The vent

my housemate who's ugly girlfriend has justmoved in uninvited whilst I was away last week, with her CAT!!

FUCK OFF YOU WENDOLENE FROM WALLACE AND GROMIT FREAKY BITCH; WHY SHOULD I PAY RENT TO SHARE A HOUSE WITH YOU: I NEVER ASKED YOU TO COME AND I HATE YOUR FUCKING CAT AND LISTENING TO YOU AND MY HOUSEMATE GRUNTING LIKE HIPPOS EVERYNIGHT MAKES ME FEEL PHYSICALLY SICK

Dude, when I broke up with you and said "It´s not you, it´s me" -- that was me being nice. I just wasn´t into you! Now get over it and go away. Get over yourself.

I am sick of tottering on the brink.

Stupid coworker is 'out sick' again until the rest of the week. He has a "pain in his waddeln". WTF?

I'm pissed that no matter what I try to do. I can't get work. Everything applied for denied, or told I'm not good enough. Its frustrating. Its sad when even a small time local job won't hire you.

Luca Toni, Luca f*cking Toni. eat sh*t and die on your way back to f*cking Bavaria

trying to pay my lawyers in Nottingham to sort some ex wife problems, they cant recieve payment for them because it would be classed as money laundering, a faxed copy of my passport seems not to be good enough to prove who I am am. the full shit is 500 quid, I can give my visa card to amazon for this amount, now I have to go to sarabryds work where they have a flat bed scanner to take a colour scan of my passport, various other house hold billls and my registration here...fuck i am trying to pay them 500 squids, not 500 million. getting mad here more and more by the minute. I know now why I dont live in the UK any more
grrr Scogs

Consider the outcome, luv.
The bones and cartilege in my nose are moving, I feel like something out of a SciFi movie. Not to mention that it's massively unpleasant to painful as this is the very same nose that was broken 35 years ago. Even wearing my glasses hurts.

I'm sick of fucking racists ont he U-bahn. You smell like you haven't washed in days and you look like a hot mess and you have the nerve to be staring me up and down like I shat in your mouth and get up when I sit down in the newly vacated seat? Fine! Go and ruin someone else's sense of smell then!

It's your own fucking problem if you prefer to stand for seven stops, than sit next to me!!

Dear cellphone, no I did not want to connect to the internet using Vodafone Live when I was already connected via wireless. I am in Spain and God knows how expensive that just was! Argh! (This just prompted me to delete all access points from my cellphone.) Damn stupid Vodafone Live.

Fucking oven!!!

I can't believe I moved here for what was supposed to be a cool job and new life experience, instead, I get to be screwed over by supposed friends and given nothing like the responsibility at work because my boss thinks 29 is too young to have any real experience and know what you are doing. If only I didn't like living in Berlin so much, I might just call it a day and look for something new...

10 minutes have gone by and my brains still fucking going ape.
You fucking stupid bitch. Just 'cos your hubby rules the roost and you think it's OK to treat people like shit because you can you fucking cow. Don't fucking threaten me you petty cunt.

I've never needed a beer this bad. I've never come so close to losing my job. All because of an old hag. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAArrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhh
hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

You stupid fucking retarded bitch of a cashier. You are standing at a cash register doing something with merchandise and money, so I stand behind the person you are helping with merchandise in my hands. When you are finished, why do you turn to the three customers who have NOT been waiting as long as I and are standing in the line of your colleague in order to ring them up? You obviously saw me standing at your cash register. When I point out that I, too, would like to pay, you look at me and inform me that, as you were merely exchanging or refunding something, your cash register was obviously not open for sales and that I should have stood in the other line. I point out that I have been waiting longer than the people in the other line and you just shrug.

Having worked as a cashier in the States and also as a waitress, it drives me crazy that service personnel here seem to cultivate tunnel vision. If you have a job like that in the States, one of the FIRST things you learn is to constantly scan the room to have an overview of the situation.

This woman obviously saw me and chose to ignore me. WTF?!?!

