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Nominees for TT post and topic of the year 2007
No chat, just park them
After spending hours last December hunting down my favorite posts and topics I vowed that it would not happen again this year. So please join me in nominating your favorites here. Post the link, state why you like it (if it's not obvious), leave. No chat, please!
My first nominee, off Divorce Experience
QUOTE (Keydeck @ Jan 11 2007, 3:49 pm) 
At which point my head exploded. And yea verily it came to pass that Jesus did wipe the splattered skull and brain tissue from his tunic. And he said, "Though you are the child of my father and much beloved by him, as all men are, I have a dinner engagement with the lads and cannot show up covered in blood and brain."
pet peeves...
QUOTE (Johnny English @ Jan 12 2007, 12:18 am)
Anyone seen that Robert De Niro film called "Hide and Seek" where De Niro suddelny realises that HE is the killer?
I am getting worried that Johnny Norfolk is my alter ego.
I am getting worried that Johnny Norfolk is my alter ego.
QUOTE (Johnny Norfolk @ Jan 12 2007, 12:31 am)
Oh sorry should have added to the list.
Johnny English.
Johnny English.
Thanks for calling attention to that Gen I about spit all over my monitor on that. Ha-ha.
Here's another: Car parked in my drive
Keydeck for this exchange with butler helen and she still didn't get it ! I was crying laughing at this.
Added to which he had booked the restaurant for the 18-24 year olds under the name of Kim Wilde ( Kids In America ) and every single point flew straight over their combined heads, best good natured pisstake i have seen on here ever tbh.
QUOTE (butler_helen @ Jan 17 2007, 1:33 pm)
EVERYTHING I ever register online I do under butler_helen, as my school used that as my internet password when I was 11... it has stuck around. Makes life easy. What makes you think of Helen Keller from butler_helen?!
QUOTE (Keydeck @ Jan 17 2007, 1:41 pm)
Helen Butler
Helen Keller
You can't see it? Are you blind?
Helen Keller
You can't see it? Are you blind?
Added to which he had booked the restaurant for the 18-24 year olds under the name of Kim Wilde ( Kids In America ) and every single point flew straight over their combined heads, best good natured pisstake i have seen on here ever tbh.
I would've suggested some ot the posts from late lastnights Aldi curry in a can thread, but big brother decided it wasn't fit for general consumption
QUOTE (bluedave @ Jan 19 2007, 10:02 am)
Keydeck for this exchange with butler helen and she still didn't get it!
I'd vote for this one, too, not just this exchange but the whole thread!
What thread was it?
QUOTE (sarabyrd @ Jan 18 2007, 10:37 pm)
Here's another: Car parked in my drive
why is that your favorite post or topic?
Although trying hard to avoid chat here: 1) See the time I posted. 2) It was good-natured banter while touching on many current topics. 3) PM good-naturedly saw the joke and didn't go flouncing off.
You have to add the source as well: Why does nobody answer my posts?
Blatant self-advertising ending up in a perfect hi-jack.
Blatant self-advertising ending up in a perfect hi-jack.
QUOTE (Punchbear @ Jan 29 2007, 1:45 pm)
Mind you, wouldn't see that happening in P1.
QUOTE (arshoo @ Jan 29 2007, 1:47 pm)
No cuz you dont need a torch there to see the arseholes
tcha-BOOMM! A jewel.
I would also like to cast a vote for arshoo's P1 comment.
Seconded.
Extra points for speed-of-volley should be awarded.
Extra points for speed-of-volley should be awarded.
QUOTE (Moonboot @ Jan 11 2007, 3:26 pm)
after a chat with the vicar last Sunday, what about some Monkey Face-ing*?
*Monkey Face
a peverse sexual act involving ejaculation of semen and use of pubic hair. firstly the male pubic region is shaved, the female then begins felatio upon the male,at the point of ejaculation the male withdraws his penis from the females mouth and ejaculates semen all over her face (commonly known as a money shot) the pubic shavings are then thrown onto the semen to resemble a monkeys face!
