The vent

I just realized I forgot to mail in a form last month to get rid of some small stocks in the states... Guess I can wallpaper with it now ...

I expect incompetence. I really do. I expect it from almost every single person I meet. Yet I STILL find myself shocked at the utter, utter utter idiocy that I am forced to fucking put up with on a daily basis. Seriously, working in this fucking country is nothing more than a lesson in how to be an utterly useless incompetent fuckwit, how to avoid any kind of responsibility or how to implement a pig-headed style of "blame management" which in turn leads people to behave like incompetent fucks, and avoid responsibility.
I should write a fucking book.

Doing Business in Germany - an endless circle jerk of fucking idiocy.

I told you
a) that it will not work the way you want it to because
b) the program will not let you do it (lack of authorization) and
c) that accounting has to do the transfer.

Do NOT subject me to your ranting and pounding on the desk.
Thank you.

I hate having to justify myself for knowing something that you don't. So stop acting like an outraged dowager duchess when I don't give a reason.

Just how many days this year are you and your kids going to be sick? Once again leaving all the shit for me. Not on.

Thirty one months for:




Then:
Drug fuelled driver led police on 100mph 'suicidal' motorway car chase the wrong way down two motorways. It's this sort of fucker that can just wipe you and your family out in an instant and he gets two and a bit years.

If you continue to make my life difficult, I WILL smash a coffee cup against the side of your head. You stupid, useless waste of space.

2 months ago, I had to suffer through the removal of the kitchen below us and today, I get to suffer through an installation of a new kitchen. Bloody Germans. Why do they have to move their damn kitchens!?!!!

I am obviously new and don't speak much German so don't take advantage of this. If I continue to come here and notice that I am doing ALL the work I will take this knife and cut off your balls!!! I dont care how cute you are!!!

I realise that you store your shit in the spare room off my office. I also realise that you need to do this. I'm not unreasonable.

But if my fucking "Do Not Disturb" sign is up, you do not get to wander right on in without even bothering to knock. We see patients here, in case that was unclear. Send me an email - or wait till ten till the hour, when whoever is in here is more than likely leaving. There is no emergency in existence that requires that you have fresh poster paints stat.

Unrelated, if you correct my research design one more time because you don't understand the subtleties in the questionnaires, I'm coming for you and turning your organs into offal. I've explained it. I'm right. Stop it. At once.

When the town goes to the trouble of providing cycle lanes and laws to protect cyclists why the fuck to they then do stupid things to try to kill them, for example:

1) Bicycle traffic lights on wide roads that stay green longer than the pedestrian lights reflecting the shorter time it takes a cyclist to cross the road. Good idea you'd think, wouldn't you, except some stupid fucker decided they should be mounted on the near side of the crossing only so car drivers coming in the other direction and turning left can't see that although the lights are red for pedestrians they're green for cyclists. There's always some pedantic (and tasteless) tosser in that pig ugly Chrysler who thinks he can just go as the lights are red. While he's inevitably stupid for buying a Chrysler for fuck's sake and that is a signal to be careful as he's likely to have shit judgement in other things too it's a really dumb way to structure traffic lights.

2) Traffic lights that are only on the main street of a crossing and not on the side streets - why the fuck do they build them like this?? This means that drivers approaching on the side streets don't know if they can go or not so they edge out across the bike lane and block it. Just build the extra two lights in so it's clear, you cheapskates.

3) Der grune Pfeil. Now you'd think this would also be a good idea as you can go through traffic lights on red, just treat it like a give way, so it keeps traffic moving but that would be to credit the Germans with an ability to drive, with some ability to look around them and make a judgement. Fatal overestimation of their capabilities. Germans have to be told what to do and the aura of mystery around the grune Pfeil forces them to try to kill me almost every day.

Oh, and to you my colleague - when you're ill just stay home. Don't come in and dictate that all the windows must be shut because you're cold and then make me ill too. I like fresh air, I'm not ill although now I can feel it coming, and I'm not cold. If you're ill and stay home I will have some sympathy for you, if you're ill and make me ill too I'll hate you for it. You choose. No, don't choose - stay home.

Mir ist krank!

