Advice on how to deal with an alleged stalker

ah ok , i take the represent thing back . speak o maligned one!


This is like the people's court heheheheh perfect Friday thread.

not generally aimed at you ER quite a few mentioned drastic action, in my books, in this situation right now, Police is not really the way to go.

EDIT: If he is on TT he may have got the message already and should back off, but i think you need to make it clear to him too face to face.

if he dont back off after reading this, then do what the girls have been telling you!!

Esti got the first strike in, and she has mentioned that the socalled culprit has a not exactly common nationality mix for TT. That is a bit too much information.

No it isnt, I am still trying to figure out who it is

well, it doesn't take a rocket scientist to work out who you are talking about

So you are using here to tell him to feck off instead of saying to his face! I think Arshoo is correct in that you have not made it clear to him.

Has face to face communication and honesty totally gone out the window?

shit! now you all will know i lied on the IQ thread

If only they both had iPhones.

Calling someone numerious times at f***king early morning hours and breathing into the phone without saying anything is communication and honesty?

I was referring to you Esti.

I know. I said he was on TT cause someone said he is not here to defend himself. I am not using this board to tell him to f off. I am in Berlin and the person you are assuming in Munich, the guy who is stalking me is in Berlin. I am not here to give away his identity, I am here to find some solutions to this situation.

So what part of "No" do you think the guy doesn't understand?

So...you've been "hanging out together" with this bloke for 3 months, and even though you told him from the start that you "don't jump into things", he had the nerve to come along to your NYE party? And when he walked you home, he actually looked up at your apartment window? Then he phoned you...twice?

I recommend castration followed by hanging. He's clearly too dangerous to be walking the streets of Munich. I mean, who knows who's New Year's Eve party he might go along to next year?

Berlin AM, so its ok, they have a fair share of nutters there!

Hey I hear they are coming to germany. Is it true?

Un-fucking-believable !!

I truly hope that some of you people who suggested Police and or that the guy is a stalker are never on any Magistrates Panel or Jury if i get a speeding ticket ffs, i could end up with 25 years and no possibility of early release.

Stalker ? No. Smitten kitten, possibly. Wild imagination, also possibly.

The problem is that contemporary press reports highlight stalking as a modern disease and people associate a pain in the arse as being a stalker with little reflection upon reality and these type of accusations are becoming more and more common.

Firstly tell the guy in clear language you wish no more to do with him and make very sure he understands the message, vague references to oh, im busy or whatever are not clear to someone who thinks they have a chance.

If this is ignored and he continues to attempt to contact you, then, and only then, can you consider his advances to be unwarranted and move to another level but even then Police involvement would be a little rash don't you think ?

I know i'm only echoing a lot of previous posters but i was genuinely shocked how quickly the lynch mob originally assembled here on TT.

And we are still one happy TT family.

@ bluedave

If the scale is Interested>Too Interested>Creepy>Stalker

This guy is clearly in the Creepy category. It makes perfect sense to put a stop to it now. Face to face is difficult if someone gives you the creeps. You are ignoring the girl's feelings, which are warning her the guy is potentially a problem. They are usually right, IME.

I guess posting that you think that someone is stalking you on a public forum that they also read is one way to test things. If he leaves you alone after reading this thread, he probably wasn't a stalker and you over-reacted and it was a bit crap to post this up for everyone to read, especially the Berlin peeps who might know who you are talking about. And he probably will be mighty pissed off at you for calling him a stalker when he was just interested. If he doesn't leave you alone after reading this thread (and you have to know whether he read it or not before jumping to conclusions), then you might have the makings of a stalker. The makings mind you, not a stalker as such. At least not yet, but it would certainly be indictative of someone to be a bit cautious with.

You know I thought Esti was off her rocker casting aspersions on a fellow TT member , but then if the guy can't defend himself - then fuck him he's gonna get shit on a lot more as time goes on. Maybe he even is stalker material who knows?

So how does he go about doing that exactly parny ?

Opening statement goes like this, " Hi i'm the Berlin stalker " ?

He should start a poll.

Wait wait.. so someone should not date a TTer?

I think that''s good general advice Perdido. All mad as a bag of spoons here.

