The vent

GERMAN FUCKING WOMEN DRIVERS !!
LEARN HOW BIG YOUR CHELSEA TRACTOR IS BEFORE TAKING THE BRATT TO SCHOOL..

NOW PISS OFF AND BUY YOUR POXY NEW WING MIRROR

GLOBAL WARMING MY ARSE!!

Its bloody snowing outside!!!

I hate making decisions. Especially potentially life-altering ones.

When I advise you on the correct translation of an auditing phrase from the multiple possibilites on LEO I see it as an affront when you don't believe me, ask the boss and then follow his recommendation when it is exactly the same translation as I originally recommended. You generally don't hesitate to call me your "walking dictionary".

Last night I parked my car on an empty street. Later I returned to my parked car on the still empty street bar three cars. My car had a car parked behind it with three inches to spare and another car in front with two and a half inches to spare. The car in front must of even reversed into postion. Why the hell do they do that here. At least in France when they do that you can bump the other cars - I think here you might end up going to prison for such a thing.

I swear I must have been the STUPIDEST woman in the whole world to have trusted you.. I am so mad at myself for falling for you!!

you are not the only one to experience that.

Okay, Germans! Its your rule, to sign up for the laundry room, so, I rightfully sign up 2 weeks in advance, and then every fucking time! someone has taken one or all the machines here! Pisses me off... can you not read. If I sign up for 19:00, I expect all the machines to be free, not that you have just turned one maching on, and now I have to wait til your shit is done to get my stuff in the machine. Then you don't even show up to get your shit, and I have to place it in the washing wagon, and then I cannot use the washing wagon for my laundry.

Nooooooooooooo! Why do you have to go and be sick at this very very last minute?? Bollocks!! Frigging money down the drain for nothing...and now I will have to go alone...BALLS!

Is this an all-over German thing? Why do the doors automatically lock when you close them? I went to take the dogs for a walk and closed the front door behind me. I did not realize I left the keys in the house until I tried to unlock the door. WTF? My husband is out of the country and I can't call him to come home and let me in! Luckily I decided to take my mobile and called the owner / landlord. He was out of the area on business, but he was able to to come to the house with the extra key in two hours. Why can't I close my front door and not have it locked? If I want to lock my front door, I will lock it with my key when I leave!

It is not me It is YOU!! trust me it is you!!! You drive me crazy!

I like to sleep in on the weekends.

SO STOP PLAYING THE SAME GODDAMN ONE HORSE TUNE FOR THIRTY MINUTES EVERY FUCKING WEEKEND MORNING AND MOVE THE FUCK AWAY FROM UNDER MY WINDOW.

Go out and get a job, so you won't have to play for handouts. Besides, the last time I checked, no one was dropping money in your hat. D'you know why? - COS YOU PLAY THE SAME DAMNFOOL THING, YOU HALFWITTED MORON - YOU HAVE NO IMAGINATION.

I don't care if it's the coolest song to hit turkey...it doesn't give you the right to blast it constantly throughout the day and yell over it while you try to reach the bloody high notes of a prepubescent girl, you middle aged silly silly man.

That felt good.

Okay a vent... Of I just dont get it!! YOU got completly Lucky that she even gave you the time of day! She is such a good person.. How could you be so Dumb!!!

The Vent you say, ok, a short & sweet piece of ventage...I fucking hate stupid people, but more than that I despise lazy people. At least one can feel sorry for the utterly stupid. Laziness in someone who purports to be relatively smart is a whole different kettle of fish.

I blame the internet myself.

I just got refused a job because they are looking for a native German speaker, a fact which they didn't mention in the ad!

Got stopped again last night by the pigs, Four of them around the car with their stupid flash-lights shining in. Haven't you got anything better to do you fucking stupid wankers.

Another g-damn Ikea problem... So we had to replace our outdoor table and chairs since they were semi-destroyed by Japan's typhoonish weather conditions. Two summers out and you could scrape the mold off with a putty knife--no way would it pass the overseas inspectors--so we gave them away. And now finally--finally--after lo these many mosquito-infested or Arctic climes we finally have a decent garden for a table and chairs. We went to Ikea and tried to get a table we'd had our eyes on--it was sold out. We asked if we could order one--which we have done before. But this time, in a fit of German arbitrariness, or should I say European arbitrariness, cause what any European company knows about customer service would fill an ant's mouth--and I've lived here a decade so I know what I'm talking about--no dice. After waiting 1 1/2 hours in line! Come back next week, they shrug. But we'll be on vacation--our first since we've moved here. So now we must play the amusing shell game of "guess when it'll next be in stock"... perhaps forever. If our economy hadn't tanked because the absolute moron that we have in the White House hadn't run our economy into the ground I wouldn't even be dealing with Ikea. And for all you Ikea-lovers out there--what can I say!

Someone (in my office) stole (yes, STOLE) two keys from my laptop! I always leave the work laptop sitting on my desk in it's docking station and I never bring it home. Yesterday, we moved offices and I opened up the laptop and two keys are missing - the ; and : - thieves!

