Dates vs. meeting someone for a platonic drink

Another load of old long winded bollox from Baddoggie that doesn't make sense & not worth reading

Ah. But you read it. Or at least part of it. Funny though. He completely copied and pasted the script from "When Harry met Sally" without naming the source. He is his own worst enemy and will, therefore, flog himself until he bleeds profusely from his left ear

It's hardly necessary to give the source when the names Harry and Sally are in every single line. Plus, it's a classic.

Actually I didn't read it. I just know what I'm gonna be reading if it's BD

How I love that bit in brackets!

But certainly not betters, dear, because that is codshite. It was codshite in the film too, although amusing in context.

Anyway, I was thinking about this last night. And I made a startling discovery.
It goes like this:

If all these drinks I had in bars with men are in fact dates *and* men on dates pay for things per se *therefore* I can now claim back all the drinks for which I have mistakenly paid for.

This could mean that I may never actually pay for another beer again in my life.
Bonus.

Gentlemen, have you victimised me by your dately stealth?
Do the right thing - repent and repay.
Preferably starting tomorrow in Günther Murphy's, Munich, where I shall be watching the rugby.
That's not a date though, right?

I'm a true bavarian woman and the whole concept of "dating" is very exotic to me. Even though I've had quite a few discussions about it with my american friends and know about the theory.

It would be really emberrassing for me to go on a date, since by agreeing to go on one I'd be allready giving a sign that I'd be interested in ... whatever. Which I find embarrassing.
On the other hand, when I was younger and interested in someone (have been married for quite a while now, so it's more of a distant memory) I allways found it hard to get from "going out for a beer" to "can I kiss you now".

When I meet up with "ein Freund" for lunch I don't even consider telling "mein Freund" (well, now husband) beforehand. Not that I wouldn't think it nice to do so, but because I tend to forget.
Tenor: The concept of dating does not exist here. At least not when I grew up (I'm in my early thirties now, so no exposure to "sex in the city" etc.).

So if a guy goes out with one of his mates on-on-one it's okay, but if a guy goes out with a female friend it's a date??? I don't get it.

A date for me is if BOTH are looking to find a partner, but not all males that go with a female for a drink (and vice versa) are looking for a partner.

I have got male and female friends, some in relationships, others single, but if I go out with them I am not looking for romance but but for a fun night out.

Interesting, another stiring post. Though neither I'm German, nor know about German culture well, I still feel interested to say some of my EAST opinion:
If you(or it's your friend?) feel uncomfortable about your man seeing new women, there might be another way to help you feel better, as others suggest here, you also may go out meeting new men (of coz you have to be clear that it's not date,but just meet new friends and have fun together, as your man does).
Once you experience this, maybe it helps you understand/approach your man better. And next time both of you can exchange some stories and news from the new friends you two know.
If both of you're serious with the realiosnhip, so I assume that nothing bad would happen(but very hard to say); if either of you two is not serious, the way I suggested would lead problems to your relationship.

Do remember, don't want to change a grew person, expecially a man. If you feel unhappy, you may choose leave him or you stay with him but you may do something else to make yourself feel better, or balanced.

Sometimes words play a lot and they're cheating. As a grew one, having your own judgement and way to slove things is much better to listen to others(you might got confused)

My last sentence: Anyway, Don't let anyone "exploit" you by "culture difference"

No does not sound like a date to me. I mean having a beer is just something that two people who are at a loose end for an evening do. I have been out for a drink with countless married/taken for men and it is has never ever been seen as a date. I would be happy for a boyfriend of mine to do the same to and wouldn't give it a second thought.


Good grief well being angry about a phone number is a bit over the top in my book. You have no idea what the number could be for and it would more than likely be something simple. I think women who would be angry about that kind of thing have not got much hope in a relationship.

Does not sound like a date. I think that it is pretty normal here in Germany and I cannot complain about it...

Apologies Kati but the combination of bad eyesight, a work-grade laptop and bad lighting led me to read that as:

"I'm a true barbarian woman."

For a second I considered sending an unsolicited PM, broaching the subject of raiding villages, pillaging and eating spit-roasted wild boar, in a purely platonic sense of course.

Alas, not only are you married but your barbarian status vanished as soon as I refocused.

@yeti: Anythng that involves roasted boar seems to reveal my true nature... as you correctly guessed.

I just realized that this thread has a new title, "platonic drink", that makes me lmao=laugh my butt off.

I suppose I don’t have enough free time otherwise I would definitely give some attention to platonicing – sounds like fun. However when I am out at a candlelight dinner with a lady that I fully intend to have sex with and I look around at other couples if some of them are just platonicers then they do a really good job of making me think that they are also on a date.

A lot of the people posting comments here seem to know each other and I think that can have a bias in what some of them may say with this regards.

THIS IS NOT MY OPINIONS but something that I heard on a radio show in north America. Basically the MAJORITY (not all) of the men that participated, naturally under the condition of anonymity, said they could not have a true platonic relationship with a woman because if they were that interested in the woman then it would lead to sexual relationship and then it wouldn’t be platonic anymore and a lot of the women they are being nice to are just the ones they wanted to have a sexual relationship with. Like some women who posted comments here, the women hearing this were in total disbelief.

The men were equally in shock when on the same radio show it was revealed to them by the MAJORITY (not all) women that nice guys just didn’t turn them on. Yes they appreciated the nice guys – they knew lot of them but they didn’t find them so sexually appealing.

The show concluded that the saying nice guys always finish last had some substance to it after all and the findings also gave some insight in to why so many women stay in abusive relationships.

Please don’t shoot the messenger – I am only reporting what I heard. I know this goes against the grain of what most people think here but maybe you have been in Germany so long that you behave and think more like Germans than people living in America.

So this also opens another question – are you Germanized?

