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Interesting spam e-mails received

Amusing and bizarre examples

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Johnny English
I liked that recent one that started "One chin is enough - lose the others" but this is my current favourite from a nice chap called Pampel Stefan.

Subject: Why your one-eye so small?

hello Dude

I don't care why your ramrod is so small,
but 75% of women do. They are pretty sure
that bigger sausage will make their
desire stronger.

You have the chance to change your life.

Here XXXXXXXXXXX you can get it.

It will help you for sure. The remedy can be sent worldwide.
If you wont be satisfied - we will return all you money.
No bullshit.

--
wgbfdkjghskjnsxnwftttf plthuiuuugtlslululustnujtptouqujntrhrsnssgrt

and some charlatan had given him a fright, he had better have some tests done.
The professor scribbled on some sheets of paper, explaining where Andrei Fokich was to go and what he should take with him. He also gave him a note to a colleague, Professor Burye, the neuropathologist, saying that his nerves, at any rate, were in a shocking condition.
'How much should I pay you, professor? ' asked the barman in a trembling voice, pulling out a fat notecase. ' As much as you like,' replied the professor drily. Andrei Fokich pulled out thirty roubles and put them on the table, then furtively, as though his hands were cat's paws, put a round,
Is Pampel registered on this forum perhaps?
Johnny English
Actually I am quite encouraged that 25% of women clearly do not care that my ramrod is small. 1 in 4 are odds I can deal with.
Inflatablewoman
ok, thats just scary!!!

I just got this, from Blagojevic Vladimir!!!

hello Chap

I don't care why your ramrod is so small, but 84% of women do. They are pretty sure that bigger sausage will make their desire stronger.

You have the chance to change your life.

Here xxxxxxx you can get it.

It will help you for sure. The remedy can be sent worldwide.
If you wont be satisfied - we will return all you money.
No bullshit.

--
rkfdgfdglkdfjgsekjwe iflrlslfmtlihhlululimrkgmflgmkmrmnmqmmmllpikmumhmi

you! '
The dubious professor put on a haughty look, turned and walked away from Ivan, who felt himself beginning to lose his head. Gasping, he turned to the choirmaster :
'Hey, you, help me arrest this criminal! It's your duty! '
The choirmaster leaped eagerly to his feet and bawled :
'What criminal? Where is he? A foreign criminal? ' His eyes lit up joyfully. ' That man? If he's a criminal the first thing to do is to shout "
Stop thief! " Otherwise he'll get away. Come on, let's shout together! ' And the choirmaster opened his mouth wide.
Obviously the increase in % of women that are upset is cause my wang is lacking in man würst compared to yours.

It also got me to thinking how the only books I tend to read nowadays are stuck at the bottom of spam emails. I just dont have the time any other way.

EDIT: The book is The Master and Margarita by Mikhail bulgakov
MichiS
I also have a nice one:

Jessamine dos dry forestaller Stetson seesaws ripe marsupial

Bambie fillets hurt sanctimony Boycie infects rotten skewing
Armada gleams adorable remorse Anton shortens fuzzy cube

your ID: bQQNBxEUHl0HEBoQOB0ZCB0IChDt7vbq8uCo4-31ub66ufK4oqDuoqXpp6esr62jr6qpr7R9

Euphrates yelps awful bobsledding Elisha trades quaint transferrer
Anton fowls soft teeth Audy kinks concerned minutia
Allx unsteadys concerned verruca Nancey apprentices puzzled occurrence
Nancey deodorizes doubtful basset Hopewell envisions ppearance perfunctoriness
Tarzan tabbys annoyed making Scranton sighs perfect dam
Delcina overclassifys noisy referent Mitchael besmirchs hungry sharpshooter
Noreen whisks dangerous partiality Noreen treks panicky tycoon
Tarzan outhustles zany birdie Stetson dilly-dallys tall lousewort

Analise indoctrinates ancient nativeness Powhatan defibrillates quaint caryatid
Corfu recombs chubby mode Liliane overagitates wet specie
Liliane granulates eager mop Aden outjockeys tasty ditch
I would be greatful to have it translated.
Johnny English
So 9% of women are more concerned about your Weisswurst being so small relative to mine. I reckon that makes it official that IW has a smaller knob than me (which I must say is quite an achievement).
gideon
VfAGRA from $3. 30 and other goods.

http://www.xaseruijintunhfeungandesuikin.com
 
received bottom marks. He didnt care, though; he was too busy screwing
up his courage for what he was about to do. When the bell rang, he
grabbed his bag, and hurried to the dungeon door.
well you guys are lucky. its only small. mine is flacid. i get this one regularly. i've repplied back that it cant be true it was only once and i was drunk. they never reply.
Inflatablewoman
The internet never lies. *sob*
Johnny English
Things are looking up. I get a choice now between a brunette with big tits and a long-legged blonde. Do you think if I buy two patches I get two chances to select?

Your wife complains to headache each evening?
Your girlfriend says about "pressing business" too frequently? Girls on beach don`t pay any attention?

CHANGE IT!

Change half millimeter thickness of your wallet to additional inches of your tiger cub! Find "Pe~nis Growth Patch (tm)" on our site and stop think about "small size". From this point you will have
one issue - select between brunette with nice tits and long-legged blonde!

Deeper, longer and more strongly!
Inflatablewoman
Things are looking up. I get a choice now between a brunette with big tits and a long-legged blonde. Do you think if I buy two patches I get two chances to select?
Well, Ahmed Bowman, informs me that using this product you dont need to choose between them and could take them both with your increased libido!

Finally the real thing - no more ripoffs!
P.E.P. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx are hot right now, VERY hot! Well this is the real thing, not an imitation!
One of the very originals, the absolutely unique product is available, anywhere!

Read what people say about this product:

"I love how fast your product worked on my boyfriend, he can't stop talking about how excited he is with his new girth, length, and libido!"

Amelia B., Boston

"At first I thought the free sample package I received was some kind of joke… until I actually tried using the P.E.P. Words cannot describe how pleased I am with the results from using the patch for 8 short weeks. I'll be ordering on a regular basis from now on!"

Mikkey Fox, Chicago

Read more testimonals about this marveouls product here!
Inflatablewoman
your tiger cub
Never heard it called that before.
Johnny English
I also like the way that the Penis Patch has a little TRADEMARKED logo attached. This makes me feel much better as I was getting just slightly worried that I might not be dealing with a 100% legitimate medical reseller. But now that I can see the logo I shall hand over my credit card details immediately.

I have decided not to be greedy and will just flip a coin to select whether the blonde or brunette gets to play with my tiger cub.
TheSwedishChef
Never heard it called that before.
I have.
That's what Father McQuinty calls it down the local priory, just before he gives me a mars bar and a can of coke as reward.
MoiLV
The Email's not that funny but the subject is:

"Penetrate your partner for hours on end"

In a poll conducted by Durex Condoms, 67% of women said they were unhappy with their lover's penis size."

You now have a truly amazing option for intense and effective penis enlargement: The Penis Enlarge Patch

Drastically enlarge the penis length and width to sizes previously thought impossible!

Gain incredible girth and mind-blowing length in just a few weeks time!

http://www.bibisik.com/?34&I7de
Anyone need the patch?
Johnny English
I assume the coke also helps to wash away the taste?
Inflatablewoman
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