I don't know if I picked up something at the Wiesen last Friday (crowd of silly drunks) or at Legoland (crowd of snotty kids).

Now I am sitting at home while I miss my chance to hit the Volksfest without the family. And Friday was a holiday!

I miss out on all those beers, but I feel like I have a hangover. This is the worst!! Grrr.

Dear idiot of a Lance-Armstrong-for-the-poor biker,

did you ever wonder why there are all these pretty red-and-white ribbons and security people around when they do
the Tour de France and similar events? Well, let me enlighten you then - these mark the areas where, at a special time
called "bike race", you can speed as much as you like. In fact, the faster the better. Areas without that are likely to be
frequented by other people as well. And if they haven't got quite as expensive a showroom bike as you do, and/or are slightly
slower - tough, matey. I'll make room for you wherever I can, but if there isn't any, there isn't any. So please don't EVER insult me
(or my bike) again while you pass by, or be prepared to pick up what's left of your bike at various locations around the city.
I might let you have my bike for that - if you ask nicely.

Cheers,
sweetsilence

Oh. My. God. You stupid fuck of a woman . . . REALLY? Again your own incompetence is pissing you off? Is everyone to blame but you for not getting your work done . . . work that a retarded monkey can do while fucking another retarded monkey? Your IQ is room temperature at best. Does it make sense to bitch that I came in one hour late after you've taken off from 11am until 4pm to confirm your five day holiday you "have to take" next week? Is it sooo hard to filter shit from logic in your alcohol shrunken brain before sending it through your cigarette stained teeth at other human beings?

I wish I could wash my hands of you. I wish such a thoughtless, idiotic, bitch was not a part of my family. I am absolutly ashamed to share my last name with such a fucking loser like you.

AAAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

How's it going Gen?

Swell, by the sound of it.

Ah! the mother-in-law, family is so much fun.

Would have complain too but this pretty much covers it.

I don't even know what to say.

All the expletives I know are inadequate, and turning them into an unfeasibly long compound word is too much work.

I shall crawl under a blanket and sob, instead. That works.

I know what you mean!

Funcking wankers sums it up for me!

Do you have to be fucking blind to not see my car is parked in the drive, and that you, with your fucking child seat and therefore most likely a woman, are therefore stopping me getting my car out of the drive if you park your fucking Audi A4 directly over my fucking drive.

You fucking arsehole!!!

For more than an hour now I've been needing my car but thanks to you, you inconsiderate fucking pile of toss I still can't get out. My day has been totally fucking ruined.

Police called, hope they tow you away you fucking idiot!

Please keep us posted if the car gets towed!!

no towing but £30 fine. that will teach him! although it did ruin my day still.grrrr

dickhead didnt even have the manners to come to the door and apologise.

No comment.

lol, rumbled...

he was foreign though...!

and why do I have to go from this city now when I fell in love with it!

i hate lies, i hate after lies and i hate hypocracy. i hate i really hate lies.

You idiot, I left Germany already!!!! Why do you have to say things to my friends behind my back when I am 10000 kms away and cannot defend myself! For f*k sake I left!!

Are you actually looking for things to break or are you just temporarily incapacitated? Stop touching things. Immediately.

Is it truly an urgent matter to point out every new scratch you see on the car?? Do you suppose I'm going to run out immediately with a mechanical buffer? When you are doing 2 school runs a day, and parking in a small lot with kids coming and going, we'll see how many scratches your car gets!

Some 5 weeks later i now have 4 fucking great holes in my wall and they still haven't finished the repair.

Not content with getting me out of bed at 7.00 am this morning to drill holes and cut pipes, they turn up tonight and want to do some sealing operation and come back at 9.30 pm once it's set.

Fuck right off!

I can feel compensation setting in.

You Runt!

Seriously, you cannot be going on holiday AGAIN!!! I don't have time for this. No doubt I will spend the whole time fielding queries as to why you have done a runner without completing the work you agreed to do as usual. Jobsworth tosser. If you are going to stitch me up like a kipper, more than 24 hours notice would be nice.

And don' t think I haven't noticed that you have been strategically fucking off on courses, doctors appointments etc during your weekly Sprechstunden. It is no co-incidence that it your busiest time of the year.

