Colleagues taking credit for your work

So, being English, I am pretty much super awesome at office politics, or at least I could be - but I'm also a bit eccentric, and a bit twisted, so I prefer to use my manipulation talents for personal comedy rather than furthering my career. Hey ho. Never gonna be rich like Billy Gates, but he's never gonna deliver a good fucking gag, so fuck him.

So, down to the business end of shit man. Overheard the tail end of a conversation today about some shit that I sorted out last week. I totally butted in on the chat, and said, "yeah man, that shit is totally sorted out shit now. I'm saying, the shit? Totally, totally sorted out shit man."*
Turns out, some other geyser had told them that he was the one that did all the shit to the shit.

So, whaddya do eh? Shoot his wife? Poison his pet cat? Put loads of crushed up sleeping pills in his coffee, then when he nods off, make a video of you teabagging him, then totally post in on utube, and send the link to his mum?

*Approximate translation to save you all the fucking nastiness of reading the bullshit bingo business buzzword bollocks that I actually spoke. Man.

Simply tell your immediate boss that YOU were the one who sorted out the stuff and NOT him. He is obviously trying to mob you so you have to fight him defensively.

p.s. you can play this game in the meantime and release some tension...Office Fight

I would go for the u2be video to the mum. But make sure your dog bites his balls, that will satisfy the animal right defenders, or whatever.

Now, in a bit more serious note, next time make sure to politely point out how you solved the shit on the shit. Just keep on with the conversation and provide details on how you came to notice that this or that could fix the problem. Make sure that the rest of the people on the conversation understand that you are the mofo who put the shit straight. And later probably remind your colleague that it was your job and that the next time you'll hang him from the balls.

someone steel your homework?

that'll learn ya kid.

Is there any reason not to teabag him? It seems like the obvious answer to me.
Bloody Toytown, no one can do anything any more without asking permission.

Your new job sounds very welcoming. Better make it clear from the start that you're not as stupid as some cow-orker might think.

For something truly Machiavellian, and to prove you really are smarter than him, why not defeat him at his own game by setting up something that is bound to fail - or that you can somehow torpedo - but let him take the credit for it long before the shit hits the fan?

Give him the shit straight. Tell him that as long as he isn't the long-haired super-awesome cook dude with the soft-as-shit giant dog and the mega-awesome veggie and fruit garden he ain't the one who set the shit straight, that's you, the hyperdude. If he's having an identity crisis you will gladly sort it out with baseball bat therapy in the company parking lot.
Oh, and inform the boss that this unstraight dude is a lying krout, which I suppose he is.

Dead kitten nailed to his office door with a death threat note.

gideon,

isn't that just a bit too subtle in this case?

Naw, I think a dead rat nailed to his office door with a death threat note * would more likely set the tone.

_{* note with the footnote: "next time around I'll nail your balls onto your office door"}

Just stab the bastard

Hide some perverted (kiddy, animal or the like) porn in his desk when he goes on holiday, along with a file that's used occaisionally. Then when someone looks for the file guide them to your friend's desk and watch his world crumble.

Bugger me Don you actually working again?

What the hell you wanna do that for?

Riot control continues here in Holzkirchen as my son plays with an old Casio keyboard behind me and makes a hell of a noise. Only one full nappy today so far we are doing well.

sounds like another good reason not to have gone back to work mate.

sedatives and a photographed teabagging from your dog, subsequently posted around the office should do the shit, man.

Is this funt a Jerry?

@Donrina did you really say "yeah man, that shit is totally sorted out shit now. I'm saying, the shit? Totally, totally sorted out shit man."* at work?

But seriously, do the American thing. Knock the crap out of him. It may not be the most diplomatic thing, but he'll never take credit for your work again.

I have often found that the best thing is to go to the source rather than telling third parties about each others stories so that it just adds to juicy office gossip and nothing else. Just go to him and say that you heard that he took credit for your work...is it true and why would he do such a thing...responses may be varying though usually they stop. If you go to third persons, its more a question of your word against his (unless you have had proof), so going to your boss and all...if he has been there longer and commands more influence...not such a good idea + you may seem to the boss as not fulll of team spirit and that matters too!

I'll probably regret asking, but what is "teabagging"?

wiki is your friend - teabagging

Thanks! Made me think of THAT scene in Borat; sort of a reverse teabagging then.

GoodGrief!!! You had to bring that up...I just about finished lunch here!

Sorry! For what it's worth, I grossed myself out too.

@d_r: Did I get the correct impression from a couple of the replies, that you've just started a new job? If so, you might need to tread a bit carefully. Their first impression of you is what counts. You don't want them thinking, "Oh, yeah, that's the guy who's always whining that others are taking credit for his work". Later on, once you've convinced them that you are in fact super awesome, then it's different. Then it will be, "Oh, yeah, that's the super awesome guy who doesn't take any shit from anyone trying to claim credit for his work". It might even be that this guy is always trying to take credit for other people's work, and everyone knows that and doesn't take him seriously anyway.

But yes, you need to nip that sort of thing in the bud. I'd go with Panama's suggestion: Make sure everyone understands exactly what you did to fix what needed to be done, and let the guy know he'd better not try it again.

And don't lay a finger on his cat. Or his wife either, for that matter. But especially not his cat. Or I shall come and bite your dog.

Invite him out to lunch and stab him in the eye with a fork. Eye stabbings really get the message across

This was all a rhetorical thread really. Mostly,I just wanted to type "teabagging" to see what it looked like in written text. Pretty awesome I'd say.

Okay - you want to really show this bloke we'll call Joe up - and it wouldn't hurt to send a little message to the others while you're at it ?

Go for a deadpan approach - next time you, Joe, and as many other people as possible are sitting around having your coffee - and there's a lull in the conversation ... "Joe, I'm wondering, why did you tell everyone that you did XYZ when it was actually me ?"

Of course (i) you'd want to be sure that it's worth the effect of slapping a dog sausage on the table, and (ii) he'd better not be flavour of the month, or you're sooo screwed.