Funny direct translations

Can anyone help? I am trying to help organize a Christmas English lesson based on bad translation or funny direct translations. For an English group. The problem is that I have a few but my memory is so bad that I can’t remember some of the better ones. I have things like “water rooster� as a translation for wasserhahn, “going downstairs� when standing at the top of a mountain, or “taking a machine� at the airport.

What are peoples favourites. I thought it might be nice to share some of the better ones.

I like the Austrian Post website, English version. The about us section might be what you need.

Under four eyes - Unter vier Augen
Up goes the post - ab geht die Post
Backside Monkey's castle - Aschaffenburg
Equals goes it looose - Gleich geht es los

& the best of all (at the end of each month)

"My go-stop is over meadows" - "mein Gehalt ist überwiesen"

You could even dig out the "lecture to the Oxford Union" by Gerrard Hoffnung
(BBC recording from 1954 I think) with the title "French Widows" with
the memorable invitation from a Tryolean landlady offering holiday
accommodation: "I am not so good in bath - I'm superb in bed"

One German colleague said recently to an American colleague "Don't go me on the cookie" (geh' mir nicht auf den Keks).

My office is apparently more vulgar. The guys always say "Es geht mir auf den Sack". Um, I think you can figure that one out.

Ausziehtisch* - strip tease table
*drop-leaf table

I love that reference to mail carriage, so wonderfully old fashioned.

My German ex- once said, "Yes, I know it's chilly. I'm going to wear a sweater overneath this blouse."

"Overneath?"

"Yes. Overneath it. Just like the blouse is underneath the sweater."

I was howling with laughter and actually rolling on the floor as she became more and more irritated while insisting it was a word. After all, it only makes sense that if you have an underneath you must have an overneath. She looked through every dictionary in the flat and when she finally conceded, she still insisted that she was still right to use that word and English just forgot to put it in.

woof.

Overneath - great new word.

I shall now start campaigning to get it into the dictionaries.

there is a joke/cartoon book called "English for runnaways" - Englisch für Fortgeschrittene. Really funny book, maybe you find it somewhere.

Now can come what wants (Uschi Disl).

which led me to this site: http://www.slapped.de/funx/denglisch.php

One I love to use is:

'This is me totally sausage' - 'Das ist mir Wurst' - 'I don't care at all'

nothing falls into me - es fällt mir nichts ein

Funny Fortune Cookie

My all-time favorite: Now empires it me but! - Nun reicht es mir aber.

The restaurant near work used to have its menu in English on their website. One day we were offered, "Deep fried citizen. With that potatoe snow." I think they were talking about burgers. At least I hope so.

I think it's more likely that they didn't manage to transcribe the word "chicken" properly and didn't know how to say "mashed potatoes", either. Quite a poetic description of the latter, I must say.

Handschuhe - hand shoes! or rather gloves.

It's related so thought I'd post it. I was watching Bad Santa (quality film!) the other day on Premiere and right at the end 'the kid' is sporting the new T-Shirt he got for Christmas from Santa that says, "Shit happens when you party naked." The German subtitles on the bottom read, "Die Kacke kommt so bald du die Hose runten lässt." Unless I'm mistaken, this would suggest that the shit comes as soon as you take your trousers down! Riiiiight!

Script translated from italian to english by me, "I'm quite a hard player, I play quite rough, some referees see that as me being a bit of a villian, but really I'm just working hard."

The former translation by a German, into English, using the wonders of Leo worterbuch.
" I like it hard, rough is best, I am a crook, some say I am a chiseller"

!!!???

That's from one of my favourites, love it.

Here's the whole thing:

Two strangers meet in London. They start a conversation but they have to use their dictionary quite often.

- Hello, Sir, how goes it you?
- Oh, thank you for the afterquestion.
- Are you already long here?
- No, first a pair days. I'm not out of London.
- Thunderweather, that overrushed me. You see not so out.
- That can yes beforecome. But now what other: My hairs stood to mountain as I the traffic saw. So much cars give it here.
- You are heavy on the woodway if you believe that in London horsedroveworks go.
- Will we now a beer drink go? My throat is outdried. But look, there is a guesthouse, let us man there go!
- That is a good think! Equal goes it loose. I will only my shoeband close.
- Here we are. Make me please the door open.
- But there is a beforehangingcastle. The economy is to. How sorry.
Then will I go back to the hotel, it is already retard. On againsee!
- Oh yes, I will too go. I must get the draught too Backsidemonkeycastle.
Auf Wiedersehen!
- Nanu, sind Sie Deutscher?
- Ja, sie auch? Das wundert mich aber. Ihr Englisch ist so hervorragend, daß ich es gar nicht bemerkt hätte.

