How did I get here?

Ok, so the suicide thread got me thinking that it's amazing that amongst a group of mainly so called white collar professionals enjoying various levels of success in a foreign land, there are so many touched by tragedy born of lack of self worth and insecurity.

So, on to what i wanted to say.

Do you ever look around and find that you have created a home and have progressed in your career and think " How the hell did little old me accomplish this ?"

Do you wonder when you will get found out cos surely just you with all your insecurities and fears can't be responsible for all that you find yourself amongst, be it a house, car, marriage, kids or whatever ?

I think what i am trying to say is that sometimes it all just seems like an impossibility to be where we are without asking someone what to do but somehow we manage.

Sorry, i have explained this very badly and reads like a true rambling post but i hope you understand what i mean ?

I suppose we are all hostages of fortune, good or bad. I ended up with a Renault ffs

Sometimes when I'm just walking down the street by myself I still (even after 2.5 years) get hit by this sudden realisation "I'm in Munich, how the fuck did I get here?!". I see all the old buildings and get a surreal feeling that this must all be in my head, that I couldn't have possibly left an easy life, a good job and a huge support network for something completely unknown.

Yeah I often ask myself how I got here. Introspection is a really good thing.

yep I know exactly what you mean!

I've spent over 6 years working hard towards something, and it has just all finally paid off. Life has changed completely and I can't believe how lucky I am. Every day I wake up and feel like its a dream, don't quite understand how everything is going right for once. 6 months ago I was in a dark place and could never have imaged how good life could become.

Well, that's until the next hurdle comes along!

my take: just by being myself and staying true to myself.

Introspection is good, thinking "wow, that's pretty something" is great, imposter syndrome ain't so great, if you think that all you've achieved is due to luck or fate or circumstance, then you might want to think again maybe.

...very carefully.

There ya go, i told ya i was in touch with my feminine side !

Ah, Talking Heads is currently playing in my head. Thanks.

I seem to go through cycles of being hugely successful (both professionally and personally), then I have incredibly bad luck, everything falls apart and then I pick myself up again, have incredibly good luck and everything is fine again. I guess at the moment I am in the upswing of the good luck cycle (after a humbling and shocking period betwen 2002 and 2005) as I am very happy to be living back in Europe and living in Munich. I would not trade it for anything else at present, bar a glimpse of my far away family more often (sob).

And, yes, I do feel priviledged to be in a situation where my immediate family and I are able to relocate around the world at whim (not through cushy job transfers, just because we get off our asses and organise it and have portable professions) and live in a lovely expat bubble wherever we go...

My husband thinks I am the grasshopper from Aesop's fable who is lives it up in good times and doesn't think about the future...true, but I have faith in myself and optimism that I will always survive.

I still feel the really big stuff like who you marry, who you have children with, who breaks your heart is due to fate or circumstance. A chance meeting here, a hasty decision there is all it takes and suddenly you find yourself wondering how did I get here. All the material stuff is just because I am brilliant

Whether you think you will succeed or you will fail, you are right!

It's a question of internal vs. external locus of control.

Some people (external locus of control) attribute all their success and failure to something outside of themselves, be it luck, god, fate, your parents, your boss, your cheating ex etc. and some (internal locus of control) take responsibility for their own lives and their own mistakes and acheivements. Studies do show that people with internal locus of control tend to be more successful.

i think that's partly true - there is an element of luck involved but there is an AWFUL lot u can do to swing things your way - I've swapped countries for women a couple times , swapped great jobs for bumhood even once or twice , FACK it , chase ur dreams.

I would agree Topcat



The mind is all powerful... "Think and Be Rich"

Never a truer word spoken, but, and that is a big BUT, you have to be prepared for whatever may come your way and not everybody can handle that kind of uncertainty. Still, chasing your dream makes for a more fulfilling life if you can handle it.

wheel of fortune also comes to mind. things go up and down.

And thank God for that

And I think the lesson is never to take things for granted or be too arrogant in your achievements or possessions. They can just as easily be taken away from you again (if you believe in fate and destiny and all that...).

"The gods may throw a dice - their minds as cold as ice
And someone way down here - loses someone dear"

Here's something i try to run my life by and often fail but still a worthwhile exercise in introspection.

