Acceptable times of the day for phone calls

I had a complete stranger (responding to an ad) call me last night after 10pm - then sms me after 1am. Wondering if I was just being grumpy by thinking this is unacceptable?

If it's unacceptable to you then it's unacceptable. That's really all that matters.

If someone rings me at 9am on a Saturday morning then I'd think that was not on. If someone rings my parents then it's not an issue as they're up at cock crow.

For your stranger and the SMS, if it results in a sale then I'd not be bothered.

When I was growing up, we were never permitted to have phone calls afer 22:00. That kinda stuck with me as an adult in some circumstances. If it's a professional call or you are calling someone you are not particularly close to,there should be a limit. However, if a close friend calls/sends an sms, I don't realy care what time they call.

Ditto bern's post

1am is pretty damned inconsiderate. 10pm is not quite sleepy time, but 1am is the dead of night, at least during the week, where everyone wants their beauty sleep.

I think every time is acceptable.

If you don't want to be reached or receive SMSs at some ungawdly hour, just turn your phone off.

Duh.

Or switch the SMS notification tone off.

I can't be arsed switching off my mobile, unhooking the telephone, dismantling the doorbell all before I go to bed just to guarantee a decent nights sleep. i think it's pretty damn unacceptable to call on the phone, sms or ring the doorbell late at night or early in the morning ... I just wake up in a panic thinking someone has died !!!

After 2200 is a no no on a schoolnight big time - unless it is friends meeting up for drinkies etc.
People who ring my doorbell AM at the weeknds can f*** off too.

And if your asking people to call for an advert, make sure you state an execptable Time for them to call and all calls
outside of this time fram will not be answered.

I just had a pretty unpleasant experience. I'm a student here in Germany, and I called a Professor from my University at 22.10. I knew that this is on the border of politeness, but it was very important to speak to him, and I thought that as it was a call within the University community I would be forgiven.

Unfortunately he was in bed, and his son answered and pretty much went crazy! He asked who I think I am to call so late at night, and as I was apologising he had a final rant and hung up pretty rudely.

I was utterly shocked by this attitude, and came away feeling offended. The Professor in question has a reputation for being rather anti-social in his dealings with people, so my question is: is this just a case of this being one screwed up family - like father like son- or is 22.10 really too late in Germany?

Topics merged by admin

When I were a lad (phrase stolen from another fellow TTer) my mom always insisted that we should never call another house after 9 pm becuase it was impolite.

A work related call after 10 at night?

Yeah i'd be pretty pissed off too!

Was it that urgent that it couldn't wait till tomorrow morning?

after 9 ish too late. You are not his buddy...

One of my uni profs once gave us her private number in case of emergency, but she basically said not to call her in the evenings because nothing can be that important that it can't wait till the next morning (apparently one student once called her at 1am because he realized he had forgotten to translate one sentence in the final).

Doing a call like that at past 10pm is not just the border of politeness, it is simply impolite. I would not even dare to call after 8pm. This is your professor, not your friend. He has a private life and I would not want anyone from work (or a professor) calling me at 10pm either.

For private calls I usually make that dependent on the person I am calling. If I know they stay up late and live by themselves, it is absolutely possible I call them at 1am, but I am talking about my best friend here. I know friends of mine who still live at home whose parents do not want anyone calling after 9pm, so I don't.

I'm surprised I've not had more supportive replies!

I've been a student here for two years, and have called teachers on several occassions way after 10 - I've never had this problem.

I mean, we're all up and awake aren't we? I couldn't care less if someone called me now. Who goes to bed before ten these days?

If you still can't see the difference between a work related call and a social call from a friend or relative then frankly you shouldn't be at Uni, you lack basic intelligence and above all, manners!

No not everyone is up and awake. Your professor is not a student! He is not a friend! I don't know how old he is but plenty of old-ish people go to bed early. My mom often goes to bed between 9 and 10. I make it a rule of thumb not to call my parents after 11 (because my dad does stay up late) and they are my family!!!

If your other professors so far have not had a problem with you calling this late, you have simply been lucky. You cannot expec supportive replies if what you did was not appropriate! I hope your professor does not hold this against you now, and you know for the future not to do this again.

You didn't ask for support, you asked whether it is impolite or not. You received an unanimous answer: it is impolite to call that late. Why in the whole wide earth do you now complain about not receiving supportive replies?

What do you mean, 'a call like that?' I think its unfair to use that term unless you know what the nature of the call is. I'm not going to divulge the nature of the call but, as I've already pointed out, it was a very important call. I will say that it would have benefitted the teacher concerned if he had answered it and taken the call.

