Letting her down gently

Hi im looking for advice from women mainly about what excuses you have had when a guy has dumped you and which ones were the less offensive, nicer put downs ...if you understand what i mean.

like "its not you, its me"... or "i think we should just be friends"...or "its just not working out"

i need to find the one that is least hurtful.

Danke.

Do you still want to sleep with her after you "let her down?"

good question... yes and no... if you understand

How long have you been together? You need to post more info... give us something to work with!

How about the truth?

Novel concept, I know.

ok the one i do want to continue to sleep with...3years, and the other one about 3 weeks. and i feel she's slightly psychotic, and will need a very nice put down like "Im Gay"... or something..

i always believe that honesty is the best policy, but not this time.

3 weeks is nothing to get worked up about... she'll deal with it. But I am worried for the other one. After three years, why fool around with another bird at the same time? Sounds like you'd be doing both of them a favour.

It's better to say than you don't like the way she screams in bed, than to have her thinking that it's something else.
I'm asuming that's the girl...

Telling a psychotic woman that you are gay can lead to complications. Just thought I'd point that out.
Seriously, be honest. Tell her that you cannot deal with her mood swings/jealousy/habit of picking her teeth in public - whatever.

dont tell them anything. this is what the answer phone was invented for for christ sakes. let them ponder their own fate, after a couple of weeks they'll twig. if not then you've had your break and you can give a quick shag to relieve the old hormone balance. (old lads advice, note i am now respectable and find the isdea of using a woman like a sex object repulsive and offensive in this modern day age. unless your paying her)

Tell her you have just accepted a new job in London/Brighton/Beirut or whatever, and that this means the end of your brief but wonderful thing.

The fact that she bumps into you 3 months later (oh yeah - the job offer fell through) doesnt matter.

This excuse fits nicely with you being an auslander over here. We are all due to bugger off home at some stage!

One of the most ridiculous posts I've ever read on TT.

Why does it have to be so complicated. Why can't you just say, "Sorry it's not working out, you're a nice person but not for me".

@666

The info you've given is too vague for any real advice. Tell us about these women and why you want to break up with both of them (yet still sleep with one of them). Describe the relationships, how you met, what their favorite colors are, how often you see them (is it hard to juggle their time?), why you think the one is psycho, etc, etc, etc... In other words, paint a picture for us.

The more specific info you post, the more interesting advice you'll receive. As it is now, your story is boring.

Try some Grinner after shave.

They never talk to me again...

I really like the previous 2 comments made, very very usable indeed!...

just to clarify, i am a very faithful guy, like every other guy on this planet, who has needs! "NEEDS"... i have needs that "Need" to be fullfilled.

telling a *truly* psycho woman she's mental will also lead to trouble.

my 2 cents:

the 3 year one - tell the truth and walk away man. don't string her along and go for friends with privileges. that just gets ugly.

the 3 week one - tell her you dont see it going anywhere, which is the truth just not the brutal truth.

if either of them go mental and boil your bunny, well it was nice reading you

which means what? In what way are you 'very faithful'?

ok, she's psychotic because she calls me constantly and sends me txt messages saying "Hi Baby, How are you doing my BABY!.. and shit like that, after maybe having 3 conversations and about 4-5 times sex. and when i dont reply she starts sending me txt messages saying that how can i do this to her and what not... freaky.

dont worry about the 3yr old one, that one stopped calling about 2 days ago.

Eating and drinking are necessities...shagging is a luxury. Go back to basics and have a wank

and you girls were right about the thread of that guy with a hot chick, insecurityand jealousy are a real turn off

so why dont you reply?

avoid this one like she has the plauge. stop all contact.


problem solved.

now you've sorted it all out go to the pub and get drunk, and pick up new thing for this weeks entertainment.

good advice, and like ER said honesty is always the best- lies like you are leaving town or dying do not do it, it only makes the hurt more. Yeah, honesty is not always easy to take, but in long run, its better than an empty lie.
Tell the one who is getting clinging, that you don't work that way, and you need your space... be honest, as we (both sexes) need to learn what we do wrong in one relationship to hopefully help us in the next.

here's another question.

When do you settle?.. im always looking for something better to come along, im actually reaching the stage where im scared that maybe there wont come any better.

the 3 year old one was the best relationship i've ever had, but she became very jealous and insecure i wasn't allowed out and stuff like that. she was beautiful and was my best friend also. but my move to munich was kinda the reason we ended. she wanted to get married and move here with me but i got scared and well im too young to get married, she's older and female so there's more pressure on her to get married. i just dont know what do to.

and now i dont have her, and im regretting it, but maybe i just want to own her, and not marry her if you know what i mean.

i dont know...