*Monkey Face
a peverse sexual act involving ejaculation of semen and use of pubic hair. firstly the male pubic region is shaved, the female then begins felatio upon the male,at the point of ejaculation the male withdraws his penis from the females mouth and ejaculates semen all over her face (commonly known as a money shot) the pubic shavings are then thrown onto the semen to resemble a monkeys face!
this had me laughing all day. because I am sad.
QUOTE (Thistle @ Jan 29 2007, 12:39 pm)
I cannot believe what I am reading here! All my husband wanted was advice from expats on where to possibly get newspapers a bit cheaper than from regular news agents where you sometimes pay up to three times the amount you would usually pay in the UK. My husband is working ridiculously long hours AND is studying for a degree besides that. Timewise, that means: get up, go to work, get back home at about 7:30 at night and study until the day's over. The only time slot he could possibly have to read anything like a newspaper is in fact the time he's spending on trains to and from work. How can someone who does not know him even dare to talk about adjusting priorities? How dare you assume he is expecting a decent career to just fall in his lap? Do you have the slightest idea what he has done in his life so far and how he has done it, what he is doing to achieve his goals? It makes me sick with rage to read your comments and realize there are even users on here who would go so far as to ridicule his dyslexia!
Whenever anyone would ask advice about anything on a forum or anywhere else, my husband tries to help/advise to the best of his ability. I do not see what should be the problem with doing exactly that without being hurtful, hostile, personal and aggressive. James and I both have come to realize just how very often this kind of thing is happening here and we choose not to frequent this site any longer from now on. A pity, really, as we thought this kind of site would be/could be a very good thing to exist for expats.
Whenever anyone would ask advice about anything on a forum or anywhere else, my husband tries to help/advise to the best of his ability. I do not see what should be the problem with doing exactly that without being hurtful, hostile, personal and aggressive. James and I both have come to realize just how very often this kind of thing is happening here and we choose not to frequent this site any longer from now on. A pity, really, as we thought this kind of site would be/could be a very good thing to exist for expats.
QUOTE (weejamer @ Jan 29 2007, 1:06 pm)
Dont care anymore I am sorry for asking!!!
QUOTE (weejamer @ Jan 29 2007, 1:07 pm)
Oh and i am unsubcribed from this...
I think this double flounce makes for a good post and topic. I still can't believe that people can come on, ask a vague question, get answers of all sorts to permutations presented by the vague question and still have the nerve to be ungrateful. This isn't the first time I've seen this behaviour on the board, but the fact that it managed to get two posters to flounce at once makes it memorable.
QUOTE (don_riina @ Jan 23 2007, 3:48 pm)
If you have a camera, then lets film "Don Riina's Food Guide to Munich", a project I fancied doing, but my cameraman owned no camera, so we scrapped it.
It's a series of programmes about eating in Munich - not restaurants, cooking stuff. Alot of it revolves around me ranting about shit, exposing dodgy food practises in supermarkets, crucifying Wok Man, standing on Leopoldstrasse giving away free food to people that look like they are about to eat in Wok Man, seeing if my dog would even eat food from Wok Man, but then also cooking up spankingly good plates of nosh, and waxing on about foodie shit.
Would be a bloody marvellous project, and you can split the money with me when the TV companies clamber over themselves to get the rights.
It's a series of programmes about eating in Munich - not restaurants, cooking stuff. Alot of it revolves around me ranting about shit, exposing dodgy food practises in supermarkets, crucifying Wok Man, standing on Leopoldstrasse giving away free food to people that look like they are about to eat in Wok Man, seeing if my dog would even eat food from Wok Man, but then also cooking up spankingly good plates of nosh, and waxing on about foodie shit.
Would be a bloody marvellous project, and you can split the money with me when the TV companies clamber over themselves to get the rights.
As I have the same opinion of WokMan, I really enjoyed this one.