I did assess the situation before I made the call, and it was my honest belief that it was an acceptable time to call the person concerned. I have often called other professors at this time, and later, with no problems whatsoever. What I find unacceptable is the son's response. Ok, if I was too late for that family, I can understand it - and I readily apologised as best as I could. However, I didn't call at an extreme time, (eg 1.00am like your example) it was the first time I've bothered them in this way, and I think it would have been enough if he'd politely told me not to do it again as his family wind down early. Thats what I'd have done, so I guess I expect such basic decency as a minimum from others.

A call like that = not a private call to a friend, but a work/university related call.

Was his study on fire?
Was a rival professor dogging with his wife outside the student residences?
You just realised that if you read the footnotes of his book backwards its an as yet undiscovered formula to make a car run 100 miles on a piece of old chewing gum?

Then your call was justfied. Otherwise it was bad manners and you need to apologise.

I would have to agree here too... You cannot and should not assume that everyone will think and behave the way you do. As was pointed out here by others, it is pretty much common sense that you should not call someone regarding work after 9pm or so, unless:

• you have pre-arranged to do so;
• you are both working together on a priject and *know* that they will not mind;
• you both have a personal friendship too;

I think most people, after a hard day at work, wish to do something other than work afterwards without being disturbed too late...

Edit: I can not believe that your call that "would have benefited the professor if he had taken it" could not have waited until morning, even if it was some new way of running cars on chewing gum or "someone dogging with his wife"... The World is not going to end in the next 12 hours...

I'm kind of left speechless by the nature of some of these replies. Clearly, I recognise the difference between the natures of these types of calls.

Despite what you've all said, I will still believe that making a very important call just after ten is acceptable. I planned to do what I've done quite often before which is to say "Please excuse me for calling so late, but..." What annoys me is that the person who answered wouldn't give me the chance to justify my decision to call at such a borderline time before being rude and slamming the phone down.

TBH, I think 9 is too late unless you KNOW it is OK.
Dependin on their working day, domestic situation and journey to work, colleagues of mine will be in bed by 9.


There's a pun in there somewhere.

Keep calling people after 10 PM like this and your fellow students will be grateful that when your professors only have one favour to give you won't be getting it.

It does not matter what yu find acceptable. The person you called clearly did not find it acceptable!

@ warsteiner, if it was so urgent, why didn't you just call a friend instead to help you? Or someone in your class?

Even though I was on good terms with all my profs when I was in uni, I usually stopped by their office during their office hours instead of bothering to call them.

If it was so important and you want some sympathy, I suggest you let other TTers what was going on that night.

What do you expect if you do not divulge your reason for calling and only post giving half of the picture which only makes you look to be self-centred, inconsiderate and impolite... EDIT: As was posted by another TT member, if you give us the whole picture, you *may* get some sympathy...

It is obviously not just this once, you have already said that you have done this on numerous occasions - I cannot believe that you have so many important calls to make to professors which means disturbing their private time...

I don't any more but I used to answer the phone for my flatmate who'd have people calling for him either very early or very late.
I never got quite as far as saying fuck off but did have the odd "Bitte rufen Sie zu so einer zeit nie wieder an" a few times.

I'd rather not share the nature of what I intended to talk to the teacher about. I don't see why people can't take it on trust that it was important. I will say that I attend an arts college, and that the teacher/student relationship is clearly far different in this college than what many of you envisage a normal teacher/student relationship to be. It is considered normal for people to ring each other around 10. I'm not sure that changes anything, as I would have thought - till today - that the same applies everywhere. My parents are both University lecturers in the UK and students regularly call them at that time.

I didn't post specifcally looking for sympathy. I posted to see if my gut feeling was right, and I now readily accept that it wasn't. I'm grateful for having that pointed out to me, but I'm left very disappointed by the nature of some of the replies. There was no need to get personal, to make unfounded assumptions, or to make clear attempts to make me feel worse by using sarcasm and exaggerating what actually happened.

Sounded like you wanted a bit of empathy. I never intended to use sarcasm, but usually you get more useful or supportive replies when you divulge the matter at hand.

Sorry - I wasn't implying that the sarcasm had come from you!

I don't see why I need to spill my guts just to get people to stop behaving in such a way.

"It is considered normal"
you sign and insist while others say desist,
tis not the nature of the Place,
be it Art, be it Brute or Fine,
the call's misplaced,
now you go formal,
and need some cheese,
with that whine.

Because you said that you do it on a regular basis...
Because none of us can believe that anything can be so important that it can't wait until morning...


I cannot believe that you still cannot see things from a perspective other than yours... Is it not clear that something is possibly not quite acceptable when so many people agree here that what you are doing is not acceptable?

Maybe the students had agreed with your parents to be able to call them late? Maybe your parents have the same beliefs as you in which case it wouldn't be a problem...

