Dosing a teenager with a suppository

Can anyone shed any light on a issue that has lead me and my German partner of four years to split up?

My partner, his two children and I went on holiday to Italy 8 weeks ago. His daughters are 11 and nearly 13. The holiday was dreadful, with my partner either letting the girls get away with very immature behaviour or by spoiling them, providing three meals a day, watching over them whilst they ate their boiled noodles and allowing them to demand and get exactly what they wanted and all of them had no regard to my lack of German. I felt like a stranger in hell.

We all got a bit ill, minor stomach upset. My partner asked if I wanted a suppository as he had given the eldest girl (13 yrs) one as she was "seriously ill". She was eating sweets and back to herself that evening. I refused as not too keen on things up my bum.

A few days later the subject of the suppository came up and it seems that he inserted it into his daughters bottom, I was shocked and he knew this but said she asked him to do it as she could not herself?!!! He said I was damaged by my reaction and it was normal in Germany to do such things to children and no big deal. I said surely the girl should have found her own bum at that age and why was it done so secretly and not talked about (until I asked) and why had he not mentioned that this was normal practice to him and his daughters?

I also have a daughter but even at the age of 8 she would have been mortified if her father had attempted to do such a thing.

So we disagreed, he did a private survey on german people, wife, sister and whoever who said it was normal and there was no problem and what was wrong with me. We went to world war 3... he suggesting that I was damaged by my reaction and my telling him that this practice at this age was intolerable and I could not put up with it. The end result is we have not spoken and he totally withdrew the more I questioned him on this cultural difference. So, he was not willing to look at how I felt about this or to discuss if there is something askew with his 13 year old daughter who asked her father to anally insert the suppository.

I would be very interested in opinions and whether I am completely wrong and being an idiot!!!

Without looking at your profile I can guess you are an uptight Brit. Germans are more relaxed about bodies and not as prudish as the Brits and Americans. It is also not abnormal for children not to want to stick things up their own bums.

Do you not think you might have over-reacted a tad?

i like how providing three meals a day is spoiling them or somehow bad to do to one's kids?!!?!?
also, i'm interested in the wife response to you going on holiday with them more than her response to shoving somethign up one of the kids butts.

I'd say there is a problem when someone thinks something like administering medication to a child is sexual. Has something else happened to you to make you assume something innocent like this is inappropriate? Would you allow a male gynecologist to examine your child or is any contact of an adult male with a child deemed inappropriate?

Or is it the fact that the girl is no longer a child? I'm 28 and I wouldn't be able to insert a suppository without assistance (not that it's ever come up).

I'm having a difficult time fully understand this one... the holiday was dreadful because your partner provided three meals a day to his children... and it was dreadful because they spoke German to each other even though you were sat there and expected them to speak English just because you were around? If you've been with this guy for 4 years and obviously knew he had 2 children, perhaps you could seize the opportunity to brush up on your German.


I think, generally speaking, Germans are much more accustomed to medicine administered in suppository form. I don't find that part very strange really. The part about him helping his daughter out... dunno. If she was really sick and needed help, what was he supposed to say? "Oh, come on, you're thirteen already for God's sake. If you haven't figued out how to insert a suppository up your ass by now, you're hopeless." Look on the bright side, he could have asked you to help her.

Thanks for all the replies.. interesting that I am the prudish one??!!
The point here is this girl is hardly a child. If Germans use suppositories as a matter of course then surely they would know how to insert them at quite an early age... different from the Brits as we tend not to stick medicine up our bums unless we are seriously ill and I have asked British people about his and they seem to agree that a father doing this to his daughter of that age is an uncomfortable thought and several people have said that the daughter is maybe young for her age as she asked her father to do it... not something many UK girls would want Daddy to do I think??!!

If she is hardly a girl then she is surely old enough to decide if she wants daddy to shove something up her arse or not!

It was her choice

I have to say that most girls at the age of 13 that i have known would be less than happy about daddy doing that but what else do you do if you need the medicine?

Agreed though that suppositories are a rare form of treatment in the UK.

I agree, I don't think it was right of him to do this, yes the germans have some fetish with suppositories for everything, but heck she is 13! She is a young women, and I won't want my dad putting things in my butt at that age, don't think he even would have.

How else was she to do it if she couldnt do it herself??

