Why do Germans pretend to be the busiest people?

Is it just me who keeps on getting the answer of not having "time" and if not, why???

er...possibly the ones you asked actually ARE busy??
in my experience, haven't noticed that 'trait' being typical only for German people myself tbh
(& I've lived here years)

after living here a long time, I now know to ask my germany collegues about 4 weeks in advances to attend an event or meet up at a bar. They are not a spur of the moment culture.

I don´t like committing to things that far ahead...

topogigio

I don't get it. do you live in SA or in Germany? (i'm johnnycanuck on LP)

My question aims at the apparent reluctance to socialise. In 8 years of living in Germany I have never been asked to come along for a beer and never been able to entice others to do so. The standard excuse is "time". At the office there is no problem with sitting together and talking but as soon as office time switches to private time Germans become perfect "strangers". Now what is it that makes them be like that. Money? The weather? Smoked up joints? . . . ???

I realise that German officialdom are masters at killing the enjoyment of living. Is it a "Jawohl" mentality that goes along with it and uses "time" as excuse to chicken out? Okay it's easy for me to be brash - I've got four drivers licences. Even though I never needed more than one.

Maybe there's an ulterior motive behind all that meekness that concerns the meek and inheritance? Maybe Germans know something all others don't?

But back to the point. I once had two tickets (even expensive ones) to a Spanish Dance Performance. At half past ten the preceding evening my "date" bailed out (bronchitis). The following day I tried to find somebody else to come along (for free). No time. Tried to give the tickets away. No time. Even phoned a radio station to give them away to some lucky winner. No do. Eventually went by myself and put my overcoat on the vacant seat. People came and asked to sit there. I showed them both tickets and told them that seat is for my shadow. He always comes along wherever I go, but got tired of me sitting on him all the time, so now I buy him his own seat. Hearing this people left extra space on either side of me. So space doesn't seem to be the problem, but "time" is.

Its simple . Its because a moving target is harder to pin down than a still one.

Its their way of avoiding responsibility. Germans are experts at keeping their heads in the sand and hope it all goes away.

Many people DO have a full calendar, I'm fully booked for the next 12 days.

The next month that currently has no entries so far is November.

Responsibility!? You reckon if somebody told them it's okay to go and have a beer or two they'd go??? So later they can say "It wasn't my idea!"? Always blame somebody else! Is that it??? Interesting idea! Meets up with another subject I'm mulling over and that's the disenfrachisement of German adulthood. Would somebody please tell me what to do. Am I allowed to do this? . . . Rather than doing it and getting on with life. But like I said that's a different topic. . . . . . lost my job and the Arbeitsamt can't find me another. I wish somebody would do something about it!!!

can't you look for a new job yourself? or are you too busy?

Germans also consider activities such as ironing or watching a TV show or relaxing at home to be concrete appointments with themselves, thus inflexible.

MonksTown - Hooray! You're exonerated!!!
Just make sure you don't miss the train to your next appointment.

Hahahahaha!! Good one, Ruthie!

Moonboot - You don't get it, do you???

Has it occured to that they don't want to go with you because they don't like you. I'd steer clear of someone who acts like you did in this example as well.

I'm too busy...

Not having time for someone can also mean "I want some time for myself", often understandable after a hard days work. It can also mean I have some socks that need washing. It doesn't necessarily mean that I have some very important appointment.
Or ... They just don't enjoy your company. In which case I prefer to think they are washing socks.

_{Edit: Looks like others were thinking the same way.}

Allershausen - I like your sense of humour! You must be a German intellectual!!!

Washing socks? Like I said they are the busiest people in the world . . . and they have their priorities right!

If they have no clean socks ...

That might actually be the issue.
Saying that you are busy is considered to be more polite, especially in an office enviroment, than saying "No fuck off, you fucking weirdo" as a rule.

Many people also have different priorities, what might be an appointment which could be cancelled to some, could well be really important to someone else.

