Making German friends

Can anyone suggest a good way to meet some local people?

I am moving to Darmstadt shortly, and I'm hoping to spend some time with English speakers, although surely one of the best ways to accelerate my German langauge skills (and they are pretty basic today) is to socialise with German people.

What's everyone's thoughts on that?

Join a sports group/club. Worked fine for me. Most of my friends in Frankfurt are German, I didn't mingle with the Brits much although it was nice every once in a while to talk to a fellow human!

I agree that is what worked for me as well.

Until the start of this year all my friends in Frankfurt were German it is only through this forum that I have started meeting English speaking people again.

When I first came here, I went out by myself a lot (which was quite scary) and generally found that people would talk to me and that is how I made most of the friends that I have here. I don't have any English-speaking friends in Frankfurt (the one I did have left in July) and the vast majority of my friends here are German - although I am not adverse to meeting some nice friendly Brits! I agree with Northern Lass too - the Germans are big into joining clubs so take your hobby and search for the local club.

Sports/social club, or , as other people have stated, any other hobby (in germany, there are clubs for virtually anything)
Or join an english speaking "Stammtisch" and trade english for german
Or follow what is recommended by yamyam , and to be fair, after having dealt with the beast for nearly two decades I can recommend (I was 18 when I first tried to integrate) buy a linguaphone course, learn how to insult them, which will lead to you being befriended by them.

Have fun

Cheers

Ben

Thanks to everyone for your comments and suggestions!

Neil...

Well there aren't too many expats in Darmstadt now. I believe the last count was 270 registered British whereas 15 years ago there was nearly a 1,000. Most of the Brits seem to go to the An Sibin now although it used to be Zum Landgrafen (which now only attracts around 3-4.) Most pubs are friendly to Brits here due to most havng drunk in them over the years and are known as good spenders. Riwwelmaddes is not too bad as you get quite a good cross section of different speaking nationalities there and the food is good. The way I did it was to just sit in the pub at the bar and start talking to the bar staff and those around me and now I hardly have anything to do with the Brits here.

I'm guessing you'll be going to work at ESOC, in which case you won't have any shortage of long-term ex-pats who have been in Germany for over fifteen years. Some of them can even order from a German menu.

The best way to learn German and get integrated into their culture is to get yourself a German girlfriend or two. There are scores of German girls who would love to practice their English with you (und gleichzeitig auch französisch, gel ). You just need to find them. The place to look depends on your age and taste. If you like 15 year-old goths who smell of henna and have pierced tongues, Die (Goldene) Krone is the place for you. If you like desperate divorcees with crooked teeth and a penchant for bathing in cheap perfume, try Extasis on a Saturday night. If you just want to get sloshed and doink a slapper in the car park, go to Steinbruch Theater.

You could also try dialling random numbers from the Darmstadt telephone directory. Or knocking on random doors asking for a bowl of sugar. Most Germans are fairly helpful with this, especialy if you point out that we had sugar rationing long after the war had finished and most of Dresden had been rebuilt.

In any case, best of luck!

Jean-Pierre

Good afternoon everyone,

I am seriously considering moving to Germany (ideally Munich) for 6-12 months.
I am very impressed with this website and it seems (from what I read on the website)
the English-speaking expat community is quite large in Munich.
TT's website certainly makes it easier to meet new english-speaking friends when in Germany.

I wonder though if expats in Germany are able to make many native German friends.
Do many of you go out on the weekends with German people?

I also want to live in Germany for a while because I want to perfect my German. I took a few courses in school and read yahoo.de news often. Would most of you readers say that you speak german fairly well on the count of being here?

My sister lived in Brussels for 2 years. Unfortunately she got so caught up in the large expat community there, she came back not knowing a lick of french nor having any belgian friends. I would really want my experience in Germany to be different from that of my sister in Belgium.

Thanks
Chi-town

Topics merged by admin

No, it isn't. But it isn't any harder than making friends anywhere else. You will have to be pro-active and put in a lot of groundwork and be more "aggressive" than you would normally be i.e. not shy and wait for the Germans to ask you out for coffee or whatever. I definitely found it difficult, but I definitely can't say that I regret it. I know it sounds a bit hypocritical, but I would also do my best to avoid the ex-pat community until you feel have fully integrated yourself - can't really give you a timeline here, but would say about a year. You will be tempted especially in the beginning, but if you can hold out then do so. Otherwise, if you're really feeling lonely link up with the ex-pats.