I sat down with my son when he was only a young lad and we examined this together and discussed what it might mean and his childish innocence and clear sight taught me more than i could have imagined.

He actually quoted one passage of it to me yesterday so it clearly lives on in him as well.

If by Rudyard Kipling

Classic and unbeatable... for men. What about one for women?

The meaning is the same, the only error is the last line.

Try not to become a man of success but rather to become a man of value - Albert Einstein

I just re-read it, its actually quite beautiful

Here you go Renia, very well known recital by Des Lynham as applied to the Football World Cup of 1998 showing pain and passion too with a beautiful background.

How did I get here? - Basically, on a train from Amsterdam after flying there from Oakland, CA.

But I am where I am now doing what I'm doing now because in ten years I went from a victim full of self-doubt, fear and inhibitions (thanks to my childhood abusers and the Dementor that I married) to a survivor full of self-confidence, courage and a nothing-can-hurt-me-that-badly-now attitude (thanks to the guy I've been with for seven years).
The main lesson that I learned: Courage doesn't mean not being afraid - it means facing your demons and fighting them.

Courage also means taking risks, and that is how some of us found ourselves here. We got out of our comfort zones, the places we grew up and the family and friends surrounding us and took a chance at something new. In a way the best of both worlds, still retaining those we left behind but having the pleasure and advantage of making new friends.

When I think "how did I get here", its unsuprisingly splattered with expletives, and is more like "shit, how the fuck did I get here"

Anyway, I certainly did not really get out of my comfort zones Hams, I simply moved my comfort zone with me.

... I deleted the post that used to be here cos I posted in the wrong thread, sorry!

Edited too.

Don Riina - your comfort zone includes fine fare and gastronmic delights... did you really succeed in bringing it with you?

ok last time I delete a post.. have moved to the right thred sorry!

d_r, you disappoint me. I was waiting for WTF am I doing still here???
@ hams: I liked the unedited version better.

Seek and ye shall find, my young apprentice.
Its the unique English style of junk food that I miss. I can cook all manner of pretty much anything I want...but can never get Scotch Eggs to taste like Ginsters.

Was watching Nigel Slater on TV yesterday and getting rather peeved at the lack of sticky toffee pudding in my world.

I miss banoffee myself with lots of cream.

Haven't advanced to How yet; I'm still asking Why?

I think that all the things that got you to where you are now, whether bad, really bad, good or really good, are the things that will give you the experience to help you get to where you are going.

how'd i get here (as in Munich) i was sitting as a bum and had a premonition i'd meet an amazing hunk of a guy if i came to Munich...

(well, not really... but sounds better than the real reason)

Sorry, but you don´t have to be a "white collar professional" to find fulfilment in life. I enjoy what I do, I can´t imagine doing anything else and I certainly wouldn´t want to sit in an office all day. I am happy, I think what I do is worthwhile, I have a wonderful wife and I do not feel particularly insecure. I have led a pretty varied and at times chaotic life, but for the past few years it´s been stable and that´s something I feel very good about.

As to how I got here? Well, it really was a question of being in the right place at the right time.

I agree with you but the fact remains that you're twisting his words:

What would I give not to have to wear "office togs"!

Well, i know how i got back here tonight, it woz Lufthansa wot dun it

@ willum Sorry, i wasn't trying to convey any elitism in my original post, i was just trying to say that from the outside looking in it would be perceived that the majority of people from here would be thought of as confident professionals with the world at their feet and not scared, insecure individuals trying to get by day by day.

I did say it was a rambling incoherent post

Welcome back bluedave - any goodies from Blighty for me... pretty please...

bacon, sausage, shortbread, pork pies, gravy, english bread, chilli sauce. What would you like hams ?

Sticky toffee pudding, oh well... I'll be there at the end of the month so just have to wait a bit longer. Thank you though.

Ooooh, ya fecker! I hope they arent Melton Mowbrays...

My mate is coming out on friday hams, consider it done

Yup they is G

Oooh... any for me?

work in the nude I do!


I Bags the gravy
any pork pies left?

Thanks

Any excuse to go out drinking with you bluedave. Sticky toffee pudding would just be an added bonus, it's the time of the year when all I hanker for is the aforementioned or apple crumble and custard. *saliva glands in overdrive*