Now I Need A Rant!

Hello dear fellow Britboarders,

...so I am sitting in the U-bahn minding my own business and decide to see what functions my new mobile phone has (here I must mention that all functions were on "lautlos", so there were no annoying ringtones, music or anything like that!) All of a sudden, the woman opposite me decides to thrust her face directly towards mine and poke her finger at me (and I really hate that!)
"That clicking (me pressing the buttons - no sound to it really!) is disturbing me. You are annoying me! Stop that at once!" No "excuse me" or anything and she said everything in a really nasty tone. - This just made me think "scr*w you lady" and made me want to annoy her even more. Had she asked nicely, I may have stopped!

My reply to her was thus: "I am not moaning at you that you are making a noise with your newspaper, or letting you know just how disgusting I find it that you keep picking your nose (she was by the way!) so just leave me in peace!". She was like the Wolf in the 3 Litte Pigs for a while - i.e. she huffed and puffed for a while - then when she saw that I wasn't going to stop (indeed I started clicking random buttons all the more erratically ) she decided to sit elsewhere. I still find it quite hard to believe what actually happened next - She stood up and stomped on my foot. Bloody stupid cow. Had I not been so surprised I think i may have punched her in the nose, (good thing I was shocked really!). Instead I actually just feel really sorry for her that she can get so wound up by a slight clicking noise. I reckon she needs more sex!

What is it here - do people get extra lessons in how to be rude at school or something?

OK - rant over and it is Friday now, so I'll try to calm down again

Bunny

It always amazes me that these people have such wonderful , problem-free , carefree lives that they let themselves get wound up by such bollox ...

(Bunny , I don't mean you , I mean the daft old trout)

I wish the worse thing that was going to happen to me today is someone playing with their friggin handy ...

Bunny , have a nice weekend

Last time I was in Stuttgart I was surprised to see that using mobile phones is actually forbidden on public transport there.

I've got no problem with sombody silently pressing the buttons on their mobile, but the way some people tend to shout when using their handys, it's probably not a bad idea.

I can NOT believe that!!! (Well, I do believe it, but you know what I mean). The cheek of it!!!

My German is alright but for trying to explain myself in such a situation it's not so good and I would have probably resorted to the old "Ahh fick dich!".

Yes, like Reggie mentions, if you were shouting down the line, fair enough. But you wasn't.

I always remember a situation like this that I cannot give justice here in text as it was a while ago and there were so many twists and turns that it was unbelievable. It went a little like this, (but I am giving it no credit compared to what it deserves)...

There was a male, young male around 25 to 30 on the train towards Stuttgart. He's a black male and most probably not long been in Germany since arriving from Africa somewhere (assumed by his accent). He has his feet up on the seat opposite.

The train is virtually empty and on walks a suited gentleman, looking around 50 to 55 years old and he is German. The man walks down the train, looks around and decides that from all seats (although most were empty, even in groups of 4) that he wanted to sit on the seat underneath the other person's feet.

So he comes along, points at his feet and tells him to move his feet (in German). The younger male didn't understand and said "Sorry, I speak English". The older man replied, "Oh, English. OK then. Could you move your feet please because I want to sit down".

The younger replied, "But there are lots of seats around here, why do you want to sit here?".

He replies "Because you have your feet up and that is against the rules. I want to sit there. Please clean the seat as it is dirty from your feet".

"Can you see shit on my shoes? No you can't". The older man sits down next to the other mans feet.

He says to the younger one, "Why do you come to my country and you insist on speaking English".

"Because if you wanted me to speak German, the conversation would be over a long time ago. My German is so poor, I haven't been here long. You choose, do you want a conversation after you rudely came over here and asked me to move my feet or not?".

So he said back "You are SO rude! How dare you speak like this to me! Where do you come from in Africa?".

"But you came here to ask me to move my feet. It doesn't matter where I am from".

"You come to MY country and you do not care for our customs. You just want to come here and completely destroy our culture".

