My German boyfriend hasn't told me "I love you"

Hi,

I am dating a german guy for over 1 year now after breaking up with my ex of 5 years. My german boyfriend is really nice and caring and soo different from my other boyfriends but i am quite disturbed by the fact that he hasnt told me the "I love you" word till now. Even i haven't told him although i really feel it. But i know he cares for me and he told me he has feelings for me but I dunno how sincere he is. Also, the problem is that we dont stay with each other often and we travel a lot. Last time we met was in January and we try to meet every 3-4 months but we email at least 10 times a day and sms at least 2 times and we call every weekend. I want to know if its the culture with germans not to open up about their feelings or its just that my boyfriend who is not ready for telling me he loves me or he doesnt love me at all???

Ach, its different for everyone. Not something specific to Germans.

Cynical answer: Run. Run away. Run away quickly. It will not improve over time.

Helpful answer: Experience has taught me that German men tend to be more conservative when dishing out verbal affection.

agree with SIM, you cannot generalise in such a way.

tell him how you're feeling, he's not a mind-reader!
it's also important to show love, not just say it, he seems to be showing it at least.

run!

(edit: JOKING!)

Everyone is different, my German boyfriend told me after 6 months. He said it before I did. It all depends on the guy really.

Possible explanations:

1. You cheated on your ex (of 5 years) to bone him. He's thinking he can't trust you so even though he might love you , he fears you more.

2. "Even i haven't told him although i really feel it." He thinks the same of you but just thinks you should say it. I mean you're not even being sincere with him.

a year even for a german ...who are well known for not talking much is a bit of a long time.

strap him to the bed face down, get an 18" strap on...show him it ..then tell him...I love very much but if you dont tell me how you feel...you can fill in the rest

just a suggestion

Is today be dissatisfied with your bf day?

Besides "Love" is just a term for the over production of some chemicals (endorphines or something)...you can get the same feeling by eating enough chocolate seemingly.

...this is good to know, now where is my candy bar???

Oh no, i met my german boyfriend long time after my break up with my ex and to answer your explanations, i never cheated on my ex, it was just not working out!

maybe, we are a bit in the long distance phase right now and its not always easy to tell those feelings over the phone/emails or sms..We are meeting up in May..I would definetely want to have a reply by then.

the long distance thing is hard. I know I am in it right now, and there is so much miscommunication through email. Things never quite get said right.

Where does he live that you only see each other every 3-4 months? Presumably another continent

OK ok , kudos to you , you seem like a straight enough girl... hope he appreciates that... way way too many chics who basically hate men these days.

If you love him then tell him , grow a backbone ... you cannot expect from others what you are not willing to do yourself so step up to the plate.

also the long distance thing can be great - building up the tension until it explodes when u see them - you have to try and take the good from every situation in this life...

I agree! besides I'd rather have an ace partner who lives away than a shite one who lives nearby.

i have to say, that's not my experience at all...
maybe you're mixing in the wrong circles, parnell
alternatively, maybe you should consider taking it personally...

Ding, ding!!! Round 1...

I'm part of Parnell's circle and he is a gentleman.

Its so hard...Besides my mother tongue is not german and sometimes he means something else in his english and We seem to be mis communicating and missing the whole point.

And YES, we are in 2 different continents right now and even 2 different hemispheres with different time zones!!!not easy!!

I wanted to know if its normal for him??i mean he is 29 yrs old and is he serious about me or just fooling around and see what happens and that's why he is not opening up???

although a year sounds like a long time, by my reckoning you have met about 3 or 4 times, so that is quite early to be saying 'I love you', despite lots of sms and calls

if he was just fooling with you, he wouldn't be emailing and smsing you daily or calling on weekends.
Some are just not as open about feelings, and would rather do that in person than in an sms.
Are you the one doing all the traveling? or is it evenly divided?

hehe common now ... there's plenty of chics on TT with axes to grind ... let's see now ... from the top of my head...

someone said on here that she'd never give a man a job as she's found them to be lazier than women

you remember that comment?

Also thanks Boots!

Yeah, the only time a guy will say I love you early on is if he is trying to get into your knickers. Help things along so to say...If he has already achieved that then he can wait a while until he is really sure of things.

...all the men out there, stop giving our secrets away !

no, I don't, tbh
when was that, then?

with manners too.
in fact Parnell is one of the sincerest dudes I've met on TT, especially in comparison with some of the others...

