Dosing a teenager with a suppository - Germany

Interesting discussion. I just couldn't help but comment on the play of words about the "end result".

I think there's a big cultural gap that you're dealing with and sounds like some trust issues as well. Maybe dealing with a man with children is just not for you as this kind of relationship can be extremely challenging? From what I've read that you've posted it sounds like it could be more than just the "suppository" that's a problem for you.

Coming from a country where homosexuality was illegal, never having been to an English public school or having a British politician in the family I too was unacustomed to foreign objects being pushed up an arse.

However, after having children here I was taken aback when confronted with my sick child (baby) and suppositories, assuming it would be painful for them. It does seem the norm here in Germany. I currently have a 13 yo daughter and I would never see the day that I would have to administer medicine anywhere else other than the talking end. But maybe its my upbringing...

Thanks, there are lots of issues here I am sure but I remain unsure if german teenagers are happy and relaxed that the parents anally medicate them for minor ill health problems... in fact I reckon most children over 8 or 9 years would dread this invasion and it is a disabling practice that is not necessary in any sense... teenagers should be enabled and families should put boundaries in at some point, I thought it was natural for children to cover up and become independent by this stage of life...
it is very weird... I am sure German and UK teenagers are not so different but this case seems to say they are very disimiliar!

hi Eurolvol

you say family life is not for me!!!

You are right with that family set up!!! No thanks.. l like to enable children, not control them,,,oh no no not nice at all

I thought I read that you said his daughter asked him to do that? Using suppositories is very common here in Germany and if she didn't feel comfortable in doing it for herself, then she asked her dad is what I thought you wrote. Now this is what I can't help but wonder, if she had asked you, if her father wasn't present, would you have done it for her? The second question is, if her mother was there and inserted the suppository would you feel any different about this being done for a teenager?

I also would like to point out we were in Italy... on holiday... a break from routine,,,,,,, so to keep to a strict schedule and not be spontaneous and maybe... swim late at night or eat out ( WE WERE IN ITALY) ,, these girls are 13 and 11 years not new borns... I am not sure bland life has to be family life does it?

I do think the majority of German teenagers would not want that kind of medical assistance from their fathers, but exceptions confirm the rule, right? And she did ask for help as you said. I really would not think that she did it with any intentions besides wanting help with a medical procedure.

And feeling the need to cover up... I don't know, I definitely am not comfortable with running around naked at home, but I do think it is natural if you are (and I do wish sometimes I was more comfortable with it/myself). Actually it would seem more natural to be than not to be, even though it is more common in our society not to be. Feeling the need to cover up has nothing to do with becoming independent in my opinion, and a lot more with insecurity, and what is taught to us from the very start to be normal and appropriate. And those are things that vary from society to society and from family to family.

Three meals a day and regular bedtimes is normal for kids. In Germany, it is also normal for any age kid to walk around naked in saunas and at places to swim in the presence of everyone. You I think are in culture shock. As for the suppository thing, I think you are also being a bit anal.

PS: You don't take a holiday from parenthood and family responsibilities.

Could the underlying problem be you resented the fact you had to share the time you spent on holiday with your boyfriend with those two obviously needy young girls who were vying for their dad's attention just as you were. Furthermore, what I've come to know for sure is you learn the most about people when you travel with them. So could it be you saw the closeness of him and his daughters and felt some resentment? Surely, your issue is really not about a damn suppository, is it?

Turning this inside out, I think there may have been the slightest feeling of displacement when you had to experience a developing "woman" getting the attention of your mate of four years in and around her privates.

When's the last time he gave you an orgasm?

Now that's asking for way too much information . So you're suggesting that maybe she resented her boyfriend being this close to his daughter and felt sheer jealousy?

Yes Lavender Rain My ex partner told me ( after I complained ) that his daughter asked him to do it as she couldn't,, he told her she must
have the suppository,, I think she had no choice,,,,as she probably thought his diagnosis was correct and she was " seriously ill".. cannot think why he would be so negative over such a quick short half day of nausea but then if the car window is open despite 25 degrees he gets a bad neck from the "draught" so seems illness is looked on somewhat differently too. I though it was funny and wimpy ok until this episode!!
I also would have thought it bizzare if the mother had done it as I would have wondered why the mother did not show the girl how to insert the thing.. surely a mother would say.. now your older you need to do it as you are a big girl now !!
I am unsure if the mother does it,, I think the younger child does it herself so it appears this behaviour is not equal across the family and he certainly does not do this to the elder girl of 21 years.. he argues that this daughter is more needy and requires more attention and she has some behaviour difficulties but i think this does not help her and she is in puberty and a father should back off at this stage to protect the growing child and to set clear boundaries for the future.