Rant number 2: Fucking asshole jackass neighbor, you don´t want my dog to poop in the dirty ditch behind the house, even if I pick it up, because your kids apparently roll around in the ditch and you are worried about the remnants of poop that might be on a piece of grass or two. You then proceed to point out that the dog may not poop in the park 10 meters further, nor in the "Stadtwald" 20 further. You inform me that dogs are not allowed to poop in the English Garden (even if I pick it up .. that´s a new one to me, makes me wonder why the city puts up poop bag dispensers here and there -- funded by the dog tax I pay). You ask if I would mind if YOU pooped in front of my house. I say if you cleaned it up it would be okay, with the difference being that you are capable of using a toilet.

When you say you think dogs have no place in the city, I can understand you. On the other hand, I work in this city, I used to live alone and did not like it. I make sure my dog gets out to meet other dogs, to play, and to get exercise. Yes, his excrement cannot be neatly disposed of in a toilet, it first must fall in the dirt before I can pick it up -- but you can not expect the world you live in to be absolutely sterile. Which, just for your information, dog urine is.

And what the fuck is it with people suddenly turning friendly when you tell them to fuck off?!? How about being friendly to me in the first place and not bitching at me for owning a dog with an actual digestive system before petting him and saying how friendly he seems to be in response to my hefty defense?

And all you retarded parents. While you are bitterly spewing venom to each other about the evils of my owning a dog, I am in the park with your kids letting them pet him, showing them the tricks he can do, explaining to them about animals and nature and life. Is that something you want to cut out of their lives for the sake of better hygiene in the ditch behind the house?

I hate the word retarded when it is used to describe people who are mentally handicapped. But these are supposedly normal people and all I can say is that they are fucking retarded.

Rauchverbot my arse!

Wertheim - if you insist on your escalator down to the basement ending up in that foul open plan restaraunt area that permenantly stinks of old burnt chip fat (catnip for the locals) fine. I can hold my breath and walk through it.

But WTF am I supposed to do AT 10 AM IN THE MORNING about the fucker sat there smoking a CIGAR. The whole floor stank. The sooner the whole fucking country is smoke free the better.

separate rooms, blah blah, fully sealed, blah blah simply doesn't fucking work.

Dear German colleague,

As you might have noticed, I haven't fully mastered your language yet. So, there are still words that I don't understand. It doesn't matter if you say this word 5 times, I still don't know it. And saying it veeery slowly also doesn't help. Neither does actually writing it on paper. I don't bloody know this word! Explain it, don't just repeat it like some sick parrot! Better yet, say it in English. Thank you.

Co-worker: It is fairly difficult to deal with your making a suggestion regarding administration when it is the same one I made three months ago and you discarded as superfluous and confusing. After all, this is the third time that it has happened.

Because my mother can't drive all the way down to Stansted to pick her grandchildren up from the airport when she's more than capable of driving to London to see her other grand children.

Looks like Grandpa might more time with his Grandchildren.

Mother still pissing me off...

I had problems recently with the lack of interest I felt my father appeared to have in the lives of his grand-daughters. I have had issues with him for a while, so during one unfortunately timed phone call (he called when I was on my 3rd or 4th Weißbier) I just let rip and had it out with him. I didn't hold back and just let it all pour out.

Amazingly, since that call he has made a 100% improvement and calls at least once a week just to speak to them.

So stock up on beer and wait for your Mum to call :-)

"super alkaline" battery my ass ! Wireless mouse just died. Aerocell ... who the FUCK heard of this brand anyway ? And what is it doing in my mouse ! Piece of worthless shit.

they are having sex in the room nxt door again. all the moaning is totally disgusting. I honestly cant stand it. I just want to sleep

i just finished cleaning up nasty cat poop. I don't own a cat. The cat poops was in my roommate's room and it wasn't her cat. It was the cat of the other roommate who seems to think our apartment is a boarding kennel.