And then the reply of all replies came back, "What? You think I destroy your customs? Your country came to ours and completely removed all of our traditions a little while ago. So don't start preaching to me about customs".

Then unfortunately I had to get off the train for my stop...

Although I could see the older gentleman's point, he went about it completely in the wrong way.

I was waiting for the punchline ... you set it up as if it was a gag.

A similar thing happened to me, I was on the ubahn (very rare event) and I had my feet up, a big fat man (no offence meant against fat people) got on, he stood next to me and looked at my feet (I pretended I didn't notice) then he looked around the train then just suddenly sat down ON MY FEET, then had the cheek to say that he hadn't seen them. Luckily no bones were broken but it bloody hurt.

Sorry, no gag, it was serious. I really can not give it credit as to how funny it was at the time though. There's a lot of amusing details left out I think as it used to take me so, so long to explain it.

There was another man that I saw a couple of times that would shake his head and tut every time your feet were up. He did it to all the Englander's on the train.

I had one friend that would always dress in black trousers and a white shirt with a tie. A man came up to him when his feet were up and said "For an English gentleman, you're not much of a gentleman, TAKE YOUR FEET DOWN".

Another time, I was on a U-bahn coming back from a Stuttgarter beerfest. The U-bhan driver actually stopped the train, got out of his cabin and shouted "RAUS!" to me. I explained that I didn't understand and used my pretend no understanding of German to say "Oh come on, it's not that bad what I did". He just shouted back right down my earhole, "RAUS". Being somewhat drunk and foolish, I shouted "F*ck off N*zi". It just reminded me of all the war films. I'm not proud that I did that and I am sorry if that offends any German people on here.

I was somewhat surprised that he'd stopped the whole train just to do this to me. He then said "RAUS" again at full blast. I pushed him and then walked off as I didn't want to cause a train accident. I got off and there were three big massive guards there. So I went peacefully and then one of them got me around the neck (from behind) and wrestled me to the ground. I gave no resistance as they were big, big men.

So I was saying "OK, kein Problem, vergiss es, vergiss es". Anyway, then he let go and I got up and turned around, it was the train driver and not a guard. He went running back onto the train, stuck a key into something to lock the door and went running back to his cabin, locked the door and smiled at me. So I stuck my two fingers and started to walk off.

The I heard the police sirens and I was at some strange U-bahn stop in the middle of nowhere. So I started running over the fields to the next U-bahn stop, got on the next train and went home.

All because I had my feet up! Not that I am saying that I wasn't guilty of wrongdoing, but if he hadn't have been so heavy handed then there would have been no problems.

ok ban me from this board if you want but I need to tell you that I hate ppl who put their feet up on a train. it's ok if they use an old newspaper or something but not just put the feet up wearing their shoes.

I go to work and have to dress proper so I don't want to arrive with a dirty bum in my office

What about if I take my shoes and socks off and rub my veruca and athetes'-foot ridden feet all over the seat?

Actually, neither of those apply to my plates of meat, but has anyone else noticed how neurotic people are here about feet here? At my gym, I swear I'm the only person who allows the soles of his feet make any kind of contact with the tiles in the showers or changing rooms. Everybody else seems intent on doing a fine balancing act with their flip-flops, not daring to remove them even while putting their trousers on.

Although I appreciate your sentiments Hannah (you do have a right to go to work with a clean bottom! ), it's not that I had ever done it when either the train is full and people are in need of seats, or put my feet up when they're covered in mud. Admittedly, some dust may come off them.

Whenever I go to sit on the train, I just give the seat a quick rub to get any dust off and it is fine.

The main point is, sometimes I get on the train and I am so tired, I'm not the tallest person in the world but at 6'0" (1m 85 or so), the gap between the seats isn't really that big and I just need to rest.

Not wishing to be argumentative Hannah, just saying my point of view.

I'd noticed that but never really thought about it! True!!