Title of the year: Something for man for sale
This one has been keeping me chuckling lately: iBook for sale
YL6 Rocks!
QUOTE (YorkshireLad6 @ Feb 3 2007, 10:45 pm)
I don't "rock" at all, and resent any implication that I do. I stay, on a day-to-day basis, remarkably stable.
That remenids of the post where the new american was pissed that the Deutsche Post raised the price of stamps during Christmas. YL6 politely explains that person mistakenly bought charity xmas stamps hence higher price. The newbie went off on YL6 when Yl6 was only trying to clarify for him or her the reason.
QUOTE (Sarahwro @ Feb 4 2007, 8:05 pm)
If anyone is having pups or knows of someone that is, please let me know. I am looking for a small dog. It doesn't have to be a puppy just small.
That tickled my funny bone big style. Short, sweet, honest and slightly contradictory.
I haven't enjoyed a topic so much for a long time. Bank details and food puns.
QUOTE (Yeti @ Feb 15 2007, 11:23 am)
I must cold shower more often.
The first thing I thought of when I saw this headline was advertising on bra straps. Visions of Mr. English cornering the world market in underwear assisted advertising filled my head. Thong tag lines praising products from glasses through macrobiotic jelly bears to four wheel drive vehicles swam before my eyes.
My head works, but not the way you think.
The first thing I thought of when I saw this headline was advertising on bra straps. Visions of Mr. English cornering the world market in underwear assisted advertising filled my head. Thong tag lines praising products from glasses through macrobiotic jelly bears to four wheel drive vehicles swam before my eyes.
My head works, but not the way you think.
Absolutely fabulous statement!
Pure Class
QUOTE (Jimbo @ Feb 15 2007, 3:41 pm)
Mate, I drink wine these days as I now work in the City and am therefore forced to go to boozers that call themselves 'wine bars' and only serve bottled Czech lager. Nevertheless I'm not as big a ponce as you Don "Oh, I've got a cold, boohoo" Riina. Nonce.
QUOTE (don_riina @ Feb 15 2007, 5:05 pm)
Man, I been away from England too long. Thats clearly new slang for "I am a poncy git who feels he is more cultured by drinking a poofs drink, and its well fashionable in the city to look like a nonce."
Yep, I've got a cold. Fortunately, it ain't made me start drinking wine, or babycham, or Diamond White, or semen.
Last time I saw you, you had to be taken home by the bird 'cos you were a bit too weak for the pace. Deary fucking me boy.
Yep, I've got a cold. Fortunately, it ain't made me start drinking wine, or babycham, or Diamond White, or semen.
Last time I saw you, you had to be taken home by the bird 'cos you were a bit too weak for the pace. Deary fucking me boy.
QUOTE (Jimbo @ Feb 15 2007, 5:07 pm)
You're the one posting whiney fucking threads about a cold you queer. Go and fucking find my posts from last week when I was properly ill. Go on, find them you ginger poof. And then post them here and compare them with your fucking girly whining. Ginger twat.
...
QUOTE (Jimbo @ Feb 15 2007, 5:22 pm)
Hahaha - still got problems with your harris, Riina? As for all your promises of fighting, I've decided that you're all mouth - when you finally set foot in London (if you're brave enough), I'm gonna make sure that your legs fulfill a purely ornamental function from now on...
QUOTE (don_riina @ Feb 15 2007, 5:25 pm)
Well, with you being mostly ears, we'd make an awsome Mr potato head set.
QUOTE (Jimbo @ Feb 15 2007, 5:30 pm)
Haha - Mr Ginger Potato Head with 'have you got a fucking problem' hand gestures.
QUOTE (don_riina @ Feb 15 2007, 5:36 pm)
Jess, again with ginger shit. Just remember mate, I can buy a bottle of 3 euro hair dye. Sorting out your massive lugs is gonna cost a fair few bob more than that.
QUOTE (Jimbo @ Feb 15 2007, 5:40 pm)
Thing is, my ears give me a distinctive and handsome air - your stupid hair just makes you look a twat.