Stay away from Toytown, or use Toytown for what it offers, but don't make it a crutch.

also depends on what kind of work you will be doing. If you are teaching english, you will meet germans, but they will see you as their teacher. If you work in IT- most are foreigners. If you work as an Aupair, again, you will end up in an expat crowd.
I work in a large German office, and I am not friends outside of the office with my coworkers. I do have some of their numbers in my cell, and we might meet up 3 or 4 times a year outside of the office, but its a regular thing.
You have to really work at friendships with Germans, they really don't let people into their circle easily. (This is all from my experience of being here almost 10 years).

Word.

yes it is easy. but you must make an effort. the same as an outsider in any villiage in UK or Ireland,

i have many good ( i mean real good) German firends here.

actually, I'd have to disagree with you there. It is way harder in Munich to make German friends than in other parts of the country. I found that the Rhineland was much more open and way easier to just get into conversations with random people in bars etc. I made loads more friends there than in Munich. I am not sure whether this is company specific but i also had a few friends from work at my old company. In my current job socialising with work colleagues just doesn't happen (unless you are a Trainee, Praktikant, Azubi).

No. After 5+ years, I've given up trying...

I think it depends on where you live. I live in a small town and have very few expats around me. All of our friends are german. Most want to imrove their english and help us improve our german.
I find them to be very kind and extremely helpful.

if you lose your accent you should be O.K

I've made a lot of German friends mainly by forcing myself to steer clear of the expat community (no offence folks). If you make an effort they tend to give it back!

I've found the most difficult people to get friendly with here are those actually from Munich. Those here for job / study reasons are in the same boat as us, they need to make new friends in a new place. Getting close to any Münchners took me longer as they tend to have their social scene already.

My advice (based on my experience) is to try to get involved with a group of people outside your work.
When I came to Northern Germany MANY years ago I was working at an international research lab
in Hamburg and the working language was English... Didi learn much German that way.

That said I still count some of my then German colleagues as friends even if they now live
at the other end of the country & very rarely see them.

When I lived in the UK I had aero-modelling as a hobby. Through a colleague at the lab
I met another guy who also did aero-modelling - but I couldnt communicate! Lots of
hand-waving & picture drawing & communication started. Subsequently he
took up the sport of gliding, took me along & I've been at it for 25+ years.
Through this I not only learnt German (spoken rather than written) but I have
made a LOT of friends.

I am not suggesting you take up flying - but in my experience as a non-linguist, flying
was easier to learn than the language!

If you referring to Cologne, then it's common knowledge that they are more open at first, but to form a proper friendship with them is just as difficult as over here or anywhere else. It's about going from the level of acquaintance to friendship. It's difficult everywhere.

@ Chi-town

Germany is like anywhere; there are friendly and unfriendly people.

already speaking (some) German is an advantage and will help you integrate and make friends easier.
I'd also suggest joining some sport clubs, if your German's good enough maybe do some night-school classes.
should you move to Munich, there's the German English Association they have lots of things going on where you'll meet German people.

if you do decide to come over, enjoy your time in Germany, you'll have a great time here I'm sure. your German will improve heaps just by being here, watching TV/reading newspapers etc.

After spending a year in Munich and making very few German friends - which was really my fault as I didn't make enough effort - I moved to NRW and found the following approaches were successful in making friends with the locals ... and improving the old Deutsch:

a) try not to spend too much time hanging out with other expats. Give Irish pubs a wide berth too as they are like collection points for English speaking people.
take up an organised sport or join the gym
c) if you have even a basic ability to understand/speak German, take a course at your local VHS (like painting or dancing ... or even another language) as that way you meet people who share your interests and you get to improve your German by 'doing'.
d) Hanging out in bars frequented by uni students also helps as they tend to be less shy about talking to newcomers and they will patiently listen to you plod on in crappy German.
e) get a German boyfriend. Then you will be speaking German all the time (except when you're pissed off and want to swear) and you'll make friends with all the people he knows ... and his family ... and all the people they know.
f) be nice to your neighbours - even the gossipy, nosey old ladies as they sometimes introduce you to people your own age ... who in turn introduce to you to other people.

Basically, smile, be open and friendly, take every opportunity to speak German with people (even if you don't feel so confident with the language) and put yourself out there (ie. the same rules for making friends everywhere really).

