Breakdown of a German/American relationship

How can you consider this to be a perfect relationship when you can't communicate with him in his mother tongue ? , its mostly your fault for not learning German during the 2 years of the relationship ; if you had , none of this would have happened !.

Sorry but you need a reality check !

Learn German !

Well I'm sorry, but the whole thing sounds abnormal and way off track to me. Were the pair of them taking the piss or what? Where's the respect?

Nude darts? What are they, darts without the fly feathers?

You again, what a surprise.

If you had read her post (yet again) you would know that the naked dart playing was the original poster's suggestion not her husbands and not the niece's and that her husband said it was not normal behaviour. It's quite amusing how predictable you are but it is getting rather tedious.

What would I do if my nephew showed me his PA? I'd tell him to make sure he cleans it properly. I wouldn't (oddly enough) be instantly aroused, jump him and ride him into the sunset. Crazy, I know but members of my family don't have any sexual interest in each other.

Whatever floats your boat ...

good evening... Ashleyp here!

you missed me i can see!!

Have you all no emphathy?

No suppositories in this one but there should be!!! Might as well be really.

It is very sad though and horrible... EXCLUSION!! that is what is painful.. exclusion not insertion,, is it better to be excluded that inserted?

I will go back and read a little more and I expect you all want to know the sequel to suppository 1?

This forum scares me sometimes.

Er I get the impression you dislike Jack: Is it because his initials are JR and you feel as if he has taken something from you. i couldn't read the opening post because it made me dizzy and then I was conviced it must be a TT bot who loves playing naked darts in the recreation room.

OK. I'll bite and be another sap taking the fall OP at face value.

But, hey, I'm not in a relationship right now and all my previous relationships have turned to excrement, so, feck, what do I know about either the price of fish, or, indeed, about two people being happy together anyway.

Personally, I don't think it's got anything to do with ze Germans. Or nude darts. Or nipple piercings. On a 21-year-old. (Though I wouldn't want to be 100% definite about this without photographic evidence. Just to be on the safe side, you understand.)

Bang! For whatever reason (you say it's the niece's visit), the two of you ain't communicating anymore. You're pissed about something and he doesn't even acknowledge that maybe, just maybe, your feelings might be hurt.

It could have been anything. The most trivial thing. A grain of sand. But, all of a sudden, you think he doesn't undertand you anymore. And, actually, he doesn't need to. He just has to acknowledge that this is important to you. Even if it's trivial.

Like formatting your text into manageable, bite-sized paragraphs.

What I don't like are xenophobics who constantly bang on about how awful Germany and Germans* are. The record is old and tiresome.

I don't like JR's posts when they fit the above description (which for what I've read from him thus far is 100% of the time). How this relates to who he is as a person, I wouldn't know. He could be a positively delightful person irl but I wouldn't presume to guess, nor am I particularly interested.

*insert any nation or group here, I'm not biased towards any cause in particular, I think prejudice in any form against any group of people is abhorrent.

Well I am going to take you to task on this one ER mainly because I have such a horrendous hangover that sunlight may well turn me to dust and the light from this pc screen is only marginally more bearable.

So I took the time to read through Jack's (100% xenophobic) posts and looked at them in the context of the threads he was contributing to. I fear you are reading very selectively ER for while his posts are certainly not xenophilic about Germany they are definitely not xenophobic: in fact I read a few that were quite positive. He has a slight bias in some cases based on his interpretation of events and personal experience.

Suffice to say, I think you are judging JR harshly and irrationally because he has a different opinion than yours and then you jump all over him when he expresses that opinion and yet you think prejudice is abhorrent??? Read the man's posts and your responses.

As it is a Sunday a bible quote comes to mind


Matthew 7:3

Next Sunday's sermon will begin at the earlier time of 11:30

well, topcat1, guess that is a matter of opinion. I have very little interaction with this poster, but from I have seen I do tend to agree with ER's summary of the situation. Funny you are defending him, is that your second sign in?

