The vent

Three months I've worked on this. You've agreed every step and every cost (to me). And now, you walk away.

Fair enough. That's business.

But, I will bide my time and burn your fucking house down and eat your first born.

That's a promise.

BUY A TOURIST GUIDE BOOK!!!

Listen up you hard-core Catholic hippy, I do have to put up with you at work, but for fuckingty fucks sake, my lunchtime are not, repeat NOT, to be filled with you going on YET AGAIN LIKE DAILY about your daughter as if your daughter is the Second Coming in a frock.
ESPECIALLY with regards to breastfeeding that daughter.
Your 30-month-old daughter.

Not only that but your plans to continue to breastfeed upon demand until your daughter is aged "about 6 or 7".
And no, I don't want UNICEF and WHO studies on prolonged breastfeeding discussed when I'm eating my meal, you freak.
Go eat with your La Leche League and all those loons instead.

And while we're at it, get your fucking hair cut.

You fucking lying doctor!! Because you apparently have no morals or any sense of integrity, you've just automatically doubled my workload because I now have to go and do an investigation. FUCK!! I HATE speaking to medical staffing. I HATE speaking to consultants. I HATE dealing with liars. Look, I know you're lying, you know you're lying. Why drag it out? It's a fucking issue of character now, so just accept the fact and stop harassing me with assified questions. Sigh!

There is no apostrophe in Wiesn! (add about 16 more exclamation marks and a few angry smilies)

People that can't fucking spell themselves but complain about others.

Yes just go.. By all means GO..
I am used to toughing it out alone
today will not be any differant
if you have to ask me if you should stay
then I dont want you here anyway...
and yes I am hurt and mad and sad and clearly gonna be alone

I always thought I was a strong, confident type of person but recently I've realised that some people I thought were friends, are in fact NOT and much to my own annoyance, they are starting to upset me and really dent my confidence. Ahhhhhhhhhhh Distance, I need distance!!

Hey, lady (and I use the term with reserve) at the animal shelter in Riem - When I call and ask you if you will accept my three-legged mighty hunting cat who cannot adjust to living in a second floor apartment without access to the world outside the last thing I expect to hear is a reproachful: "Well, you should have moved into an apartment with a garden". I hope that fieldmice give birth in your bra and the cats find out before you do.

Why the fuck do airlines change times and routes of their planes when they've already sold tickets for the old routes? Why not make your fucking minds up and only sell tickets for routes you want to actually nobbing bastard serve? Don't you arsewipes get it - we bought tickets to fly direct from London at 08:15 to Munich at 11:05 because this fits in with our lives, and leaving London at 07:30 flying to fucking Duesseldorf and then arriving in Munich at 13:05, 2 hours later, doesn't. You wankers.

So which useless shower of bastards would do this? Step forward for the large brown turd award Air Berlin . I will now have to find every place I was naive enough to say your miserable excuse for a business actually gave a toss about your customers and correct it, and take my one final opportunity to piss your fucking fuel surcharge over your pikey clapped out planes. The two of them we are now forced to suffer.

Listen, it's bad enough that you have no idea how to do your job, just don't start with that whole 'es zieht' thing just because you're getting pissed off that I've more experience than you and after two weeks I've settled in enough that I'm not taking any more of your bullshit!!!

Don't bother emailing me back asking for the questions if you then look at them and say its not what you want. It was fucking obvious from my email what the questions were going to be!! What did you think I was going to send you?!?! I give you free advertising in return, I don't understand what else you thought you were going to get out of it, you stupid bitch!

I forgot my earplugs today so I couldn't help overhearing your loud asinine half hour telephone conversation so please don't wander over here directly afterwards and parrot what you just said ad nauseam - try and find someone that gives a shit.

Yes I love you and you're really cute, but did you really have to bring me a half-dead mouse as a gift? And then let it go in the middle of the living room to run around and hide under the couch in the far corner? Yes, I've been training you to drop items on command, but couldn't you have dropped the darn mouse into my outstretched hand instead of taking a few steps back and only then letting it go? You're really getting on my nerves today!

Sheesh! Back home my cat used to only bring me birds. Now my dog is presenting me with birds AND field mice! Gawddammitfuckinshit on a stick!