Oops...sorry. No more secrets.

That's true..he wouldnt go all his way to emailing n texting!!

umm, our travelling is so complicated..

We met in India and we spent 6 months there together and then, i went to Mauritius and him back to Germany and then He came to visit me in Mauritius in January. And now, he wants me to come to germany ASAP so that at least w ecan be in the same country.

I am totally aware that he is a really nice guy whom you dont meet everyday but if only i knew his feelings . That would stop making me feel insecure about the relationship..

I know people who are very much in love who rarely if ever say it because they believe saying it constantly (for example automatically, everytime you hang up phone) without really thinking about how much those words mean cheapens their meaning.

He may be the type who really values the meaning of those words and will only say it on very special occasions.

Maybe its because he speaks German and would say "Ich liebe dich" instead?

Sep 28 2006, 3:31 pm

oh g'wan now...

well, at least he is making efforts, its hard if its only one person doing and paying for the travelling.
I would think he is waiting to see you, or waiting for you to say it first. Some guys are like that. Better to have it right than to have it too early, becomes clausterphobic then.

People are different. The only man I ever told "ich liebe dich" is now my husband. The others got variations of "ich mag dich/hab dich lieb/etc". I have the feeling that the German "ich liebe dich" is a little bit stronger than the Engllish "I love you", but since I'm not bilingual, I could be wrong.

if it makes you feel better my bf is the same way.

I used to agree with this but things are changing. I've seen recent surge of women hating men lately.

Man hating feminists are so passe, equality is well on its way to becoming a given and women are seeing less and less need to fight for their rights. What we're starting to see is men who resent this new found equality because while we're still reaping the benefits of being the fairer sex, we're demanding to have the same rights and benefits as the men have. In essence this "equality" is tipping the balance to an inequality against men and they're starting to not like it.

edit: WHOAH! I have no idea where that come from. Sorry for going waaay off topic.

I dunno, usually by the 3rd zombie i'm in love with everyone

hang on...how many times of you physically met him?

We spent 6 months together and 3 months ago, we met for 2 weeks!

Thanks, thats encouraging!!

And none of this was in his home country (Germany) where he lives and wants you to come to?
Just be a little cautious - people can be rather different back in their home patch

he could come to Mauritius...ASAP


have you considered that maybe your insecurities are due to feelings (or lack of) at your end? I don't know the circumstances of course but if you aren't burning with desire to get to Germany to be with him then maybe it isn't quite 100% right - perhaps he is a 'nice guy' who you think you really ought to fall for because he is 'nice', but who you are still unsure about

Apologies if I have completely misread the situation - just chucking in 2 cents

Is he an engineer? If so, you probably can wait forever for 'I love you', even if he is 100% sincerely and totally in love with you. I wouldn't worry too much about words. Some guys will tell you 'I love you' 100 times a day and still cheat on you. As long as he acts the way that makes you feel wanted and cared for it's probably no fake.

yep, I second that sentiment

My mother tongue isn't German either, so he has a hard time expressing himself and saying what he really wants to with me. He can say it or write it in German but then I have to break out my dictionary...kind of ruins it.
If he didn't care he wouldn't write all those emails, or sms (which I like to add cost a fair amount of money) and calls. If you keep in touch often enough then you know he is thinking about you. Sometimes it is harder for others to express their feelings. Also some people like to say it to their face rather then through email or sms, losing the meaning and effect. Though when my bf first told me he loved me it was over the phone and I had to make him repeat what he said.

2 weeks with him 3 months ago...this is the age of cheap flights...I would be thinking of a cut and run, unless he is in the army and he signed up for being away and cant do a quick flight home

Flights are not that cheap...at least not from the US to Germany sometimes...Of course if you don't have any checked luggage you can get a fairly cheap flight if you transfer in the US, but I refuse to do that since they don't transfer luggage...My flight in 4 weeks is costing $1264, but that is because I can't transfer in London, they have too many rules for my poor cat. If I could transfer in london I would have paid $868...still not to cheap, damn tourist season.

I don't think Ryanair have started flying to Quatres-Bornes yet to be fair. Not everyone has enough money for such flights on a regular basis even if you do


he is 'at home' - read the thread!! It is a bit confusing that mousey has listed her location as Germany though of course

Yes he is an Engineer!!! how did you know??