No Carm I am just being objective from what I have read and I read all his posts and ER's replies so therefore you are just siding with ER because you know her and not because you have read all the posters' contributions; hardly an objective position.

I am not protecting JR just pointing out that ER's dislike of this poster's opinions is based on her own prejudices; Unfortunately we all have them By the way i do not know what that smiley means but it seemed the most appropriate one to demonstrate that this is not a dig just an observation which you are welcome to take or leave as with most of my ramblings

PS My second sign in is a much more mundane one than Jack Regan.

I wonder topcat, what exactly are these prejudices that I am displaying? A prejudice against prejudice perhaps. Whether I agree or disagree with his opinions is entirely beside the point, I disagree with a lot of people on the forum and they with me, in fact I most often debate against the majority opinion. What fun would debate be if we agree on everything? What I take issue with is obvious prejudice against a particular group of people. In this case, it's the Germans but I would be just as adamant if it were Russians or blacks or women, gays or the English (although I really don't need to take the defense in the latter case as there are more than enough people on here who can do that better than I can). Look through my posts, I've spent a lot of energy defending the US when it comes under attack and not because I have any ties there or because I particularly like the US, in fact as a Canadian, we've experienced plenty of hardship from our large and oppressive neighbour yet when I see that it is unfairly attacked by someone who has an uneducated prejudice because of something they've seen on the TV, I will come to it's defense.

This is way more work than it's worth but because you have insisted on threadjacking and making this thread all about me, against my better judgement I'll comply and show you why I came to the conclusion that JR is xenophobic and has a prejudicial attitude against the germans. I do hope the mods will remove this nonsense in due time as it has nothing to do with the topic at hand.

EDIT: I just had a look through his posts to see if perhaps he had posts that said anything positive and didn't salg off the Germans in some way or other that I had missed but I actually can't find any. I'll change my assertion that 100% of his posts are anti-german to 90% of his posts are anti-german and 10% have nothing to do with germany at all. Where you think he's posted anything remotely positive about Germany, I'd love to know although I will admit it was worst in the beginning. Have another look and do let me know: A compendium of prejudice against Germans and Germany

yes, we are friends, but don't always agree, believe me! I am no siding with her, just felt your comments focused at her were unnecessary. But if you like reading JR's comments than keep reading them objectively (in your opinion). I will continue to see him as I do see him.

And with all due respect I just felt the same about ER's comments focused on JR. Incidentally I do not know the guy from Adam, but as ER has just pmed on the subject I am content to leave at that and return to dreams of naked dart playing bots with pierced appendages.

Wow this is heavy, - don't mean the really long text that first started the thread but , besides the many silly comments, but also the various discussions about 'who is to blame' etc, a question that is really rather pointless as it never really solves anything. It sounds like the old question of whether this really is an issue that has to do with cultural differences or not. My opinion? You need to sit down and talk to your partner, doesn't sound as though either of you feels understood by the other. Get someone to mediate it if you can, ideally someone who knows what they can doing who can enable you to listen to each other.

Don't think this is a 'cultural differences' matter. It is not common practice in Germany (or in any 'Western' country I know of) to show off your breast or everything else to your relatives.
(Unless you go to nudist camps where everyone is naked by choice. Don't think real nudists impose themselves onto dressed people.)

This aside, rude, childish, immature behaviour isn't cultural either, nor is the relationship to your partner. You should seriously reconsider him if he didn't take your concerns seriously.

I agree with you osmachar but chances are she will probably stick with him – like so many other women that stay in abusive relationships. At the end of the day I think they get what they deserve for staying with such people and getting turned on by them.

Ok, I've read through 2 of 4 pages of this shit & can't believe it's true - you people really have nothing to do. (For paragraphs sake - oh, and because I DO know English - i.e. we have no COW-ORKERS here, they're CO-WORKERS DIPSHIT) & to further clarify (& make it a bit easier for those who have trouble reading).