I told my last girlfriend who was kind of psychotic that I was gay. It was completely honest but she still bit my head off.

the 3 weeks one is also freaky in the bed and wants to have a 3some with another girl, so if any of you girls on TT want to have a 3some let me know. must be relatively good looking

oh and that will be the last time i see her, unless i liked the 3some more than im imagining, therefore maybe a few more times.

The perfect woman does not exist. The good comes with the bad, as they say.

best "sexual problems on tt reply post ever".

If you with someone and always looking for better then she's not the one, no matter how long you've been together.

Hope it was the one I think it was

eh? Are you living in the 19th century?


growing up could be a start mind you your profile doesn't say how old you are so if you're a teenager I guess thats a mitigting factor

okay.. but maybe you're always looking for better?.. my question was will it stop when i find the one, or one i would settle with, if i would settle?..

I can kinda see why she might be just a tiny weeny bit offended when landed that one square on the jaw.

You could always just drop subtle hints. Switch all the Motorhead CD's for Pet Shop Boys? Buy a chiuwu chiwow small dog? Start cleaning the bathroom etc etc.

boomtown_rat

either help, or dont.. its not hard.

and why are you looking at my profile anyway.

blush, thank goodness yes it was. Tho I'd nomionate anyone who dumped their partner while they were gtting a blojob for a Darwin Award.

truth. Sorry, it's the only way to go. Doesn't sound to me like she's psychotic; she's just letting her insecurities out. Could be her intuition tells her you're cooling off, and that's why she's getting clingy.

People bring all sorts of baggage into their relationships; trying not to hurt someone's feelings by delaying/lying/running away just makes things worse.

Having just been "dumped" by someone - well, actually having to make the final decision myself as he was running away/delaying...(I wouldn't say directly lying, but certainly not telling me the whole truth of things) - and getting into the clingy mode, which also only made things worse but does not make me psychotic, just insecure and sensing that things were coming to an end - I can assure you, I would feel much better, he would feel much better, and we would probably be happier to look each other in the face and drink a beer together some time if he had been able to tell me honestly that it was just not working for him

I don't think it's a question of settling. You have to balance the good with the bad, and figure out if that's what you want. For example, if my girlfriend likes Classical music and is a non-smoker (two huge pluses for me), then I can deal with a several bad habits that might tick me off.

Ever thought it might have been your fault she got jealous and insecure. Maybe she was aware that you were always looking for something better.

was a similar episode on Sex in the City- Skipper got a phone call from Miranda to meet up while he was having sex with someone else, and then he broke up with here while they were doing it. Bad style!

start listening to her when she talks and try tio understand her problems...

(no offence BTC, tis a common cliche of why girls like gay guys...)

Bear in mind that for a guy getting married is like musical chairs. When the music stops you just grab the nearest one.

Obviously no guy EVER EVER wants to get married ladies. We only do it 'cos:

1. You get pregnant
2. We figure we are slipping into middle age and we won't get anything better
3. We are bored of screwing around and would prefer a regular shag on tap, that cooks dinner and does the ironing.

Sorry - I thought some of the girls were demanding honesty in this thread???

Tell her you have some personal issues you need to resolve on your own and you need space...

naa go the other way, start going goeey eyed about the idea of kids, and say how much you'd like her to stop working stay at home cook clean have three screaming brats crying all over the place and be his shag machine. oh and you'll also be installing pay tv for the sports. and a beer fridge.

sackgasse, thank you, to be honest i think thats the best thing to do, she's so sensitive though, and i just really really hate hurting people.

I'm trying to (in my own way ). You've got to be a bit more mature about the whole thing rather than just dismissing people with insecurities (perhaps due to previous events) as 'psychotic'. Try and work out what you want from a relationship e.g. which aspects are important, which aspects would you be prepared to compromise on.

To be honest it just sounds like you want the good bits without any of the hassle that comes with responsibility

IMO

and I still don't understand why someone who is older and a woman should feel more pressure to get married.

Did you ever ask her why she felt like that or did arguments just get in the way?

hmmm...thats kinda exactly what she wants

either way you'll hurt her. Depends how psychotic she is..
Honesty is the best policy i think, though. But space to yourself is a good thing to say in this case i think

Brilliantly original. And no chance that she will ask any further questions when faced with a clear explanation like that.