QUOTE (don_riina @ Feb 15 2007, 5:42 pm)
My arse. Your ears give you one thing, and one thing alone - better mobile phone reception. Although fair enough, they could come in handy if you took up wind boarding.
Jimbo and Don Riina at their finest!
QUOTE (don_riina @ Feb 19 2007, 4:25 pm)
There, simple as that. Wish I'd actually read the thread and knew if I'd just posted some shit that was well out of context. Pff, who cares. Goat sex rules.
Another classic DR post.
Classic don_riina and an example of a perfect TT post: sense, sex, style, goats.
QUOTE (Exile @ Feb 20 2007, 4:31 pm)
I think some people must have really slow DSL connections, their posts seem to be getting delayed by about 40 years or so.
Exile's post in the WesternWomen thread.
The broom for sale thread. Only been used 3 times or whatever it was...classic!
I enjoyed this short question and answer:
QUOTE (Mr.Mosh @ Feb 26 2007, 2:09 pm)
every time I go bowling I seem to get very drunk. why?
QUOTE (Mariposa @ Feb 26 2007, 2:13 pm)
Do you happen to be drinking alcohol when you go bowling? That may be why.
QUOTE (don_riina @ Mar 8 2007, 11:17 am)
Revenge is served cold gentlemen. Bide your time I say.
Buy a refridgerated lorry. Equip it with some sculpting tools, a beer fridge, and Sky Sports TV.
Collect loads and loads of dog poo, and put it in your truck, then skillfully carve a replica car seat out of it. Might take some practice, but you have a few months until winter, and beer and footy on the box to keep you going.
When its winter, smuggle your replica seat into the carpark, and slyly break into the blokes car, and replace his seat, with your poo sculpture. Make a swift getaway, and hide behind a bush until he gets into his car.
Brilliant. He'll turn on the car heating when he gets in, because of course its winter, and then his seat will actually melt, and he'll just be sitting atop a sloppy fudge dragon. AWESOME. Make a video of it, and you will have also struck a blow for the masses of bored office workers across the globe, as they can waste untold hours of work giggling at it on utube.
Buy a refridgerated lorry. Equip it with some sculpting tools, a beer fridge, and Sky Sports TV.
Collect loads and loads of dog poo, and put it in your truck, then skillfully carve a replica car seat out of it. Might take some practice, but you have a few months until winter, and beer and footy on the box to keep you going.
When its winter, smuggle your replica seat into the carpark, and slyly break into the blokes car, and replace his seat, with your poo sculpture. Make a swift getaway, and hide behind a bush until he gets into his car.
Brilliant. He'll turn on the car heating when he gets in, because of course its winter, and then his seat will actually melt, and he'll just be sitting atop a sloppy fudge dragon. AWESOME. Make a video of it, and you will have also struck a blow for the masses of bored office workers across the globe, as they can waste untold hours of work giggling at it on utube.
QUOTE (don_riina @ Mar 8 2007, 12:28 pm)
Buy a few hundred mice, put them in a dark room for a week with a strobelight, loads of pictures of war and stuff on a TV with a background soundtrack of the Benny Hill theme tune, and don't feed them. Then, spray your boss with cheese whiz, release the mice, and run to the pub. Priceless.
gems.
And I hope I never piss DR off enough to warrant some DR revenge
QUOTE (don_riina @ Mar 15 2007, 9:35 am)
Poster A, English:
You wanna learn English English, that is actually from England, hence it being called English. Not that stupid bastardised US version where they spell colour wrong and use the word 'already' in a weird way.
Poster B, American:
Thats bull. I know you guys don't like it, but international english is now US english. Thats the one to learn. Already.
Sin Poster C, short bloke, bit chubby, odd trousers, faint musty smell of marmite:
Nah treacle, you wanna learn to speak all proppa like wot I do. Gertcha.
Whole thread done on one post. Super awesome.