I spoke with a English doctor and he would not do this to his children unless it was extemely necessary... he thought the girl should not have received this suppository for being slightly under the weather for a morning,,, it should have been left for a day to naturally sort itself out, his wife and children are not dealt with by him and the subject should have been open and my ex partner should have told me what was going to happen in front of his daughter.,he believes if it was natural and no big deal it should not be a secret at the time but open discussion and made light of... it would have seemed more relaxed if ex had verbalised his intentions prior to doing it,

I know we are english and anal or obviously not anal!! Maybe teenagers just are not bothered who does what to them,, or fathers just are not bothered what they do to their children as they believe it is for their best intentions?

Maybe they did not keep it as a big secret from you, just did not find it important enough to mention it to you? Why does he need to verbalize his intentions to you prior to doing it?

I am not English and you don't have kids do you?

Ok, let me make sure I understand what you're saying. So are you saying you expected your boyfriend to present himself and his daughter to you and discuss the fact that he was going to administer the suppository for his daughter and elicit your support or approval prior to administering it?

That is indeed what I was implying. And I think I am not shooting in the dark on this one.

I think the question is
is it ok for a father to stick suppositories in his teenage daughter?Anaylse everything else as I have but the fundamental question has been raised by my ex's disregard of a growing teenager( not my behaviour) and I think most people would be uncomfortable with it.. ask a father of a teenage girl?
I did and it responses were interesting and my relationship with his daughters and the 21 yr old one was healthy and good.

Yeah, I have a feeling Tomasino might be going in the right direction with this one...
ashleyp seems very hung up on this whole suppository thing, even though people have said that while it may seem weird to some, it may be normal for others.

I would like to thank you all for the most hilarious thread I've read in ages. Cheers.

Ok, if that's what you think. But for me, don't know what she's thinking, but between the words that she's written and the answers that she's already given seems to be a few unanswered questions that I hope she can sort out for herself.

Disregard? By whose opinion? Yours? Well, you know what they say don't you? Opinions are like assholes and yours needs a suppository.

ashleyp, I do not think this question can be answered with just a yes or no. It is okay if all parties involved are fine with it, that is both parents and the daughter (which is the case here). If one of them doesn't want it, then no, it's not.
Why keep wondering about this, it does not affect you! No one forced you to insert suppositories or have one inserted in your butt!

exactly. plus 13 is a teenager, but it's not as if she's 16 or 19... she's probably around 8th grade.

also have you thought that she didn't want it? he wanted her to have it. she said she wouldn't do it (so i read that as. i don't want it i'm not goign to do it. so if you're so adament about it do it yourself and hoping he doesn't) and he did so who cares. move on. it's not as if he's sexually abusing the kid.
if you seriously care about each other and want to be together you'd work past this. a suppository in the butt of a 13yr old isn't a life altering event!

Ashleyp, the question really shouldn't be if it's ok for him to administer a suppository to his daughter as that HIS daughter, but instead the question that begs an answer is why do you have such a tremendous problem with him doing this. That's his daughter and if she couldn't put the suppository in then she asked her dad to do it. Why is administering a suppository any different than giving his daughter a pill? Is it the location of the anatomy that bothers you? Maybe it has more to do with how you feel about your body and your relationship with boyfriend or even the kind of relationship you had with your dad? I don't find it strange at all that he administered the suppository knowing what I know about this german culture.

For some it's just a little prick...

No this is not he case at all.. I am not jealous of his children.. and have never before interfered with what they do as a family and we all go out with the mother etc.. it is not a case of jealousy although perhaps i would say that if I was reading this. Yes there are things I do not agree with but he is the same about my children no huge problem and we have coped with those things... the cultural thing has not been an issue,, until now and maybe it is nothing to do with cultural differences but in 4 years I had no idea this was commom practice and it seems very strange..

Yes actually,, I think if he had discussed openly what the problem was and just said it and the solution I think that would be better for everyone..as if it is common then the girl would not mind and if it is natural then no one would care surely about open discussion and in Ukif a female is to get this sort of treatment from a male GP or nurse then a female would be present in the room or a female would administer treatment apparently.

I'm hard pressed to believe that in four years there have not been any other cultural issues that have impacted your relationship, especially since how you are ranting about the infamous suppository insertion. Secondly, that's her dad not some male nurse in a hospital, surely you can't be suggesting that you should have been allowed to supervise the suppository insertion to ensure that he did it with dignity and respect for his daughter?

But this is family, not a doctor. There is a certain amount of trust in most families, and usually this trust is not abused by the family members. Also no one will sue anyone else in the family (I am sure that is the reason why there is a female present in the room, to give no patient a chance to sue the nurse/doctor afterwards or accuse them of sexually molesting them).

