Harry Potter - how to get a copy on release day

@ Mariposa: These are not official openings so the bookstores stage "parties" for which you need an invitation (to be picked up for free at the store during opening hours).
By all means, order off Amazon, they deliver on release day.

How on earth can a Ginger hair kid have two mates!!!

I don't think anyone here who does understand German is tempted to read it in German, just because it will not be released in German until the end of October.

Despite intense international security, the entire text of ‘‘Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows’’ has been leaked on the Internet, four days before its official release at 12:01 a.m. Saturday. Photographs of what appears to be every page of the 784-page book were posted Tuesday on several file-sharing sites and then posted openly as photos on Internet pages. In the photos, the book is held open on a carpet with one hand. Some of the text is blurry, but most of it —including the ending and the fate of the main character — is clearly legible.

For ***** sake stop lining that Rowling woman's pockets, she's rich enough already from churning out this endless crap!

If Hogwarts was like any traditional British public school, the ending would already be obvious to most people:

Hermione would figure prominently on the front cover of Hello magazine as a B-list celebrity, until a hot video of her and Ginny Weasly appears on the internet, thus catapulting her to the A-list. She'll spend most of her twenties popping in and out of various rehab clinics until she's sent to prison for flying a broomstick while on probation for a drink-flying charge.

Ron would go up to Oxford University to read minor classics before being sent down for selling cocaine to fellow students. In despair, his parents pack him off to Sandhurst and a potential career in the Army. These plans backfire when he's discovered cavorting naked in the college grounds with three strapping youths from the Bulgarian quidditch team and Dolly the Sheep, the unfortunate mascot of the 23rd Little Whinging Foot Regiment. A few years later he sparks an international whodunnit when his clothes are found in a pile on a remote Californian beach with a set of footprints leading towards the sea.

Harry will retire to a life of complete obscurity in Surrey as a chartered surveyor, marrying Ms Edwina Throgmorton. Five years later, they'll divorce citing "irreconcilable difficulties on account of his facial disfigurement in the forehead area".

Hagrid will be made redundant as part of the school's attempts to introduce much-needed efficiency and performance improvements. Despite this, Hogwarts will go on to fail its OFSTED inspection for a record 12th year in a row.

Dumbledore will be arrested for molesting the young boys in his care after Cedric Diggory makes certain allegations on breakfast TV. At the time of the arrests, Severus Snape will suddenly disappear - only to be arrested two years later when living in a shack in Thailand, surrounded by young boys. His defence in court that "I was merely demonstrating how to wave my wand" fails to convince the judge and he is sentenced to eight years solitary confinement.

Draco Malfoy wins a seat in Parliament representing the OWL (Other Working Labour) Party. He becomes Prime Minister seven years later and immediately appoints Vincent Crabbe and Gregory Goyle to his cabinet in a stunning display of croneyism. Ten years later he resigns as Prime Minister to become the official peace envoy to Azkaban.

Nymphadora Tonks earns a multi-million dollar fortune as a pole-dancer in Las Vegas.

Dobby the Elf appears in a few minor gameshows on cable TV before setting up a second-hand car sales business in Essex.

Never mind Cedric! Dumbledore dies in 'The Half Blood Prince', doesn't he?

From tomorrow morning, I'll be posting some riveting excerpts.