1. It IS real, I'm NOT Ashlie, NO SUPPOSITORIES - sorry.

2. I've never posted any portion of my life, especially "dirty laundry" for anyone to respond to as I can handle my own issues quite well thanks.
However, being I've never encountered such f*cked up behavior and was raised in a culture where people RESPECT other people's homes (not to mention
keep their freakin clothes on while visiting that someone's home (oh, and especially around other family members), I thought that I might get some insight
from some foreigners WITH compassion.

3. To those whom DID have compassion, I thank you very much as my story IS real - and I know how SHE behaved. I do not think my boyfriend is a pervert nor
incestuous. Further, her parents did respond and said it is not normal, but no big deal as they've know reason to believe anything incestuous. I honestly think it was
the Alpha-Female at her sexually aggressive age coupled with the fact that she's used to being spoiled rotten by her uncle. In addition, my relationship is not even so
much as damaged with them as they know there are 2 sides to every story, and further, have known me quite a while so my credibili ty with them was, and still IS
good.

4. Btw, I'm in a AMERICA you jackass so I need not get over shit - but if you would've read my "PAINFUL" post, you would've known that idiot. A tip for you as well
l hope your manners are MUCH better if ever you DO visit the States because if not, you'll surely get your blood sausage eating ass kicked. Comments from those
whom couldn't "bear" to read more than the first six lines...well, that alone tells me enough about you & you should've just gone back to yanking it rather than
posting a reply to something you didn't even read.

5. Further, her pic isn't pretty (as neither is her pierced nipple) as she's grossly overweight and not one whom I'd CHOOSE to see naked. I can appreciate a woman's
body, especially beautiful women, and am far from the jealous type. There is a huge difference - Mr. Stanford - between jealously and disrespect. Having said that,
I'm far from "girly" - and I'm glad Mrs. Stanford appreciates your smart ass.

6. Last, but not least...I DO NOT have sand in my pussy and it's just great thanks.

7. Again, thanks to the few who took the time to read it, consider it, and reply honestly - I have put it behind me and will not throw away my man nor my relationship.

"I am Curious22, hear me roar!"

Fuck's sake.

Okay Ashley Troll curious22, you will not throw away the man nor the relationship. Many happy nude dart sessions to you then. Great to see how much progress you made with the paragraphs. Now get rid of the CAP PROBLEM, make up with the niece, get a piercing and a fetching dart holder (2 in 1) and live happily ever after.
Thanks again for the entertainment.

sounds like the niece is jealous of you, being from a 1rst world. I wouldnt take too many 21 year olds that seriously and you should definitely get your german boyfriend in line; german males are submissive and non agressive, lay down the law. they need to understand who really rules them- after all, they are only german.

You can play darts at the following establishments in Munich
The Arc
Gunter Murphys
Ryans Muddy Boot

I hope that solves your dilemma.

The niece is grossly obese and still has the wherewithall to be seen nude?

Respect. That takes a hell of a lot more self confidence than most of us have!

True that...I am use to all these skinny girls that make me feel fat. I just want to start force feeding them...

So, Curious, I'm curious. Can you clarify a few things?


South American, North American, or Central?


Are you insinuating that the poster to whom you are referring is German? I wouldn't think so..
If not, is this therefore another metaphor to smoking the blue-vein cigar?


Two for the price of one eh? So, therefore, why do you give a rat's arse? I would suggest ignoring her rather than proposing nude darts.

This really is a weird thread. There are from my point of view two surprises that stand out: The German boyfriend is not happy to let the girlfriend wear the trousers - in my experience most German men expect to be 'under the thumb' of their partner, even though they may not admit it, and the second surprise is that these two people are still together. I still think, if you plan to stay together, get help, get someone to mediate a dialogue between you both. Neither of you seems to understanding the other nor feels understood.