If it is so normal for them, I am pretty sure they did not see a reason to discuss it beforehand. Maybe he assumed it would be just as normal for you?! There are many normal things people do without publicly announcing or discussing them with their partners before they do them.

Good point Mariposa. I just don't see what is the basis for a discussion about this anyway. But what I do think I see are some significant trust issues with her relationship and I don't think these trust issues begin and "end" just with his daughter and that suppository.

I totally enjoy this thread, please everybody keep going!

It's a bit like those daytime talk-shows: He stuck something up his daughter's bum, how can I remain silent? Hilarious.

What if he needed to take a dump? Should that be discussed before being performed? It also includes the butt aspect.
What if he had a son and the son got his pecker caught in that zipper? Should that be discussed before doing something about it?
If I were the daughter, the discussion would be far worse than the act of Dad helping with the insertion of a suppository.

Thanks everyone... you can always rely on the subject of arses to get the English going and this long and interesting discussion reiterates the belief that:

arses are like opinions... everyone has them

my boyfriend and I are fine...he's may be a little prick? and I am teasing ?but it has been a great discussion and he is a nurse and I am a public protection officer so I thought it would be useful to hear opinions on this subject as it is a tricky one to resolve and it is fraught with risk ( to the child) and maybe to the father if the child is out of control in attention seeking? We have 6 children between us so not much time to be jealous of spotty teenagers!!

it seems most people are worried about my jealous nature rather than what the father may doing to one child ... if this was real did no one consider the child could be a scapegoat and therefore in danger? No... most people would rather see the evil step mother as a problem and that I could be jealous of a 13 year old girl who does not want to grow up?

Thanks for a interesting and lovely time...
AshleyP!!

xx

It's these kind of issues in life that can turn your life on "end" .

Eurovol, that is exactly the kind of normal thing that no one feels the need to discuss with a partner.

But to stick closer to what a freakin' suppository is: should he also have discussed it with you if he had given her a paracetamol? ((As far as I know suppositories are used most commonly to reduce fever, paracetamol does that too, if I remember correctly.)

Actually, I remember at least two persons (Grinner and myself) suggesting, if you really thought the child was actually in danger you should go to the police, not Toytown, so that's not quite correct. (Quite early in the topic, on page 2..)

arses are like opinions...everyone has them, but not with a suppository .

You need to be fired.

dude, seriously chill out!
you asked for opinions you got them. now your getting all upset? geepers!
who cares what your professions are? whoever said you are the evil step-person and the problem? only stated that perhaps there was a bit of overreacting going on. Also, i'm pretty sure if people did jump the gun and think there was something bad lurking with the father you'd get in a huff about people insinuating he'd ever hurt his kid.

if you don't want opinions on a topic then don't ask. if you ask be ready for anything.

Perhaps, this is why she seemed to over react?

That's racist that is.

From what I gathered, she said she just made this whole thing up.

So ashley, what is your real opinion on this topic?

I really don't think she made this whole thing up!

Maybe she did, maybe not. Interesting discussion anyway. It's just quite funny we are now on page 5 in a discussion of suppositories.

i have to say that a hobby is definately needed if a day was spent weaving this ridiculous web of a tale.

[HOWEVER

i DO HAVE CONCERNS ON ANOTHER SUBJECT
/b]
mY BOYRIEND SHARE HIS SLEEPING ROOM WITH BOTH DAUGHTERS WHEN THEY VISIT// ALL ON THE FLOOR ON MATTRESSES AND I ALSO HAVE TO
SLEEP IN SAME ROOM WHEN i STAY WITH HIM.

I HAVE SUGGESTED THAT HE TALKS WITH WIFE TO REDUCE HIS ALIMONEY TO HER SO HE CAN GET A ONE BEDROOM OR BIGGER FLAT.. HE SAYS SHE WON'T AGREE SO WE ALL SLEEP IN ONE ROOM,

IS THIS NORMAL IT WOULD BE ILLEGAL IN UK AND A INDICATOR OF POVERY AND HARDSHIP. tHE GIRLS HAVE NO WHERE TO CHANGE ETC EXCEPT IN THE BATHROOM OR IN FRONT OF DAD AND THEY HAVE NO PERSONAL SPACE. i HAVE ALSO SUGGESTED SWOPPING HOUSES WITH THE EX WIFE WHO HAS 3 BEDROOMS BUT THAT SEEMS COMPLEX FOR WEEKEND ACCESS.

iN GERMANY IS IT LEGAL FOR DAUGHTERS TO SLEEP WITH FATHERS AT THIS AGE?