Irking the Germans

Do you ever do little things that make the Germans want to yell at you?

Today while it was raining I was wearing shorts, a T-shirt and Flip-Flops and I could just see the resentment in the germans eyes (especially those of the older generation) They all wanted to tell me how my mother should never have let me leave the house in such attire!

Wow, I didn't know that flip flops enabled you to read peoples minds, I must get some.

I don't set out to upset them, but I know it will. Sometimes in summer I'll hike barefoot and you should see the scowling faces on those who are hiking in the "approved" clothing and boots.

Hiking barefoot? You might get a few funny looks from me as well.

Crossing the street before the little man turns green.
(But I wait patiently if there are any children around.)

Asking what floors the others would like to go to when pushing the button in the elevator.

Being an "Auslander" is quite enough to annoy Germans, should see their faces in Ausland when it´s pointed out that they are the "Auslander" now

farting loudly in the office

You'd have been ok if you had worn socks with your flip flops.

I like to walk across the street really slowly when I'm holding up traffic. Not specific to Germans but to car drivers everywhere.

Slight digression - at the end of December we were walking about on Kilauea volcano (Hawaii)... The guide books
had advised good shoes so we were equipped with good walking shoes. At the visitor's center the rangers were
advisiong those walking at the end of the Chain of Craters Road to have good shoes (& water) - its warm & the cold
lava comprises about 70% glass...

I guess you would believe that we saw NUMEROUS people there clambering over the lava fields with nothing
better than flip-flops on their feet (& sometimes with babes in arms). Great shaking of European heads...

1. Drive with the car windows down ... especially with kids laughing in the back with the wind blowing in their hair. Looks a bit too much like freedom and/or having a good time, I suppose.

2. Wash your cars once a year whether they need it or not. My personal favorite. Bonus points if you write "bitte waschen mich" in the dirt on the back trunk lid. (By the way, has anone else noticed most German graffitti is mispelled english? Why is that?)

3. Refuse to say "guten morgen" or "guten abend" but saying "guten tag" regardless of time of day.

4. Wear sunglasses indoors. If anyone complains, tell 'em you're Schlagerstar Heino.

5. Tip 15% for good service.

6. Open a window.

7. Refuse to accept babysh*t brown suits with floodpants, flesh-tone square-toes shoes, electric green clip-on tie and short-sleeve see-through polyester shirt with wife-beater as acceptable business attire for your employees.

8. Smile.

Driving no faster than 35 kph in a 30 limit. Enrages many

Not putting the little divider thingy after your shopping, I think it must be a capital crime here.

Playing chicken with the battle-grannies. When you see one storming towards you, whoever dodges first loses.

Admittedly, it's usually me.

the rest is superpluous. You walk everywhere really slowly.

I like to take my time and observe the things going on around me

what is superpluous btw?

Smile at people as you walk by. Really freaks these people out.

Best Graffiti I saw here was "Geiller Kosovoer sucht Albaner zum Hühnerficken". It was writ large up on the Bahnhof at Holzkirchen for about a decade. The Chickenf**kers will be missed.

Why does it bug them when you call a lift and it stops and they say they're going 2 floors up and you get in anyways, I mean you may as well be in the feckin' lift as waiting for it? Every single time, I get in and one of them will turn his head to the wall and start the breathing through his nose, the jaw will stiffen and there'll be a little sharp sigh. That's the point when I stand really close to them, get out my phone and start laughing at nonexistently hilarious smses and secretly praying for the deadliest, most silent fart of my entire life to brew up and blow. That way they at least have a reason for not wanting me to travel 2 stories up, right?

The other one is to deliberately walk a bit slower at the green man when a driver gets right on top of you, like within a foot, pretending you've dropped something, until the light goes red. Apoplexy is too good a word for it.

Happy days.

Stick strictly to any speed limits, turning lanes, trafic regulations etc. You can see their face getting redder and broader in the rear view mirror and hear their brains rumbling as they plan to invade your car.

Oh yeah. I love doing that one.

I also enjoy parking really wonky across 3 parking spaces in a 90% empty car park.

Steal a shopping separator or two, leave em on the ground and see if pedestrians will form queues behind or park between them. Wouldn't suprise me if they did, at all.

that does annoy me actually. I usually end up putting all my stuff right next to theirs in the hope that they will pay for mine too
Actually I would say the majority of Germans dont use them

You fucker!!!

Until this moment I had always thought it was some inconsiderate German, and now I know it is an inconsiderate Esher boy.

I like to throw water balloons at cars from my balcony, cause woah were they not expecting that!

superpluous (misspelling of)=superfluous = redundant / unnecessary / not required

Germans don't queue. The British like to queue.

