.

..if you're greeting a Spanish person you kiss their right cheek first, for Italians it's the left cheek first, dunno about Germans though!

Tim.

ELAINE: What is the big deal about putting your lips on somebody's face?

JERRY: It's the obligation, you know? As soon as this person comes in, you know you have to do this. I mean, if you could, say, touch a breast as part of the kiss hello, then I think I could see the value in it a little better.

ELAINE: How 'bout an intercourse hello? How would that be?

JERRY: Elaine, now you're being ridiculous.

--Seinfeld, "The Kiss Hello"

lol!

I find hugs way better. Do they hug in Blightey?

Anyway, the first video shows the happiness of a hug.

Original Free Hugs Campaign



The second shows how the meeting of a hug with a two-kiss greeting just doesn't work

Despite their good intentions, the free hugs girl in Vienna consolidated the two-kiss greeting into the hug, making it overly mechanical and not genuine (and not lasting)
free hugs vienna



My conclusion is that the two-kiss thing limits contact, and the duration and expression of an otherwise proper hug.

I have found that aiming left for their right cheek works most of the time. The only thing I found that is generally frowned upon is holding the other person either side of their head and going for full on lips to lips - even without tongue this is considered too informal.

I actually find that very rarely does any kissing take place at all. As somebody said, you more touch cheeks whilst making a kissy sound.

From what iv gathered each time iv been to Germany, a lot of the time it depends how well you know the person. The "cheek-to-cheek + kissing sound" is often used when meeting new people. Particularly true of the fashion industry...

My family always taught me to move towards the person's right (ie tilt your head to your left) first.