Also, a helluva lot of people on here are not septics to begin with...

I think the official word is germanated

I think I am screwed then, well actually not!

I'm sure some women would find this a refreshing change.

aaaah...thanks Yeti, that is one positive point!

I work exclusively with women, good that my wife´s not the jealous type...

When we go out we´re always in a group, I´ve never been alone in a pub with a colleague or female friend.

Your boyfriend shouldn't do it if it bothers you, even if it's a cultural difference. If he wants to date an American woman then he needs to be sensitive to how you are going to see things. If he doesn't, then he should be dating a German woman who wouldn't be bothered. When I started dating my (German) boyfriend I stopped going out binge drinking with my male friends because he didn't like the excessive drinking or that most of guys were exes. He makes considerations as well, not not dancing with other women at work functions when I can't be with him.

In this case I don't think it's about cultural differences so much as it's about compromise.

So after 4 pages what has been decided?

Perdido, this is the decision: If you are not dating someone seriously, tell the chick or the guy that you have "friends" and meet up with "these friends" as much as possible for "platonic drinks". If your chick or guy accuses you of cheating tell him/her that he/she is being unfair and paranoid and continue your pimping.

Nice. You should write reviews.

I am thinking about publishing a funny book on dating.

I hope with pop-ups.

What kind of pop-ups?

And now excuse me while I go pick up my mind from the gutter.

I love it when you talk dirty...

Why am I not surprised...

Hey I dated german women. I know ...

Edit:

LIB got me

Germen? pass me a glass of whatever you are drinking right now cause that's definitely tipsy spelling right there.

Hello Dave if you have any derogatory remarks to make about the east maybe you should address them to the Klitschko brothers I think they would make a good job of ironing out any creases you have in your feelings. At the same time they probably can teach you something about women also.

The place in the east you refer to is probably not such a bad place if there are no people there like you, trying to invite other men’s girlfriends and wives into the local bars to platonic them.

Which of my opinions are extreme as you call them? – most of my comments on TT are of a joking nature.

Why do you always insult me just because my opinions are not to your liking?

Intersting topic, simply because I can see both sides of the coin here.

Yeah sure, for most men it's perfectly normal to form platonic relationships with women, but when does going out with a girl (alone together) become a date? In the past few years, I've had quite a few relationships and dates, and so I'll share my experiences with you:

1. I've made friends with girl(s), gone out with her or just met up with her on a purely platonic basis, but she's ended up flirting with me with the obvious intention of wanting to pull me, and I've had to give the subtle hints - which women are usually good at picking up - that I'm not interested. Then we both know where we both stand, we carry on being friends, and life goes on...but conversely...

2. On two occasions I've been on 'dates' (once each) with a German girl and a Lithuanian girl, both of whom at some point in the evening started talking about their boyfriends. A few days after going out with the Lithuanian girl, she e-mailed me asking if I wanted to meet up. I emailed back apologising because I wasn't aware she had a boyfriend, so 'no'. Her response was more or less "Well what should I do? Walk around with a sign on my head saying I've got a boyfriend so that you men know from the start!" Actually, she was right. But so too was I (I think...) because in most cases, when a man asks a girl out for a drink in a really nice bar or restaurant - just the two of them alone - most of the time it's not because he wants to chat about the football over a pint of beer... Personally, I thought my intentions were quite obvious when I asked a girl out that I liked, that I want to get together with her...this made me rethink my strategy and makes me think that I'm simply crap at flirting and in future I need to be a little more direct.

I'm not saying I'm neither wrong nor right about this, but it has certainly been a learning curve. One thing's for sure, I don't think that I would or have ever had this problem with English girls - not saying they are in anyway better (or worse, sorry girls) - but on these two occasions, culture differences certainly did come into play. Nevertheless, German girls in many ways have a similar mentality to English girls (different thread maybe!?), so I'll put my experience with Sabine...eh, I mean, the German girl, down to the fact that she perhaps didn't know that many people when she was studying in Nottingham (bless), so she had to resort to me

Anyway, comments anyone? Answers on back of a postcard please.

Sometimes you just dont know with Germans. Quite often you can be out with a German guy and not know if it is friends or a date. Back home, it is very clear. But here the German men are so shy to begin with and have no guts (ok, not all, but most) - you never know if they are interested romantically or just being friendly.

I wish that men in general would just make it clear from the beginning. Then again, I guess we gals should do that too, but I still like the idea of the guy making the move.

There are links here somewhere on German men and dating - Very funny, but true articles.

Agree completely with eurobabs. It's rather unclear as to where you stand with German men. Are they being friendly or flirtatious? On the whole I think it's because at the extreme they are gutless (and thus not able to make their feelings clear for fear of hurting the other person, or just because they may want to keep their options open, or they just don't know what they want... they do mature here rather slowly) and on the other they are shy (German women being rather forthright and 'hard'). With an English speaking gent on the other hand, it's clear where one stands. But then again, maybe that's because of the cultural familiarity. Maybe we just need a guide to the cultural norms, and then things wouldn't be so murky.

Actually, the traits you speak about with the Germans is something which is often related to Englishmen too, which is what I've been accused of in the past. True though, girls could ease the situation sometimes, but direct girls can be also be a bit of a turn off too (IMO).

Exactly - If we say what we want - we are either too pushy, needy or bitchy. However, if we dont - we end up alone and cofused.

You would think - boy likes girl - girl likes boy - get together - simple - but nooooooo. Why cant it all be easier.

Sometimes you just dont know with women. I like the chase, nonetheless.

Don't quite understand why you shouldn't be able to go out with a member of the opposite sex without wanting romance.

I don't want to sh*g all men I find 'sympatisch' - too much hard work :-)

If there's any doubt, then it's not platonic IMO...