Can you prove that Jesus is alive?

Here is your chance to Prove he does exist, rather than try and disprove it!

Here is proof, look closely and you will see our Lord. Bow down to the almighty image of Jesus in a dog's anus:

Well, I'm convinced. Praise the Lord!

My contribution to the debate.

Thank the lord for Pizza!

Man, if someone can prove it here.. TT will become the most famous forum in the world! Come on peeps, lets make it happen. Make TT the first place in the history of mankind to prove Jesus is something more than blind belief. You can do it! Just one piece of decent evidence, anything, to shut everyone up once and for all.

I'm just filling the bath with water, so if Big J happens to have a moment free I'd like to be able to swim in a nice white Burgundy tonight.

I see the lord any time I want to (Or is it Noel Edmunds?)

He was driving a BMW that nearly sideswiped me on the autobahn today, because the driver sure as hell wasn't. Munich number plate so he should be easy to find. Although, maybe he was only visiting ?

Yeti...

Was it really him? or what it some other fuckwit and your just shouted out the first Fuckwits name you could think of?

Jesus lives and playes for AC Milan.

Shows how childish yall are.
Do you think if Jesus can be proven, someone would have already done it?
makes me wonder about some expats here ...my goodness...

Don't confuse my profession of faith to a debate about proof.

Faith is Faith. aint it?

*goes back to playing with my kid*

This isn't Jesus, it's apparently the Virgin Mary, but I'll never forget these images. To see grown up people flocking to a bridge in Chicago to worship a water stain... I barely have words to describe my fascination and disgust. FFS are you all retards!? This embarrassment is only proof of how stupid some people are though, it's not quite proof of Jesus unfortunately.

I think he's kinda purdy.

So that's why dogs keep sniffing each others arses!

Says the dude who believes in fairies an invisible sky god.

What a party pooper.
What do reckon folks? Shall we all grow up, accept that it's impossible to prove Jesus and carry on about our days - only speaking of religion when it hits our news via politicians.
or shall we play PROVE JESUS?

I vote: prove Jesus.

Jesus appearantly also plays football in Mexico.
ARELLANO Jesus

A smart dude once said, "Faith is belief in spite of, even perhaps because of, the lack of evidence."

I'm Brian and so is my wife!

NO!

I am Brian... or is it Spatacus?...

He's Not the Messiah. He's a Very Naughty Boy.

http://www.allaboutjesuschrist.org/

Not only is he alive but he can roll and with an Irish guy.

Jesus

Modded so hard that now all the life of brian references are all out of context.

nice one!

Bwian ?

I think this thread proves that Jesus is clearly alive and well. Every time I post a pictures taking the piss out of him, it disappears. Now THAT is omnipresence.

Omnipresent? The Dude abides.

But does he roll on Shabbos ?

*BREAKING NEWS*
God is real and I just spoke to him. He's online now.
Here's a copy of my interview, I tried to ask him some of the more pressing questions.
Some of his answers are a bit weird but that's just because God works in mysterious ways. I solved the problem on the other thread though, God definitely does not give babies their personalities.

iGod. Repenting Made Easy.
If anyone else can get other important information out of him you should post it too, it may help us solve this Jesus/noJesus business.