I spent an hour or more cleaning up your dog's diarrhea after work. That meant I didn't have time to give my dogs the exercise they need, eat, etc. before I had to run off to the humane society for class. You do minimal care with your dog. You're going to mainly be working from home today due to your dog. When I ask if you could spend 10-15min walking my dogs later this morning (because they are both out of control since I spent yesterday cleaning smeared stinky shit up from your dog) you say no. I then ask if i give you the key to the training building if you'll just take all 3 there to run around, that way you won't have to walk my two and then yours, you say no.

I'm glad that i feed your cat and check on it since you're normally gone thurs pm to mon am. I'm also glad that i take your dog out to go to the bathroom after work (since you stay at work so late and also when you get home you feed yourself first instead of taking the 3minutes it takes to let him pee), tolerate your dog finding stuff in my room and tearing it up, i work with training your dog so it doesn't randomly attack other dogs, and taking it to run around since you never do. wow... nice of you to give me 15minutes of your time when you're going to be around anyway...

I am in the middle of trying to organize myself for classes on Monday, am not even dressed, have no makeup on, and there are 10 people in the house for a party for which I had NO WARNING. I HATE IT WHEN MY DAD DOES THIS!!!!! Just invites a whole bunch of people without warning to come to the house, and the whole world has to stop to put on a good show for the guests. I know it's his lake house, but since I am technically renting it from him, I expect a modicum of notice before he pulls this shit. AHHHHHHHHHH! ...off to put RAID in the food... (j/k incase you're alarmed)

SHUT UP!!! stop yelling! damn you're loud!!! if you're on a conference call go to a conference room or a work enclave (little private room). Don't sit out in your cubicle around all of us yelling your head off since you don't know volume control or 'inside voice'.
on top of that...
Oh I am getting so very crabby! One of my new translators did not do a good job at all so now I'm typing up the email to him with all these questions and asking to go back and translate certain words etc. So I hear her yelling on the otherside of my back wall and I'm typing up an email. I'm only on question 37 of 160 and it's been an hour of typing this. I just need to make it to item 80 and then it'll get slightly better (different translator).
UGH! sigh.. deep breath.. going to Cafe Hollander later this evening and i'm already trying to decide which beer to have... damn it she's loud again! even with headphones/music on she's darn loud. and this stupid Korean translator sucks. i swear i could've learned Korean and become an SME (subject matter expert) to translate this quality engineer exam faster than i can straighten out this mess.

oh well.. good ol' Cafe Hollander tonight on the patio with Bren (my dog) and friends and wishing I were in my beloved Benelux (well, the BeNe not so much the Lux part).

you cunt and your cross dressing son. i hope you both live a long miserable life.

All of these sausage-eating superior shithead schwabisch motherfuckers can either get off THEIR ass, try getting married, moving to another country at the age of 18, learning German in 6 months, finding work and doing a DAMN good job at that with attention to every piddly detail, and attempting to understand the brain dead locals' slobbering retard version of High German. OR they can all burn in hell for going to my boss and bitching about the dumb skinny bimbo who can't understand them and why was she even hired in the first place. All the pork fat should make them burn really nicely. And my cunt of a boss can follow suit, for telling me on the day I quit out of frustration and outright contempt for the management at Schlecker, who strut around in their little ties and suits like it would matter to anyone at all if they'd drop dead, about the complaints she's had and saying in that case it's probably right of me to quit. Stupid grossly incompetent firecrotch bitch called me to walk 40 minutes there up and down mountains on my first day off in forever to take 30 seconds to sign a piece of paper stating that I know I shouldn't stick my fingers in electric devices, stand on rolling chairs, etc ad nauseum, then stand there 15 minutes just waiting to say "well, bye!" while she smoked and giggled with my gossipy coworker bitch (who steals out of my cash register). I hope she gets lung cancer. After I fell on the way to work in the rain and fractured my skull and nearly broke my spine, then crawled the rest of the way to work, she waited 15 minutes to drive me to the hospital because she desperately needed a smoke first. None of these pieces of shit could take one day of what I've been through in my life, and for just one of them to dare to get in face like that and give me their superior shit makes me want to take a flame thrower to all of them. I hate this fucking piece of shit country with all the sheltered spoiled cunts thinking they're better than everyone else. Remind me why I gave up New York City for this hellish shithole? If my husband weren't the love of my life I'd have been on a plane home a year ago.
Smokers smoke when their chips are down- and my chips are down..hehe being off the wagon never felt better.
God, that felt good. Back to being incredibly shy, sweet, mild-mannered self and off to bake a nice cake

