The vent

FUCKER!!! I cant believe i come over here to be with you, give up everything i have to have no independence , no money of my own, nothing. THEN you go on the fuckin piss with guys you've known for a couple of mother fucking hours.
AARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!1
Thanx 4 lettin me get tht off my chest.

Ahh yes, I can relate to that one...at least they weren't (I presume) women .

It matters less over time. In due course, you will have your own mates . Except the problem that people with who behave like that is that they hate it when you do it back .

He's a three year old. You don't let him out of your sight. He was nearly at the main road on this walking bike.

If your workstation bleeps it's because you are doing something wrong, repeating the action many times will produce many bleeps !

I've shown you 3 times already what you are doing wrong you thick t*at ! Grrrrrr.

Dear Mr Window Man,
when I tell you you can come and measure my kitchen window any time after 10, and ask you to call me to let me know when you will be coming, I don't expect to still be sitting here at 1pm without a clue when to expect you. It's called common courtesy...
Yours,
Kathie

Kuster-frigging-mann, no matter how many free coffees you offer me I can never forgive you for being too stoooopid to spell "rock'n'roll". It is not "rockn'roll", for Chrissake!, you were told to engrave both apostrophes from top to bottom. Both = two of them! Take a look at the original draft next time!
Oberknuts®

Stupid wagon of a taxi-driveress, if you want to bleat about "regulations" instead of driving us to where we NEED to go and NOT 100 yards away from it because we have a whole bunch of stuff to carry including a huge frigging keyboard, don't accept the f* booking in the first place. We live in a tiny street and no-one except us orders estate-size taxis. We had this conversation the last time you turned up. You are the only taxi driver in the City of Munich who has problems with driving up to the door of Kilians for us to unload. You remembered us from the last time when we had an argument about this. You knew where we wanted to go. So why did you then let me heave the f* keyboard into the back of your poxy heap of scrap before saying you wouldn't drive onto Frauenplatz? And then sit parked outside our door for 10 minutes moaning to the Taxizentrale (whose comment the last time was "Wir sind ein Beförderungsunternehmen und kein Lieferservice")? Well, guess what, I'm a customer and I want to be befördert somewhere WITH MY STUFF. If you don't want the job, don't take the work. And never, ever, show up at our door again with your stupid laugh (what the f* is so funny?). Even the conspiracy theorist taxi driver that rants about the Jews taking over the world or the moany bloke that tries to sell people shares in his crappy little pyramid scheme would be preferable.

Dear Hot Guy Who Lives In My Building,

It was bad enough that when I first saw you I was covered in dirt from an afternoon spent repotting my balcony plants. It was made worse by the fact that I was also in the presence of my boyfriend, who did not at all appreciate me locking eyes with you, turning bright red, then reflexively swiveling my head around to watch you walk away. Since then, I've nearly thrown my neck out several times since I cannot seem to control the impulse to do a double-take whenever I see you. Unless you want to pay for my neck-related medical bills, and perhaps take me in when my boyfriend throws me out of our apartment in disgust over my childish behaviour, please move.

Thanks,

Your Neighbour

... take deep breath... and move away from the computer right now...

To the jobsworth at Düsseldorf airport.

I was returning to Munich with exactly the same things I took out of Munich - having a power trip on removing liquids like my hair gel was pathetic. It passed Munich security standards so why do you have to make me leave it with you. Then hinting you may take my roll on deodrant off me (again from Munich) really pissed me off. Then, letting another person just put things into a clear plastic bag and then run them through the scanner again - what difference did it make them being in the plastic bag? I am all for security but I think you got out of the wrong side of the bed and was being officious.

As for taking the woman standing behind me chapstick away I think this is taking it too far.

