Pick Ups on the Munich U-Bahn

Ladies and Gents: I am interested in some U-Bahn stories. Specifically, flirtations on the U-Bahn. The trains are notorious with lone women after dark. Every woman I know has been hit on by some strange man. How do you deal with this? I usually try to pretend to speak a different language. This has gotten me into some pretty funny situations. Somehow, strange men seem to know how to say, "Hello. Want to get a drink with me? Want to come home with me?" in every language.

Once at the Ostbahnhof after a very long night on the tiles and a few too many drinks, I was waiting for the first train with a girlfriend. We had a few different men come up to us. First, I pretended to be Spanish since this is usually acceptable with my dark hair and decent accent. The guy gave up trying to communicate and left. Then a guy came up, and my friend said she was Turkish. Bad choice in Munich. The guy laughed at us and called the bluff since he was Turkish (oops!). He got the hint though and left. Once at a U6 stop (name is withheld to protect the innocent), a French man came up to me speaking Spanish. We ended up having a funny conversation before he followed me out and posed the usual sleezy questions.

Yesterday a German man with heavy alcohol breath asked me for help to find the platform for Munich, which must have been to hard for him since the options were "Marienplatz" or "Garching-Hochbruck"...Since I had to wait for 10 minutes, he decided to sit next to me and proceeded to ask me all sorts of questions. Wo wohnst du? Woher kommst du? etc... I pretended not to understand much, answering curtly but politely. Then he decided to have some fun with me and his friend. He proceeded (in german) to ask me if I would cook dinner for him. What time I was coming home that night. If he could stay with me. I played the deaf mute. I wanted to say something in german to him as I boarded a different train kart. I don't like being toyed with.

What do you girls do? Any good responses? It's just not very satisfying to play another nationality or deaf. I need a good "go away" line.

Well I'm not a girl, but if I found myself being approached by some sex-starved nympho who wanted to stay at my...no, wait, nevermind, let me start again. If I wanted to avoid conversing with someone, I would just talk to them in very fast British slang - they might catch a few words, but even non-British (and some British) native English speakers would be unlikely to understand me. If they spoke back to me in English I would just pretend I couldn't understand their accent. Can't you do something similar? I know I find some American accents impossible to understand.

You can pretend you're deaf.

Otherwise, why not take them up on their offer? I'm sure they're nice guys once you get to know them!!

Hazza, I think you've lost your mind along with your job. Aquatic, I can pull out some Southern-speak, but what you don't realize is that these men don't really need or want to communicate verbally. Any invitation of friendliness is often met with a "my place?" response. One man actually just out right kissed my girlfriend one night before she had even said a word.

Anyhow, I just wanted to see how other gals dealt with this.

Do you think it's a Munich thing, or a German thing? You should try asking some German girls what they do - maybe to them it's no more off-putting than a mixed sauna.

I think it's an everywhere thing, and it doesn't actually anger me in the slightest. I get annoyed if when I leave the U-Bahn they follow me because then it is threatening. Also if they are at all physical (i.e. sitting next to me and touching my leg as one man did that was met with a stern glance and my quick departure). Otherwise, it's just a bit of a compliment and ego boost.

I have spoken to German women about this, and it is generally something we trade stories about and laugh at.

Ask a German girl what she would do? We all know what they do, skanks that they are.

Can't speak for any other guys, but I find an automatic presumption of intentions to be extremely unattractive and a sure-fire way to kill a conversation.

If a guy comes up and says hello, before anything else - make sure he's aware that you know he wants to get you in bed. There are lots of subtle ways to indicate this - a gratuitous, unnecessary mention of the boyfriend in a conversation; a disgusted look on the face, etc.

If the guy's wife of 40 years and his lovely 2.5 children come bounding up - don't let this fool you - he's really trying to get you in the sack. If he pulls out a bible and declares his intention to preach the gospel of Christ out of the goodness of his heart - be warned! He's thinking about sex.