okay, my favourite colleague, if you think you should be in charge around here instead of me then you have to at least know the basics, which you fucking well don´t!!
If you were as good as you think you are, you really would be put in charge, but being the useless tart you are, the company would rather ship me in from another outlet to have the dubious pleasure of running your fucking store whilst the boss goes home fore a "well - earnt rest" (bollocks!)
I most certainly don´t enjoy being in charge of the likes of you, but if you try just one more to tell me what I should be doing (in your opinion!) I swear I´ll report everything I know about you to the Regional Manager and see to it that you spend the rest of your days with the company cleaning the toilets!!!
Bloody stupid foreign cow!!!

Double Vent:

How stupid did you look tonight? Having your personal 'chat' in open chat with every man and his dog reading? Thank fuck I then came in to attack you after your derogatory comments about me. No, I will not open your PMs. You will learn. You will suffer.

Yes, it's cyberspace and yes, I should know better. But, somehow, I trusted you as a 'friend.' Now, I find out you're a liar - name, age and gender - so that's the three strikes that gets you the fuck out of here (and me finding out where you live to burn your fucking house down). Allegedly.

Hey, office building management: Your super-duper high-tech sensor-driven room climate system is crap. I expect the cooling system to shut down once a room temperature of 20°C is achieved and not to drop to 18°C. I am frigging freezing here and drinking peppermint tea to keep warm! Switch on the heat, f'r Chrissake.

You Prick... You selfish, Dangerous prick...

Yes you.. The twat from Erding witha red VW Sharran... The one with the Canadian Flag on the back!

You have Indicators on the Bus so that other road users have some Idea what your intentions are...

When you want to tail gate someone then pull a fucking stupid manoever like you did today (Twice!) Move back to Canada...

Maybe the one you cut-up there will have an elephant gun in his glove-box..

You fucking menace.!!!

i'm so sick of not finding a fucking job. i've been living off and on in germany for more than 3 years now...and it never gets better. hopeless...

Fucking retarded German visa people!!! How can you possibly lose my visa application - which I only find out about nearly 4 weeks after lodging it and calling twice a week, then say you've found it but it still might take up to another 4 weeks???

Assholes, it's not that difficult, is it?

And as for my fucking Salmonella, just get the fuck out of me would you??? Been nearly a week now and that's enough, I don't love my bathroom that much.

I have been asked, no told! that I am responsible for wiping 5!! year olds arse every time she does a poo. Is this normal?? I have refused. The 3.5 year olds still breast feeding, My host dad called me a F#n idiot (for no reason), say that they pay €400 pm for me and I will do as they say (like im a possesion) and Im on a Curfew, because of one! late night out (coming home at 6 am when the next day should be my free day), am expected to work more than my 30 hours a week (when I raised this, I was asked rudely, "should we start counting hours??, because then you will work every second I pay you". I dont need this shit

I am so fucking sick of german arogance, I have allowed my friend to borrow my bus to pull his stupid fucking plane somewhere so he gets a holiday and also has a place to sleep instead of a sodding tent, all I asked is please do not smoke in the bus. what happens, the bus stinks of fags..and another thing I am sick of German people telling me or each other in my house to 'shutup' it is so so rude. How fucking dare they. They have no manners they are very low class. Also if I hear one more person tell me that the bloody DDR was better like 'the good old bad old days' shit once more I might scream. The truth was they had nothing and the only good thing for them as I can see is that they didn't have to think or do for themselves because the state did it for them. Thats all. Thankyou.

failed miserably on second optician appointment to put a contact lense in and booked a 3rd appointment... ffs. im not squemish about this i just cant stop blinking when i touch my eye despite practising till it hurts

