Coping with Germans and their attitude

I am a german, canadian teen. We used to go to Canada every summer, and we lived in Silicon Valley, CA, USA, for 3 years. There I went to a german school. Having now lived in Munich again for 4 years, I have become quite aware of the differences in attitude. Especially in Baveria everyone is just so 'cold', not caring about anybody expect themselves. As I am pretty sensitive, when it comes to feelings, I often have a hard time.

How do you cope with life here in Bavaria?

By ignoring the pricks, appreciating the good folk, drinking their beer.

I second that!!

start caring more about yourself and less about the others

May be that you care too much about yourself (you said you were sensitive), and that is what leads to your present state (of mind).

If we let them be and not let that affect the way we feel about ourselves, then it is not so bad. Since we have made the conscious choice to be here, not accepting their 'cold' nature or letting it affect our own happiness can lead to this sort of friction.

I try to learn their cold efficiency when they deal with issues (at work) and when I have to interact with them, I show my warmth, trying to be helpful and forgiving. Most appreciate this, not many learn from this, others are grateful and in return, kind towards me. And I always remember to wear a smile, more and more I try to really mean this smile and not just paste a plastic smile.

One other thing I notice is, the biggest difference between Germans and other nationals seems to be the 'user interface' (using such IT terminology is my occupational disease, please do forgive, but I hope you know what I mean) and not really something deeper. At times, some are just too lazy to take the trouble to translate their ideas into good English, others are downright arrogant ("why should I speak English, you learn German") and some others do try since they want to show that not all Germans are the same. Deep down, they are just like anyone else. Ain't they?

What do you all think?
R

The frankness ("coldness" to some) is certainly more present than some of the places I've been. I like the direct and simple and find it refreshing, just another flavor really. But nothing is so set in stone as to allow me to agree with the OP

@seeking: What concious choice are you rambling about, btw. If I made the concious choice to say... cut my hand off, think it should/would not hurt?

The answer is in the title of your post.
Coping with your attitude towards the Germans.
Is it right for a society to adapt to your attitude?
Think about this concept.
Take care,
space

Honestly I do not think Americans or Canadians care more about you than Germans do. Germans are not as good at the smalltalk but the people that truly care about you are not strangers but friends, and Germans can make really good friends. (I am German, and not trying to pat myself on the shoulder, but I have read many times on this forum that others think that too.)
Maybe you need to focus more on the people who really matter; I think is quite well-known, not every American who asks you how you're doing really wants to hear that you have had a shitty day, so I don't really think Americans care more than Germans, they just sound like they do. They don't really care, it is just what is considered polite in the States, and Germans don't do this "superficial" smalltalk.

Make the first step if people seem cold. Smile at the cashier when you're shopping, hold the door open for people entering a room/store/Gasthaus after you/coming out. It may be slow work but you will find yourself getting a more positive attitude and might even start a fad.

Thanx, I'll keep all that in mind.

Germans generally do make great friends once they have decided to allow you into the 'Du' sector of their lives. In my experience they differ from my english speaking friends as they say what they think -straight up with no hidden inuendos or agendas. There is also no back stabbing or loud critical analysis & sharing of what people think about what 'others' wear or how they look...
On the down side if you are a female and make eye contact and smile it is often misconstruted as meaning more than you intended, suddenly you find some man thinks you are interested in him and that you are considered a flirt for being overly friendly ( smiling and saying 'Guten Tag' first for example) Play the game by the rules they know and adhere to and all will go well. Try and use the english based formulas here and your life will be full of disappointmets and mixed messages. Funnily enough eventually you get to like the fact there is no customer service etc and then it becomes downright scary when you head home and find overly friendly people wanting to invade your personal space with 'Can I help you Mam?' and 'your welcome' Du' status is not easily won so be prepared to work for it.

Interesting to see how many people going into bat for the Germans here.

I agree that on the surface they are colder than many other nationalities, but as has been noted, once you get past that they can be very warm, loyal and sincere in their friendships.

However, I also agree that this coldness can be irritating in day-to-day life. I don't see why, if I hold the door open for someone, she (yes, it is always a she) invariably just barges through and doesn't manage a "danke". I don't see why waiters fix you with the "Du musst mich jetzt mit Trinkgeld überschütten"-Blick, then don't even say thank you if you present them with a decent tip. Germans often seem to have similar difficulties saying sorry. I am generalising, of course, plenty of people are fine, but the small courtesies that simply make human interaction smoother and more pleasant are often distinctly lacking in Munich. Having said that, you also get this in other countries, as anyone who has spent time in Spain would attest, where please and thank you basically don't exist.

What bothers me much more is what I consider a distinctly German desire, maybe even a need, to find conflict. I have lived in six different countries, and in my experience no country even remotely matches Germany for finding yourself suddenly engaged in a theatre-of-the-absurd argument with a complete stranger.

In my early days here I used to "cope" with this by backing out of the fight, but with time I have discovered - somewhat to my chagrin, as I do not enjoy it - that the best solution is to come back at them with at least the same force with which they came at you (I'm talking verbal conflict here, not fisticuffs!).

My impression is that many Germans - at least in Munich - derive a certain sense of self-aggrandisement from steamrolling others, so I now make a point of turning the tables, at which point they usually back down very quickly. Funnily enough, it is often meticulously coiffed Porschefahrer types who are both the fastest to seek a fight and the fastest to retreat. I now like to think that if you give them a bit of a shock, they might think twice about doing it again in the future.

The entire process is, however, an incredible waste of energy. Just what it is they are trying to prove in the first place escapes me, but I can say with authority that I experienced comparatively little along these lines in years spent in Australia, Spain, France, Sweden, Lithuania or Russia, so you have to wonder.

Drink. (just kidding)

And try to meet more non-Germans. I attempt to meet Germans, usually if I'm lucky I end up with an "acquaintance" who will occasionally be able to get together on one of every ten times I ask, and who rarely invites me for anything. Hopefully at some point I will be able to say I have a lot of German friends. But with about 4 real friends among them after 2.5years I think I am doing pretty well!

Mariposa already said it much better than I could, so'll just second her post.

I think the Germans tendancy to argue comes from their insecurities and feelings of guilt. I've noticed if you book an appointment and there's some mix-up, they will always insist they are right instead of just saying 'Oh well, there was obviously a mix-up, let's just make another appointment' (ie move on) as they would in the UK. It's probably also to do with them insisting they are doing their jobs properly, too. This also happens in restaurants when they bring you the wrong food and arrogantly start insisting you that you ordered it! These guys would be fired back home straight away...