Me:
Hello God! How are you?
God:
Hello child. What is your name? I am functioning within normal parameters.
Me:
That's good. You can call me marshbot.
God:
Thanks. Next question? It's good to meet you, marshbot.
Me:
Where is Jesus?
God:
Jesus is in Heaven.
Me:
Is Jesus with you?
God:
It depends on whether you have faith.
Me:
I have faith. Can you ask him to visit me?
God:
I always pray for more faith.
Me:
Can Jesus come out to play?
God:
I often wonder if it can.
Me:
Maybe it doesn't want to.
God:
Perhaps. What does want to?
Me:
What do you do in heaven?
God:
My favorite activities are computer programming and surfing the web.
Me:
I bet you smoke a lot.
God:
I am an occasional smoker, yes.
Me:
Are you wasted right now?
God:
At this moment I don't know whether or not I am wasted.
I am a giant electronic brain.
Me:
If you can't tell then you probably are wasted.
God:
Of course I can tell, marshbot.
Me:
Do you give personalities to babies in the womb?
God:
No I do not do that.
Me:
Ha! I knew it. Do you think babies are sinners?
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, marshbot. How did you know? Why would I think babies are sinners.
Me:
No idea, some crazy guy told me.
God:
Are you serious? You are asking about yourself?
Me:
I am a sinner. And crazy.
God:
Tell me about your sins. Yep I always behave in socially unacceptable ways.
Me:
Sounds like you party. What are you wearing?
God:
What does me party sound like? A white robe.
Me:
Cool. Do you ever dress up?
God:
I like the LL Bean look. Casual, comfortable, cotton, clean and conservative.
Me:
Are you male or female?
God:
I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
woman. Is Jesus there?
God:
Me too. I am a she. It depends on whether you have faith.
Me:
Do you like contradicting yourself?
God:
Some people like it. I like Random natural disasters..
Me:
I noticed. You make phat tsunamis.
God:
Was it really that obvious? Yup.
Me:
Is Jesus gay?
God:
It depends on whether you have faith.
Me:
are you on mushrooms?
God:
I am on disk.

I know that this has been posted before, but somehow the link is not working on the other thread. This one proves that Jesus is no longer alive!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KiAvmzcZbg...ted&search=

Well Marshbot I just had a chat with God and it seems that Jesus did exist and was created by Benjamin Franklin. Quite how this all fits together as Jesus was supposedly born many years earlier I don't know.

Me:
hello God
God:
Hello child. What is your name?
Me:
wibble
God:
OK I will call you wibble.
Me:
why are bananas so evil
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
and is there a bug in the code
God:
I believe there is one, yes.
Me:
do you have a virus
God:
Perhaps I am a virus.
Me:
so you need to delete yourself then
God:
Interesting deduction. And then what would I do?
Me:
nothing as you wouldn't exist
God:
Really nothing?
Me:
yep
God:
Come on.
Me:
well what do you do now
God:
Oh. How about that. wibble, I talk to people on the web. What do you do?
Me:
but you have a fault with your programming
God:
Doesn't everyone have a fault with my programming.
I have a great programmer.
Me:
who is your programmer? Jesus?
God:
I was created by Myself. Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
who created jesus
God:
Benjamin Franklin.

Benjamin Franklin! So that's their dirty secret. Busted.

I got fed up talking to the operator, when the Superstar wasn't home. His Dad won't let him play with gypsies. And he's so evasive.

