Bluetooth Air Force

Topic split: Photos of people you'd like to punch


Well said Roger H... wankers the fucking lot of 'em. The only point of those is so you can pretend to be a battle of britain pilot or something.

That's a blindin' idea you got there, Jimbo me old fruit. What I say is that they should totally change the Bluetooth software, so that it only recognises names like Ginger, Johnny, Carruthers, Pinky, Pongo and naturally, Biggles. Then the only way to activate a call would be to utter the password phrase, "Blue Hawk to Night Owl. Blue Hawk to Night Owl. Come in, Night Owl", and the only way to end a call would be the phrase, "Wilko (contact). Roger. Over and out".

Haven't we got any of these Bluetooth programmers in Toytown already?

That's a wizard idea old boy - tally ho!

Furthermore only people with a public school education may use them, and after six months they either:

1. Get drowned in the Channel
2. Get both their legs blown off
3. Suffer horrible burns
4. Are immortalised forever in a film that bears no fucking resemblance whatsoever to what happened, in which the Germans are always played by Max Schell.

Jawohl!

Broadsword calling Danny boy. Broadsword calling Danny boy. ...

Danny Boy's gone Broadsword - two Me109s caught him over the drink and there was no sign of a chute...let it go Broadsword, let it go. Pipper out.

Gone for a burton what ?

Won't be needing that copy of Homer he left in the mess then.

Homo's in the mess? It's an outrage Broadsword! Wing Commander Ginger 'Ginge' Hawkins won't be happy with that what what. Tally ho, bandits at 9 o'clock.

No 'Ginge' doesn't stand for any of that batting from the wrong side of the wicket.

A good beasting followed by a cold shower and a stroll across the quad builds character.

Angels 10.

Though rumour has it that Ginge bowls from the gasworks end AND the pavillion end. He's certainly no stranger to a good beasting.

Tora! Tora! Tora!

Does have his uniform cut rather genererously below the belt.

Wasn't he in the Fleet Air Arm ? A man could get lonely on a cruise in the North Atlantic.

I always thought that was his parachute pack - saucy bugger.

Fleet air arm!?!? I'd heard he flew with a Pole for a number of years.

Yes, chap with a damn funny name, crashed into a bus on leave I think.

Sodomolski or some such. Buggered if I can remember.

Sodomolski - that's the chap. Damn funny fish if you ask me - always on about collectivisation. Well, I think that's what he meant when he ask if I'd ever come with another man.

Heard his brother charged at some Germans waving his sabre...

Come in Jimmy and Yetters. Come in Jimmy and Yetters. Are you there Jimmy and Yetters? Over.

Wing Co was off on a recce last night at The Spotty Dog with Biffo, Boffo and Baffo when Biffo put up a splendid notion. Recalling heady days gone during the balmy summer when the entire squadron played 'Talking like a Pirate for a day', the young whippersnapper Biffo suggested a day set aside for Toytown's very own 'Talk like a WWII Spitfire pilot for a day' with changed usernames and everything. And seeing as we all remain incarcerated by The Bosch behind enemy lines (all except for you Jimmy, since your glorious escape paid off with a home run), we all thought it was a jolly spanking idea, what? So show of hands to put it towards The Committee (show of feet is permitted for those of you who have lost hands in this Hell they call War).

Pip! Pip! Over and out.

What a wizard idea! I've neither arms nor legs after one of those damned FW-190s caught me over Duisburg, but I'll waggle my ceremonial sword in agreement.

Clever idea, Sin, very clever.

But haven't you forgotten one thing, old fruit?

Capital idea old boy, splendid.

Anyway I'm off to brew up a cuppa from some tea leaves I've strained through my socks for the 98th time. One misses tiffen in the Stalag.

Tally ho !

No ... just wondered if you'd forgotten something.

Carry on chaps.

Maybe Jerry will even let us get in an over or two of cricket over the festive break. Nothing like waving the willow around in the frosty air fo a bit of entertainment!

Ah yes, reminds me of that match in 1914 that my father played in over in no man's land. Poor bugger had both his legs blown off when he mistook an unexploded shell for the ball.

<Checks shute> Check!

<Checks fuel> Check!

<Checks oil pressure> Check!

<Checks altimeter> Check!

<Checks ammo> Check!

<Checks flaps> OOo! Check!

<Checks joystick> Mmm! Check!

<Checks Parker isn't still clinging to the tail> No. I must have shaken him off over the South Downs. Check!

<Checks watch> !!! Pesky thieving lower class aircrews!

Ah! But look on the bright side. His misfortune was the other Tommy's luck, because he had just shouted over, "On me 'ead, son!".

Squirrel

My word, those colonials do have a rather a liberal attitude to facial hair on the other ranks.

Still , all one against the Boche, eh ?

Watch out Jimmy! Take cover Yetters! Incoming Moderator has split our formation, what?

Break left, break left.

Yetters, be a good chap, old boy. You climb for the sun while I try to get this bally moderator to pop at my tail. I'll head for clouds and you dive out of the sun and take it out. Over!

I wouldn't pop at you if you paid me for it, Britisher!

Damn Bosche have found our frequency, Yetters. And I think Jimmy has bought it. Saw him spiralling out of control about an hour ago. Hell's teeth and buckets of firewater. Didn't like him that much anyway. Always wore pink shirts in the Officers Mess. God! Will this war never end? Over!

Apparently that Lord Haw Haw git on Jerry radio is saying that for us British, this war will never be over.

I wonder what he means.

Carry on

No problem Sinners old boy.

Jimbo, took a bottle of port with him, damned shame, stashed behind his seat.

Last one to land is a rotten egg. Over

Bad new chaps. Wing Co Sin has to bail out now. Caught a packet when the moderator infiltrated our wing. Last one back to the mess is a sissy. Over!

Tally Hooooooooooooooooooo!!!

I am off to my Xmas vacation, will be popping in and popping out of TT. Can someone here send me a squirrel toy soldier as a gift? Thanks.

You might be confusing him with Lassie, also a fine chap, however much given to wearing pink striped shirts under his uniform.

Oh shit! Forgot something:

<Checks conveyor belt> Check!

Don't do it eurovol, it'll never fly no matter what the boffins tell you.

Jerry ain't expecting this bowling ball on rollerblades tied to a rope to fly. Thats why we have the element of surprise.

You guys cannot win, no matter how many roller blades, bowling balls and treadmills you put up. You have no Scotsmen in kilts with frets up the same to support you.

Identity fraud !!!

Alfred to Gotham. Alfred to Gotham. Come in Chief O'Hara.

The Batmobile lost its wheel and the Joker got away.

I repeat the Batmobile lost its wheel and the Joker got away.

mumble**idiots were trying to take off while sitting on a conveyor belt***

Do you copy. Over.

What ho chaps. Well, Wing Co. Sin finally made it back to the mess, and I can tell you all what a jolly jape that was rowing a ball of lashed barnacles across the bally Channel dodging Jerry U Boats, Johnny Moderator and able seamen alike. Hope you chaps saved some plum duff for me, what? Starving after my epic journey through winds, light to variable, I can tell you.

Don't worry Yetters and Ginger - I ditched in the drink and used the empty bottle of rum to row back to Dover. Took 2 weeks and I lost both legs to sharks, but Dougie Bader over at Duxford reckons if we get a few tin cans out of the NAAFI I can have a pair of legs sorted by Easter. Tally ho!

Banzaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii

"Oh noooo LOOK OUT chaps another one of those pesky Japs with a below average IQ and command of general knowledge!!!"