Kaltenberger Knights Festival - medieval show - Munich

I went on Friday to the annual Kaltenberger Knights Festival which is handy 'cos it is just up the road from me, but also happens to be the #1 for such Medieval events in Europe.

I was very impressed. Lots of great stalls, amazing costumes, lots to see, fantastic entertainment and thoroughly recommended that you go.

Slight downside is that it is pretty much too busy, and this ended up with me having a rather public row with some fellah. Basically the wife and I know that at around 7.15 the "parade" will start so we are wandering around this heaving mass of people at about 7pm wondering where it starts etc when...

This old german bloke with an Ozzy bush hat and ugly wife suddenly starts gabbing at me in Kraut. Now I have been to my lessons for six months, but he is too fast and too rude for me so the best I can say is "Ich verstehen Sie nicht". so he says quick as you like "OK which language?" and battle may now commence on an equal footing.

Actually I think at this stage he had just given away his advantage as I am around 30 years younger, 30 kilos heavier and whatever English he has learnt it is not going to compete with mine learnt driving in London traffic. Downside is that the spectators to our "modern-day-verbal-joust" are all square-heads so even when I win there is a chance they won't realise.

As it happens whoever wins I reckon I will be the long term moral winner because his ugly wife is attempting to disguise her face, as some German women do, by dying her hair that strange pink shade that a 15 year-old punk girl with attitude could probably get away with...but this sour-faced old bint never could.

But I digress and must get back to Crocodile Dun-D-Day and the pink pig. So I pretty much reply:

"Yes, I am English - what is the problem?"

and Herman replies (in pretty good English in his defence):

"Why dont you stand at the back? We have been standing here 20 minutes?"

and I am like:

"At the back of where precisely?"

and he says:

"We have been waiting here. You are English. Why don't you queue?". And the pig butts in with "He can't be English, he doesn't know how to queue".

(p.s. Congratulations if you made it this far)

So he gets it back between the eyes along these lines:

"Well I would love to queue if I had any idea where your fictitious queue starts or finishes. There are no barriers. There are no lines on the floor. There are no flags to mark a start or an end. There are no security guards, and in fact there is no queue - just people in all directions. Furthermore I don't even know what I am supposed to be queuing for or where it might be?".

At which there are a few giggles from the crowd, and Herman kinda mutters something along the lines of "Well I suppose so...".

To be fair it is the kinda tussle that could happen anywhere and in any language but I reckon I won. So Two World Wars, 1 World Cup and 1 Childish-row-in-a-crowd to us.

The Ritter Fest was great however, and I still like it here In fact the irony was that I just had my letter published in a UK magazine talking about the good stuff - scan to follow on another thread if I remember.

What a loverly story.

rotflmao

I love Kaltenberg Going twice this year and will be a Corvus Corax groupie

Is it just me or does that horse appear to be jet-powered?

Oh, and well done on the arguing front - though you should always finish an argument with "You sir, are a wanker"

Is anyone going to the Gauklernacht on 20.07.06?

I was at Kaltenberger on Sunday, can throughly recommend it with children. Very well organised, friendly and fun. I had an extra child with me too and didn't lose any of them!

I went on Saturday, July 8. It started pouring down rain just as the show started and continued almost until the end. I was very impressed by the level of horse riding - these guys are unbelievable and the horses are even more impressive - not to mention that the men are extremely good looking.

It was fantastic. Highly recommended.

True, true... I was quite taken with the Black Knights, but then I am one for the bad boys...

I've been going there also for years and can thoroughly recommend it. They change the story of the "Ritterturnier" every year so even if you've been before you can always go again !
Last year we couldn't get tickets up-front but went anyway and there were loads of tickets for resale (either from the counters or people holding them up before the entrance). If you plan to go leave plenty time to wander around the village...

I always wonder what jobs some of these people do when they are not in Kaltenberg.

They usually do other medieval markets and shows or reenactments. Some of them have normal day jobs though.

They change the story every year, yes, but it's basically the same I can't sit through one of those shows anymore (at least not without a 3 yr gap) as 4 times is too many

Looking forward to the Gauklernacht though, as I haven't been on one of those before - the market is open but instead of the jousting, it's just the performers, acrobats, musicians who take the stage.

I have friends who run a stand that sells swords, helmets and other paraphernalia. They have regular everyday jobs in Munich and take the time off work to make a little extra money.

But where do the riders and horses come from? A colleague says they come from a riding school in France. Surely, these guys don't have day jobs and the horse riding at that level is a just a hobby. What they were doing requires tons of training.

Yeah the actual 'knights' are from France. The head of the school is called something like Jackie or Jacques... there's info on the KB RT website I think.

I was there Saturday afternoon with the sprogs in the rain. Sunday was special family day. But for most people I would recommend going in the evening - nice atmosphere for after show drinks etc.

Oh yeah - and don't wear a yellow shirt 'cos it attracts the bugs that live in the woods.