Ok, that's a joke - but seriously, I think the presumption of a come-on is usually a pretty effective barrier. Body language before he approaches (the disgusted look on the face), and verbally afterwards (I'm too good for you) provides effective distance. Doesn't it? I certainly wouldn't want anything to do with a girl who thought she's all that. Maybe it doesn't work for drunken weirdos though.

On an aside, I met my last gf at the U-Bahn after dark; though she approached me, not vice versa - lol

wow! Now that's a good story. Met your old GF at the U-Bahn. Nice work. I gave my number to a guy on the U-Bahn, but he never called :-( Guess I don't have your skills.

p.s. my problem is that I'm polite. I could never say, "I'm too good for you." Except maybe to the next bouncer that gives me that look...

With most of these loonies, body language/verbal language just doesn't seem to have any effect at all. The words 'I am not interested' would usually have the desired effect on any 'normal' guy. But not on these guys. 'I am not interested' means 'try harder, move in closer, be even more persistent'..

Most of the time there are enough other people around, but occasionally it gets pretty hairy.

Back when I first arrived here, I gave off a very good young and innocent aura that seemed to attract a lot of men. Since then I've either turned old and decrepit or have managed to stop making eye contact with every stranger on the train, (which seems to encourage conversation) because it happens less now.

The one time I remember I was very successful at rebuffing someone was at Hauptbahnhof, at the platforms where the U1 and U2 are. A drunk old bum came up to me and started commenting on what I was wearing. I couldn't catch all of it, being still relatively new to drunken Bavarian, but I got the gist, and I certainly smelt it. I looked him in the eye and calmly but firmly said, "Lass mich in Ruhe" (leave me in peace). He didn't and kept going on. So, without further warning, I yelled out at the top of my lungs (and they are a mighty set indeed), "LASS MICH IN RUHE!!!". Everyone, I mean everyone, on both sets of platforms, turned to see what the hell was going on.

The guy looked at me in shock, said, "Okay", and walked away as quickly as his drunken legs could carry him.

That seems like a good "go away" line, showem. How about offering to buy the guy a drink with the child support monies you're collecting from each of the 5 different fathers? I'd think that'd be a sure-fire deal-breaker.

bee, I wouldn't call "no expectations" a skill

I think it helped that we had one of those 'fate' moments, two nights in a row of chancing on each other at the same time, same station, and for the same reason (train booted all passengers). And contrary to popular opinion - not all men are driven to lust based on looks alone; personally i'm very discriminate in who i'd want to date. We ended up having a good conversation in boring place on a late night...

Randy, your description of men who do not take no for an answer and are thinking of having sex with every single woman they meet is uncanny...

It's almost like you know me!

Still, remember the old saying. If a man looks at a womans breasts it doesn't mean he is attracted to her, it just means he is awake...

Then go back to bed because there is nothing worse than a middle aged lech who completely disrespects 1/2 the population on earth and see's them simply as potential sex partners.

That's a good one, I did that whilst on holiday in Lviv in the Ukraine. The bloke's face was a PICTURE!!! Apparently the women there put up with a lot of s***t.

Another thing I did was whilst sitting in an U-Bahn with a friend. We're both Brits, but have Ukrainian parents, & so are fluent in this eastern european language. Two chaps sat opposite us, started with their drivel, we looked at them, looked at each other, & started talking in a very animated manner about them - in Ukrainian. This happened a few years ago. Now there are SO MANY Ukes (Ukrainians) around, that that might not work (by the way, I'm not prejudice - I'm married to one - & I DIDN'T meet him on the U-Bahn...)

1. Pretend you don't understand anything he says. Say in broken german that you can't understand. And then you never have to make up a country because you will never understand when he asks where you come from.

2. Shrug you shoulders and walk off.

3. Do a showem!

4. Look at them as though they are a piece of shit on your shoe and what the hell are they doing talking to you anyway.

5. Start trying to convert him to religion (doesn't matter which one).

6. Be polite, but not friendly and say very early on that you are going home to your husband, or meeting your boyfriend.

7. Just go with it and give a drunken bavarian a night he'll never forget.

I'd guess that pretending you don't understand will not work very well. It might encourage persistence.