"sounds like the niece is jealous of you, being from a 1rst world. I wouldnt take too many 21 year olds that seriously and you should definitely get your german boyfriend in line; german males are submissive and non agressive, lay down the law. they need to understand who really rules them- after all, they are only german. "

Thanks expat J - you sound like a REAL man & these were my thoughts precisely. By the way she looked at me when I came out dressed for dinner (on 2 occasions) - her eyes widen when she saw me, then she unveiled - or attempted to unveil what cleavage she had...sick really don't you agree? I can promise you, I would've never imagined such feelings or behavior from my guy - NOT to say it came from HIM so much...I honestly think it had WAY more to do with her, but the fact that he either denied the fact these things were happening OR was covering for her, him, or both...I will never know. However, without proof, no one would ever admit to such a thing. So am I going to throw it away for a poor, immature, sex deprived 21 year old whom cannot find her own dick and is infatuated with her Uncle?? I think not. I will say that I think (or thought - still trying to get this crap out of my head) that either something transpired (on their last visit alone) OR that the potential IS/WAS there for something to happen. Mind you I really think he was trying to prove a point, but sadly so, missed the point. I will have my time soon though and if she is jealous, that jealousy will reveal itself again.

Can we go back to the nude darts. The niece having a dick just messed up all those great images I had going on in my head.

Curious,
How are things going with you and your sig-other btw? Did you patch things up? Are things back to normal or getting there?

-M

ok I read the whole thing and agree with the others that it was über painful.

1- Where in that post did you say you were in America? Must have missed it
2 - Why is it such a big deal that his niece didn't say happy anniversary to you? O my, what an awful person she is
3 - If you are living with your bf its not just YOUR home anymore...its both of yours.
4 - So you guys moved in together as soon as you started dating?
5 - Maybe like another posted said you were just being paranoid and they weren't talking about you or whatever you suspect them of... not sure how you'd get what they were talking about if you didn't understand the words?
6 - how can you get THAT bent out of shape about the naked darts when it was your idea? And isn't it a bit childish to tattle on the girl by emailing her parents? Seriously, your all adults, there was no need for that.

That being said, the whole situation obviously bothered you and made you feel uncomfortable, with reason or without, your bf should have acknowledged that. But he didn't and you really don't seem to trust him, so not sure if this is a healthy relationship really.

I gave up long before then. Took one look and thought, no way will I bother reading that load of woffle.

I'm very sorry this has happened to you, curious22. I agree with Kersty. The niece's behavior was completely unacceptable and, more importantly, your boyfriend's too. I think that the woman has actually done you a favor by revealing your boyfriend's true colors. It doesn't matter what her motivations are, it's your boyfriend's reaction that matters. Why waste your time/energy/emotion on the guy? No-one deserve to be treated like that, least of all a partner, and I think you should cut your losses. Actions speak louder than words and his actions are crystal clear. Trust your gut and don't let him make you think that your reaction is a problem. I wouldn't even want to waste my time listening to what he has to say about it but would start looking for a new apartment where you can start afresh. Good luck.

I like the way you write, direct and to the point. you are obviously shooting from the hip and that kind of honesty is refreshing. You wouldnt be human if you said that this situation didnt bother you, but please remain calm and remember how much more experienced, self-aware and stable (and more beautiful according to your assessment) you are over an insecure, over-zealous, obnoxious 21 yr old who only has a few years outside of being a teenager. No reason to be riled about someone who hasnt even had enough experience to know themselves and how other people work. something english speaking cultures have over the germans: personality, communication and social skills (sometimes called soft skills). A 21 yr old fatty? pffft! No worries girl, you rock. Let fatty go to another country, culture, language and try to emerse herself from within and survive. she wouldnt last ten minutes in New York City, London or Tokyo (perhaps as a tourist).

Dear curious22,
Your boyfriends niece may have been really jealous of you because she sees you as an intruder into the relationship she has with her uncle.
She probably likes her uncle a lot and feels challenged by your presence. You on the other hand may have become jealous when he was defending her.
I understand that your feelings have been hurt and I hope you can save your relationship. Has there been any improvement since she left?