I would never have called my Uni professors at night *at all*...

I'll probably give up soon, but for some reason something is pushing me on to explain parts of this that people still don't get.

Quite how you don't get some of it is stunning, considering you quote me and then go on to prove you've not read bits of my text you're quoting.

I can see it from other's perspectives, which is why I wrote - in the part you quoted - that I now see the error of my ways and am glad to have had it pointed out to me.

I have called Professors from this college at this time of night and its never been a problem - that didn't require luck, Mariposa! Neither do I stuggle to diferentiate between my teachers and students. I'm quite clear on where the borders lie.

I accept that its not polite to call teachers in Germany after 10. I'm happy people have let me know that. But my original thread did not justify some peoples response. I get the distinct impression that some of the people who replied are looking to 'discuss' anything, and will come out with forthright opinions, and highly emotive language, even when its unjustified, because thats what they get out of discussion forums - imposing their preaching and principles on others, at the expense of the other persons feelings. Not all of the posts, but some.

Can I call you at 5:45 in the morning then?

Just re-read the thread and frankly BD gave you some minor grief, the others do not seem to preach or wassnot - perhaps you'd care to point this out...

"highly emotive language"? Try again.

If you like, but what would that have to do with a thread concerning making calls at 10 at night? Most teachers I know are wide awake at 10 pm, but still asleep at 5.45. Seems like my remarks are being screwed around with again ...

So why do it? The post on here upset that you got short shrift on the telephone?

If it WAS that important ie the professors study was on fire or similar I'm sure he'll apologise to you tomorrow instead of the apology you should think of giving him.

Just as as an example where the boundaries lie:

I get on well with my boss, we're "per du" although that isn't that common for him and we do telephone late sometimes.

Yesterday at 1910 I received a mail from him (he was still working at home) concerning an international meeting I had to organise today for an important project.
He'd made a fundamental mistake in the mail so I immediately called him to clear it up and we did so briefly.
He knows I don't call him for the fun of it so he knew its important but after 30 seconds he made it clear from his tone and choice of words that it was really late enough.

FFS people, It was about Art! Are you so caught up in surfing the generic surfboard of mediocrity that you do not understand the importance of Art?
take care,
space

At 10 PM all the art students I know are smoking Gauloise, necking cheap drinks and trying to score before they head off to a dodgy party in a WG somewhere in Giesing.

in the meantime warsteiner is writing another opus major post

God, this is fun. . . Clearly, I meant AFTER the advice I've recieved, I NOW understand that its not done here.

And that stuff about 19.10 being about as late as your boss will talk to his employers. . . Is that relevant? Why are people here so obsessed with connecting teachers with bosses . . . I can't believe it's relevant, as I can't imagine there exists a teacher who'll say 19.10 is their cut-off point in talking to students. Doubtless many here have had experience of teachers who call it a day that early ...

It's exceptional done ANYWHERE. Maybe your parents are OK with it, maybe other profs you've had are OK with it but I would say it is NOT norm behaviour.
Unless it was an EMERGENCY eg his study on fire etc, I would not have DARED to call that late to my professors.


PMSL
You don't know when his day starts, when he started work, when he finished work.
Its very presumptious of you to assume he always has to be there when you want him to be.

The comparison with my boss is valid. It is someone I have a fairly close and pleasant relationship with but he is my boss.

Well that, for example, seems like emotive language to me. I fail to understand why someone would be using all those capitals, and accusing me of being presumptious, when its just a topic on a discussion forum. Strange.

I think its presumptious to read someone writing several times that he has clear reasons to believe that in this case it was acceptable to call around 10, and still keep saying its only acceptable under certain circumstances. What prevents you from taking my word for it that my circumstances justified it? How are you so certain I'm wrong?

Because you are part of his job. A professor also wants what we call Feierabend in German at some time, and that time is not 11pm. And not 10pm either.

I think that you *can* compare the role of a teacher/lecturer/professor with that of a boss... They are both just doing a job - you might have a good relationship with either of them, but unless they are mates, it would not be the norm to call them out of work hours unless it was an emergency as has already been pointed out numerous times.

As MonksTown has rightly said, you should not *presume* what hours others work and that they probably work similir hours to you and probably would react the same way as you and would therefore not be bothered by being called after 10pm... Just because most teachers work long hours marking coursework/projects etc, does not automatically mean that they want to be disturbed by calls at this time too... It also does not mean that they *enjoy* working until 23:00 - they are probably all looking forward to getting home, relaxing and putting their feet up!

If it had been in the office at 10pm, I am sure it would not be a problem, but at home it's a different kettle of fish...

Ok! Thanks for all your help! I know better now, and won't do it again.

Consider your wrists well and truly slapped!

Edit: have you tried chatlines?