I like the comments that suggest extreme firmness -- like showem's final tactic. Perfect. There will remain no doubt in the hassler's mind that he will get noplace and that his very existence is extremely annoying. Embarrass the muhfuh in public, it's what he deserves.

Gawd! i so much want to meet u now!

Once, I was waiting for U6 to get home and there was a german guy come and sit next to me he didnt seemed to be drunk after sitting for a while he start talking to me asking me where I came from, where I live and my phone number and i was pretened as if I dont understand german and he suddenly put his arms around me -.- and I had no idea what I should do ( I actually never think that it would happened to someone like me) then he said "come on go with me, I'll pay for it" and its really pissed me off since that word came out of his mouth... I was trying to push him away with all the power I have and he was still trying to do it over and over again so I finally punch him right in to his face and told him that I could do it for free but not with him and it was my luck that the U-Bahn had arrived where I had to get off so I ran off all the way to my place after my friends saw how I looked they asked me what happened and I told them all about it and it was really freak me out one of my friend tell me that there is a red botton in the U-Bahn which I should pressed if something like that had happened again and luckily its never happen again :-)

I am in the same boat as showem, it doesn't happen to me much any more (I like to think that this is because I look self-confident and strong, not because my 30th birthday lies behind me ) and when it does, if in doubt, shout.
Thing is I tend to bail other women out more now rather than suffer myself. I am sad to say it but most people will look away so if you need help from someone, so say something specific like "Hey you in the red jacket! Can you help!" or "Sie im Anzug! Sehen Sie mal, was hier passiert. Finden Sie das in Ordnung?"
Make it personal.
The website "Gesicht Zeigen" has useful information about "soziales Courage" and how to handle such situations without escalation, the section "Was tun im Ernstfall" is particularly helpful.
I also always have a phone card on me so that if anything like that happens I can go and use the callbox on the U1/U2 platform at Hauptbahnhof and phone Herr Indoors or someone. You can now get a mobile phone signal at the S-Bahn platform though there.
Katrina

I made the experience that friendlyness gets you out somehow.
As mentioned before being angry and rude motivates them even more. Try to be really friendly but very sophisticated getting them in a really serious conversation, which makes them look like the fools they are.
Of course boyfriend or the bunch of strong male friends you are obviously going to meet should be mentioned in nearly every sentence.
I think if you embarress them in public, you might make them really angry and they are mostly not usual men, but some kind of dickheads or cowards, who might want to take revenge on you later in some dark corner. Don't want to force them into that.
I got once followed home from the U-Bahn (also U6 btw) in the middle of the night. In front of My house i crossed the street as I didn't want him to know where I was living. bad decision as he was waiting for me in the dark alley leading to my door and just when I couldn't move back or forward he jerked off. That was sooo scary. But i looked at him and said: "just go home" in a really calm and bored voice, although I thought I'd get a heart attack. he did leave then and i have never seen him again, but ever since I am actually really scared of walking home at night drunk on my own, although I do that nearly every Friday and Saturday night...

Man. Lets not turn Munich into what I had to suffer in New Zealand. Guys find it hard enough to approach women in overly PC societies as it is. Geezus, I remember guys getting stung for harrasment at my old uni just for smiling at the wrong dyke.

One of the things I like about Munich is that you can actually go up and talk to women without getting kneed in the groin in response. Hell in New Zealand the best you get is a cynical "do i know you?"

So maybe these guys just dont know how to approach women? Maybe if you just handled the situation with a bit more sensitivity and understanding, try and communicate with them, and maybe you will discover that we are all actually human beings inside, all worth getting to know, whether we know how to approach women or not.

I mean, half the time girls complain that guys are too boring and not spontaneous enough, and the rest of the time we are sleazebags.

Could the women here please run through the ideal scenario of a man approaching a woman in order to get to know her more in an acceptable way?

I mean we are all here to meet people right? I would be stoked if women were coming up and showing an interest in me, no matter how weird they are, I always have the option of saying no and walking off.