Seven bloody hundred bloody litres of bloody heating oil in six week, thats 84 bloody euros a bloody week and all because the bloody idiots we bought the bloody house from didnt bloody service the bloody boiler in four bloody years the tight arsed schwabish bloody ejits.

bloody hell, there goes our bloody holiday this year bloody shwabish twats.

bloody.

oh and bloody.

Definately rather be a vampire.

Can you please stop fucking coughing – every ten seconds for the third day now. Don't you have the brains to realise it is driving everyone nuts. Just go and buy some cough syrup or if you’re that sick stay home – also might help if you stopped smoking.

12 page pdf file found online on how to fill out a form for a tax rebate and not one indication of where the form should be sent to. do people just not think???

tax rebate center. you're welcome.

Probably they've left out the description of how to send the form to keep the PDF small in size.

why can't you be more flexible? what's wrong with doing 2 things in one evening? why does it have to be 'either or'. ...

Stupid phone! Why do you not let me call one friend (because I have no credit) but do let me call another, and then when I check my credit say "This feature is not available for contract customers". Carrefour Movil you really suck today! Better be fixed and tell me I still have credit tomorrow (because I still had €15 the other day, and no way have I used up that much within a few days).

I wanna be alone!!!People stop pissing me off!!!
and you are such an idiot!! idiot idiot!!! F* off !

edit: I feel better now!

For fucks sake why can't my estranged wife give a straight answer to a straight question.

'So what time do I need to be at the house to look after the kids?'

'Well I have to be at the kindergarten at 8'

No , no and thrice no. That is that answer to the question 'What time do you need to be at the kindergarten'

Arrrggggghhhh

You and Scogs need to meet up for a pint.

@ my paper delivery lady: I have a metal tube just the length and diameter of a folded Süddeutsche Zeitung hanging underneath my mailbox. I make sure that it is empty, i.e. void of circulars and local free rags, so you can put my daily (except Sundays) Süddeutsche Zeitung into the tube that says Süddeutsche Zeitung on it. Not Süddeu Zei with half of the letters missing, meaning that there is only room for half a Süddeutsche Zeitung with the other half hanging out under the slanted roof over my front door so the pouring rain soaks the newspaper, rendering it impossible to read. You will hear from your supervisor about this.
In other words: INSERT THE DAMN PAPER ALL THE WAY INTO THE DAMN TUBE!

dear coworker, I told you yesterday that I am not feeling well, and the same for today, so, when I don't want to talk to you, I do not need you coming to me every 5 min to see how I am doing, Fuck, I am a big girl, I can take care of myself, and I also, do not need you to ask me every 30 min, if I am grumpy because of something you said. I asked you twice politely to just leave me alone and let me be, but you are like a hungry dog with a bone... just leave me alone! But NO! you cannot shut up and need to analyse the situation. No wonder you had 2 husbands leave you for their girlfriends.

bloody assholes, with their i dont give a damn/ cant be bothered to play in a team attitude, pissing me right off. fine dont do your job, just continue ignoring your duties, as you did for the past 6 month (at least) and start crying, when i tell my line manager that the project im am working on is certainly going to fail coz you dont bother doing anything that you are required to do, coz its just above you...and think i can just do it for you. piece of shite...you earn like 2.5 times more than me, for doing the same job, erm no actually you dont do the same as you ignore the major part of it and think i will do part of your job as well. Well, think again bitch! go and fuck off!!!

If you have no intention to do something or do not want to do it then do not say you will do it. Even if you don't want to, but say you will then follow through, please.

Traffic wardens.

Need I say more.

Vent 1: Hey 4 guys in the construction truck that cut me off twice on the way to work this morning, if you're going to have the balls to pull up next to me at a traffic light, roll down your windows, and start tossing profanities at me (all 4 of you, not just 1), then don't roll your fucking windows up when I get out of my car. Fucking pussy ass German passive-aggressive cocksucking farmer fags. There were FOUR of you. Don't talk the fucking talk if you can't walk the fucking walk.

Vent 2: Hey trash truck idiots, don't pull up to a traffic light in a right turn lane with your right turn signal on if you're going to fucking stop to make a pick-up! The containers aren't on the street, so how the fuck and I supposed to know you're making a pick-up?? And not ONE of the workers can even speak fucking German?? How is that possible??? Ignorant fucks!

wake up feeling sick,
turn on laptop to discover internet has broken, again.
trip up on my way out the building where old lady laughs at me.
go to the german language school (for the third time this week) only to to discover that i still dont have the right documents to enrol for this course!!! informed that the course will be full very soon.
come home, trip up again.
find out that now my computer has broken as well.
miss germany next top model.
still feel sick.

Lost mobile 2 weeks ago - spent all week getting new sim card, then sim doesn't work, take sim to shop, shop gives back wrong chip phone doesn't work still. Go to another shop, get phone working. Still need a german handset. Got 3 UK mobiles but all of them are the stupid bloody phones that are incapable of being unlocked apart from taking or posting to some stupid place who probably will break my phone!

i thought unlocking a phone was more of a software thing? I know when i unlocked my phone i got some code or something or other and put that in and it was done. I didn't have to take the phone apart and physically doing anything (besides for press buttons).

your moustache? It looked awesome. Why, for the love of jebus, did you shave it off? WHY WHY WHY?!?!?!