Take sport.
Certain people will think that going down to a gym is a movable date. However, to the person who goes it might be their favourite class of the week or they can get in before the evening rush or they have a holiday coming up and want to look better in the photos. Could be any number of reasons. It gets even more complicated if you're a member of a Verein, whether sports or social, those tend to have fixed times for training or volunteering and that kind of social/sports club is just more common in Germany.
Add to that family committments, maybe a relationship as well, time becomes pretty sparse.

If a person is a CSI fan and needs to do ironing, you can do both at the same time, so many have an ironing date. It's just a different way of being organised.

Having said that, MonksTown tried to organise a night out with me and every single suggested date, I had concert tickets. Sorry love, but I will make time somehow.

For better or worse, there is washing, ironing, tidying, hoovering, dusting, shopping, cooking, cleaning, gardening, paperwork etc etc to be done
that means you CAN'T always go out on the hoy. My flat is a tip and I NEED to do the housework tonight. Yes it is also an appointment with myself.
Everyone needs a bit of a chill out now and again so you can shine brighter when you are out.

They plan their Freizeit meticulously to the point of causing themselves unnecessary trauma if said plans capsize. This is perhaps why German is the only (or one of the few) language with the word, "Freizeitstress"

On the other hand, I also think socializing is more stressful for Germans because it happens on a more formal level. The casual spontaneity of unplanned evenings with no change of clothes or bringing of gifts required is not so common here.

Take Saturday afternoons - I love listening to the BBC Radio 4 & Radio 2 comedy shows and I like cooking so that tends to be a rolling appointment with me, trying out new recipes and laughing, maybe calling a pal for a natter.
Only for something really special will I break that date.

Making dates with yourself is great time management.
Spontaneous meet-ups still happen, which explains why I was at the Touch Rugby party twice on Saturday.

In my local it certainly isn't the case that the regulars allways ring each other up to plan a sesson.
Just drop in on the off chance and see who is there.

Gifts? Well for a birthday and bring a bottle if you go round someone's house. Errr so, same as a lot of cultures.

Unless it was a straight after work drinks I'd want to get changed before going out.
and if it was early doors straight after work I'd dress down that day anyway.

After being here for 8.5 years, I can honestly say that most Germans (not all) need to plan something before doing it. They're not very spontaneaous, and are like fish out of water when something unexpected happens.

Just take the managers here at my company as an example...

Its difficult both with work & play. If you invite people to something (& I dont mean a formal invitation) only a few days before they say that's far too short notice and if you invite them 6 weeks up front & remind a few days before they say "is it THIS Friday? - thats my mother's/GFs birthday" (ignoring fact that birthday was "fixed" 6 weeks ago)...

Sometimes I sit in the office all day feeling tired and looking forward to getting home and putting on some comfy clothes, catching up with the washing and watching telly and just not talking or having to socialise - when people ask me to do stuff on days like that, regardless of how good the offers are, I generally pass it up because I was looking forward to just going home. If you have any type of hobby with say fixed appointments you might spend 2 nights a week going to that (using my own as an example and that's how much I spend on it) then you have perhaps drinks with friends (who are really your close friends and not just colleagues) to catch up a couple of nights a week, that doesn't really leave many nights free, some you just need for yourself and to keep on top of your household, fridge content, bills etc. (we also can't all afford to go out every night of the week). Most people I know are like this, whether German or not...but perhaps that's just because like attract like, who knows!

That is so me. I need down/ quiet time quite often before I can go back to being crazy.

Innit!
The ONLY thing that could get me out of the house tonight (cleaning and chillin' in my "pikey" clothes) is a phone call from a certain gentleman in Giesing...

yeah ok, something like that could do the trick for me too, but anything else - forget it.

I love my evenings of mis-matching comfy clothes, lots of food, washing and lots of crap telly. Sometimes it's just necessary, us social butterflies need recuperation time

I am thinking of getting my "own" apartment specifically for that purpose LOL.

Rilana get a life

I have often had plans to go home and do some work, but then someone says ' fancy a drink after work' i am their like a shot. I am 60 this year and love going out at the last minute for a drink and some chat. Nothing is that urgent that you miss a session.