You wanna learn English English, that is actually from England, hence it being called English. Not that stupid bastardised US version where they spell colour wrong and use the word 'already' in a weird way.
Poster B, American:
Thats bull. I know you guys don't like it, but international english is now US english. Thats the one to learn. Already.
Nah treacle, you wanna learn to speak all proppa like wot I do. Gertcha.
Whole thread done on one post. Super awesome.
*You* are super awesome, darlin'.
As a former English schoolgirl (who was never much good at sports), I found this hilarious:
QUOTE (Sin @ Mar 15 2007, 9:45 pm)
[...]
America may steal our proper sports and bastardise them into something unplayable. You may rob the idea of Rugby from us and corrupt it into AMERICAN Football (and I am very glad you do call it American so the rest of the World does not have any doubt that us English had nothing whatsoever to do with the debaclé). You may steal our schoolgirl games like rounders and netball and call them baseball and basketball.
[...]
America may steal our proper sports and bastardise them into something unplayable. You may rob the idea of Rugby from us and corrupt it into AMERICAN Football (and I am very glad you do call it American so the rest of the World does not have any doubt that us English had nothing whatsoever to do with the debaclé). You may steal our schoolgirl games like rounders and netball and call them baseball and basketball.
[...]
Whilst one may thank you for your appreciation, dear lady, one would not wish our transatlantic cousins to feel aggrieved in any way, and so one must offer by way of a gilded lily, as a token of our heartfelt awe, né indebtedness, gratitude in what miracles they have achieved with our original schoolgirl sports. Who would have thought that a simple pastime involving squealing nubiles would evolve into the commercialised success we see today from across The Pond? Who would have ever contemplated the employment of so many marketing and public relations personnel, and let us not forget, the transposed lifestyles of their families. One may even bow humbly and conceed that several of the top players of American Netball and American Rounders might even, given a fair chance, be the match for any of our schoolgirl teams. And while I mourn the loss of the once requisite gymslip, and would not like to see it actually adorning any player on either the court of American Netball, nor field of American Rounders, I must say that the introduction of young ladies with the ability to, as our cousins would say, shake their bootys, on the very edge of the playing field with such vigor, is a delight to behold, and fair makes up for the dissappointment in the actual lack of spectacle in the game itself. If I should make any recommendations to the organisers of such sports, I should point out where their successes truly lie, and suggest wholeheartedly a change to move said dancing nymphettes into the main body of the sport itself, possibly pre-smeared with Marmite by an expert, such as my good self.
QUOTE (Marian07 @ Mar 16 2007, 12:14 pm)
Hi, i have an apartment in Scheidplatz...
1 bedroom with walking closet
1 bedroom with walking closet
Gotta love typos!
QUOTE (Punchbear @ Mar 20 2007, 12:19 am)
And that doesn't make much of a fat flying feck of a difference either way, trivia doesn't interfere with the fact that it was named after the mad fecker. And yeah, he was mad, because the Baby Jesus told me so. Go Baby Jesus go.
On the same lines: MVV ticket wanted.
QUOTE (Editor Bob @ Mar 20 2007, 4:10 pm)
I wanted to ask him if he had a broom for sale as well.
I know that somewhere, probably in a galaxy not that far away, there is an entire planet united in a religion that reveres it's holy book The Rants Of Riina with a level of veneration that reduces the Koran to badly scribbled munblings and the bible to a doorstop.
A rather gentle offering from the Don but contains hoody avoidance advice and a mini rant. It's early in the day though. Extra points for not making me hungry too.
A rather gentle offering from the Don but contains hoody avoidance advice and a mini rant. It's early in the day though. Extra points for not making me hungry too.
QUOTE (don_riina @ Mar 22 2007, 9:53 am)
Nah man, just kids trying to look gansta. Quick tip, if you see a gang of youths coming towards you with their hoods up and shit, just gently sidestep one pace to the left - hoodies actually give you a relatively limited field of vision, so you'll have essentially rendered yourself invisible to them.