If I hear that song "36 grad kein ventilator" from that iritating band 2raumwohnung one more time I am personally going to buy and electric fan and shove it up her arse

Dear idiots at some company that I've never heard of before,

I transferred you the money you wanted two months ago. Just because someone who ISN'T me says I have an out-of-country address, doesn't mean I do. I actually live right here in good ol' D-Land. As a result of your imbecilic methods of addressing post codes in countries outside of Germany, I have just received your bill that's due tomorrow for double the cost, seeing as you won't take money out of my German account. Why is it so important to you that you only take money out of an account that originates where you sent the mail?? Where I don't even live?!? Oh, and BTW, that payment is going to be late. You can't do an overseas transfer in a day, smarty-pants.

Best regards in hoping you don't produce offspring as stupid as you are.

No I dont forgive you, stop emailing me, calling and texting.

I am tired of you being sorry.. I am trying to move on with my life AND I am trying to cut out people like you in my life..
I am not interested in what you think, feel or even in being your friend. I am sick of you Backstabbing me.
You know what I dont talk about you behind yor back and I am not contacting people about you.. ( and yes I know all about it)

You know what I blew my stack that is right call it stress, call it exhaustion, I dont know seven hours of "the radar failed" and having people yelling at you might do that. I did actually apoligize to you..

but either way the insane-ness of phone calls and threats and text messages were way and beyond

I have a word for you Boundries Look it up!

Just a slight rant because I was able to solve it:

If I have forgotten the PIN for my telephone (I'm sure I'm not the only person who has suffered from this phenomenon) and want to restore default settings so the PIN reverts to 0000 and I can change it it's pretty useless asking me for the PIN, isn't it?

right. so, when we first started seeing eachother and I asked pointblank if you had a girlfriend and you said "no"... was it a lie then, or did you somehow aquire one over the course of time and just neglect to mention it? Either way... what does that make you?

Listen, you potential tenants for my current place, I am sick and tired of you cancelling viewings 15 minutes before they are supposed to take place. I stayed in all frigging afternoon cleaning and carting stuff into the garage when I could have done food shopping first and then the housework. Oberknuts ®!

Mr. Royal Asshole who was on my ICE train to Berlin yesterday who told me the seat was not free when I went to sit down beside you, you may have tried this tactic with other people, but as you saw I sat my ass right down when you told me it was not free. Besides, I didn't ask you if the seat was free. I didn't need to ask you because I saw it WAS free at the time my ass needed to sit there and that was good enough for me. When you lied and told me your wife was eating and would be back I was not impressed either. Nice try, did you see fool on my forehead, but as your stupid and obnoxious ass found out that little ploy didn't this work with me either. I continued to sit my ass there. Then I had to tell you in a very loud rude tone after you told me about your fictitious wife that "i'm sitting here now and leave me the alone"!!! I know it was uncomfortable for you to sit beside me for two hours and I could tell by your body language and sighs you were annoyed. I was fucking hoping you would get up and move as you certainly had that option. I was relieved to see you were getting off at Leipzig when you pulled your ticket out to check the time the train was getting to Leipzig.

I don't know why it was so uncomfortable for you? I had taken my shower and I had no loud perfume. I think I know why? You were just being the royal asshole that you are! When you got up to leave the train the expression on your face was priceless because you knew I had busted you at your game.

When you left the train in Leipzig the Germans who heard you try to do this said "you are an idiot and you give Germans a bad name". I agree 100%!

Good for you, LR!

A big thank you to the fucking assholes that partied hard next door till 5:30am. Fuck you, and fuck the horse you rode in on!

No, not nice. Was it a one way ticket? Mine was

I know you've never shared a house before but apart from realising it's really not necessary for you to have your own kettle in the kitchen, your own bathmat in the bathroom or your own toilet roll you really, really need to realise that doesn't make it okay for you to kill four of my best tomato plants!!! I know I should have potted them out into bigger pots weeks ago but that's MY BUSINESS, you don't get to decide you have to move everything to...actually I still can't figure out why you wanted to move everthing...but by doing it you disturbed some delicate root systems and fucked them all up. Not to mention you don't then get to ask me if they're dying because I haven't watered them enough!!!!!! You said you love gardening so you must have realised what you were doing...aaaaaahhhhhhhhh. Cannot wait to get out of this bloody country and to a place where I'll be able to live on my own, things like this happening are making me unfit for human company!!!

