Crap English in Germany

This is a general post to anyone who sees cringeworthingly crappy English in Germany.

We launched our agency last year to avoid the type of dosh that, sadly, keeps jabbing you in the ribs out here. And stop export companies (and their arrogant ad agencies) writing spine-chillingly bad brochures, websites, you name it.

To mark the post world cup silly season, we're planning a push later in the year along the lines of "Thanks Germany for the World Cup, shame you skimped on your marketing ..."

Wanna help? Examples please

Ideally related to the world cup...

Signs, brochures, websites, ads, anything!

But if not, still be interested to see your favourite "worst practice" (always useful as cannon fodder later down the line when we lambast Germany agencies

How about "FOOTBALLS coming HOME" la la la la...footballs coming home...its coming...

... eh no it isn´t.

Anycase didn´t we do that song for Euro 2002 or something,at least it was coming home then

I've heard people singing 'Three *lines* on the shirt' here. Maybe they're thinking of Adidas

The sad fact appears to be that firms here aren't interested in doing anything about improving their English language web sites and marketing material. I've seen it time and again. The reaction is 'that will do'. I've also seen organisations which claim to be international and they don't even have an English language version of their site!

Which is exactly the sort of stuff I want to highlight. Got any examples?

Waldhaus Bier, brewed near where I live, recently had a slogan calling itself 'Fresh Beer for Fresh People'

I rest my case.

Aidan

This I find very sad ! ...sadly for real

I had to ring the GEZstapo this week, so I rang up and just spoke with my best slow english accent. I politely asked if the girl could speak english. She said NO ! I asked if she could perhaps put me through to someone that does speak english. Again she replied NO !
The cheek of it all was, she kept saying ( in german ) that I would have to get a Dolmetscher. Now how can someone that doesn't understand the lingo know what a Dolmetscher is ?? The Woman at the call center was not willing to help at all. In the end, I said, that the letters you keep sending me can't be that important and hung up. Now thats what I call a Helpline.

Was that the Job that was on offer here on the BB earlier ???

And no, this time the GEZstapo had no ways of making me talk, but neither did I :-)

Have seen lots of the sort of things you are looking for, always have a good laugh, but of course can't remember any right now! Will keep an eye out, and think of you next time I am having a good laugh.

The Stuttgart-Middlesborough game last night should be furtile ground for you.

They had to evacuate the stadium, but gave no instructions in English, so all the Germans left and the visiting fans were stuck wondering what the hell was going on.

I can also say that the Berlin Olympic stadium, after the massive refit for the World Cup, is impossible to navigate if you go solely by the English signs.

A Bakery nearby sells "Donats"...

Also, an italian restaurant near where I work sells something with "pollo" (chicken) the have a menu in English, the translation - "Pigeon Breasts"

But the thing is, at least they try. How many British firms have their websites in different languages? How does a German feel when they try to navigate the public transport system in London? A bit one sided I think

ahh, thats why the fans were leaving the stadium, i was there last night and was outside just before they started evacuating.

I
Dunno 'bout in London, but in Ireland there could be problems (especially if translated to German):

(Photo has been "borrowed" from irlandforum.de http://www.irlandforum.de/viewtopic.php?t=11986)

Ah, rememberd one, sure I have posted it somewhere b4, but here goes again,
check any catalogue of trendy clothing for the type of material labelled as "crash" instead of "crush", like crash shirts etc.

In fact take any english word spellt with a u and replace it with an a.

Take your point Lassie, but on the other hand... in the US they spell Brezel with a P do they not??

I used to get really pissed off with our canteen at work when they put up signs for Spare-Rips & Cheesburgers... I told them a million times, but they still did not listen.

"Kindertagesretter" :excl: LOL

Yes, but that's a translation (Brezel=Pretzel) not a misspelling

It's like Donar Kebap - I keep wanting to erase the tail and change it into "b".

Not as bad as the Hühnerfikasse we were offered once.

I don't have much problems when it comes to nibbling on all those baps

So Vloid likes a Bonar Kebap ...???

I saw a company's slogan the other day which was
"Come together. Our face for the future"
Oh well, it made me laugh.

Jean-Pierre

Thanks Aidan for the beer one!

@Jean-Pierre: do you know the company? Was it this one

http://www.mba-award.com/html/all_nominees.html

Yes that's the one. I'm not even sure why it's funny. I think it's the inappropriateness of each clause combined with the close proximty of the words "come" and "face". But try explaining that to a German...

Jean-Pierre

Not quite on topic as this one was in Spain, but worth saying for the comedy value alone:

I was in a restaurant in Barcelona a couple of years back and was rather surprised to see "Salted leg of child" on their English menu! I can only guess they somehow got the word child from kid, as in baby goat . You'd think someone would have told them (admittedly I didn’t either ).

