Explaining chadors and burqas to young children - Germany

Waiting for a U bahn yesterday with my 4 year old daughter, we sat near a lady wearing a full black chador/ burqa with a rectangle for her eyes to see out of. My daughter was very taken aback by the fact that her face was covered.

We had the following conversation:

My daughter " Why is she dressed like that?"

Me "Because that is how women dress in her country"

Daughter "Well we are in our* country now"

Me "Well the good thing about "our*" country is that you can wear whatever you like. I think she likes wearing it"

Daughter "Why?"

Me " She feels comfortable wearing it, she likes it." Quickly changes subject.

* we have been here all of 5 months, she has identified with Germany totally already

Not really sure what I should have said, I am not bringing my children up in a religious atmosphere so I didn't want to bring God into it at this point (If I had said God wants her to wear it, that wouldn't have been the right answer anyway). I also didn't want to assume she was oppressed!

For discussion purposes if anyone is having a boring day...

yups.. boring day it is!

Even if you're not bringing her up with religion can't you just say she believes she should wear it and where she comes from she wears it so she wants to wear it here?
If your daughter still is confused then say something more on a 4yr old level such as she might like____ (certain stufed animal or toy or game or ice cream flavor) and think it's very important (stuffed animal or blanket to sleep) and she slept with it (or if food ate it) when she was in Australia or wherever and she still sleeps with it (eats it, plays w/ it) now that she's here and so it's the same for the other woman and what she's wearing.

i know sleeping with a stuffed animal is different than a chador, but your daughter may understand if you put it that way since you don't feel like explaining the religious bit.

Also, even if you're not raising your child with religion that doesn't mean she cannot be exposed to it, does it? I know she's only 4 and cannot fully grasp the concept yet, but just a question for the future.

That is a good explanation Mere, I will use that, thanks!

My daughter used to go to church regularly with my parents in Australia, so she is familiar with a lot of concepts of God/ religion, but I haven't yet decided what and how I am going to present spirtuality to her. My husband and his family are extremely anti religion so its up to me really...but you are right, she's starting to get to that age.

yeah i think relgion is a tricky one. If you are strictly relgious then it would probably mean you raise your child that way. If you're not then you have decisions to make

Personally, I think even if you do not believe in it you should still understand the basica ideas/concepts. This becomes hard as a parent because then the choices regarding do you expose your child to a general concept (eg christianity or whatever) or a mix of all different ones or let them decide later if they wish to learn about relgion.

Luckily Renia you still have time! At 4 she's starting to be able to understand a bit, but you still have time (at least a few years).

might be a stupid idea but you could also find a book or album with pictures of various cultures including some women wearing the chardor explaining to her the there are different cultures in our world...

Here's as good a thread as any to point out that wearing such clothing in the West is entirely counter to their purpose and should thus be seen as a violation of the rules of the Koran which mandate that women dress "modestly" since women wearing such clothing in Western countries actually draw more attention to themselves.

woof.

Isnt it specifically related to sections of the koran specifically stating that the showing of hair is being the yardstick used to measure that modesty though, rather than merely avoiding attention?

I think covering up more than the hair is probably cultural rather than religious...?

Bad Doggie, this is actually a very good point. Quakers used to have to wear very drab and boring clothing as well, nothign fancy etc partyly out of a wish to avoid vanity. But the traditional Quaker "uniforms" were dropped by many when it was realised they were actually becoming vain about wearing what actually clearly identified them as Quakers.

On the contrary, the "modesty" rule is about covering up their bodies, so they are abiding by it.

yups planetmoni good idea and it's definately never too early to start teaching about different cultures. At the sametime the kid will understand, but not entirely. She's 4 and 4 year olds normally are not able to fully grasp that concept, but nevertheless it's never too early to start teaching about different cultures and how no one culture is correct or better.

Even if they draw more attention to themselves, you still can't see anything.

@mere, yes, I am beseiged by questions all the time now (4 year olds huh!, very wearying) about people's skin colour and clothes. I think the problem was where we lived in Brisbane was almost uniformly caucasian.

I think I will do as planetmoni suggested

You could just say she's wearing it because in her country, woman don't like other men from outside her family to see them, and she believes it should be that way, so she does it here too. And that really would be quite accurately the reason why she wears it, without bringing religion into it.

Damn, MicroX. That's one of the best answers that I've seen on this board in a very long time.

woof.

Thanks MicroX, that is perfect...

Next question from 4 year old...

But why don't the men want other men to see their women???