Now if he had sat her on his knee for 20 minutes then spanked her a few times, then yes.. I would be a bit shocked

Yes!
Just like the cases in which a little boy hugged his female teacher and the teacher felt sexually molested. The problem lies not with the boy but with the teacher who saw the hug as a sexual gesture! How can you even get that idea with a little boy or girl?! (There was a case like that in the States a while ago.)

I don't think I'd want anyone poking a suppository up my bum... any time or under any circumstances. However, God knows what happened-- maybe she really did feel that horrible that she couldn't manage to do it on her own? I once had a boyfriend get really drunk and high after having just given blood-- it turned very ugly and he ended up passed out on the bathroom floor in a pool of his own vomit. I suppose I should have said, "Eh, you're a big boy, clean this shit up yourself." and walked off-- but he wasn't really in any condition to take care of himself, so I cleaned him up. Maybe the daughter was honestly that ill that she needed help.

Ashlywhatsit-- Over the past 4 years was there ever any behavior that he displayed when interacting with his children that concerned you?

To be fair 13 is hardly a little girl is it? I was having sex at that age ffs

Oh dear I can see I sound like an arse... I didn't mean that the holiday was a nightmare as they needed three meals a day!!! Although it was a nightmare finding time to set the table and rush back home for the next meal and clearing it up and doing it all again a few hours later.. and at appointed regular times, my fault as I should have asked about the girls routines and whether we could change or be flexible around meal times and bed times on holiday.. it seems not and thinking about it in some ways these children are treated like very young children and incapable of doing anything at all for themselves even picking up their dirty clothes so how I expected them to be able to cope with german medicine is crazy..

Just imagine if the father had not been there I would have been wandering the hillside for someone to do the good deed!! i am intrigued to what age this practice goes on, presumably any age is ok then as if Germans have no problem with it then there is no reason to put an age level on when to learn it yourself.. why bother if someone else can stick it up your bum?

I was talking about the hug-thing, the boy there was like 3 or something, maybe even 6, but that is definitely little to me.

I don't think it is that big of a deal if the girl is 13, if she didn't mind (!).

I have to be honest I find the idea of a 13 year old asking her dad to stick something up her arse rather strange but if that’s how Germans do it then I guess that’s the way they do it. I guess it shouldn’t surprise me really there are worse things I have seen them do I mean, look at some of the crap they eat

I found the article, it was a four-year old boy. And of course this happened in Texas...

http://www.kxxv.com/Global/story.asp?S=5785699

blue Dave is right I hate to say but she really is not a "little girl", she is a pubescent and has periods ( tampons?) and possibly has sex . Her younger sister would scream her head off if the Dad attempted to put anything in her bum. Also, the girl girl was not that unwell, just feeling sick and moping around for a few hours.. the Dad said she was " seriously ill" which amazed me as she was eating sweet s3 hours later but at that time I was unaware he had been the nurse and stuck the suppository in and I had no idea that he was seriously worried about her health that he had to give her medicine.. we went out to later that day and all seemed normal so it is not the case of the girl was in bed or appearing very ill. I think they have some hypocondria in the family as they really make a big fuss about all things ill.. and love to have herbal teas and enjoy a good bit of unwellness... shame and he had the dreadful suppositories with him? I would have pretended to be better to avoid at any age!!

Now that is just ridiculous. Holiday to me means going out to eat or snacking on stuff but NOT having to wash up after cooking a meal.


I don't know if it's fair to say that's a German thing- but I've seen that quite often in German families. It's mind-boggling sometimes.

Haha, yeah me too Ashley, I have managed to stay away from them all my life and have no intention of ever needing one...
That said, if she asked him to help her, I do not see a problem with it. A doctor/nurse would have done the same, regardless of age.

Ashley...

Are you suggesting that your EX is having somesort of incestuous relationship with his daughter??

If so, why not tell the police and not us...?

That would be some sweet revenge, wouldnt it??

well Mariposa... I don't think it is ok if the girl doesn't mind,, I actually think she should be taught how to DIY her medicine..
she is a bit old really she has to move into the world of big girls and getting in touch with her arse...
I may be cynical but illness is a very good way to get attention...
I really hope I am wrong but all the signs are on my side unfortunately.. but on a plus side her mother had no problem with the dad doing the deed apparently and it seems it is ok up till about 14 years old in Germany according to a youth worker..
which in my mind is total rubbish as all children grow physically and psychologically at different rates and so giving a chronological age is rubbish and suggests that the child's individual needs is not being considered.