You don't have a high energy dog and barely walk it (5min max in the am and then in 'good' weather 30-45min in the evening. if not good weather then if the dog is lucky 15min in the evening. oh... and if she feels like it possibly take it out to the bathroom one other time. On top of that let's bring a cat too. We started with 1 cat, 1-2 dogs (for sure one, sometimes 2), and 3 humans. Then we went to 2 dogs (now sometimes 3 and soon will be 3 permanently) and 3 humans. now we are at 2-3 (again, soon 3) dogs, 3 humans, and 2 cats.

that's fine if she wants her animals here, but then take care of them. so what if you're here after work! do you think i enjoy sometimes being out in the rain for 1.5-2hr w/ dogs? no not really, but that's what you do, especially when you are living with others who don't appreciate your obnoxious dog in their faces or with other dogs that don't appreciate your dog being rude and not backing off when asked to and then out of the blue attacking!!!

oh, and next time she can clean up her own cat's shit. Good thing it wasn't in my room or tonight would not be a pleasasnt night for her when she comes home.
Related topic: Cat leaving treasures around the house

Dear esteemed colleague,

I know you are not going to read this, but you have infuriated me so! When I went off on leave I ensured that all my cases were up to date. Much of them only needed final approval and granting. Not difficult to do, unless you're a completely useless worker like yourself. Why are you emailing me with stupid questions and requests, telling me shit? How the hell should I know what the number for the NMDC is? Use the fooking internet or go and ask someone in IIL. I am not back at work for another three weeks. What do you intend to do until then? Must I email our manager and tell her that you are a hopeless idiot who cannot be entrusted with even the slightest task? You only had one thing to verify and you couldn't even do that! I have been off work since January, for fuck's sake!! What have you been doing since then? You had to make ONE phonecall! Lord have mercy!

To the feckers, who insist on turning left from ReinStrasse onto Leopold, inspite of all those big "straight only" signs due to construction work : Fuck you for holding up the early morning traffic, you selfish bastards. Go further down and take the fucking turn.

People wasting my time, making me read on the vent about a stupid fucking topic like Germans reading road signs!

How long have you lived here!!!.. We all know the Hermans cant fucking drive for toffee.. ( Ecxept Schumacker who drives for lots of money!)

If I knew what that word meant in English... I would not be taking the class and futher more I get paid to teach english everyday JUST as I am Paying you to Teach me german SO please please stop asking what this and that word is in english!! I am here to learn german not teach you english!!!

She's doing it again ... and no, the format does NOT work in the Munich office. You will get the Word document for further amendments and if you don't like it go cry on Houston's shoulder, lazy, rude and incompentent person. I refuse to call you co-worker coz there's not much "co" going on and I am doing your work.

EDIT: Yes, you overlooked that I had included the discount. Yes, you could have typed two lines of revision yourself. Yes, I think you are overpaid and underqualified. Oh, you didn't ask? So what!

On the 24th December, at 06:00am, I was awoken by a loud and furious hammering on the door. As I quickly donned my dressing gown, I ran to the door before the baby was woken up. Too late. Baby was screaming and I was red with anger. I looked through the spy hole of the door to see a huge bloody German pounding away at it. He looked even angrier than me. Ready to bash or receive a bashing, I opened the door and glared. He stepped back before speaking. I couldn't understand a word but he kept pointing at the floor between us and clenching his fists. Then I understood.

He was pointing at a small rubbish bag, which he had taken from our own bin and brought to the top of the flat (we lived at the top - no lift). As he continued to shout, I could hear a few key words and the one which was repeated over and over again was Windel. He was complaining that I had put our own baby's nappy in our own fecking bin. At Christmas...

He kept yelling and I just looked at him savouring the fact that he was speaking to a non-native that had no idea what the blazes he was on about. Though I had worked out the reason for his wrath, there was no way I was going to tell him that. I stood there, letting his blabbering wash over me and when he was spent, he turned and walked away. While his back was turned, I shouted down the stairs, "Ich habe kein Deutsch you f#cking moron" and then closed the door.

Hahahaha.

I have to say it wasn't funny at the time. The baby was going through a "I'm not going to sleep now, I will scream instead" phase and this rude awakening was enough to send me down the stairs in a severe case of lost temper. My wife though cured this by pointing out that the man had spent his Christmas morning, going through nappy filled rubbish.

Now that put a smile on my face.

Rant over.

Irresponsible people!
Irresponsibility can be one of those in the eye of the beholder things and I’m sure I’m quite irresponsible to some people or in some situations too.