That's what I thought but the all singing all dancing stupid phones I had in the UK have not been beaten by the hackers yet. Apparently only way is for a shop to "flash"? my phone then they reprogramme it.

Venting further - found a place online that claims they can unlock my N73 without me sending it - need to connect via USB port to computer to get a file etc. and the rubbish laptop I have the USB ports crash my machine when I plug anything in them! AHHHHHH

Freaking co-worker!! Shut the F*ck UP! You are annoying the crap out of me. You walked in only 5 minutes and 10 seconds ago and you're already making me crazy with your complaint!!! Grrrrrrr!!!

Three, five maximum, rings on the office telephone is enough.
I'm either not there and you're annoying the rest of the corridor by letting it ring for minutes, or I'm not there *for you* and you're annoying the rest of the corridor and me especially.
Repeating this at half-hourly intervals is not going to help you reach me faster, especially when my voicemail is broken.

No answer by phone? Email. It really is that simple.
Especially if you're someone really really long-winded who doesn't know what they actually want.

Mrs B using Mr Bs account...

If you are going to post a job advert on Toytown, yes you eurolondon recruitment, at least do your bloody homework and make sure that the bleedin job you are advertising actually exists. I mean advertising for a Customer relocation coordinator and listing all the job tasks and experience needed which I was perfect for and then when I actually go for the interview, it turns out they need a fully qualified transport and logistics person with none of the skills and experience listed required and none of the listed tasks even remotely appropriate to the position offered.

Thank you eurolondon recruitment, you have cost me a days babysitter payments, 200km in car travel and an interview which was a complete and utter waste of my bleedin time.

Idiots, very friendly and helpful, but Idiots, really, incomptent is too good for them.

Call centres are all fucking c*nts!!! Why the fuck do companies have call centres that have no interest in helping customers (or in my case *prospective* customer)?!?!?
I called ALICE "Customer Service" 10 times and was:

1) told different things every time
2) transferred to their Fuck Off Department
3) transferred to a recorded message that disconnected upon completion
4) transferred to the reception who transferred me back
5) given a different telephone number to call which was also for the same customer service
6) refused repeatedly the opportunity to speak to a Manager because the "have no number" or "have no possibility to transfer me"
7) told they cannot cancel my contract with Telekom if my contract is longer than 2 months old, but after contacting Telekom they said that my notice period is only 6 days - SO WHY HAS IT TAKEN NEARLY THREE MONTHS FOR ALICE TO MOVE THEIR ARSE??!?!??!?!??!

WTF?!?!?! I applied for ALICE DSL in the middle of January and still nothing!!!

I heard that in the UK from an ex-call centre employee that when you ask to speak to a manager/supervisor you *legally* cannot be refused... dunno what it's like here but what the f*ck can you do if they just refuse?!?!? W*nkers!!! ARRGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! I can expect this sort of behaviour when they already have you as a customer and trapped you in a contract but I am a not yet an active customer!!! They don't want new customers?!?!?? And now I noticed they are partners with AOL and I hate AOL and am not sure if I should even bother going ahead with the order at all...

I HATE CALL CENTRES!!! :-(


Okay, that's better... deep breath...

Okay, deep breath didn't help... ARGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! WAHHHHHHHHH!!! :-(

this sucks!!!!

would you STOP with the constant worry/fretting/talking/babbling about money ALL DAY LONG? Get a job and shut up!
Talking and quibbling over every fucking cent that you spend makes me want to barf!
We are not 18 year old students in Belarussia! We do not need to hunker down in a goddamn bunker in Albania...you have some cash!
Just fucking spend it already, you miserly cow!!!

so so i may not take my handbag into the show, fine fair enuff, PROVIDE LOCKERS!, dont expect ppl to hand in their handbags to somebody to give them plenty of time to go through my stuff and copy my credit/debit cards, keys etc. (sounds over the top... not really worked in places like that and shit happens) so eiher provide ppl with lockers or warn them not to bring anything with them. coz once you go through the Security were they scan ye with metal detectors, they might find yer mobile or keys or or or and you are required to hand them in at the cloakroom.

OH but dont forget the little piece of paper you gotta sign up front stating that whatever loss/ demages your personal belongings might experience its NOT the liability/ responsibility of the company... and still no lockers or warning on the booking that you cant take anything with ya.

BULLOCKS!!!

Thanks mate...

You should learn to keep yer fucking gob shut!

Fair enough, have the heating on, as it is a bit chilly.

Dont have the fucking heating on so hot you are parading about the flat with a vest and shorts on you fucking inconsiderate wanker of a flatmate that you are.

It dosent make you feel better...

But Knowing the cu#t who blabbed on you, is reading every post I write...is great!!

Yes... you are a smarmey wanker!