As was mentioned by OG and Ulysses before, the people in the Rhein area tend to be a little more open/outgoing on the surface than the folks in Munich, and in this area it certainly is easier to make German aquaintances to hang out with. But as with German people in general, it does take a bit longer to really be considered a 'friend' by them. Don't let this put you off.

Edit: That smilie is supposed to be a 'b'. I didn't put it there and every attempt to edit it away has proved unsuccessful.

@nixe
Excellent advice except (50% chance) for e).

Some very good tips there Nixe!

But being the German part in an English/German relationship I have to say it does not really help my bf to learn German, cos' we're too lazy to speak much German

About socializing with neighbours: we recently had a big party and invited all of the neighbours. A few of them couldn't even be bothered to give a short reply that they were not coming, but many of them wrote a nice and friendly answer on the invitation letter we'd put in their mail-boxes. And quite a lot of them came to the party and it was good fun. It was a good mixture of various nationalities, but it worked out perfectly, everbody had good fun and the Germans did in fact mingle with our foreign friends.
Think we've also found some new friends there.

I know from quite a lot of my German friends that they are too shy to speak English, because they're afraid to make mistakes, so that might be a reason for some of you guys here to find it difficult to make German friends.

I agree that Munich people are generally more difficult to make friends with, I don't get along with them at all - being a "Nordlicht" there might be a good reason for that

But imho you should in fact give the Irish Pubs a chance, at least for a start. Don't know about Munich, Berlin etc., but in Hamburg there's always a lot of Germans in the Irish Pubs that like to speak English and are generally open to meet people from all over the world. As for me, I can say that I met most of my friends in Finnegan's Wake in Hamburg, and although many of them hardly go there anymore, the friendships remain

edit: think my German friends DO help my bf to learn more German, and he made some new friends there.

Ok so here is my ammendment to part 'e' of the advice I posted above:
e) pick up a German boyfriend/girlfriend (choose the gender relevant to your own proclivities)

And ... as a qualification to my comment about giving Irish pubs a wide berth: by all means, if you want to meet Germans who go to bars to practice their English, they are not a bad idea. From my own experience though, I find that the temptation to go to these places and hang out exclusively with native English speakers is a little too high and I've had more success meeting German people (who are willing to let me practice my awful German on them) by avoiding such places!

In our case I met my future wife AFTER I'd been here a number of years.
Due to the activities described in post #20 I was able to speak German at
a reasonable level when we met & thus we mainly spoke/speak German (in fact she
speak very good English).

At our club I don't now get introduced as "hes English" since years now.
Initially my accent was clearly from UK - then people thought I came
from Holland & once I was asked if I came from Emden

We usually leave people guessing - I often take visitors up for a short flight & they must wonder at times

Shame on you Hammonia! Your boyf is living in your home country with you and you won't help him learn the language???

I actually used to have the opposite situation to you where my German ex was wanting to improve his English and I found it so much easier just to speak to him in German! I used to feel really guilty about it and he wasn't even living in the UK so imagine you do to.

You could just start by asking him everyday things in German like what do you want for dinner/where is xyz etc. That is what I did and it really boosted his confidence

Sounds like I'm a very bad person, right?


We do all that already, but thanks for the tip
It's the grammar that is so difficult to explain.

Funny enough on most days/night Irish pubs are filled with Germans and I have been dragged on a pub crawl once with a group of Germans I met in one and they got me so drunk that I forgot to ask for their numbers to stay in touch.

Hey! She does try. It's just that I'm too slow to understand everything!

I'm a Quasselstrippe (chatterbox), hard to slow down for me, but I try.
You're not too slow, I'm too fast.

edit: It's one thing to speak enough German to have a little conversation, but another thing to speak enough German to e.g. see a film in German, let alone understand the jokes of a stand-up comedian etc.
That's a long way.

We've just been in Manchester for the weekend for a wedding reception, and my problem is the other way round: my English is OK, so I got a few surprised looks "You're German? Where's your accent?" and then they chatted away, like machine guns, and I only understood half of it, especially with all the noise around us. Speaking is one thing, understanding the natives is a big difference!

Oh thats simple - I've given up on the grammar.

Can understand where you coming from as when I went to the language school here and the teacher was going on about the German cases I didn't have a clue what she was on about, came to work the next day and were asking my collogues who didn't have a clue as well and gave the excuse that they weren't German Teachers so they couldn't understand what I meant. I at first thought it was an excuse to fob me off but then realized that they too learned german the same way as English speakers did, without learning the language Grammer rules..