When you take on a responsibility of having a kid or a pet that means you are responsible for it’s well-being and also things it messes up (obviously, with kids only up to a certain degree/age). E.g. if my dog chews up something of yours I replace it or do something to make up for it. If your cat goes in my room and knocks things over and breaks them when I’m gone you clean it up or contact me to see if I’d like it cleaned up. You don’t leave it for the 3rd roommate to contact me and take care of. If your cat comes in my room at 3am and then creates a huge mess by freaking out and knocking lots of stuff over I don’t expect you to come and clean it up because I’m there and it’s 3am, but when I text you to tell you (since you’re out getting wasted, which is fine as long as you’re taking care of your responsibilities, and probably won’t be home until mid-day the next day) your cat has got to stay out of my room then don’t respond with a flippant “sorry, blah blah blah�.
It’s your cat so it’s your job to care for it and make sure it’s not neglected (is fed, has water and a clean cat box, but besides that is basically ignored for days on end) and if it knocks things over or destroys things to clean it up.

4pm , that was the agreement. If you can't make the f**king time phone and don't then have a strop when I go after 40 minutes of waiting.

Why is it some people are so f**king selfish and can't keep agreed times or just have the small courtesy of phoning to say their going to be late?

I have had the same email address for eleven years. It isn't anything fancy or sexy or cute. Just my name. Why would a hacker want it? WHY?? I have eleven years worth of contacts in there. I keep in touch with some ex-students there and I'm expecting notification of a business transaction today. I tried to go through the 'forgotten password', but the site is all in German and it isn't giving me the option to answer my security questions. WHY??? AAAAAAAAAUUUUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH!!

Miss Yosaly-
you are not qualified for the exam. I do not know how you get your money minus the application fee back. I'd assume they take the charge off your credit card like everywhere else. stop emailing. i have more important things to do, like finalize the exams you're not qualified for (or vent on TT), than to respond to you. When i said i'd contact our finance dept. or customer care and find out how they do it I was being polite. I can't tell you to go f off and use your brain because i'd prefer to not get fired or reprimanded over some stupid twat like you.

Gosh, seems like 2am is the time when all the desperate guys are online on Lokalisten. No, I am not online because I want to get any messages written in bad German from desperate guys looking to get laid (or whatever), I was just writing back to a friend's message.

I am really really angry that you are now on Toytown! Am I not allowed to have a place that you do not spy on me, I was angry that you were priniting out my blog.. It's Creepy and this is creepy!!!
I should get to have a place that is just my own, we already have to share living space.. This is Toytown and this is my private place to meet english speaking friends... you are not even a native speaker.. You have all of Germany to make friends as you are German.. This is a place for English speakers ... Please just stop and consider.. You are ramming yourself down my throat.. I need a Space that is just mine alone please find a German speaking web site to make friends and leave this one alone!!!

Oh Nordbad swimmers - learn lane discipline!
Swimming straight isn't that bloody hard. Well, not for those that aren't complete and utter arrogant, self-centered, selfish silly arses.

And while I'm at it, if the pool is busy, is that backstroke really wise? Especially how you swim it.
Those old dears have also paid to use the pool, enabling them to "enjoy" the pool inside and out by half drowing them with your flailing mock-butterfly (dying fly more like) isn't big. Or clever.

It just confirms that the water can't be that cold when you parade in your Speedos.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Condescending radiologist bitch! I hope your hair turns green and your teeth go rolling in their sockets.

Fcuking air conditioner, it is all of 20°, if you are hot take off some of the many effing clothes you have on or just turn on your own bloody fan so I don't have to freeze to death to keep you cool, selfish cnut, or how about opening the bloody windows...duh!

Grrr.. I am sick I even gave you my "get out of life" Dr's note that seems to be so important in your country.. the Doc said no work no school no stress.. just sleep and eat
read the note
please for just one day can we not discuss in great depth and debate what he yelled at you about or round 5 hundred million sixty seventh of the minor issue you have now about the way he breathes, walks or chews his food, or that he did not do his chores to your standards. Please just stop fighting with him and let him alone. I want to take a nap.. I am exhausted and between your phone calls I am throwing up and laying on the bathroom floor.. I left the house because you drive me bananas and I wanted to be sick in peace . You are an adult please please act like it..

ohh and I like air conditioning..

It's a beautiful day outside, no clouds, sunny. Why the FUCK do you turn on the light when you come into the office ?! Your desk is right next to the fucking window, why do you need the light for ? God damned idiot!