Thank you for your kind words...I wish I could get the same support from my "husband." Sad really, but he won't help me get past it - he wants me to, but doesn't want to help me (loving I know). He has since finally acknowledged my feelings (and that they are REAL), but that's about it. He's not supportive at all; says he's trying, but what he's really doing is ignoring the situation assuming it will go away, but that just broods resentment and yes, therefore we're doomed if something doesn't change rather quickly. Small attempts would be nice, but I won't hold my breath.

Aside from him telling me to "prove it" last week when things were heated (which he knows I can't) - and further, isn't that the LAST thing you say to ANYONE in this situation - jeez, how am I NOT supposed to take "prove it" as an admission of guilt?? I feel as if I've been cheated on and explained that - and again, why I feel this way, but he suddenly has lost his knack to nurture. There is nothing I can do. I did tell him that I hope he never has reason to believe or suspect infidelity on my part, but should he...I will let him fend for himself as he has done me. You see, if the tables were turned & he felt suspicious of me, I would do everything in my power to prove him wrong (not only for myself but also for his comfort) and nurture his feelings - because that's what couples do - work as a team to heal the other when needed, uplift when sad, etc., but I haven't received that and it speaks magnitudes to me about him as a partner and our relationship. Maybe he's just been using me all this time. I wouldn't think so, but I guess anything is possible - I found that out recently. Maybe he's just taken my love for granted...or perhaps still basking in the attention he's receiving with me on the weaker end. I thought men liked strong, confident, & secure women? Maybe this is a form of mental cruelty to cast on me to feed his ego??

I don't know, don't care anymore either. I'll just take my heart back, float through the relationship, & see what happens. If he cared about my feelings at all he wouldn't let that happen...but he doesn't and he is. However, I will have my turn. I will be in her home for Christmas and I'll PROVE IT then - by having her "out" herself. You know, make her uncomfortable in her home, find ways to point out her inappropriate behavior in a "joke" like manner (such as comparing food, etc. to sperm every opportunity as she did - YES, I AM serious). We'll see who gets uncomfortable and embarassed then. Bottom line, my presence will bother her just as much in December as it did a few weeks ago so therefore it'll show, but this time everyone will see it then & it won't be my word against hers/theirs. I'll kill her with kindness by being just as kind and cordial as always. Yes, it's stooping to her/their level, but I'll be way more tactful about it and come out smelling like the rose as she did. The barriers won't be there this time and I'll have several witnesses that'll see her emotions & here her comments (because I know she won't be able to resist) - as for her Uncle, my boyfriend, well...he'll have to fend for himself from now on just as I have. Thanks again everyone, even the ones that made a joke out of me, but hey - I'm used to that lately so it's ok & you DID make me laugh! (I promise you though, you don't want that pic)!

Ohhh nooo! Please do not do the things you said you were going to do!
My humble advice is:
1) Step back
2) Dont pressure him
3) Dont give him power over you (be cool)
4) When you visit for christmas, behave like nothing has ever happened (a difficult one I know, but...)
5) If she is that sort of person, she will "expose" (pardon the pun) herself and her true colors.

Be the bigger person and respect yourself.

Curious 22,
what's the point of revenge? Is there any love to savage? Is it all worth it?

Stop wasting your time. Focus on the positive elsewhere.

What a hate filled, vengeful woman you are.

Leave now before you totally mess up his life.

Naked billiards sounds like the perfect revenge. Go curious i really think you could be a world champ even if you are a bot. Ever think of turning to the dark side and doing naked snooker with no colours only the brown...

Curious,

It does "appear" to be that way. Im just wondering where the "love" is you have for your "husband" ...
I cant imagine treating the man I love that way.
But truthfully everyone involved seems a bit...unconventional. A very unique story for certain.
The entire thing doesnt seem all that healthy.
But if you were wanting to make things "right", showing love and respect might be a good place to start.
And if you feel that you are not geting the same in return, then it is time to part ways.
You will not get him to love you by hurting him or with vengeful actions. If he wants to make things right again he will come to you and in his own time.
You started this post with the question "am I crazy"? I think that all this "thinking" is making you a bit "crazy"with all the talk of plotting and such.
Emotions are a powerful thing. Perhaps its time to gain control of yours. And I am saying that with the best intentions... not to be mean.