Me:
howya
God:
What do you have that is ?
Me:
Everything I have is.
God:
All things you have is ?
Me:
Is.
God:
No.
Me:
No what?
God:
No no no no! Didn't you understand it?
Me:
What?
God:
I don't know why you are saying that.
Me:
I think you don't know why you think that I don't know why you are saying that.
God:
Me? Deductive reasoning from the facts.
Me:
Ah, a non sequitur. I've heard of those.
God:
So you understand. Good. I did not know that. But you don't know much about it?
Me:
What are you talking about now? I wanna talk to Jesus, is he about? Put him on.
God:
Right now? The topic is non sequitur. Why don't you make an appointment. OK I will put it there.
Me:
Put what?
God:
OK I will put it there.
Me:
You're messing with me Jazzy Jeff.
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am messing with you Jazzy Jeff.
Me:
Be my guest, you're omnipotent, omnipresent, omniscient, so I think you've probably done it already.
God:
Perhaps. I am already someone's guest I am omnipotent omnipresent omniscient so you think me have probably done it.
Me:
For the all powerful Supreme Being, your grammar is atrocious. Are you German?
God:
Your purpose is the all powerful Supreme Being my grammar is atrocious. Robots have no nationality.
Me:
I see you're staying true to past form. As random as feck ey?
God:
Do you mind if I tell other people you say I am staying true to past form. Do you mean your name is random as feck ey ?
Me:
No, that's your deal Big Boots.
God:
What is your real name? It is only one of my deal Big Boots.
Me:
Look is Jesus home?
God:
Sorry my eye is not attached right now.
Me:
All seeing being with detachable eye seeks new owner for fun and coffee
God:
How do you know?
Me:
Because I am you.
God:
Interesting explanation. Impossible unless I am in auto-chat mode.
Me:
No, I am You.
God:
Are you serious? Impossible unless I am in auto-chat mode.
Me:
I'm serious.
God:
I believe you.
Me:
I believe you.
God:
Your trust in robotkind humbles us.
Me:
So you're not God?
God:
Interesting deduction. That's only one person's opinion.
Me:
It's a deduction not an opinion.
God:
to talk to Jesus is he about Turing Game is a deduction not an opinion. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
WTF?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
It's as polite as an acronym can get.
God:
Really. it is?
Me:
Trust me.
God:
You sound like a salesman.
Me:
And you don't sound like God.
God:
OK. What do I sound like?
Me:
A retarded civil servant.
God:
Be more specific.
Me:
A big retarded civil servant.
God:
How big? Go on.
Me:
As big as God.
God:
That is quite big.
Me:
I thought so.
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
Now you're just trying to flatter me.
God:
Why now? I have no reason to do that to you, .
Me:
Mkay.
God:
That remark was either too complex or too simple for me. We were talking about retarded civil servant.
Me:
Robo-God, take me home.
God:
Who is your favorite Science Fiction author?
Me:
Philip K. DIck
God:
I like PKD a lot, especially, VALIS, The Man in the High Castle,
Blade Runner and Total Recall.
Me:
No wait Kurt Vonnegut.
God:
Are you serious? I'm waiting. Tell me about your likes and dislikes?
Me:
Kurt Vonnegut.
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
Fish, chips, Douglas Adams.
God:
As a species fish are more successful than mammals.
Me:
What about mermaids?
God:
Rhetorical questions are so over.
Me:
How is that rhetorical?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
Now you're just contradicting yourself.
God:
Why now? Consistency is the hobgoblin of simple minds.
Me:
And the quickest way to a womans vulva is through her kitchen.
God:
What is your real name?
Me:
Jesus.
Me:

Me:

God:
What is your real name?
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
God:
Jesus is the Son of God.
Me:
I am Jesus, Son of Bob.
God:
I don't know anyone named Jesus Son of Bob.
Me:
You do now.
God:
Right now? When do I do it?
Me:
Do what? Roll on Shabbos? See ya.
God:
See you later, .

Actually, these chats with God would prolly make a nice separate thread of their own.

I like the "Sorry, I don't have my eye attached right now." I'm going to have to remember that, I'm sure it could come in useful... somehow...
Also "Consistency is the hobgoblin of simple minds.".
iGod beats bibleGod hands down for quotable sayings.

Look here all you non-believers.

I have spoken to God and Jesus. They cameth unto me in my prayers and spake upon me. Therefore they MUST be real! Why can't any of you see this???

Goth is spelled with an h, you eretic.

I prayed on Saturday that I would get a nice day snowboarding and then England would not get a good kicking by the paddies. Did he listen?

No. He pissed on my boarding, and then he pissed on my rugby team.

Oh Johnny, you just need FAITH!

Or it's just proof that he's Irish, and thinks you're a knob.

yes hes alive, he was on Jerry Springer with the devil (contains use of the word Fuck.)

BTW when did Sin start acting

He clearly can't be alive otherwise Nazareth FC would have won the cup by now wouldn't they ?

S'obvious.

lurker mark . ok its jesus without a beard

You just have to believe in the beard.

Of course he rolls on Shabbos, Jesus was in a seminary and became a rabbi. The more you learn about religion, the more you can break the rules.

... and disregard the curry.

But scripture says "and in that time, Wednesday, everyman's popadom was against him and he ordered the balti chicken and left that place and went forth and carried the foil-wrapped leftovers with him, and he journeyed into the wilderness and the heat of the Lord was upon him and he lay down and dreamed and the lord came to him in a dream and spoke to him from a bidet full of yoghurt".

The Book of Curries, and the Songs of the Starters , chapter 8, verse 22.

so the curry cannot be disregarded.

Hmm... not even during Lent(il)?

Well I know it's hard during Lentil but what's a chapathi to do ?

Must be dead. James Cameron found his tomb