Why didn't you offload the bags like you said you would? Why did you not put the bags in a secure area when they were delivered to you? Why did you let someone just walk off with it and not challenge them?

A thousand pounds worth of stuff lost, because of some 19 year old twat from Wigan! And don't even try to tell me that it wasn't your fault! Bags are delievered to you and you leave them behind a velvet rope, behind your office??? Of course someone can just waltz off with people's luggage. What the hell is the matter with you people??? I can't replace my wedding photos or camera with shots of me around Munich. And that handbag was bloody expensive! God, give me strength!!!

so you think that "I" am not dressed appropriate at work, hm, wonder why? jealousy most likely biatch!

lets see, "I" wear, capri style slacks, with an office work suitable shirt that is neither showing my clevage, nor my belly button nor is too tight, and which is actually ironed, with some kitten heeled ballerinas, a little bit mascara and decent eye shadow and maybe but only maybe some gloss and simply look fantastic!

"You" wear trainers that have deffo seen better days, jeans, and are trying desperately to show off your NON-existing clevage in a super thight shirt that let one almost see your belly button coz its cut that deep,not to mention your hairy arm pits, YUK, no make up at all and you probably dont even own a hair brush.

now, am I the only one seeing what your real problem is? later BIATCH hahahahah

I'm going to go round to a certain person's garden tonight and do a big poo in it.
grr

Mr. President of the company next door, I don't give a highly colored damn if this was the first or 500th time you have visited the Munich office. Your assistant knows which parking spaces in the garage are your company's spaces. Ask her instead of standing in the only open space that has to remain open so the pallets can move and cars parked behind the pallets can get out of their parking spaces. I was 20 minutes late for an appointment and you can thank your lucky stars that I invested those 20 minutes in finding you and not in calling the cops and a tow-truck.

Oh, and you could have expressed your apologies for incapacitating me instead of throwing the keys to your assistant and telling her to move the car. Yes, telling, not asking.

And assistant, when there is a button in a car saying Start/Stop, fell free to press it. It ignites the motor.

Thank you.

S4, the fu**king S4.

German trains are supposed to run on time but I never seem to be able to take that line without a 40 minute delay or a freaking bus.

Thank You! You stupid Porsche SUV driving bitch or was it the dog that was driving while you were to busy talking on the phone and smoking; For pulling out in front of me and proceeding to what seems like drive backwards you were going so slow. I had to slam on my brakes and almost went over my handle bars. Not to mention I scuffed my boots. I may be on a Motorcycle but I actually have to drive on the road with your stupid ass And I am a huge fan of having your cigarette flicked at me at the stop light. I hope you are at this moment looking up pretentious Fucktard in your German to English dictionary; you are lucky instead of calling you that I did not get off my bike and shove my size nine up your ass. Yes. Please roll up you window and continue to act like you are the only one in the world!! GRRRR

Dear Scumgäste at Stadtbad Lankwitz,

You do not need to be either over 80 years of age or a member of a swimming Verein to use a fucking swimming hat. They are freely available at a nominal cost at most major sports retailers and I believe also at the reception desk. I am sick of pulling the detrius of your mullet or other lame excuse for a haircut out from between my fingers when I am swimming. Have you no idea how disgusting this is?

There is also no need to use the chlorine in the pool as a free hairdressing service to 'condition' your hair into its desired consistency (greasy at roots, brittle to the point of breaking off at the ends to facilitate the effect of having layers put in your hair when you clearly cut it yourself). Tossers.

Oh and whilst I'm at it. There is absolutely no set of circumstances where it is appropriate to kick people out of the way when you are swimming. You are worse than animals the lot of you. Obviously common courtesy is a hope too far but what circumstances were you brought up in to think that you are so important that you have the right to assault other people?

That feels better.

Co-worker, when I say, "Ok, leave it with me, I'll take care of it" I do not mean leave the open binder on top of the documents I have spread out on my desk and am working on at the moment.

Idiot!

Dear Mr Consultant,

I asked for more info, you did not give it.

Why are you so upset that the crap has hit the fan and I have my mail asking for more info and you seem to be the one to blame?

Or is it that you came in shouting yout mouth off only to take off you own foot and wedge it squarely into your loud gaping mouth?

Fucktard does not cover it.