@ Dave
Precisely , he ought to give his side of events and his perceptions - I mean more thna half of the evidence presented by her (esti) that the guy is a stalker is her interpretation (he looked up = he wants to know what's in my apt , he went to the same party as me = he wanted to get in my New Year's knickers). There's enough fair minded peeps on this board (well , you and I) to give him a fair shout. And I'm fed up defending Catholicism.

Well i do believe EB should change the TT subtitle for the weekend to:

Toytown:
The odds are good, but the goods are odd"

Just worried now that the girl from the local bread shop will read this thread and realise that i'm coveting her croissant tbh

depends mate. Are you a charmer? Im taking an on line course on it. Ill let ya know how it goes.

Has the one from MaccyD's been discarded? Is this part of a new health drive for 2007, bluedave?

I don't think he should. I'm gonna weigh in on his side of the deal and say he should probably give up any thoughts of wooing young Esti and save himself a lot of bother down the road with someone who screams murder based on minimal evidence. Sharing his side of the story with a crowd of complete strangers, who like nothing more on a Friday afternoon than a long saga involving plenty of weeping and gnashing of teeth, is probably not his best move.

I'm not saying anything against Esti, just popping into the discussion on a random side in the same way as anyone not in full possession of the facts can do.

Oooohh you bugger Katrina, a mere sharing of ketchup and nuggets on the odd occasion and it's scandal.

How do you know that ? Did i tell you ? Was i drunk ?

Actually, forget i asked.

I think you'll find a poll is the start of his problems. Esti tell him to fuck off. If he rings againa nd does heavy breathing, breath back, ask him to breath harder tell him how much you like it. Seriously that'll confuse the idiot, and destroy his power over the situation. Which is what he is exercising and enjoying. Jesus some guys are real idiots.

I still don't see it as stalking, more unwanted attention. he must believe Esti is interested or at least hoping she will start to show interest if he continues to 'court' & pester her. Esti, you should firmly & clearly tell him you are absolutely not interested in him romantically, nor will you ever be, then see if he backs off. if he doesn't after you've clearly told him, then it's getting creepy.

There is also the likelihood that if the guy is on TT in Berlin that he may not even realise "Esti" is talking about him. This is the first time she has posted on TT or else she is posting under an assumed identity. The real problem here is (if the situation exists at all and is not just the figment of someone's imagination) if you say "I don't jump into things" and then proceed to "hang out" with someone for three months sends unclear signals. Normally if someone does not want to get involved with someone else and they just want friendship they make it crystal clear at the outset and leave no room for any other interpretation. So, in my opinion Esti has got herself in a situation of her own making. She needs to tell the guy to back off face to face and forget about dinner dates and close contact until he has the message, but I think to brand him as a stalker is a bit much.

And like Keydeck says, if the guy does recognise himself here, the best thing for him to do is say nothing and just forget about Esti and save himself a lot of bother down the road.

Think you've answered your own question there heheheh
Was on the Night of the Black Lab. Think we can leave it there, eh?

Well, let me add to the speculation.

Maybe he doesn't even fancy her. Perhaps his New Year plans fell through at the last minute, and he didn't want to stay at home on his own. Then she started acting 'weird' - ignoring him at the party, getting angry when he asked how her New Year went, and storming off after they met for lunch because, she said, she had to meet her ex-boyfriend.

So he thinks to himself "Did I say something wrong? She seems really pissed off...maybe she's just making up the stuff about her ex-boyfriend to try and make me go away - but if she feels ignored, giving her space will just make things worse!". He offers to drive her home and she accepts. He glances up at the window of her apartment - the lights are off. Maybe she really is just trying to get rid of him? So he drives back home, wracking his brains to try and think of what he might have said.

So he sleeps on it. Did he embarrass her at the party? He remembers thinking how awful she looked in that dress - how it reminded him of a Weißwurst trying to burst out of its skin...but he wouldn't have said anything about it, would he? Not even after all that beer? He decides perhaps he should have a chat with her, so he gives her a call and asks if she'd like to come to another party. She says she can't, she has to wash her hair. Okay, he thinks, this isn't good.