Good point! I'm of the opinion: as long as people understand you, it's fine, the rest comes with the years...
Pretty much everybody I know finds it quite charming when Mat makes a little mistake and also that he has an English accent (well, Hamburger English accent )

Hey Mod. why not merge this with the Flower Shop Employee thread?

Dont bother

That´s the best way to do it. Although, because my wife was already living here and she knew a lot of people, I had the advantage of having a readymade "Freundeskreis". When I lived in Stuttgart I worked in a pub run by an englishwoman, most of the guests were english speakers, with whom I also used to socialize. With hindsight I realise I should have gone about it differently. In H I´ve avoided the "Irish/Englishpub" scene. Up until recently that is. Well, up until I discovered TT actually . It is nice to speak english now and then!

@Hammonia: I´m well past the stage where I understand the jokes, there´s a great little comedy scene in Hannover!

In addition to points others on this thread made, I'll add that I've made a fair number of friends by having semi-regular dinner parties. Generally, if you host 6-8 people, then you've got 5-6 invitations where you can meet more folks in an atmosphere that's neither business, nor let's go to a pub and hope to make friends with someone. I think it's a bit more intimate and a better opportunity to connect with people.

Sounds good! May I ask how many years of living in Germany it took you to understand a German stand up?
I'm doing quite well with Billy Connolly so far (well, with some explanations from Mat from time to time), haven't tried any others, though.


That's a brilliant idea! Did you keep it "strictly German", or were there various nationalities?
It sounds really interesting, but I suppose if everybody else was German, it could be either very boring for Mat as he might not be able to follow most of the conversations, or we would all end up speaking English again... So how did you handle that, resp. how good was your German when you did that?

It would be more accurate to say that I keep it strictly non-American, simply because I already have many American friends; and basically sometimes I prefer to meet new, and local people. Actually, local is rather rare, most Germans in Munich I meet come from somewhere else.

Especially at the beginning, if one plans to stay relatively long-term - it's far better to mix it up with plenty of locals rather than ex-pats (especially as those ex-pats you get to know may be rotating out of the country in a short year or less). After you have an established circle of more permanently located friends, then it's less dangerous to hang out with "your own", so to speak.

So, mostly Germans, but other int'l folks are not excluded. Since it's to get to know people (or share a nice evening with those you already know) - there's nothing restrictive about having to speak German. It's not a language school night.

on my birthday party last year and again this year i had a crowd expats, germans who are too shy to speak english and "real" bavarians eating or partying together. despite their different life styles and language skills they all had great time. whenever i felt someone was left out, i tried to be the in-between but that was hardly necessary. just invite them, make sure the seating is organised in a way that not all germans or all expats sit in one corner and can have their private chats. i promise you, after some wine or beer, everyone will have a good time. the conversation was a mix of german, english and hands

Well, I´ve been here sixteen years... But, no it didn´t take quite that long. Simple jokes after a year or two. (Zwei Jäger treffen sich. Beide Tot!) Then the TV-comedians, Mittermaier and so on... At some point I discovered Heinz Erhardt - his wordgames were and are brilliant. There are a couple of people in H who do an improvised Kasperle Theater for Adults (with real people, not puppets), which I find hilarious. There´s also Fischbrötchen 1€ who do humourous songs in a similar style to Ingo Insterburg. I also like the political satire of Scheibenwischer.

Regarding getting to know people, I can only reiterate what´s already been said: understand the language, understand the people. It makes getting to know people so much easier.

My wife says the reason she stays with me is that she doesn't understand my jokes... Most of which are of the ISIRTA generation...

Oh yes - I was loaned a DVD with Dad's Army classics... of couse the one with the captured U-boat crew was on there with famous phrases like "Your name also vil go on ze list"

I even have a black-and-white video tape of "Whisky Galore" (very dry humour...)

Ermmm say hello and talk ?

A bit before my time, I know Tim Brooke Taylor and Graeme Garden from the Goodies though. I grew up with Monty Python myself.

Wasn´t that also where "Ve haff vays of making you talk" came from?

What about the "Germans" episode from Fawlty Towers, "Don´t mention the war", etc.,

http://www.fawltysite.net/episode06.htm

My wife understands mine... and thinks they´re awful!

Join toastmasters - there is a club in Darmstadt called surprisingly enough Darmstadt Toastmasters

http://www.toastmasters-darmstadt.de

You can also look at www.district59.org