Seen may times here "Life musik tonight"

What is really ironic is I have a grammer question I ask a German!

Most English speakers I ask don't have a clue.

there was a recent question regarding grammer posted here, I don't remember the exact wording but it was along the lines of " I tried opening vs I tried to open" , both sound good to me, untill I asked an English teacher and he corrected me. I had no idea the former (tried opening) was wrong.

Leave it to a German to correct our grammer!

But it is the same in every language.
If you want to hear the correct form of grammar then you have to ask someone that learnt the language as a foreign language and not as mother tounge.

If you ask a german about the grammar most of them wont have a clue. But ask someone that learnt the lingo at school, and they will be able to tell you everything.

It's a funny world. Others are always better at correcting you !!!

How true, my husband who is German, knows when to use "den", "des" or "dem" instead of "der" but if he was asked to explain WHY he uses each article, he wouldn't have a clue, he leaves it to me to explain the ins and outs of dative, genetive, noninative, accusitive, (don't get me going on the usage of articles when it comes to "motion" and "motion in the mind" (eg "warten auf den Bus" as opposed to "warten auf dem Bus")

This bloody lot do my head in, every time it comes on the tele.

[img]http://www.argonaut.de/images/douglas/doug_mini.gif[/img]

come in and find out

If your gonna use an english slogan, then find someone who can talk blimin english proper!

ah yes the Life = Live have seen that very often..

Douglas`s come in and find out was mistranslated by some Germans as "Come in and find your way out again." - which was anything but what was meant, of course.

I've got two classics.

Hotel Hafen Hamburg is a five star hotel. On the English version of the website a couple of years back they had a ''5 diamond hotel'' with top servis and a website which looked like a hobby website designer had been at work.

Lufthansa was going to sell Body Bags in its catalogue until we mentioned (at work) that body bags are usually found in the luggage hold, or in a mortuary. They renamed them Uni-Bags. Otto was selling Body Bags.

The saga goes on: Buy a Bodybag = Leichensack :doh:

My bakery also sells "Donats". I ask the girl there if that was the correct spelling in German, as, given the pronunciation, thats how a German would spell it. She knew it was wrong but they had no intention to change it.

Incorrect use of English does crack me up over here but more so when German's speak English with an American accent ! There's one guy at work and he does my head in! Am I mean ...?

NO... It cracks me up when americans try and speak english

Mrs. Maisflocke used to speak with a broad Texan accent -she spent a year of her life there- but I now have her trained to speak purfect oirish english... so good that her international colleagues actually think she is Irish - knoworrimean?!?

Do you mean she has to say everything thrice now aswell ??
to be sure, to be sure, to be sure.

Cool! My husband is gradually picking up my Irish accent too - and a Kerry accent no less! He says things like "like you know", "the poor creatúr" and "howarru" ! Bless him :$

Does he pronounce mug, pub, rug, muck with a good and proper u, or is he still working on the lame mog, pob, and mock versions?? hows about "shurrup" ??

Far-lands, fyi - the only people I know who actually say "to be sure" are brits... no offence but its "comedy" of yesteryear and when you hear it over and over and over and over you begin to wonder who is the thicko... :doh:

I think you can thank Father Ted for that!

Feck off.

I know it isn't quite the subject but do you really understand the ins and outs of dative, genetive etc? Could you reccomend a good grammer book where it is explained? Up to now I just don't get it, I can cope with having to learn the der die or das for things but I just don't get the rest! I recently helped my 7 year old with his homework, he had to make up what happened next to a text he'd read in school and even that came back with a dem changed to a den in red pen :$

That'll be 'English', with a capital 'E', then, will it? Glad to see you got 'proper' right, though.

Assuming you have the basics, I can reccomend the following:

Langenscheidts Kurzgrammatik Deutsch

Langenscheidts Kurzgrammatik Deutsch

I checked these links and the supply appears to be dwindling. My copy is 20 years old and is my "bible."

In case it helps, my copy is ISBN 3-468-35110-0

I can do better than that, my former German lecturer ( Germany native) somehow managed to sum up the entire German grammar (well not entire but the whole der, die, das thing) in a DIN A4 page (both sides) I'll have a look if I can find it and send you a copy, it was amazing how easy he made it sound.

I still do make mistakes though, not through lack of understanding, but more because I couldn't be bothered by each sentence I say to contemplate, is that a der die or das word, is it nominative, genetive dative etc... but yeah, I do actually understand it all

As one struggling through a VHS couse at the moment I would really appreciate it if you could send me one as well? Thanks

'English Grammar for Students of German' is what we used at Uni. Excellent book.

Didn't get round to doing it yesterday, but I'll check tonight

Can you get the course on DVD too, as my VHS Video broke a few years ago ..??