WHAT THE FUCK!!! is my car invisible or something?!?!

now the fucking council are digging up parts of the road and noone has had the fucking courtesy to ask if i might need my car out as they fucking dig the road directly in front of my drive!!! how am i meant to get out you stupid fucking idiot!!!

*tearing hair out*

What the FUCK! If you want me to add a stupid file to the stupid intranet site that fuck no one is ever going to read anyway, then at least tell me where the fuck you've saved it!

Do you actually realise how fucking big that frecking drive is? I just hope that you've saved it somewhere within this Sections fucking folders.

Now thank you so much that I may search fucking 14.3 GB that are stored in some 3188 fucking folders and only got a frecking total of 138844 files, to find a fucking file that it too frecking 150% not called anything close to what I am looking for so I can not use the fucking search function and will have to open every fucking file to find a fucking file that fuck no one is ever gonna fucking read.

WANKER!!!

btw you can so fucking forget that I gonna do that before I leave today! Actually I very much doubt that I ever gonna start searching at all!!

And yes i did take the time to check how big "our" main folder is.

Smoking should be banned when I am running, and complaining about smoking should be banned when I am smoking!

For F&!"%§$ Sake make some kind of a plan! Stop changing your damn mind every 15 minutes! Your damn decision IS required NOW not in 5 days when the situation will be completely different and you will have to hear the whole story again to understand. AAAAARGH!

RAAAAAAGGGGEEEE!!!

Motherfucking former landlady is still unwilling to pay me my deposit back!!! I FUCKING HATE THIS COUNTRY!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUU

ARRRGHHH Now I get an email from the bank!!! The last people on earth I want to deal with now!!!

Well FCUK Aer Lingus. I have a flight book tomorrow and want to do online checkin as I have to work until the last minute but do they allow online check in from Berlin? Like FCUK they do. You can do it from Alicante, Brussels, Bucharest, Copenhagen, Düsseldorf, Faro Algarve, Geneva, Hamburg, Helsinki, Lanzarote, Lisbon, Madrid, Munich, Prague, Riga, Vienna, Vilnius and Zurich BUT NOT BERLIN. ARRRGGGHHHHH!

How to unassociate file types in Windows Vista -- the emotion here is relief to have found this little tool. Worked great.

Do not even START this game with me. You think Ruthie can´t be tough or strict? Just WATCH me.

If you wake me at 3 or 4 to go pee, there will be no dawdling or lying back down when I call you to the apartment door.

At the house door, do not look at me with large eyes like "But it´s DARK out here, and there are scary leaves blowing around".

Once I have walked away from you around the corner and you have finally moved your leaden paws to follow me and peed, it is not on to then decide that this is quite okay and we want to play. No looking cute, bouncing around, or gluing your ass to the grass.

NO- I will leave your ass outside.

Sleep is my friend. You are my friend. But don´t make me choose between the two of you.

Ruthie,

I am having the same problem with my dog at the moment... he wakes me nearly each night and when he finishes to pee he runs to my parents room and sleeps there... then a few hours later he is in front of my door wanting to come back. One night I did not realise that he was not in the garden anymore so I was looking for him everywhere for 30 minutes (it was 3 in the morning) and then I realised that he was sleeping upstairs with my sis...
And this morning its 7:50 am here, I was woken up at 6 by the shouts of my mother and sister trying to separate two of the dogs who were fighting for a dead bird! Yeah I love my dogs!!!

don't say something because you think that's what i want to hear. do you even want some of the things you say because so far i don't see the effort. it requires two and right now there aren't two working on it, but one trying with potentially dire consequences while the other sits along for a risk-free ride.
not cool. the phrase shit or get off the pot will soon be long over due.

i sent you an email (or emails) not a freaking letter via pony express. respond! just respond to the questions and state your opinion. it's not that challenging and in fact not that time consuming. also, i'll stop contacting you once you give me the info i've requested and you were supposed to give me ages ago- amazing how that happens!

It's 5AM. Yes China it's not working but surely there is a work around. I have fever and could get signed off and really fuck you. Think about it.

Why not sign yourself off and "Fuck them"..

There are too many folk that take others for granted whilst looking after themselves first and foremost!

Dear Boss. If you don't care, why should I?