Golfing in Germany

So I head out to the newly opened golf course today. The place had been billed as 'not an expensive, stuffy private course with the goal of bringing golf to the people'.

Now, I'm not a great player, and neither are the two Englishmen I dragged with me, but I know what I'm doing on a course.

We get out there and at the clubhouse are told that we need a 'PE' to play. What the hell is a PE we ask. Turns out that you have to hit 9 holes with the club pro to prove that you know the rules (of course you have to pay for this and it can only be scheduled at absurd times in the middle of the week when the few people in Berlin who actually have jobs are working). We are told that this is a 'Driving License for golf'. In the future if I ever have to describe Germany to anyone, I will simply tell them that there is a 'Driving License for golf.

We were then told that we could still use the driving range, which we did, I have to say that I enjoyed hitting the best balls of life, and after each 200 yard drive on a straight line I turned around and looked at the guy sitting in the clubhouse.

With the World Cup coming next year and the country being flooded with people looking for things to do between football matches, why the hell are the courses making it impossible for foreigners to play (and spend their money). Boggles the mind.

PE = Platz-Erlaubnis

It is the equivalent of a 54 handicap and means that you have a basic understanding of the rules, a basic idea of how to hit it, and are rich enough to be able to pose to your neighbours.

I used to play of a 14, but refuse to play here because of the elitism. I play(ed) golf because I enjoy the sport, and not only to demonstrate my wealth.

A few years back on holiday with a mate in Portugal, we (had to) play with a German couple, both of whom had the latest Calloway equipment - I thought I was in for a right hiding. His first went into woods on left, second 20 yards up on the right, zig-zagged down the fairway, 3 putted .. and wrote a 4!!!

After the game, I was having a beer in the clubhouse with my friend, when Fritz came in to report his car (Merc) had been broken into and his wifes handbag stolen. Seemed like justice was done after all

I have a forged fax in my bag saying I am a member of some club in Yorkshire (I don't think I have ever been to Yorkshire). Been using it for years. I can understand that they don't want people out there destroying their greens, but as ever bureacracy wins. You need a bit of paper.
Another tip - always speak English when you are trying to get on a course. It opens doors (and first tees).

And one for fishing too!

I realized this would have been a good strategy later. I think with a bit of arrogance at the beginning combined with the 'Stupid Foreigner' routine we could have gotten, but we made the mistake of speaking German to the guay from the start. Heading out the driving range the arrogant prat told us that we should start with a 7 iron because that's easier for beginners. We told him thanks but all we really need is Big Bertha.

I play because it's a good laugh. I'm not a great player, but I can say far better than a lot of the people we saw going around the course. What pissed be off in this case was that this was not an exclusive private club, but one set up with the express mission of making golf more accessable. They've seemed to fail pretty badly at that.

maaph: great story about the German golfers. Makes me feel better already.

luke: how do I get one of those faxes?