New to Nuremberg

Like the alliteration in the title?

I must admit, after a few days of reading this forum (to avoid my last few days of work, of course), my excitement about my imminent move to Germany is evolving into a growing dread. I am particularly fond of the posts from "newcomers" to Germany - ie. those who have lived in Germany a mere 12 months or so - who are still finding it difficult to settle in...

And here I was, all excited about the romanticism of following a man to the other side of the globe! Three days of reading this forum, and my view is drastically changing. Where previously I had imagined myself frolicking in the snow, laughing with my charming boyfriend and my new cohort of German friends, picking up the German language as quickly as my native tongue... Now I see myself trapped inside a smoky bar, shivering at the grey skies outside, sick of the only person I know, who has the audacity of being able to speak both English AND German fluently, while I am socially isolated by a language I don't know in a culture I can't quite fit into...

HELP! I will be there in just two weeks! What have I done!?! Is this the greatest mistake ever!?! Surely I should have ditched the love of my life to find a less-interesting but more geographically desirable mate in Australia! While it is blatantly obvious that the entire population of Munich are English-born, where I would be sure to fit in somewhere, I will be instead 200km away in Nuremberg! How will I cope!?!?! Is there any hope for me??

Any advice you lot can offer on how to settle into my new freezing-cold home would be most appreciated (I am leaving tropical north Queensland in mid-summer, mind you). I would particularly value advice on how to learn German quickly and fluently (which I know is a piece of cake), how to make German friends (is it true that "humour" is a four-letter word in Germany?), how to make English-speaking friends (are there any in Nuremberg?)... or even just a pat on the back and reassurance that I will survive this...

Thanks for listening (er...reading)
Sam

Yeah, you might hate it, but you may also love it. Nothing ventured, nothing gained. You can always go home again if it doesn't work out - at least you'll be able to say you tried. And you're not alone there; see:

Toytowners in Nürnberg
Nürnberg Tuesday Night Curry

Sam

Not normally an early morning riser but today I am; probably because of your post! Don't come for a boyfriend, or girlfriend, for that matter, least of all a German one. I met numerous people (at language courses) since December last year, who came to this country purely for "the love of their lives". Every one of them, including a lovely girl from Melbourne, a gay guy from California who could drink beer better than any Irishman, a statuesque Brazilian, and the most stunning English girl from Crawley (although I think there must have been some Irish in her) were all ceremoniously dumped by their prospectve German partners. And I mean really dumped, as in put out on the street before their feet could touch the ground?

Personally, I now have a German girlfriend but I would not trust her as far as I could throw her and her best friend would not call her petite... Never, ever, come to germany for a prospective partner. Don't say I did not warn you?

Good luck all the same

TC

I just realised I may have phrased this incorrectly, when I say don't come I mean don't fly to Germany and decide to become a resident. The other stuff is entirely up to the individual.

Love does strange things to many people, moving half way around the world to a country that doesn't speak your native tongue is just one of the many.
You have every right to be scared and panicky, your whole life is about to change. I don't live in Nuremburg but have been there and it is a beautiful city. Not everyone lives in Munich

No advice. Just an observation: though things never quite turn out the way you thought they would, life has this interesting tendency to work out in the end.

Usually.

If you are adventurous and enjoy life, you will be fine. Nurnberg is a fun city with loads to do and see. Alot of people gripe, bitch, moan and complain on this site, but you must remember that we are all still here. If we didn't like it we would go home. Toytown provides an opportunity to gain information, solicit advice and vent when necessary. Look forward to the move and when you get here enjoy all the great things about Germany, tolerate the bad and bitch on Toytown when you can't take it anymore.

If you need any help or just want to correspond with someone already here please feel free to PM.

Alright, I'll add my two cents...I moved here nearly 2 years ago for the love of my life (a German man who I had met in Atlanta). We first lived near Ingolstadt, then closer to Munich and now in Nuernberg. I"ll admit we've had some rough times and more than once I have thought about going back home to avoid the difficulties, but in the end, I find myself here and happy. We are now married and expecting our first baby. We're closer than ever and our relationship is stronger than ever. All it takes is a little determination and a commitment from both of you to work through things together. Communication is the key. PM me if you are interested and I'll share some more specific points that just might help you get over your fears. Oh, and after 2 years, I'm still not fluent in German but I get by. Don't worry you'll pick up the language soon enough. Good luck!

What a lot of nonsense! I don't think there's any statistical evidence that Germans are more or less likely to end a relationship than any other nationality. No need to infect others with your own bitterness.

Edit: Oh, sorry, forgot the random end-of-paragraph question mark. "No need to infect others with your own bitterness?". There, that's better.?

Glad you got that off your chest STB, question marks are great aren't they?

The evidence, although anecdotal is nevertheless real. Just ask any of the four people who based their entire future on coming to a foreign country for the love of their life and they will give you some insight into bitterness. I have lived in many European countries and never came across this phenomenon before so to know four people it happened to in Munich and to have heard of many others would make me wary of taking the risk myself. Sam herself is already questioning her decision and if she has any doubt then she should not do it.

If she is going to do it anyway then I would advise her to ensure she is completely financially independent so that she can stand on her own two feet should the worst happen. ajohnson shows it can workand i hope the same applies to Sam and since they both live in Nuremberg at least there is someone who has shared the same experience.