Its no wonder the Germans are looked upon as boring as most of them are.

I love my life just the way it is and I certainly wouldn't swap. I find the comment funny, coming from someone who spends much of their time complaining about almost everything.

I go out for drinks when I feel like it, which is regularly, but I also stay home and read, sort out my washing, watch tv when I feel like doing that - generally I do whatever makes me happy.

You obviously don't know very many Germans then.

the last posts reminds me of a story which i shall share with you . a few years ago, i decided to have one of those evening where i would go to bed early and read books until my eyes hurt and i finally fall asleep. at around 10pm i get this phone call from a friend: how spontaneous are you. i am like, i think i am pretty spontaneous... well, 10mins later i was dressed again and ready to go out for the night.


as monkstown writes, it also depends who is asking ...

Yet when I spontaneously asked you to Hirschengarten on Saturday, you were busy...

well, concordia was really nice. thank you.

Thing is, when I want a quiet evening at home, I don´t say I am busy. I say I don´t feel like going out and I need an evening at home. Honesty is the best policy.

Jusr kidding... we got very wet on the way home anyway.

Without having a dig at anyone, could it be that people are so desperate to socialise with colleagues as they don't have any friends outside of work?
I get on well with some of my colleagues and we go for the odd drink but it isn't the centre of my social life.
And with my circle of friends and aquaintances I'm actually not that desperate to make loads of new ones.

And with my circle of friends and aquaintances I'm actually not that desperate to make loads of new ones.

Such is my little life out here in self-inflicted isolation.

I have yet to be at a German organised event that has not had me staring at my watch after about 10 minutes.

If I'm catching the drift correctly. Going out after work, like on the spur of the moment, is not on because Germans get tired out by keeping up appearence and style and carrying a facade behind which they hide their true selves??? So going home and washing socks is like a day at a spa to worn out pretenders until next day, when they put on their heavy make-up again!? . . . . and get ready to call Dick, Tom and Harry - Herr Muller, Herr Maier and who else . . . . well, let's give Schulze a break and take Herr Schroeder.

Talking about "Germans" is, of course, a huge simplification. Obviously there are the buddy types, too. But I'm not concerned with those. I'm trying to understand the "others". Those who act strange in the eyes of "normal" people. We are an inherently social species deriving strength and well being from socialising. And one aspect of facing German society is very noticeable to, at least, Non-Germans. I've never encountered so many grumpy and morose people with an obvious unhappiness contained within themselves like in Germany.

Katrina - do you like Spanish Dance??? I'd even throw in a bottle of sparkling water!

I've tried to understand the relevance of this bit but still can't get it


well relaxing at home can be pretty nice - not everyone wants to be out and about all the time as they might have been when younger

well until I was about 25 I was up for anything all the time but I'm just not like that anymore - it doesn't seem that strange. Things, including priorities and what people like doing for enjoyment, change over time

Basically you want people to do something that they don't want to do in order for you to have a good time - thats seems at least as 'strange' as the behaviour you are labelling as strange

what makes you think you are in a position to judge what behaviour and who is normal or not. Is there such a thing anyway...perhaps to 'them' (this in itself sounds ridiculous, like they're aliens or something) you are not normal and they are. You seem to be wanting to delve in to some kind of deeper sociological discussion?!

I was about to say something along the same line as Rilana.
Who is to define what is normal and what is not?
And to answer your question why they never wanna hang out with you, there are several possibilities:
a) they just don't like you and are trying to be nice about it
b) they have busy private lives, already have friends and prefer hanging out with the friends they have instead of making new ones
c) they have a lot of work to do at the house after work
d) they just want to relax after work
e) they are boring and do not have or want to have social lives

hence the fob off 'I'm busy' I guess.

it's impossible to be friends with everyone and pestering folk to socialise with you all the time when it's clear they're not interested in will surely provoke a negative response.

personally, I've never noticed a particular-to-German lack of spontaneity with my German friends.

I don't see why 'not having a social life' has to mean someone is boring