Blum you do talk an awful load of shite even for an American. Are you súre you ar not doctor whatshisname ín disguise? The fada on the u is for emphasis of suuuuure...

Perhaps you should grab ahold of yours as well...
But if you think that love and respect have no place in a relationship, then thats not really my problem, is it.
And I am a Doctor thank you... (not of medicine)

If you want to stay with him you should really let it go. It won't help you to hold a grudge for six months and then try to get revenge on someone who is supposedly that awful. Let karma do the work for you Or if you really feel like your relationship has been that badly damaged then maybe you should stop wasting your time and go your separate ways.

you know Curious22, I absolutely agree with blum123. Do not let vengence determine your role or path of actions, it will backfire on you and bring all parties involved down. Do not set people up for failure, most likely they will - games/test of loyalty, etc.. Instead examine who you are and what you are prepared to do to salvage the situation. I really think you do not need to hold onto this situation, you are giving way to much power to too many people. No one can control many things in life: weather, politicians, other people: but you have absolute control over you and your reaction. Relax, take deep breath and center your thinking. Perhaps your husband has blown off the situation due to the seriousness level has been given a "low ranking"...probably not intentionally it seems he is undermining your feelings.

It would be good if he could help you through this for you also to give it a low priority ranking. However, do not start holding him responsible for your feelings/anamosity/personality conflict with this 21 yr old lewd kid. Stand your ground, let people know what is acceptable and what isnt, but do not make a scene or try to set up some sort of "sting" or con, it will backfire and you have only lowered yourself and dignity to that of a 21 yr old kid.

OMG...my eyes are hurting after "successfully" reading the whole post. Have you heard of paragraphs or better still summarising your whining? You will most likely not get much advice from here simply because only the bored will read the whole post. Why worry about this 21 yr old who comes once in two years? Why don´t you forget the whole episode and enjoy the next two years with your man? Just asking...do you have any pictures of the darts game? You can post some here - for better advice

so you are going to 'take your heart back' and just 'float through the relationship and see what happens' why? Sounds like you don't want to be int he relationship anymore, but are just December to come around for revenge. Thats really ridiculous. Sounds like you just need to get out of the relationship, it will seriously be better for both of you. And by the way, he is just your boyfriend, not your husband like you seem to like saying, so better to find this stuff out now than actually get married and have to go through a messy divorce.

And I am still confused about some things in your original post that I posted previously...and also, how did your boyfriend get American citizenship? I didn't know it was given away so easily?

I still think the niece was trying to challenge you. If you do the revenge thing she wins. Ignore her, totally ignore her, next time you see her, and she will most certainly make a fool of herself. As mentioned above let Karma do its work.

@ curious22

I think you are over rating the fact that your partner’s niece did not say "Happy Anniversary" to you.

It’s something special (or not) between your partner and yourself. I could maybe understand the disappointment if you were married for 5, 10 or more years – but again it’s a special day for the two of you. The two of you should appreciate yourselves; after all, every relationship is hard work.

So, according to your words, this girl is immature, but that doesn’t mean you have to stoop to that level yourself!

You are 33. I don’t know this girl, but maybe she feels like she is losing her fave uncle to you – she will learn to live with that feeling. When you see her again this Christmas, be friendly to her - show her you have a stable and happy relationship! She will either back down or it will kill her! But hopefully she’ll be in her own relationship, by then, and can play this new game of naked darts with her boyfriend, which she learned from her uncle’s girlfriend, in the US! She might ask you to play too!

Either you stay with your man, and forget the situation, but put down your rules when/if she visits again. Or you revaluate your relationship with him.

I can’t believe you agreed to play naked darts! What does the niece really think of you now! Either a hip swinger chick or a ...

... naked darts player?

Curious, I noticed the use of three carriage returns in your post, which must be a grammatical error on your part. Quick, there is still time to edit them out!