On the language side of things do not go to Goethe Institute, great place but the four people who were dumped all attended there and so statisically it would be better to attend another language course. Sorry for the flippancy, its a terrible character defect but so much better than bitterness or stupidity?

edit by the way I love Germany and Germans otherwise I would not be here.

Ah, the seriousness in this forum! Please, people, no need to squabble over a silly thing like my future happiness...

topcat, Not to worry – I have had my share of experience in this thing they call “a relationship�. Although my heart tells me this German is The One (a GERMAN, of all things), several failed relationships tell me to be wary. And you are completely right – I wouldn’t trust him as far as I could boot him (and I’m no Beckham). Luckily, I am proud of my superior dumping skills, and therefore, if any dumping is to occur, I am completely prepared to be the dumper (and will endeavour to skew your statistics regarding the dumping Germans). I am also confident that, with my fresh-off-the-press British passport, I can stay in the EU indefinitely, destined to meet a dark and handsome Spaniard to sweep me off my feet (I always pictured myself in Spain...but Germany...?)

Suddenly hoping the German doesn't visit TT...

Anyway, that aside, I must be completely honest and say that I have actually been to Nuremberg twice before, and I love the joint (and, by the way, the German has been to Australia three times, and so I reckon there’s gotta be something in this love business). So my fear about this move comes not from fear of the unknown, but from experience. Although the German’s friends are lovely people (at least they look that way – I can’t understand a thing they say), I have already spent one too many nights in a fantastic bar, next to the guy I love, surrounded by pretty cool people, and completely unable to participate in any conversation whatsoever. Hence the fear.

But alas, I have found TT! Albeit completely dominated by Munich residents (regardless of what you say, hockeywidow, its true). I can see myself paying a visit or two to Munich in the near future, if only to enjoy having someone other than the German to whinge to in English. Actually, I am a little intrigued by these HHH people, and it definitely sounds like something I could get into. Not so much the running, but the drinking part sounds fab. Running is really only something I do every few weeks, simply so that I can drop it casually into conversation throughout the day:

“Hey, Sam, how’s things?�
“Not too bad. Went for a run this morning.�
“Really! Wow, you’re a runner! How far do you go? You look like a runner. I should get back into exercise myself...�

It continues to amaze me how this simple activity strikes people with such awe (“Awe�, for those of you playing at home, was the answer to 34 across, “respectful fear� in last Saturday’s Cairns Post crossword, and therefore doesn’t quite fit the preceding scenario...but I digress).

Alcohol, on the other hand, is something I dabble in a tad more frequently. In fact, I am in complete denial that alcohol is forbidden in some scenarios, such as driving, and pregnancy. I am somewhat concerned that this one rule may prevent me from ever wanting to have children (GERMAN children, of all things). Nine months on the wagon? Hmm...

I am not, by the way, an alcoholic. Just Australian. So if any of you TTers (see how quickly I am learning the lingo?) are swinging my Nuremberg in the new year, and fancy a drink, please let me know! I am sure by mid-January, the novelty of moving to yet another country will have worn off, and I will be in desperate need of a drink or seven. Not to mention, at the turn of the New Year, I will be in a plane somewhere north of China, and therefore will miss out on all the partying!

Thank you kindly for all the advice for your newest member, and please keep it coming! I am sure everything will be fine...just fine... At least I have you folks to moan to, right?

That's usually the point at which I throw in a couple of "genau"'s into the pot and then order myself another drink. I do that often enough and, all of a sudden, I'm fluent in the language. At least, that's the way I remember it.

Somehow, I think you'll be just fine.

Just my 2d.

What a wonderful basis for a relationship! What's up with dating someone that you don't trust or even better moving to a new country to be with "The One" even though you don't trust him. How the hell can he be "The One" if you don't trust him? Good luck, folks, you are going to need it!

Sam,

I came here because of a German boy in October 2005. I am still with him, so I think it was worth it!

Yes, it can be frustrating at times living here, but at the end of the day I really love my life in Munich - high taxes, less-than-perfect grocery stores and all.

I found TT to be a huge help - it puts you in contact with people not only from your home country but worldwide as well. It's great for an instant and interesting social life!

Enjoy the experience here. And hey, if it doesn't work out, you've gained international experience and got to have some fun in Europe. And btw, your boy did all the sponsoring, so more of the risk is on him!

I came to Germany for dual reasons: partially for a German guy, but for my own reasons too.

The German is history, but I'm still here and wouldn't have traded the experience for anything. Have an adventurous, 'let's see how it goes' kind of attitude, and you'll be fine.

To add my 3 cents here...i met a German man (who is quite a bit older than with an ex wife and 2 kids) in South Africa...he had gone down there to work there and we just fell in love...after much chaos in Sa over the jobs and family,i moved back to Germany with him so that we could build a life here..i had never travelled outside of SA before-never spoken a word of German before and just in general had NO clue as to what i was getting myself into...but i also decided that this was the man i wanted to be with and so i hopped on a plane on the 24th of December 2005 and have been living here since.(PS. My parents officially disowned me in the process...so the meaning 'gave everything up' is very literal in my case...since then i have married him and am loving EVERY moment here!!Sure the weather is different to SA,and the people are different...and the food is different...but if you aren't prepared to experience everything in a new light then stay at home..The bottom line is-Life is only what you make of it...and if you are prepared to move to a different country (continent) for someone then just make the best of it because they were obviously worth the effort! The harder you fight for things in life,the more they mean to you.