Oh, I think that was me.

Could you please tell me where I was? I'm still looking for some of my stuff.

aaaaaaaaaagh if you're not going to take my blood why didn't you say so when I rang to make the appointment and explicitly asked if you would? Also, why aren't you consistent, if the issue is having lived in the UK for >6months during 1990-1996, why did you take blood when I donated in 2000 when I lived in Bremen?

I have a ton of stuff to do today and the fucking rain is killing me! When the hell did Munich move to Cherrapunji, India. Make it stop!!!

If you are not going to do it with good grace, then don't do it at all.

Fucking martyrs.

Once you realise that you are the author of your own destiny rather than the victim, then everyone's life will be a lot easier.

I don't care if you are having a crappy day and your personal circumstances are overwhelming you.

God you are just thick.

Just arrrrrrghhhhhhh

I know it's totally unfair to hate an entire nation based upon one person but that's how i feel !

oh fuck fuck fuck, i washed my gym card again hahahahha, hope it doesnt stop working one day coz damn i keep doing that.

Just when I find a REALLY GOOD pic with a shoulder and a chip, some mod goes and deletes all the relevant posts.

1900's: "If a tree falls in a forest and no one is around to hear it, does it make a sound?"

2000's: "If a forum post is modded, did the catfight really happen?"

LOL mine was too!!! Lifes a bitch...isnt it!!

Fuckingh French fucking kewboqrds. Why the fucj would you use shift for typing nu,bers ?

cnuts

Hey stupid middle-aged businessman, no the rest of the plane doesn't care if you shit or piss yourself silly.
You DO NOT get up mid-landing to go to the toilet!
Think the belts are just for accessorising?
Yeah we really like having an aborted landing.
And being tossed about like confetti.
Thankfully we had belts on.
Unlike you, but hey it wasn't like we could see you rushing back to your seat although the flight crew were shouting, sorry, *screaming* at you in three languages over the intercom to get out of the toilet and buckle up.
Because we all just love an extra 30mins in the air waiting for a new landing slot.
But now I really hope you are enjoying the local police station toilets in Paris - because we all fucking cheered when you got arrested.
The near riot beforehand of people trying to lynch you, yeah, that was a bit loolah but hey ho, eh?
Arsehole.

No, my precious motorbike is not a fucking clothes horse for all your hairy fucking dirty smelly riding clothes. I will allow you to park the pushbike there but only 'cos its a KTM, but frankly its pretty hard to see what bike I have under that pile of shit.

Dude, the Tour de France is not taking place in Munich. You will not get a yellow tricot for getting over Hackerbrücke faster than the other people, even if you wear a dorky outfit and make a suffering face and pedal like mad to dart out in front of cars in order to overtake the other bikes.

There goes my holiday plans all up in smoke just because you did not submit your holiday request in time. Well fcuk you, i will never plan a holiday with you again.

Why do men not remember and ask about important days in their significant other´s lives?? And no, I am not talking about anniversaries or birthdays!!!

i havent got a fucking clue whats going on! i just know you smile at me and everything is fine, i go away for the weekend, and when i came back you turned 180 degrees and talk shit about me or so i hear and your actions towards me make it clear its true. whatever bitch i might havent got a clue what this is all about but i can clearly pass and dont give a fuck besides at least now i know just how fake you are and am just glad i didnt waste any more time on you than i already have!