But Mariposa he was not a nurse he was her father ... I have no problem with my doctor or the nurse doing medical things to me.. I would have a problem with my fatehr doing it...

Well, maybe the father did it because the mother was not around. Or would you have a problem with the mother doing it as well?
Was he supposed to take her to the hospital?
You would have a problem. They apparently thought it was normal, else she wouldn't have asked him to help, and he wouldn't have done it. I would not want my father to do it either, but neither would I want my mother or a doctor to do it (or anyone else for that matter).
In many families in Germany the family members walk around the house naked (like after they take a shower), it's an individual thing, and has nothing to do with anything sexual. (Unless you really think that there is an incestuous relationship between father and daughter, or that he is abusing her; then the police would be the place to go to, not Toytown, but be prepared to back up your suspicions.)

fair point.


Also a fair point. This could also be the case.

Oh grinner no I am not saying he is a pervert but his behaviour is inappropiate and when it suits him is thinking of his daughter as a child but then again when her behaviour is the vile teenager he excuses her for being in puberty so I just think it is very controlling and unhealthy and her behaviour is also very random and i think he needs to set some reasonable boundaries and she needs to have lessons from her mother on bum things seeing as it is in their lifestyle,, that is all

and it is all very off putting... three meals a day,,, regular bedtimes,, boiled chicken and all things bland,, if parenting is such a dull stress to Germand and it is all so seriously regimented then I have had a lucky escape indeedy!!

So your issue is not with the father but with the daughter?

That would certainly explains some things ...

[quote name='Mariposa' date='Jun 10 2007, 6:56 pm' post='961507']

Was he supposed to take her to the hospital?
Well I did ask him why he did not go to the doctor in the village? He laughed saying the doctor would shoot him for such a thing but if my child was "seriously ill" would not want to risk using old medication I bought with me.. I think it is all hysterics to make me upset and to dump me.. that is it and it worked well!

I would have reacted the same way as you, so he would have dumped me too!

I doubt that. I think a lot of people do not see the big deal in this, do you think he knew you would make such a big deal out of it, which would then lead to your break-up?
There are far more convenient things to fight over, that are sure to cause a major crisis or even a break-up than something that he doesn't even know beforehand will upset you.

Yes I suppose my issue is with all of them and finally my issue is that I wanted to understand this issue but my ex partner told me that "they" did not have a problem with it so the subject was finished,,, he was obviously not interested that I had a problem with it,, he became very defensive and I assume that " they " was referring to his ex wife.. so that is that but since I did not get any illumination on the subject of children and suppositories from him I found this site and wanted to get ideas of what the public thought...
I do not think it is the fact that I have questioned him on his fatherly activities but that I have challenged him and disagreed with his practices and he likes to be in charge and not questioned it makes him tired to answer questions.

Well, he might just think he is the father and you are well, not the mother. Now that is a problem in my opinion. While you cannot expect to have the same say as the mother (especially since she is still around), it would be nice of him to involve you a little more, especially after you have been together four years, and maybe he doesn't want that.

I remember my Ma (American) being surprised when my younger brother (American) let her put a suppository up his ass when he was 12 and sprouting pubic hair. But he was projectile vomiting at the time. German doctors do tend to proscribe suppositories to children and adolescents as they work more quickly and with less side-effects than oral medication, so the girl is no doubt used to being doctored that way.
Yes, the Dad could have said, "Here it is, unwrap it and push it in". He could also have asked you. Maybe the fact that he didn't proves that he knew how you would react - you would refuse to do it and object to his doing it and object to the procedure altogether.
And as to washing dishes and cooking etc: Did you think of asking the girls and their Dad for help, or is it easier to complain that they are spoiled brats and set yourself up as a martyr?
I think the suppository issue was the final straw that broke the back of an already dysfunctional relationship. So move on.

yes Sarabryd you are sadly right.. if we had been functioning then we would have laughed over his daughters arse not got the arse!

I am moving on as we speak.. but I do not want to believe that a 600 mile differnce from Uk could result in such huge cultural differences and different ways to deal with relationship conflict...

I talk too much and he will not talk in depth on difficult topics,, so the problem is bigger than a bum.

Thank you all for the many varied and differing opinions on the subject of cultural differences in anal medications... sounds a subject for conferences

who was it that said

"opinions are like arseholes, everyone has them"

Oscar Wilde?