I agree with you Kza to a certain extend... but

1) we are not their psychologists, if so we would charge 100€/hour
2) no alcohol should be involved
3) we treat them with the same respect they give us
4) there might be a reason why they have problems approaching a girl and we don't have the motivation to find out what it is.
5) it doesn't make us feel special if they are just trying to chat up any random girl out of pure boredom, horniness or desperation.

As I said, i talk to nearly everybody and don't get offended but once they are getting "to close or to direct" i am not the nice girl any longer. Even though I am not good at aiming I always find space of my 5 fingers in the other one's face if needed.

i bet you wouldnt mate , this weird followed me into the toilets in Pascha last Friday nite week and started mouthin off that she was an ex-model (total butterface) blah blah , had I known then what I know now ,I would have smiled at her and asked "So how good are your omelettes then ?" but alas such inspiration failed me and she hung on until nachtcafe at 5.30am ... kicker was she was Irish!

Truth is we'd all be thrilled if some gorgeous member of the opposite sex started following us around but it doesn't normally happen like that so we're rude and impolite , making us more "unobtainable" in their eyes, sad but true. I did try and be nice 2 that person at the start but she was pushin 2 hard.

I think thats something women need to clear up. Where is the middle ground between too nice and not nice enough. They want a "bad" boy, but they also want him to be "good". The want to be worshipped but they dont want someone obviously greasing up.

I say we just start ignoring them, and leave it up to them to approach us. Then they might understand what we have to go through, and would not be so quick to condemn the poor drunk guy in the u-bahn.

It would be wicked, having hot chicks coming up and saying hi, and we just turn around and and say " eww f--k off you sleazy bitch, i know what your after"

(Sorry that I censored the word fuck but I learnt it wasnt acceptable language in my very first post here)

Coupla quick comments:

I know an attractive intelligent moral girl who met her (admittedly now ex) boyfriend by him coming up and talking to her on the U-bahn. Also another mate met his girlfriend by same.

Its the usual- it aint what you do its who does it.

Ugly guy chats up girl on U-bahn- he seen as a creepy slimeball- result failure/slap/shouting
Brad Pitt does the same- he's a seen as a spontaneous, confident romantic- result success/phone number/shagging

...same goes with unsolicited gifts from work colleagues, valentines cards,

Girls- make your mind up!

Personally I think chatting people up (or worse) on public transport is a waste of time and often a bit rude - I've been approached on the London Underground and all she served to do was piss me off.

As for when men should and should not approach girls, I think the key is to be friendly and not predatory - on the train on the way home will only ever look like you're out for one thing, whereas I think most people will find it much more acceptable in a night club or bar...

@Kza - you make it sound like torture mate! Just go up and say hi - Christ knows you'll get knocked back, taken for a ride and all the rest of it, but that's all part of the fun - I've even had stand up rows in bars with birds in the past - great fun (back home the girls' IQs and their shoe sizes aren't so different)... As for being overly PC, as a bloke I don't expect to hear that my girlfriend had to put up with being hit on on her way home from work. There are times and places for that sort of 'chat' IMHO, and it's also safer for the 'hitter' - what if your target meets her huge boyfriend at your stop and points you out as a pervert...

Well, I'm all for the sexes getting along, for good communication, and also for people taking a cue when it's clear that there is no interest. Wouldn't mind seeing Münchners being a bit less "verklemmt" and a little more conversationally open in public.

The timing for this thread's revival is uncanny, as yersterday evening was the first time in my 4 years that a girl spontaneously *talked* to at my bus stop. After being stunned for a sec, I relaxed and chatted along. Sorta nice to be able to do that. (She wasn't German by the way...)


I guess my biggest hobby for the last year or so has been martial arts. In training, I've trained with quite a large number of cops & have heard their stories. I've also organized a lot of anti-rape seminars with them at my old uni, and have been able to discuss their knowledge of the topic as it pertains to their work in great detail. One glove doesn't fit all hands, but there are general patterns that often develop. Being nice to weirdos lets them save their egos if they are just "interviewing" you, but if the situation seriously escalates beyond unwanted conversation, the best thing to do is be loud, firm and as unfriendly as possible. Real predators aren't looking for confrontations, they're looking for victims. Non-victims confront; victims don't, and hope for good therapy afterwards. Again, each situation is specific, but there are trends..