At the party he gets chatting with another friend, telling him about the story. The friend says to him "Look mate, it's bleeding obvious. You were chatting to another girl at the party. Esti saw you and got jealous, so now she's trying to make YOU jealous by pretending to meet with her ex-boyfriend". The fellow is now thoroughly confused. He points that they're just friends, and that she made it clear right from the start that she didn't want to be more than that. "Doesn't matter", said the friend, "she's a girl and you're a bloke, you're both single and you've been hanging out together regularly for the last three months. You need to phone her up and explain to her that you don't fancy her, before things get out of hand. Otherwise you're going to end up with a psycho-stalker on your hands".

The bloke gives Esti a call, but there's too much background noise at the party, and he can't hear anything. He tries again the next morning, but without the benefit of alcohol in his system he ends up bottling it the moment she picks up the phone; how can he politely explain to some chick who clearly fancies him rotten that he really doesn't find her in the least attractive?

None of which would happen if he had an iPhone.

Aquatic, you are wrong on many accounts, look at my comments:

Esti... Ignore the dork. Catch my drift?

But your comments also don't add up to him being a stalker or a psycho really. Bit like calling someone a rapist for trying to kiss you under the mistletoe.

I don't see what's wrong with the guy asking if he can tag along to a NY party, clearly you said no and that was that, had he turned up anyway then that's a different story. And as for him asking you what you did, if he thinks you are friends what's the big deal with that, my friends asked me what I did.

What's wrong with him offering to walk you home. Obviously he likes you and likes spending time with you and clearly you liked spending time with him initially, you spent 3 months being his friend.

Maybe you haven't been as clear as you think you have to him about what you wanted or didn't want from your friendship, sometimes people are oblivious to hints and you have to actually spell it out.

So he looked up at your window and he made a few phone calls that you think was to check up on you. I'm pretty sure most of us have done that at one time or another after being dumped or rejected, certainly doesn't make you a stalker or a psycho for gods sake, a pest or a bit of a nuisance maybe.

You need to make a decision as to whether you want to remain his friend or not and tell him how it is. If you remain friends and you don't like the way he acts then part company but I think it's a bit strong to bandy him as a stalker etc.

I just had to laugh. Mr obsessive above has called me a few times today and I haven't answered. Just got a text saying "if I call over will you answer the door". My answer to that was "don't even think about it if you want to be able to walk back up the drive" . Just see it as him being a bloody pain in the arse rather than a stalker though.

Mods, do you not think it's time to modify this thread title ?

Even if the term alleged was slipped in it might be a little better ?

this is the best part. He didn't even show up to the party and you are accusing him of stalking. tactful.
He probably thought you were a fun person and figured you were going to a fun NYE party and thought it might be nice to go with. But he didn't even go.

I met a guy last Friday, and since Monday morning, he has called me a total of 51 times. I have not answered the phone once mind you. I am not deeming him "stalker" material just yet, considering he knows nothing but my cell number.

That's madness! Some creepy weirdos just don't know how to play the game:

Step 1: boy meets girl.
Step 2: girl gives boy cell phone number.
Step 3: boy calls girl. If there's no answer, boy leaves a friendly message, leaving his own phone number in case girl would like to chat. Boy hangs up and under no circumstances* calls again. The ball is in HER COURT.

*one circumstance: if several days have elapsed without a return call and boy still has girl on his mind, he can call once more just in case girl sincerely wanted to call but accidentally deleted the first message before writing down his phone number.

No reply after this second message sends a clear enough signal to most higher functioning brains that there is not enough interest to pursue the matter any further.

I see. So what makes him a stalker? After he has crossed the 55th call line? or 60?

I thought the same thing. 51 times! I am lucky to remember to call once.

Perdido maybe the guy is up for the Guiness record or something. Maybe his deal is not calling the girl but breaking the record.

Yep, well I am off to PM you 54 times.

but you did give your number, and not answering, he has called 51 times, he needs a life, and you need to reexamine how you deal with people, if you don't want to see the guy again, give the number to the local taxi or McD's, but never give your own number out when you have no inentions of talking/seeing the guy again.

Thinking of that scene in the movie Swingers.