How fucking stupid can a person be? Bad enough that you've let your two dogs loose in a Naturschutzgebiete, but right next to a road where cars and trucks can legally drive 100 km/hr? Are you nuts? And don't tell me your dogs are ok... they certainly didn't come when you called, but instead ran right at my two dogs. I'll be damned if I drop my leashes right next to the road so shut up bitch - you have no clue. And don't then come running up asking me if your dog bit me. No, the dog didn't bite me but if you come any closer then you're the one who is going to get bitten, along with your damned dogs. And don't tell me that dogs have to bark. My dog isn't just barking, he's warning you all very clearly that if you approach us any closer then he's willing and prepared to defend all of us, whether or not we need his defending. I'm working on his over-reaction, but you're obviously way too dense and stupid to notice his very clear body language. Tail stiff and flagged, hackles up, growling... this is not some friendly hello you're getting. Back off, control your dogs, get them on leashes and get the hell away from us. Oh, you don't have any leashes with you? Who the fuck goes for a walk with their dogs and doesn't bring along leashes when knowingly going into a Naturschutzgebiete? If I'd been a hunter or a forester, you would have been in deep shit. Yeah... right... get the dogs into your car and drive away. Thanks for screwing up the very end of what would have been a lovely 5km walk. It was great until you showed up.

for suck fake, will you just stop moaning you lazy old cow. all I can here is you on the phone repeating "das gibt's doch gar nicht". Don't you actually do any work? Or do you just spend the day on the phone molly-coddling your daughter who is the same age as me? doesn't she know how to pack a fucking suitcase?

and you people say we are stingy, you're always the first to get stuck into the kuechen und bonbons "mmm lecker" - when was the last time you brought anything to the party?

oh yeah and when I give you something to order, which must be one of your only daily activities, I do kind of expect that you would order it same day, not at your bonbon-sucking-gossiping-on-the phone-talking-shit leisure. Finger out your fat arse

I suffocated you?! WTF?! You ask me to give you a wake up call every morning, meet you for lunch weekly, and move to the same city so you won't be lonely and we can be together. I ask you to return a phone call once or twice a week and I'M SUFFOCATING YOU?!?! Oh Buster- Wrong tree to bark up! You have some nerve!

I will go crazy if I come across anymore rude and agressive people in my company. I am not a piece of shit, I am not invisible, I am not just out of school and shock horror I have a brain and do know what I talking about. I know you are frustrated and the system sucks...but its not my fault...get over it...start being nicer or talk to the hand cos the face will not listen any more...AAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH

mother fucker...

No, the shipping IS NOT too expensive, cocksucker! And if you think so, try buying these records from the US and see how much THEY charge you to ship them here. And see how long it takes, too. Fucking brat.

I'm about two phucking heartbeats away from driving into the next mufu that tries to drive me off the phuckin road! LEARN SOME DAMN LANE CONTROL FFS! You phuckers spend countless hours on driving lessons and still can't phucking drive! I DON'T UNDERSTAND IT!!! Stupid idiots....

I Employed you for 3 hrs per week...

I leave money to cover your 3 hrs per week...

You Take money for 3 hrs per week...

Why the fucking hell do you think I sacked you after my neighbour said you are never here fo more than 2hrs per week.. often only 1,5 hrs...

You deceiving lieing scum!

YOU ARE SACKED!!!

Fuck you. You asked for advice and I'm sorry my advice isn't what you wanted to hear. You are a disgrace to your nation. You really are. Fuck you.

You know, I wouldn't even have gone to your crappy party anyway because I was doing something infinitely better and more interesting and exciting, but it *really* would have been nice to have been asked. And the same goes to you fuckwits who knew about it but didn't even bother to have the common decency to tell me it was on.

Fuck you all you overhyped, self-important, self-obsessed bunch of arrogant tossers.

Thus concludes my first use of "The Rant"

Er, it's "The Vent", chap.

Good first effort neverthless.

Why must we continue to play this game?

I love you so much...

...but that doesn't mean you are the ONLY woman I will ever speak to, laugh with or go places with. I have always had and will always have female friends, they are friends, just that, maybe at one point in our lives, there was a possibility that we may have become more than friends (every time a guy and a girl meet this is the case), but that doesn't mean there still is the possibility. Why can't you see that?!

Just because every guy you have been friends with has tried to sleep with you, and you have f*ck all self-esteem, don't use that as reason to make me feel like shit for wanting to see my mates, just because they happen have t*ts and a p*ssy.