That's the ticket. Now, please DON'T take this as racist - but the amount of times I've been literally followed around an U-Bahn and U-Bahn stations by men from African countries, hinting that seeing as I'm not wearing a wedding ring I'm a good 'catch', is amazing! Ho hum...

Oh I got no problems with going up to women and talking to them, but I understand and feel sorry for the guys that do.

What I object to is women complaining about harrasment, when they leave it solely up to us to make the approaches. I think if women were approaching men as much as we were expected to approach them, then they might be entitled to criticise when a guy gets it wrong.

If the ladies arent comfortable with how some men initiate a conversation, then how about leading by example? Thats right ladies, take the initiative, come up and talk to us and show us how its done properly.

Why?

These people are mostly drunks and African guys who think that a girl on the U-Bahn is fair game. I've seen it happen a few times myself and seriously considered at the time missing my U-Bahn stop to make sure the guy doesnt try anything.

If you are talking about chatting up someone in the bar, then again, dont feel sorry for them, you should respect that they have the balls to go and talk to someone. Not everyone you will talk to will be nice back, that goes for guys as well. It is better to speak the person directly to their face rather than say follow them around and never ask them at all.

No I was meaning I feel sorry for the guys that are too scared to go up to women and talk to them, because they have had women misinterpret their actions in the past, and accuse them of sleazery or being a pervert when all they were trying to do was initiate a conversation.

A lot of guys that start chatting a woman up late at night on an U-Bahn or wherever scare us. Usually they are pissed or just generally obnoxious. There are some nice guys, true, but many of us are afraid to find out for ourselves, especially at that hour.

when u are in a bar, you are out for having fun and socialize.
When ur in the u-bahn ur are on ur way home, to work etc.
what if u had a real bad day and just don't want to talk to anybody?
Also sometimes it can get really embaressing when ppl start looking at you how you try to get rid of somebody or you get the looks...
@Mind's eye
You are certainly right, but in the Ubahn, when there are ppl around and you are in a "safe" environment, it is more approriate not to make a big deal out of it.
Mostly these are very lonesome ppl, who just want to have a bit of attention.
It is not that bad to give somebody a smile but still be confirm on no further interactions!

A woman’s intuition is a powerful thing, no matter how friendly the person appears if it doesn’t feel right then no amount of talking will make any difference.

I have found that problem here a lot with African men (sorry to generalise) it really is frightening if you are alone. When I first arrived, I had one guy follow me from Hauptbahnhof to my stop then to my door, I nicely tried to tell him to get lost, I was afraid to open the door in case he would come in, I finally got rid of him after 5 minutes or so (it felt longer).

I now just don’t take any crap, if they try to talk to me now I just look them in the eye, give them the worst look ever and walk away. So far so good!

About the African Guy thing. Consider the normal places you would expect to meet people- eg your work, a bar/club, through friends, at a dinner party.

Then ask how many African guys are there at there in that environment- I'd guess a lot less. So what chances do they have of meeting you anywhere else then?

The simple fact is that African guys hit on you girls on the Ubahn because its the only chance they get.

Yep. But it's the way they go about it. A lot want to get hitched to stay here. Some are O.K., some are utter pratts! Well, pratts are everywhere, even women!

its not so much being hit on with the african men its more the way they look you up and down like a piece of meat thats what makes me uneasy. Its so obvious they only have one thing on their mind that you can only assume you are possibly in some danger.

EDIT: not that you look a piece of meat up and down but you know what I mean!

Be careful not to confuse persistance (desperation?) with aggression.

You should be more afraid of (and more insulted by) the drunk guy fresh from the bierkeller/football match/strip bar. They are the ones who will more likely turn nasty when they get rejected.

Purely objectively speaking ladies, rape, in the UK at least, is nearly always perpetrated by somebody the victim knows - a 'date-rape' is far, far, far more common than the idea of some stranger jumping you as you walk home. Sure, be aware, but remember, don't be too afraid of the bloke on the UBahn - the figures suggest the bloke you gave your number to in the bar is about 100 times more likely to assault you in some way.