It doesn't. People cannot be categorized by their nationality when it comes to how they deal with conflicts, that is an individual attitude.
Cultural differences can lead to conflicts in a relationship, but it depends entirely on the couple how they deal with these conflicts. Some people are just not good at confrontation and talking things through, and some are, but it has nothing to do with your being British and his being German.

Ok , ok I'll relent , I use a gym in Munich , it's McFit. So we've got segregated changing rooms and showers and stuff.

For some strange reason some of the female attendants like to wander in and out of the male changing rooms (the door is closed). Now I could make a big fluff about this and try and have the chics fired.
Or I couldnt be arsed , accept it as a bit odd or alternatively I could just go for a wander through the chics changing room some day to test this so-called tolerance.
Point being , I'm the foreigner here... so when in doubt I'm probably the weird one.

yes I agree but my original reason for posting was to try and understand how Germans are with suppositories and their children and bum things . Despite 4 years with German man this subject had not reared it;s squishy head so thanks now I know a little bit more but not convinced tha majority of german fathers would do this to their teenage children.. DO THEY?

So why did you ask this on an EXPAT forum... and not a German one?

I've an idea , what if it had been a pessary? How bout that?

I think it was Clint Eastwood. In a fillum. But Germans are a bit different when it comes to the old chocolate starfish, my ex-gf used to administer her own form of homegrown colonic irrigation or Einlauf, bought down the chemists, a little pump and a tube and some homeopathic concoction that she'd blow up her bum and then starve herself for a week after. This apparently passes as healthy auto-practice for Spiegel-Leser and before long all her mates were at it. When she asked me if I'd be interested in partaking, as it's "really good for you", I think I must have Roger Moored my left eyebrow higher than giraffes nads, as she subsequently let it lie. Different folks, different strokes I guess. Although, it is just plain so very not day-to-day, regardless of nationality, for a father to give his pubescent daughter an enema. If she'd been bitten by a zombie and the only way to save her were a suppository, yes, but a bit of Montezumas Revenge wouldn't normally warrant that.

I am German, but I think most (all) others who have replied are not.
I personally do not have any experience with suppositories but I do not find it that weird, especially in this case when the mother is not around and the daughter is asking for help.
But yeah, asking on an expat forum about what German fathers do... most posters here do not have German fathers and are not German fathers, so you'd hardly get a lot of replies that actually represent "German fathers".

Just asked my 18 year old german bf what he thinks. He's on the ashleyp side and says that is weird and none of his mates would of wanted their dads near their bums at that age.

yes but I wanted to hear if other people had meet with similar experiences in Germany and if they had difficulties with it how they handled it. from a British view point to begin with I can hardly call the German Social services to see if this is a usual custom and I really do not want to be offensive to anyone, it has been a horrible few weeks but I am glad I have openly asked for views on it,, so thank you all very much.

Yes it was. The Dead Pool (1988) as a matter of fact. Written by Harry & Rita Fink and the screenplay by Steve Sharon.

Superior officer: "It's my opinion, Callahan, that you would be best serving the department at this time by getting off the streets."
Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood): "Well, sir, opinions are like assholes, everybody's got one."

And another great line:
Callahan: "Fuck with me, buddy, I'll kick your ass so hard you'll have to unbutton your collar to shit."

If the daughter asked I don't see what the problem is though. It doesn't mean it was a jolly pleasant occasion for either of them but you gotta do, what you gotta do.

So... quick question and all ... now that you guys are broken up and all... how was he with your bum???

well parnell he DID offer to help me with a suppository when I was unwell and that was what started this long decline to singledom!!

We were buying a house but when I said I could not put up with the anal practices for another 4 years ( youngest girl 10 years and apparently in Germany it is not pervert to insert things until they are 14 yrs according to youth worker the ex spoke with ) he obviously thought playing nurses was prefable to teaching daughters how to cope with life and having a relaxed partner...

When I was with my bf from Leeds, I was shocked when he administered a suppository to his 3-year-old son. I had never heard of them in the States. In restrospect, I guess for a 3yo it´s not so bad, but a 13yo girl to me does seem a bit weird. I mean, if she has trouble putting in her first tampon, is he going to help her with that too?

Family life is not for you. Period.

[quote name='Ruthie' date='Jun 10 2007, 9:44 pm' post='961650' I mean, if she has trouble putting in her first tampon, is he going to help her with that too?
[/quote]
yes Ruthie I thought that and asked him that but he was not willing to discuss it.. that is what they do and that is the waay it is.. no willingness to change despite my horor at it all