Etiquette regards visiting people in hospital

So, my mother-in-law is in hospital in Regensburg. When my grandfather was in the hospital in the states (for the same operation), my brother and I and all my aunts and uncles practically lived in the hospital. The ones from out of town flew in, etc. etc. This was particularly true for the day of the operation. Does anyone know what tends to be done here? My husband gets back tonight from a business trip (she wasn't in the hospital when he left), and we're going to visit her over the weekend. Her operation is next week, and I'm wondering if I should be preparing to spend a day or two straight up there, or if I'm going to get looked at strangely for suggesting it.

They are kind of strict in some places about visiting hours. They usually have tvs in the rooms.
If she is a Kasse patient, there might be 3 people in the room, so don't overstay, as there are alot of others to think of.

It really depends on what sort of operation we're talking about. Life threatening with little chance of recovery? Camp out at the in-laws. But something more routine with very good chance of full recovery - then visit, bring appropriate gifts, don't overstay and go home to await news by phone. At least, that's how we did it when my MIL was in for thrombosis and was expected to recover well. She spent two weeks I think, maybe three can't remember now... we visited twice and there was no trouble about it in the family since we live about 175km away.

It really is more of a personal family thing. If in doubt, why not simply ask one of the in-laws for advice? I ask my sister-in-law all sorts of "dumb questions" about what is appropriate all the time. Rather than look at me strangely, she's said that she likes the fact that I try to fit in and find out ahead of time what's expected.

It's a triple bypass. So, maybe somewhere in between those two...

I did ask one of my sisters-in-law, but she wasn't entirely sure, because this is the first 'big operation' in the family.

We know we're visiting tomorrow; the main question is whether we're going up on Monday for the operation or not, I think.

What would be appropriate gifts? I would assume flowers, but I don't want to assume.

bring something to drink besides tea! They are big on tea here in hospitals, and after a week in the hospital for my tonsils, I still cannot drink Hagenbutte tea. Or a good gossip mag, something to flip thru or they can really read, time gets boring in a hospital.

Bypass is a pretty standard operation, and it's also standard to do triple or quadruple since if one artery's so badly clogged, the others are close to that point and they're already in there. It takes little extra time and effort to get 'em all done at once.

Like Carm said, if it's on the public insurance, unless she transfers first to ICU, she'll be one of three in a room. Utter fucking hell when the visitors won't leave. Bring some food (the hospital stuff is atrocious, cold, and often not what you ordered). Hospitals in general are indeed strict with the visiting hours and you may not be able to visit immediately post-op or even with the first 24-48 hours,l depending. Other stuff to bring: any sor t of entertainment, be it books, DVDs and a portable player (with headphones!), knitting, anything to stay occupied. And a cell phone if she doesn't have one.

woof.

I don't think my mom's hospital had visiting hours per se, I was able to just visit whenever during the day. I usually just spent a few hours there, and my mom would ask me to leave when she got tired. I brought her some food she asked for. When my dad had a semi-serious operation I was in Heidelberg, and he insisted I not visit.

Cellphones/mobiles are not allowed in hospitals. At least crusoe wasn't allowed to use one inside the hospital building (Rechts der Isar) while she was there.

All the hospitals I've ever visited in Germany didn't allow cell phone usage in the hospital. Once she's out of ICU flowers can be a nice touch if they are allowed.

most hospitals have an area for Cellphone usage. It was my savior when I was in the hospital, sms'd everyone I knew, and got a few visitors out of it.

The hospital I was at didn't allow mobiles, either. (I still had one but I made sure nobody saw me with it and I never used it on the ward.)

Hospital rules vary. Just call and ask them about the cell phone (I was allowed mine at the Wolfahrtklinik) and the flowers (allergies can be a problem). I know some hospitals don't allow latex balloons because of latex allergies. I don't understand that one, but hey.

Books are great though.

The one my mom was at didn't allow them either, and I doubt very much they allow them in a room with a patient that had major surgery. I think my mom had hers with her, but turned it off unless she wanted to call someone (and then she would leave the room). I don't remember if they allowed flowers there (Schwabing was the hospital, I think).

Mobiles interfere with sensitive medical equipment.
Call someone from the ward and your roommates's
life support systems go wonky and they die!

Yeah that's why... I do not think they necessarily do interfere, just like they don't necessarily make a plane crash, but it's not like you wanna find out in this case.

Uhh... no. Bullshit. Never happened. Ever. Not even with the huge fucking briefcase phones of long ago. Mainly they're an annoyance and I agree. But set the phone to silent/vibrate and use only SMS. If you MUST call, go out of the room, preferably to the cafeteria where you can use the phone and it won't disturb everybody else.

woof.

I spent eight weeks in hospital 4 years ago, I was seriously ill and bored as shit - regular visits would have been a great help!

Probably belongs on another (or its own) thread, this silly business about cell phones in hospitals (or planes, for that matter.)

Utter BS, it is, and only policy because the hospitals and airlines want to charge you silly rates for phoning and not give you another option. My own doctor said as much, and no one made a peep when I phoned the new grandparents on my mobile from the delivery room after my daughter was born in Munich.

Anyway, regarding the initial question. The patient is usually pretty out of it the first day or two after bypass surgery: they keep them asleep for quite awhile just afterwards. You might want to hang out somewhere other than the room and wait for the staff to advise you (or keep asking them) approximately when your MIL will regain consciousness, so one or two close relatives is there when she wakes up, but maybe not a whole crowd. The staff will be monitoring her closely, so they should be able to tell when she's going to come around.

This isn't my first experience with a relative having bypass surgery (see the OP! My grandfather had it about four years ago). I know what to expect with it. I really am just asking about the cultural differences in visiting people and what to take them...

I was allowed to use my phone in a normal 3 bed room (not intensive care or anything) in the hospital in Pasing...

That was the set-up when I visited someone in hospital here a few years ago. Two of us were visiting and there wasn't even enough room for a chair next to any of the beds. Kind of gives you an idea of how geared-up they were to receiving visitors.

I wouldn't assume anything. Probably best to check with the hospital about their arrangements before setting foot there.

For gifts I'd just tailer them to your MIL's tastes. Novels of a favourite style - romance, crime, mystery, sci-fi whatever. Or magazines are always good with shorter articles since she'll be getting interrupted a lot by docs, nurses, and visitors. Maybe a travel book with lots of pics and short explanations about some place she's always wanted to see, or even to do with your home town? My in-laws are always fascinated by anything to do with Canada, especially Toronto. Something to do with a favourite hobby? Crossword puzzles? If she's a letter writer, then perhaps a nice new note & envelope set so she can catch up on correspondence? Cell phones are usually not allowed for whatever reason so I probably wouldn't bother. But a small radio with headphones would probably be appreciated. And definitely bring food and treats since hospital food is never all that great. Keep in mind any special dietary requirements, though.

Flowers is a tough one. Some places recommend against them because of possible allergic reactions of other patients. I did bring flowers and there were no problems. But remember to bring along a cheap vase if they are fresh cut.

If you have a small folding camping stool, then bring it along when you visit, or even two! Can come in very handy. If it is really cheap and won't be missed if stolen, then you can even leave it in the assigned locker for the duration of the stay for other visitors. A nice new pair of non-skid slippers might be a thoughtful gift. Basically, the same sort of gifts that you'd bring anyone in hospital. There's no real cultural difference.