When to move in with a partner

Okay so I'm at work totall bored gazing into my bright screen -which is not an LCD one because my company is too cheap. When the numbers scattering my spreadsheet started to move and blur. Before I could come to the conclusion that I may have been drugged to have been taken advantage of by some hairy dude I thought about this question!

Let's say you meet your partner is it better to move in with them sooner, discover you're not compatible and then move on!

OR

go out with them for a long time, spend lots of money and time only to discover that the day yo move in she's unbearable.

How long should you wait? Is waiting a waste of time?

yeah, just move in now, definitely

waiting is a waste of time
better to find out straight away (or as soon as poss) if you get on each other's tits, innit

Wait. Once you got your shoes under the table it's all downhill and it will ruin your sex life.

shit not the sex life please take the dignity, pride, humanity, but for the love of god not the sex...

is that true?

The bit about the sex?
It's true.

no it's not, it's a load of rubbish

JE is in a mid-life crisis, just ignore him...

EDIT - love the new profile piccie, though, JE... I'm sure that will go down well with the laydees

was this mid life crisis due to moving in with someone?

Well, one of my friends moved out from her man because he had slowed down too much in that department. So - it's not because of the gals that it slows down. Just thought I would point that out.

Trust me its true. Remember a good mate in the UK - Lee - a few years ago saying to me:

"It's fuckin freaky fellah. Normally I was on the job like clockwork EVERY Friday and Saturday night and the odd Wednesday...but instantly, as soon as I move in, I am just not interested".

The upside of moving in is that you don't need to make the tedious effort of going out on "dates" to the cinema and bars, dinner etc. You can just doss around the house - which is actually a lot better than it sounds!!

But it will mess up the sex for sure. Especially when you see their skanky knickers stuck to the carpet etc.

The guy needs to go "bowling" with his mates some times! Geez

Depends what you are looking for. Do you think this person has potential to be your partner for a long time? Then move in and see how it goes. Is this person just a temporary (up to 2 years) gap fill? Then keep things simpler and don't move in.

Weird. It didn't seem to have uploaded before - must have been cached or some other tekkie bollox.

When you get as many PM's from hot babes on this website as I do, just trying to get in yer pants, you need to try and do something to slow them down I reckon.

So the motto is never move in, or accept the granny and granded life now OMG my life is over!!!

I already learned one bit of valuable information

apparently Princess Tam Tam isn't underwear for Children

the lack of sex thing is not my experience at all
it's fab to have your main supplier fully available at all times

although there has been one bloke i moved in with who didn't come up with the goods on a regular enough basis, it does have to be said

women love you the way you ae until you move in. then you'll find you have bad habits you never had before.

oh and do not scratch ya balls in the morning.

Moving in always leads to annoying habits being discovered and amplified... so I reckon you need a bit of time behind you to make it you want to bother getting past that! As for the less sex thing, just try not to get sucked into that couch shaped black hole and I find the opposite is true.

If I ever have another partner in my life, I would definitely keep my flat and he should keep his, it is so important to be able to have your freedom and private space...especially if the flat you have is tiny and your sitting on each others laps all the time...I would think twice to move in can be wonderful for the first 2-3 years maybe (if you last that long) and then it can go downhill very rapidly (my experience).
Too much openness especially in the bathroom takes away a lot of the erotic attraction, if you see your partner cutting his toenails in the living room, not changing his underwear often enough and on the toilet it kills every aspect of even considering having sex...

agree.

Oh, I don't think that's true, although I would rather not see these things myself. Thank God my honey (who I've lived with for 5+ years) is into self-grooming. I try not to let him see me doing too many 'personal' things - ladies, you know what I mean (like plucking eyebrows, ec).

Yikes. How coincidental that I just moved to Munich yesterday and into my boyfriend's apartment!

Now you guys will start freaking me (us) out!

i don't live with my beau, but when i'm away for work, I stay at his place so it's practically like living together. we used to be pretty open about everything, but now i insist on doing the bathroom stuff separately unless it's an emergency. now i go into work 1/2 hour later than he does so there are few morning bathroom conflicts. i think it's working out so far.

last night he asked me if he could file his nails while we were sitting together on the couch and watching a movie and i thought it was a silly question, but i guessed i would have asked too. well, i also do this in the train sometimes too.

i should add, i waited a very, very long time to move in with my ex. we waited way too long to take that jump. and does your sex life go down? yup, cause you think "oh i can do it tomorrow", then you're tired and find some other excuse although you really wanna do it.

Don't move in together until she's clear that you might want to leave a stripped down bike fuel pump on the kitchen table for a few weeks because you found this really interesting book to read in the meantime. Purely hypothetical of course, I do not know anyone who has done this.

Or until you have established that though you are completely immune to the smell of wet dog you do understand that it may not be everybodies favourite background odor.

@Elfenstar

Never get off tomorrow on what you can get off on today.

TT is watching you...
Be afraid, be very afraid

@Kay: Yes, I am sure TT is. Nothing gets past this crowd (at least without some cheeky remarks). I've been watching you guys too...

I have a question that may be related: what if you move in well BEFORE you ever had anything physical between the two of you? What happens then?

I was just wondering over here... what if I tried a "host-ship" for a while, well BEFORE anything happened between us? What are the chances for such a setting to become successful? Any clues?