Bloody mother in law. Phoned nearly crying, she can't find her cucumber slicer - I ask you. In a seniorenheim since 7 months and is determined not to like it. does everything not to settle in, no longer washes, she smells!!! Start of dementia, I know that's why we put her there, but she is really pissing me off. Bought her a blasted slicer, drove 20 ks to give it to her, and find that the old one is in the cupboard. Then see that she has sliced open a plastic bag and laid it across the bathmat in the bathroom. Why I ask??? Oh it gets dirty, and she doesn't want to be a nuisance. Silly old cow. She refuses to use the laundry, says it is too far (down in lift with her roller to carry things, so easy), won't iron things even though there are perfectly good ironing boards and irons for free in the laundry - no, she wants her own iron. Keep telling her that she is not allowed - she probably is but she will burn the place down. forgets everything, including the explanations we give her each time. So she doesn't remember why she is there, tells me everytime "this isn't the way I thought it would turn out". This has to be one of the best seniorenheim in the country - people come from Hamburg and Berlin to stay there - bright, light, doesn't smell, nice gardens, they all have balconies. She is so pissing me off. I know she can't help it but I really cannot stand this smell all the time. Take her clothes to wash - she tells me, oh I just washed it two days ago - two bloody months more likely.

I am so fucking bored. What is the point of employing someone if you have fuck all for them to do. Two months later and still fuck all to do. New job required, if only it was easy to find one - any reasonable offers accepted.

Deep breath and relax.

When I talk to your husband, when were all in the car, watching tv, eating dinner about anything- more money needed for groceries, funny things your kids did, things on TV, german culture, you get mad. YOu tell him not to talk while hes driving, while hes eating, that he should talk to his own kids, you interrupt, change the channel, and be generally unpleasent. Im not trying to steal your husband. Hes as old as my Dad, and Im awesome, Im not trying to divert attention from you... no. Im talking to him, because youre boring. Im bored being at home with your boring lazy ass all day. I need somebody to talk to when you insist on using my hours like a personal minute here, minute there scheme, rendering me unable to leave the house for hours at a time, just incase Im needed to do a job you dont like. Im sorry, but you are boring, rude and not very nice to me. So when I talk to your husband, about nothing important, dont get all jumped up, and just remember, I had to talk to you ALL day.
Im going insane here with you... I read wikipedia for hours on end-just to have something to do. honestly, how many people know about Dialectical Mterialism, and virgina andrews birthday?? I look at the sun and wish I was in it, when I painted my nails I saw the "pff" you gave me.
I know next weekend I have to stay home the whole time to help you, because you cant be alone with your two mostly lovely children. When I told your Husband that I intended to go out the weekend after you said you had to check the calender- IM sorry, why?? Weekends are supposed to be my time!!
you are annoying, think I am a slave to do your shit jobs, like clean your toilet, while you laze around reading parenting magazines, vacume the side of your house on he OUTSIDE (wtf??) and breat feed a 3 and a half year old!! I would love to say to your face you are

actually stupid.

From your Au Pair

p.s- please stop doing poos in MY bathroom. Its weird. you have your own.

I cannot believe the sheer stupidity of english solicitors. Why do they have to be threaten in order to do their job?? it does not take 7 weeks just to reimburse me!!! and why cant you follow simple instructions??? ARRRGGGHH!!!
if i was still in england i would love to smack you in the face maybe it would put a bit of sense there

F!#$%#$% apothekes. Hardly any open after 2 pm on a Saturday.

A propos English solicitors: A dead guy owes you all of GBP 415. Get over it. I am not authorized to open your letters, receive your e-mails or complete any transactions. It's the law, you've heard the word before, I hope.

My vent concerns those who attempt to conduct or broadcast even the most private of altercations on a public forum. You are exposing yourself to ridicule and displaying an astounding lack of class, discretion, maturity and communication skills in the process. Most distasteful. Please stop.

Backpackers!
Guys, you take up twice as much room with a backpack as without. Please remember this when getting into a bus or U-Bahn or standing in the middle of a busy thoroughfare. I might just bump into you and send you sprawling next time instead of stopping dead still when you do and falling back (stepping on the foot of the person behind me) to avoid breaking my nose (again) on your 150-pound-carry-all.

People who try to use 'big words' to look clever / smug but seriously fuck it up. If your self esteem is so low that you feel the need to pepper your comments in such a way, you could at least stick it in google first and see what come up? You don't even need to get a dictionary out anymore. Then you can both use the phrase in a appropriate context and fucking spell it correctly.

Pseudo-intellectual wanker.

Visual fucking Studio eh? 'This program is not responding'? Oh for fucks sake just start you piece of shit so I can do some work.

Bloody hell, I just cant believe this!!! It's bloody ridicolous!!! You already pissed me off enuff for the entire week and it isnt even lunch time on Monday yet...
bloody bunch of brainless dorks!!!

