Bullshit Bingo

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Deliberate parody cannot be allowed in a field where unintended self-parody is so widespread.

The move from a structuralist account in which capital is understood to structure social relations in relatively homologous ways to a view of hegemony in which power relations are subject to repetition, convergence, and rearticulation brought the question of temporality into the thinking of structure, and marked a shift from a form of Althusserian theory that takes structural totalities as theoretical objects to one in which the insights into the contingent possibility of structure inaugurate a renewed conception of hegemony as bound up with the contingent sites and strategies of the rearticulation of power.

Judith Butler, a Guggenheim Fellowship-winning professor of rhetoric and comparative literature at the University of California at Berkeley, admired as perhaps “one of the ten smartest people on the planet,� wrote the sentence that captured the contest’s first prize.
“As usual,� commented Denis Dutton, editor of Philosophy and Literature, “this year’s winners were produced by well-known, highly-paid experts who have no doubt labored for years to write like this. That these scholars must know what they are doing is indicated by the fact that the winning entries were all published by distinguished presses and academic journals.�

Professor Butler’s first-prize sentence appears in “Further Reflections on the Conversations of Our Time,� an article in the scholarly journal Diacritics (1997):

You should see the fuckin' bill I got this mornin' from you

I think Sin has made some very valid points. We need to pay heed to these.

I therefore suggest that we set up a working committee to analyse his comments in detail, then report back to higher level board members where we can rationally discuss the many valid issues raised in the hope that we can together, as one, progress to address the areas reported.

So thank you to Sin for his input and we expect to be able to report our conclusions in April 2009. This will then form the basis of a White paper to be ratified later, and moved onto a working party. We may well have all the major parts of this in place by 2016, but reserve the right to stagger some parts of the programme until 2019. Remember - there is only one SIN in SINVOLL.

Just lead me to the marketing and public relations people

Sourcing refers to the identification and uncovering of candidates (also known as talent) through proactive recruiting techniques.

Proactive Techniques
1. Using Boolean operators on major search engine sites (Google,Live.com,Yahoo!, etc) to identify potential candidates who might meet the criteria of the position to be filled based off targeted keywords. Example string in Google: "SAP consultant" (resume | CV | "curriculum vitae")
[...]

"While reduction in headcount are always difficult for a company, we know these actions are critical to our ability to deliver unprecedented value to our customers," Mr Dell* said.

Today, Big Corporation announced restructuring plans as we execute the integration phase of the merger between Big Corporation and Small Corporation. These cost reduction measures have been expected. Combined with the recent revenue softness across the company, these reductions are needed now to help us achieve our financial targets. As always, any forced reductions are difficult for the company and especially for our colleagues who are being affected by today's announcement. It is important that we be respectful and considerate of their feelings.

The merger did not create natural synergy opportunities for Your Department. Our revenues however are softer than outlooked. We have therefore taken steps to reduce expenses in the second half of the year. These measures have already been operationalized. Our cost reductions were achieved in part by freezing headcount growth plans; by instituting coach travel policies; by re-planning mask and IP purchase plans; and by reducing third party expense plans. I appreciate all of the efforts that each of you have made to help us achieve our expense targets.

These expense reduction measures will require us to manage our program priorities more closely than ever. Please stay focused on excution to plan. Resource gaps should be identified within your working PDT's. We will work with you to rationalize your resource needs against current commitments.

Thank you.

Big Person

To the Big Corporation Team,

Over the past 24 hours, we have taken a number of actions that will result in a stronger and more profitable Big Corporation. I would like to share with all of you the reasons for the steps we have taken and to assure you that the foundation of Big Corporation remains strong and is now poised for long-term growth.

As part of the first phase of the Big Corporation Business Acceleration Plan, which we initiated in April at the close of our merger, the executive leadership team has been taking a careful look across the company to ensure that we are focusing our resources where we have sustainable market advantages and opportunities for leadership positions. As a result of this review, Big Corporation is announcing today the acquisition of our MoneyBurning Products Group by Another Corporation and the acceleration of our merger synergies, which includes rationalizing R&D resources across some of our businesses.

First, let me say that the decision to sell our consumer business to Another Corporation was a difficult one given our long history and deep experience in this business. After exploring a full range of strategic options, we have determined that MBPG’s long-term success would be better supported externally. The combination of MBPG and Another Corporation, with backing from top-tier private equity firms and a strong technical and management team will position it to achieve the needed scale and be successful in the consumer electronics market.

We are also taking steps to reduce operating expenses to competitive levels and increase our operating income to deliver greater shareholder value. We will lower our quarterly operating expenses to between $$$ million and $$$ million in the third quarter of 2007, and to between $$$ million and $$$ million in the fourth quarter. As a result, headcount will be reduced by approximately x00 positions – or XX percent of our non-production workforce – across all business and functional areas worldwide.

These difficult but necessary actions will affect many talented and dedicated people throughout our company, and I deeply regret the impact of our decisions on our colleagues and their families. We are committed to treating those leaving Big Corporation with dignity and respect, and I ask for your full support as we move through the process.

I want to stress that Big Corporation has a solid financial foundation and continues to be a significant force in the market. We are winning new designs in all of our businesses and strengthening our relationships with key customers including Big Corporation II, Big Corporation III and Big Corporation IV. And we have a strong product pipeline supported by a highly talented employee base in which I have continued strong confidence.

We are on track to achieve our long-term goals and, with your continued commitment and hard work, we will make the new Big Corporation into the great success I know it can be.

I also would like to invite you to join a webcast I am hosting today to discuss the actions we are announcing. You can join the webcast at any time by clicking this link:

http://www.bullshitonline.com/event.asp?id=696969

recent revenue softness across the company

softer than outlooked

These measures have already been operationalized

We have to remember pin pointing a problem is not finding a solution. I think a group hug is in order to get the positive energies flowing again.

While I applaud the efforts of all those that have contributed to this thread, I feel that the sheer number of messages to be much too high to get a good overview of the proposed process.

I therefore propose that the appropriate single point of contact be chosen; someone who then can distill all of this information and present it in a clear, concise format to upper-level management.

Perhaps in a flow chart, demonstrating the various processes and resources required...

I therefore suggest that we set up a working committee to analyse his comments in detail, then report back to higher level board members where we can rationally discuss the many valid issues raised in the hope that we can together, as one, progress to address the areas reported.

What a train wreck of a term.

What reason could you possibly have for repurposing the flagpole in order to display an idea when we already have a feature-rich console portal with which to do so? Have you informed upper management of your intent? We must avoid at all costs shareholder fallout over such unannounced and unexpected actions in order that we maintain our market position in the face of continuing challenges from various externalities.

woof.

[We are] looking for a Change Request Analyst to freelance work in a 3months+ project for one of our clients, a major international company in the Telecoms based in Germany.

The role entails to manage on-boarding process for a clients Unit into a support model and to ensure that responsibilities, processes and E2E support model are understood. You will be working with application maintenance vendor to plan and facilitate knowledge transfer from project into BAU, bring together and maintain project plans for all interfacing support parties (shared service centre, AM vendor, operations, central project, IBM etc) ensuring timely delivery. Escalation of issues and collaboration with system integrators to agree change management process whilst in operations and project mode. Together with local implementation team to build user super community, define support processes to interface with Remedy driven service management; documentation in English and German language.

Therefore you need good project management experience, ideally gained in complex service management portfolio, showing business and IT modeling skills in an multi-national environment, requirements capturing and being good analyzer. Definition and a good negotiator with regards to SLAs, ITIL knowledge.