Point out all the remnants of Nazi architecture in Munich when your family and friends come to visit. Comment at the top of your voice on the fierce eagles and artistic swastikas. Explain how most of the buildings are still used for government offices.

I think the question was rhetorical but its nice to see a kind person not corrupted by the sarcasm and cycnicism of the world

Well that's the export market sewn up then. Huzzah.

To steal from another thread, I take their towels off the chairs when I go to the pool/beach.

When I see white German wanna-be gang-bangers sporting their NY hats I walk by and tell them the Yankee's suck, go Cubs!

On the Bus, U-Bahn or S-Bahn unwrap a condom and roll it over your head until it just covers you nose (just above your mouth). Repeatedly intake large breathes of air with your mouth and exhale through your nose. The condom will enlarge to quite a size before popping loudly- I have found Durex to be the best. The Germans will shake their heads with disapproval.

Next time you are on the U-Bahn, slowly and delicately tear a page out of the magazine you are reading. Halfway through, look up and see how many frowning faces are watching. Count them with your finger, then write the number down on the page you are tearing and continue tearing.

Oh the joy!

Don't switch your engine off when stood waiting for a train to go past at a level crossing.

what really makes them crazy beyond all measure, is purposely walking to the left side of them in a street instead of the right. Try it.

Hey, wait a minute ... the same works in reverse in London!

On the U-Bahn or S-Bahn, when there is one person sitting on a group of 4 seats, chances are they are taking an aisle seat (cos the Germans prefer that to the window seat for some reason) - don't sit on one of the empty seats opposite, but push past and sit RIGHT NEXT TO THEM and face two empty seats along with your new friend next to you.
Now that really pisses them off - and I enjoy every time.

When getting on an Ubhan, Sbah, tram or bus - If I am there waiting and at the door when it stops, I stand just in the position where people can not push me to get on and I wait patiently while everyone actually gets off the said transport, then I calmly get on. And then to top it off, I stand and dont sit - look at them and smile. They get so pissed by that. They just cant get the hang of a person actually allowing people to get off first and then someone getting on and not rushing for a seat.

I do this often as I know how much I hate not being able to get off while the hords of people are trying to push their way one.

Leave a space larger than 2 m in front of you to the next car when travelling in the overtaking lane. Look at the person's face driving the car behind you in the mirror (you will be able to tell the colour of their eyes if they are German. If they were any closer you'd have their tongue in your ear.)

I thought of another one relating to U-Bahn/S-bahn travel:

I always use my i-pod and anytime I start to either mouth the words or tap my feet someone instantly gives me the death stare...

@ian: Yes, I love doing stuff like that in the U-Bahn. Anything ever-so-slightly odd or unusual. Doing it very carefully and deliberately, then suddenly looking round at all the people staring, and grinning back at them.

As for this thing with the divider at the supermarket checkout, I've never figured out the correct etiquette. Is it supposed to be placed on the conveyor belt by the person who has just finished putting his purchases on the belt, or by the next person who comes along after? Does it matter one little bit who puts it there? Can't understand why people get so uptight about that.

On the subject of transport, they often get narked if you refuse to join in the phenomena of standing up for absolutely no reason whatsoever a full 5 minutes before your train arrives at your station. Then just casually stand up and saunter off the train, much like they do in every other country.

Legally, the person in front has to "place the divider bar at 90 degrees to the direction of the belt a short distance from the back of their goods where available" Failure to do so may result in...

Reminding them that they lost 5 - 1 in their own backyard every September by wearing my t shirt i got in Blackpool

Believe it or not, there's a whole thread on this somewhere. I'd look for it but I'm busy on the film thread right now. Can't remember what the conclusion was, though...

I'm guilty of that - adapted to my environment I suppose. But it also beats the stress of everyone scrambling to the door... To be honest, I've also noticed that the doors don't stay open as long as they do on the London Tube.

I knew I'd posted something about the Supermarket Wands before. They may have special powers away from the rubber Tengelmann belt...truly an endeavour worthy of active experiment.

I wonder what happens if you take, say, a Tengelmann magic wand and smuggle it into an Aldi supermarket and use it there?

It still advertises the same cigarettes!

3 germans in one gest, stood in line behind a slow American woman at ze Airport and watched as the guy behind me cut in line in front of us.

Step up to the counter as kindly inform the counter lady (pulling out a nice Freq Fly card) - "Excuse me but I believe this lady was waiting first, you will assure service for her, right?"

I swear I saw 3 red faces and rows os snarly teeth. Said woman was thankful and invited me for coffee - but she lost points for complaining about ze Germans.