And then they made them me-nothing – you-nothing out of the powder.


It's always funny to take an English text, have it translated to German by freetranslations and then translate it back into English. Priceless!

example with the above paragraph translated by freetranslations:
"Es ist immer lustig, einen englischen Text zu nehmen, lässt es zu Deutsch durch FreeTranslation übersetzen und übersetzen dann es hinter in Englisch. Unbezahlbar!"
OK, at least you can understand, what they mean...

but then translate that back into English, you should get what you had in English before, but no...

"It is always jolly to take an English text, lets translate and translate it to German through FreeTranslation then it behind in English. Prohibitively expensive!"

Years ago there used to be an excellent chinese retuarent just off the west end of the Reeperbahn in Hamburg. They had their menu in Chinese, German & English.

I kid you not - it really did have one entry:

<some chinese symbols> - Geröstete Ente - Roast Donald

when babelfish first came out my ex and me used to put our emails through multiple translations to see what fun would ensue. My favourite was 'I'm bushed' (as in tired) ending up as 'I am planted with shrubs'

The canteen at our old office building was truly horrible. We had such delightful dishes as "Potatoes Bags", "Vegetebles pan" and "Steam noodles with vanillas gravy. This was the same canteen that served Spaghetti al arrabiata and when asked if it was spicy, the cook replied that it wasn't at all. No peppers in the sauce. When further asked how garlicky it was, he replied that there's no garlic in the sauce.

woof.

I'm sick of seeing so many of the beer gardens writing spare ribs wrongly. I have seen Sparreribs, Sparerips, Spareripps and even Sparribs. Is it so hard?

Weygand called which general, its battle of France more rüber. I expect that the battle of Great Britain imist term to begin. After this battle hangs that survive the Christian civilization off. After it our own British life depends and the long passage of our institutes and our realm. Complete rage and could of the enemy must on us very soon be turned. Hitler knows that he must break us in this island or lose the war. If we can stand up to it, all Europe can be free and the life of the world knows forward into expanded, sunlit high countries to move. But, if we fail, then the whole world, including the United States, including all, which we knew and interested, sink us in into the abyss of a new dark age formed darkly, and possibly protracted, by the lights perverted of the science. Us to our tasks fasten themselves therefore leave and to thus carry that, if the British realm and its Commonwealth last for thousand years, men become calm saying, „this was their finest hour. “

Well quite...

What I see miss-translated WAY fucking too often is the word castle.

I'll give you a hint, Linderhof is NOT a castle...the Residenz is NOT a castle (though it used to be, none of the former castle is there currently)...Nymphenburg is NOT a castle...(they're called palaces, do you really want to try to defend someone in one of those buildings?)

Hohensalzburg in Salzburg IS a castle...Burg Trausnitz in Landshut IS a castle...Blutenburg in Munich IS a castle...see the difference?

As a certified and sworn translator, I used to be agitated by piss-poor attempts by schmucks and/or arrogant non-native speakers operating under the delusion that they (or some software/computer) could do half as good a job as I do for a living - day in, day out.

But now that I earn serious cash translating for professionals who appreciate my experience and skills, I simply laugh at the obnoxious morons who claim to have a clue.

No longer bitter :-)
not_Mormon
P.S. "Washington, Gleichstrom" as a translation for "Washington, DC" (DC = direct current; District of Columbia)!!!

i love people that say "not" at the end of sentences... or "or?". classic.

In den meisten Fällen sind Sie schon am nächsten Tag wieder voll einsatzfähig.

In most cases you will be completely fit for use the following day.

They really meant recovered from dental work, but hey, you might be wanting to be used as well the following day.

hey, I didn't write it!

I think they mean after treatment you can return to your normal schedual.

What about literal translations of certain words that just dont sound quite right...
Staubsauger - Dust sucker (Vacuum cleaner)
Fernseher - Far seer (TV)
Brustwartze - Breast warts (nipples)

Which is exactly what Television means...Television
but you knew that, didn't you?

Of course

I love this one

'Mir ist heiß...bist du auch heiß ?'

in english...i am hot ,are you as well...refering to the temperature

in german...i am horny, are you horny too ?

Mir ist heiß means I am hot.

Ich bin heiß means I am horny.

Funny direct translations are so much funnier if you actually get them right. Your first sentence reads "I'm hot, are you also horny?" Which would boggle most people when asked.

well it certainly 'boogled' you didn't it Showem !

keep smiling !

I love this one:

Click to view attachment

can you guess, what kind of device it describes?

From a spa website:

Massage - only on the back side

Wonder if they charge per cheek.

A quote from the legandary Filser letters:

You are on the woodway - Du bist auf dem Holzweg (aka you are barking up the wrong tree)

http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Josef_Filser