Stupid busy-body colleague. You are my COLLEAGUE, not my superior, therefore please don't feel the need to dictate my job to me, in your oh-so-friendly "just a word of advice" manner. Likewise, your 'nice email' comments are patronising, and worse are your 'line 47, point 2 should say...blah blah blah' petty criticisms. It's not even a formal document, it's only a ruddy email invitation - and you are supposed to be off on sick leave! Either come back to work or just be on 'proper' sick leave, wind your neck in and leave me to do my job (which I would be doing now, if I wasn't so cross that I felt the need to vent!). Actually, feeling better already...

I have had another call from our daughter who is in tears, sobbing on the phone. Cheated out of her money at the end of last year by a "friend" who invested her money in property, then sold the property without telling her. She is going to meet him again on Wednesday - last try, wish I could be there. I would castrate him. How dare he and his brother steal her money and leave her in such a fragile state. I am sooooooo angry. She has spent thousands on lawyers trying to get the money back - good money after bad. This was all the money she had left after her ex-husband bought her out of her share of their house. Bloody creeps. I could scream, am so upset for her.

4th and rising. ffs.

one more lesson/attempt before hols, i'll be pure raging if i dont get to see the oktoberfest in its proper glory!

Dammit- 48 hours means before the same time of day within 2 days. grrrr.

Tell me who says that you have a thesis as part of Master's program, bloody stuck and frustrated about it.AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Xerox, when I ask you to send a technician that is exactly what I want. I do not need a giggling, supercilious airhead telling me to switch the machine off and on so it will reset and possibly correct the error. I do not need same airhead's attitude that "everyone says they have tried everything before they call, so do as I say" after I had described the error in length to our IT guys who said it's a software problem and gave the same description and diagnosis to the supplier who passed it on to you.

Oh, and a special jab at SCC, the supplier: You got it wrong. We can receive faxes but not send them. Not: We can send faxes but not receive them.

And Equitrac - If your technician cannot set up our fax to communicate with Equitrac and says that his counterpart in California will be in contact, make sure that it happens. This was almost three weeks ago!

Air-frigging-heads, all of them!

EDIT: And Accountant: When I send you an invoice stating US$ x-amount paid, do NOT ask me for a statement showing payment of the total amount. That's what the information on the invoice is all about: Which partial amount was paid!

Not to forget Data Control in Houston. EUR means EURO, it's that funny looking money we use around here. Do NOT change the currency on German matters to USD again or Baby Jebus is going to come by with his Bazooka and bubble-gum you to death!

Five air-heads in one day, I hope that's my personal record for all time.

I've got one fucking guy drilling holes and smashing tiles in my kitchen and bathrooms whilst he replaces all the water meters in my flat and making a right fucking racket and mess.

That was bad enough but then the hausmeister comes and tells me that they have a problem with the drainage systems and could they please make a probe loch in one of my upstairs walls to investigate matters?

A test hole? A fucking test hole???

The bastards promptly arrived with fucking great lump hammers and i now have approximately a 0.5 m square hole in the wall and plaster and brick chunks everywhere.

Then the prick asks me if i have a hoover so that they can tidy up later.

You're gonna use MY hoover to suck up brick and plaster???

Fuck offfffffffffffffffffffffffffffff!!!

Edit: Scratch that, I now have 2 fucking great holes in the wall, seems one wasn't enough to create bastard chaos.

Fucking neighbours' kids who scream and cry all day long, and scream out of the window to their grandmother upstairs. All fucking day long it doesn't stop. Fucking father who just says "what am i supposed to do? they're kids". Fucking mother who's so goddam hopeless her best attempt at discipline is to scream "SHHH!" at them, when it's alread too late. They already woke me up early in the morning, and in the afternoon when I'm trying to take a nap due to said "early wake up scream".

Fuck the fucking fuckers.

This seems to be par for the course, the same thing happened to me a few months back when they came to fit water meters in my flat. In my case they didn't even ask for the loan of the hoover, they just pissed off and left me to clean up behind them.

Arschlöcher!!!

Five days in Amsterdam and I have yet to make it to munich. Oh wait wrong thread.

They've now buggered off and left 3 holes in the bleeding wall and crap everywhere with a cheery farewell and an explanation that someone will be along to complete the drainage repair and sort out my walls within the next week or so . .