Anyway, I don't see these kids as thugs, they're just trying to look cool and hard and bad, thats all. Never really seen any kids of any ehtnic persuasion doing much trouble causing over here to be honest, krout, turk or otherwise.
I have not ever really experienced many Germans slagging off turkish people, but in fairness, I don't hang out with many Germans. We had a party once, and my bird invited some friend or other, and her husband. He was mid thirties I guess, bavarian, came across as well educated, well set financially, but a twat. I'd never met the bloke, he came in, and started ranting about the taxi driver being foreign. Now I do like a rant; doneright, they're good comedy. Wanna throw some racism in? Well, for comedy, I personally don't see why not. This shit though, was clearly not meant to be comedy atall. Was just a boring rant about the taxi driver being turkish. Why? I did not get it atall. Was the taxi late? Did he drive badly? Did his car smell of ass? Nope, seemingly his crime was that he spoke to somebody on the phone in turkish. Un-fucking-real.
I just loved it that a german bloke, who's mother tongue is one of the most unattractive sounding languages in the world, moaned about a bloke speaking turkish.
Anyway, I don't see these kids as thugs, they're just trying to look cool and hard and bad, thats all. Never really seen any kids of any ehtnic persuasion doing much trouble causing over here to be honest, krout, turk or otherwise.
I have not ever really experienced many Germans slagging off turkish people, but in fairness, I don't hang out with many Germans. We had a party once, and my bird invited some friend or other, and her husband. He was mid thirties I guess, bavarian, came across as well educated, well set financially, but a twat. I'd never met the bloke, he came in, and started ranting about the taxi driver being foreign. Now I do like a rant; doneright, they're good comedy. Wanna throw some racism in? Well, for comedy, I personally don't see why not. This shit though, was clearly not meant to be comedy atall. Was just a boring rant about the taxi driver being turkish. Why? I did not get it atall. Was the taxi late? Did he drive badly? Did his car smell of ass? Nope, seemingly his crime was that he spoke to somebody on the phone in turkish. Un-fucking-real.
I just loved it that a german bloke, who's mother tongue is one of the most unattractive sounding languages in the world, moaned about a bloke speaking turkish.
QUOTE (Editor Bob @ Mar 20 2007, 4:10 pm)
Mos enjoyed himself hugely and thanks everyone for breaking up a boring work day.
Friday night cinema at Metropolis gets my vote.
One on the least complicated and most successful attempts at organising a night out.
One on the least complicated and most successful attempts at organising a night out.
I believe that won post of the year for 2006, but it is still funny.
QUOTE (UpQuark @ Mar 30 2007, 1:40 pm)
Nothing wrong with it? Bah. There's nothing right with it. It's lewd and disgusting and has no place in a decent society where children or old people are likely to be present. It's Europeans and their free-wheeling tits-in-your-face permissive sexual mores that are dragging the world into oblivion. You'd never catch me wearing an evening dress without a bra (apart from that one time in Amsterdam, at any rate). No bras? What's next? Thong underwear? Low-cut jeans? Daisy Duke shorts? America stands at the edge of a slippery slope. An oily, breast-covered, erect-nippled slope and I for one won't be the first to slide down headfirst, my hands grabbing whatever they can, my mouth open and laughing like a child on its first roller coaster ride. You Europeans make me sick.
Because few do indignant quite like he does.
I guess there are not many people on here who know Carm, since she doesn't get out much, but those few who have met her might find this amusing:
QUOTE
this celebration of getting to x number of posts is incredibly sad. well done, great, now go outside and meet and talk to real people.
QUOTE (Carm @ Mar 29 2007, 12:59 pm)
yes, I know, I am a hopeless case, I never get out an meet anybody at all. Problem is I am just too shy to attend an event on my own, and nobody has offered to hold my hand to make sure I make my debut at an event. I have heard the Curry night is fun, also the karoke night at The Arc, or even the cocktail nights... but I would rather sit at home and read about people attending these events.
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