Hmm not sure I understand this whole 'certain things must be private bit', if you love someone and love them enough to move in and possibly consider spending your life with them then how can a natural bodily occurence or grooming ritual put you off?
Are people only attracted to the imaginary person that has perfect toenails, shapely eyebrows and one who doesn't go to the toilet? If you are attracted enough to have sex with them then how can it matter because well let's face it folks, it's not the prettiest and cleanest of sports.

If this person is to be your best friend & life partner then I just don't get it. Not saying I want to follow them into the toilet or anything but I mean what happens if you get sick and need tending to or something? It's all just normal every day stuff.

I just think if you love someone in that way and are attracted to them then things like that should not affect your sex drive. If anything you would get more comfy with the person, allows you to totally let go of inhibitions etc.

After 22 years living with someone, I'm about to go solo . The sex is defo not going to slow down as it's been on zero for a year now (damn those beta-blockers), what is going to change is not having to give her a good listening to and being able to make a decision and not having it vetted or veto'd.

Good luck Slackmack. A bit intimidating I would imagine, finding yourself living alone after all these years. However, it won't take long before you rediscover the benefits that come with being your own boss. Find some friends and keep yourself busy at the weekends.

Ok, maybe this is a bit controversial, but why would a man want to move in with a woman (except for financial reasons or if they have kids)?

You can still have sex living apart.
Neither will you expect (I would hope), nor will she want to do the cooking, so nothing changes there.
She will turn the home into her place, which means her colours, her choices, her level of tidiness etc.
You movements will be monitored, i.e. you can't just nip out for a beer or order a pizza at home, without her agreement or at least a minor tiff to get what you want.
etc. etc.

Ok, I am joking, but there is a little bit of truth in there somewhere. I think men compromise a lot more than women when it comes to moving in together.

how come you'd say that?
you think that females don't give stuff up either?

Cheers for that W2W.

One of the things I intend to do is have a "messy corner" for doing art... can't paint/draw/skulpt at home as have to tidy everything away ... but there is no way I'd move in with anyone, I toyed with the idea of joining a WG but decided I'd prefer not to move somewhere where someone isn't that well toilet trained (sitting v standing etc).

Living with someone is difficult. I don't share my home either and have no intentions of doing so (at least until I meet the right woman I intend to marry).

@Slackmack, you are an artist? Are you any good? Always wanted to try my hand at some form of self-expression, like painting or sculpture, but never found the right medium. Sculpture sounds good - always wanted to try wood as a medium.

@mere, of course women make sacrifices as well. What I am not about to do is go into the details of the differences in sacrifices or quantity of them. Too many people here read posts in the wrong light and pounce as soon as they find something they can take as offensive. I think women are more suited to a house-sharing scenario than men are and consequently have less sacrifices to make. I think some men may be able to relate to that.

I started with wood but found it more akin to hard work than relaxing self expression, I then discovered speckstein (soapstone) which can be filed/scraped/cut with the minimum of effort into almost anything, the down side is that is a brittle mineral that can break during sculpting but the end results far out-weigh any dissapointments on the way.

I wouldn't say I'm any good but others do!!!
Most of my work has been given away to people who have seen it and requested it for their wall at home. I've not sold a thing because none of it has been put up for sale, I find it just too difficult to put a price on something that I've enjoyed creating.

good luck, slackmack

tbh, i'm gobsmacked that you could live for 22 years with someone who wouldn't let you use your own home to do your own thing
i don't think i'd have lasted 22 hours in that kind of scenario, but there you go...

Good philosophy and attitude. I am inspired to head straight to the art shop and buy something. I have no talent at all but the journey is more important than the end result... that was what my art teacher always used to say to me before ridiculing my work.
Hey, have you thought about putting your work online and letting others view it?

yes, Topsy, us men are noble patient creatures who only just want a small corner to be happy in... and we can't even get that!!! :-)

Although I suppose there is a degree of compromise on both sides I have to agree with W2W that women try to mould you into a version that they want. I remember one particular girl who disliked me going out with my mates on a Friday evening. I suggested that she should come along as well but her retort was that then my mates would think she was trying to control and keep an eye on me She went on so much that I eventually stopped going out on Fridays just to keep her happy. Big mistake and once you put your foot on that slippery slope you're buggered. If someone wants to live with you they should accept you for what you are, and you should accept them for what they are. If the thought enters either of your minds that life would be better if you could change this little thing or that little thing about your prospective partner then don't walk away, run like hell

that works both ways you know!
I lived with a guy that was obsessively jealous if I went out with the girls one night, to the point he would show up and create a scene. But he could go out everynight and that was okay!
Women get the raw end in more ways than one, they seem to have to take on the responsiblities of the cleaning and cooking and shopping as they are 'women's roles'.

Our parents gave us 2 years tops on our wedding day... but there you go, it is possible to live with someone whom others may not see how.

The problem with women is that they go all out to change us into someone else and then want a seperation because her fella "is not the man she married"

One thing is for sure, I'm not going to get involved with a clean'n'tidy freak with a bad memory again, the present one cleans everything away and forgets where she puts them... which is of course my fault for not finding a place to put it in the first place. So if a girl/fella is a bit untidy... don't knock it, it could be worse!

I guess grooming eachother is totally out of the question then?