A dog in the Sahara without a tree.
The eunuch in Harem of 1000 beauties
...
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What's worse than... (complete the sentence)
Friday thread, something serious or maybe not
... turning up at a dog show in a catsuit?
Q. What's worse than biting into an apple and finding half a worm?
A. The holocaust.
Mwa hahahahahaha!
Best joke ever!
A. The holocaust.
Mwa hahahahahaha!
Best joke ever!
whats worse than the holocaust?
The filled-incaust...
The filled-incaust...
Going to a gun-fight armed with a knife?
a poke in the eye with a sharp stick?
going to a cock-fight armed with a...oh never mind...
...having to suck warm diarreah through a ringworm infested tramps y-fronts.
And that's a real thing that is !
And that's a real thing that is !
COLD diarreah would be worse!... Wouldn't it?
Sneezing blood bogies on your bosses white shirt!
Sneezing blood bogies on your bosses white shirt!
accidentally farting in front of a colleague...
Using your thumb nail to try and undo a screw because you are too lazy to go to the tool box to get a screw driver and then your thumb nail splits up the middle all the way to the core.
... getting your cock caught in your zipper?
You are banging your girlfriend and your wife calls you on your mobile and you answer so that she wont be suspicious of you being unreachable and you try and have a normal conversation with her.
Kissing your granny goodbye and she sticks her tongue in.
A boss that constantly farts in your office! (I am tempted to hang a "Fart free zone" sign on the door!)
Worse than Cadbury's cream eggs? Not much, but Terry's Chocolate Orange by a tiny margin.
German.
Was waiting to see how long it took that to come Don
A Pole walking into a Working mans club in London
A Pole walking into a Working mans club in London
Sleepwalking naked into the sitting room in your girlfriends parents house while her dad is sitting there - this actually happened to me once. Quite embarassing.
ditto with a stiffy!
Getting a short haircut and then be told you look like Janet Reno (this actually happened to me once).
...going to see Scream in the cinema in college, coming in just as the film starts with two girls, pitch black, eyes unaccustomed, feeling around for a seat, accidentally put my hand into a strange womans face in the darkness, she screams and bites my hand, I scream in pain and other people scream and I fall backwards down the stairs and knock the two girls over and all three of us tumble down the steps and bang our crowns. Cinema full of people laughs and points at us. Hilarity ensued.
...than when you work in a dept of 90+ you are most usually referred to by the name "monkey paw" by the other 89+ because when you laugh you sound like a monkey that has just had its paw cut off.
QUOTE (Punchbear @ Jun 5 2007, 10:38 pm) 
...going to see Scream in the cinema in college, coming in just as the film starts with two girls, pitch black, eyes unaccustomed, feeling around for a seat, accidentally put my hand into a strange womans face in the darkness, she screams and bites my hand, I scream in pain and other people scream and I fall backwards down the stairs and knock the two girls over and all three of us tumble down the steps and bang our crowns. Cinema full of people laughs and points at us. Hilarity ensued.
That worked until I thought, Wait a minute, it was pitch black! So they just pointed in the direction of the screams? But having worked as an usher I can confirm that such things happen.
QUOTE (FuzzyTony @ Jun 6 2007, 1:48 am)
Drinking With the Guys
Dave's friends came up to him after work one day and asked him to go out for a few beers with them.
Dave replied, ''No, I can't. My wife gets really pissed if I come home late.''
Dave's friend said, ''When you get home, just go slide beneath the sheets, pull her panties down and give her oral sex. She won't say anything.''
So Dave goes out with his friends and has a great time. When he comes home hours later, he goes into his room and slides beneath the sheets. He pulls down her panties and begins to give her oral sex. She starts to moan and groan. After a while, Dave tells her that he has to go take a leak and for her to wait there.
When Dave gets to the bathroom he's stunned to see his wife sitting on the john. ''How did you get here?'' he asked.
''Shhhh,'' she replied, ''my mom is sleeping.''
Dave's friends came up to him after work one day and asked him to go out for a few beers with them.
Dave replied, ''No, I can't. My wife gets really pissed if I come home late.''
Dave's friend said, ''When you get home, just go slide beneath the sheets, pull her panties down and give her oral sex. She won't say anything.''
So Dave goes out with his friends and has a great time. When he comes home hours later, he goes into his room and slides beneath the sheets. He pulls down her panties and begins to give her oral sex. She starts to moan and groan. After a while, Dave tells her that he has to go take a leak and for her to wait there.
When Dave gets to the bathroom he's stunned to see his wife sitting on the john. ''How did you get here?'' he asked.
''Shhhh,'' she replied, ''my mom is sleeping.''
QUOTE (johnnyd @ Jun 6 2007, 7:39 am)
coming home blind drunk getting straight into bed and having sex then wake up in the morning to find your mother in bed with you and your wife in the guest bed room. This happened to me recently and I am really having problems coming to terms with it. Fortunately my mother suffers from Alzheimer’s so she will soon forget. The worst part is that I could never have imagined that she could be such a slut – my god. I was just wondering if it has happened to anyone else here and how they managed to put this behind them.
Edit: four PMs already - thanks fellas.
Edit: four PMs already - thanks fellas.
?
QUOTE (sarabyrd @ Jun 6 2007, 8:39 am)
..but having worked as an usher I can confirm that such things happen.
Well, everyone else in the cinema has sat through 15-20 minutes of trailers and very dim lighting, they've had ample time for their eyes to adjust.
Walking away from your PC after a 4 hour gaming session and forgetting you have headphones on, with an extra long, extra strong lead.
setting your pc to run a long simulation before you head home so that it will be finished in the morning only to discover that it all hung up when hte screen saver activates...
People walking away with your furniture(thinking they are give-away´s) when you have gone 2 floors up to begin round 2 of moving apartment.
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