Sorry, but I don't think like that. For someone to follow me 5 stops, get off the train and follow me right to my door, I don't care if they are drunk, desperate or just plain stupid, it's frightening and I don't like it.

i'm afraid that is often the problem... i think in african and some middle eastern societies a lot more persistance is acceptable... where as things are bit more rerserved in europe

i witnessed some 18/20 year old turkish fellahs being very persistant with a girl in hohenzollern platz u-bahn last night...

i don't think they were trying to intimidate her and i don't she was intimidated, more like amused...she was obviously well used to it and told them exactly what she thought of them in some rather colourful german...

@ Tallicame - I'm sure it is, but the fact is those people are nowhere near as likely to do anything other than scare you and piss you off. Rapes and attacks by strangers in general are very rare things indeed (though of course, they do happen), whereas attacks by acquaintances, dates, boyfriends and even husbands, are much more common I'm sorry to say.

Hmm. This doesn't seem to be a problem in Texas.

Mace. Ladies. I suggest mace.
(Educational Public Service Announcement video from Ebaumsworld.)

Well even though the likelyhood not to get raped/attacked is 99%, you never know when you will met the 1%. Better safe then sorry.
Being followed definitely is against "personal rights"

About that Africans thing or black thing (not being racist here, don't wanna genmeralize. I know really nice black men who I would trust 1000%). I never occured to me here in Munich but in London and I nearly missed my train as he was asking me where I wanted to go and stupid enough i told him. He confused me that much that I really wasn't sure if I was right and ended up on a construction site, trying to run back to catch the train. ended up giving him my wrong email address and phone number and was very thankful the train was in time and doors were closing right after getting on.
Even worse was the trip in the Hungarian night train when the (hungarian) conductor himself offered me a bed in a sleeping wagaon with a real cozy bed only for me, so I don't need to sleep with strangers in the room. I also got a bottle of red wine offered. Not sure wether that was pure friendlyness or other thoughts i decided to stay in the cheaper part of the train. Some guy sitting beside me, who spoke hungarian was telling me, that that conductor was talking to the other conductor of getting a blonde chick in the compartment. Lucky me I just thought.

@ Jimbo – Fair enough maybe I won’t get attacked, but there is no harm in being careful and trying to keep yourself safe so that you don’t become one of the rare cases.

Did anyone see the program that was on BBC last weekend with James Nesbit called Passer By. I would hope that things would never get this bad in Munich but there is always that possibility, it is better to be safe than sorry.

Take out the word "African" from your statement.

...then can you tell me then that this same statement doesn't apply in any Irish Bar/nightclub in Munich on a Friday night?

It goes back to my original reply further up. Its not what's done its whos doing it.

Nah man , that's only the married or engaged chics who do dat kinda thing from what I've seen/heard.

Truth be told if u really need to get laid THAT badly in this town just drink some more and/or go to alabamahalle.

I do think it's shit though with the African dudes and the ladies (I read some stats on sex crime rates in Ireland and they're way ahead of the natives - also on STDs)on the other hand I guess it must be very frustrating when people look down at them so much...hell if I know.

Fear, shock, a million other reasons...

Certainly never black and white.

I work in an Aussie bar and you see guys looking you up and down and discussing you with his mates, thats life and no matter how degrading, it will always happen. However they dont stand there right in front of you literally looking you up and down while they are talking to you. And 99% of the time they are totally sober when they do this so they know what they are doing.

Speaking to them in broken german/spanish whatever doesnt work nor does telling them you have a boyfriend that you live with and who you are very happy with, they will still ask about meeting up with you sometime... "you boyfriend doesnt have to know"!!!

I have dated men and been chatted up/approached by men from many race and religions, from all over the world, I have nothing against anyone, but never have I or do I feel so threaten and intimidated as I do by the african men.

Im sorry but that is the way it is. it may be acceptable in their culture, but it is not acceptable in europe and I wish they would just treat women with a little more respect.