I used to have a flatmate that refused to walk around the house without socks on. Not because he was worried about his feet getting dirty. But because he claimed that it would make him ill from the cold!

What I do find amusing is, that a lot of German people try to tell you how to eat healthily, how you should join sports clubs, that you should go for a walk in the forest, to stay at home and rest when you've got the slightest sniffle, but do you know what? The British life expectancy is higher than the German life expectancy. Even with the far superior health service in Germany.

I don't understand that actually...

let me know and ill brush the dirt off your bum :$ :$

i never put my feet up on another seat for just that reason and it is not just a british thing, there are lots of germans that do this especially the younger generation

Well I agree with Hannah on this one...when you visit someone or are at home do you put your feet up (shoes an all) on the couch?? After all people have to sit on the seats & you don't really know what you have on your shoes -unless you take then off first to examine them & if you do that you may as well leave them off!!! If I want to put my feet up on the train then I just find a magazine (there are normally plenty around) or something to put them on.

My bitch about riding the trains here is when it's a really nice summery day & hot I like to have the window open a bit...now that often very nearly causes a riot...

wow!! only 4 hours left to go

just put a newspaper under your shoes and I am ok with it

and true: not a german or british thing, just a matter of manners I guess

To be fair though, if I went to someone else's house and even took my shoes off, I'd never put my feet up as it looks bad.

Sorry, I appreciate all of your points and I do understand where you're coming from. But sometimes when you're so tired, there is no paper around and you really need to just put your feet up... there's nobody around and you really, really just want to rest... how tempting is it to put your feet up?

I know it's bad manners, but your legs are aching out at you...

I'll tell you what *I* detest on the trains...

1) Chewing gum stuck to the under-side of a chair.
2) Food or drink all over the floor.
3) People who have to talk at ten times the volume of everybody else
4) People who sit there and just stare at you
5) People who leave their feet up when there are no spaces left for other people
6) People who tinker with their bags next to them to indicate to on-coming passengers that the seat there is for their bags and that nobody should sit next to them. I deliberately sit on those seats sometimes.
7) School children in the morning
8) School teachers with children who bring all of their children onto the train and then ask you to move seats because they want all of their children next to each other.
9) People who pace up and down the train constantly for no reason
10) People (usually old people) that have a 5 minute conversation about why they shouldn't sit next to you but should sit at the other end of the train.
11) People with around 2 or more bicycles in the way of the doors
12) Ticket inspectors
13) People who hang around ticket machines asking if they could share your Schoenes Wochenende ticket with them for a small fee. Although I like it that it saves me money, you always end up having to sit there and chat to this complete stranger.
14) Young youths with ghettoblasters, making you listen to their poor choice in noise/music.
15) Ticket inspectors that have a go at you when using some form of group ticket for not sitting next to all the people on the ticket.
16) People who walk up and down the train, dropping off little badges and asking for money for them.
17) The old chap on the way to Stuttgart who wants to sell me a religious magazine and then looks confused when you say "Nein danke".
18) People who flick those little metal bins (may be Stuttgart only) open and shut, open and shut constantly.
19) Fat people who take up 1 1/2 seats and I'm the one squashed into the 1/2 seat
20) People who when the doors open, come barging in, not letting people off first.

There's my 20 complaints for the day! I'm not the only anti-social one on the trains!

have a feckin laugh ...

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX:
Two men were talking. "So, how's your sex life?" "Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex." "Social Security sex?" "Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"

LOUD SEX:
A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor. Every time we're in bed and my husband climaxes, he lets out this ear splitting yell." "My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what the problem is." "The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"

QUIET SEX:
Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you have an orgasm?" She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"

CONFOUNDED SEX:
A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery, since it was considered cosmetic. The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium, $14,000 for "large." The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision. The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected. "Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor. The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".

WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX: A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary. The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads: 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'." "Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone reads: 'Here Lies My Husband - Stiff At Last.'"

[B]1) Chewing gum stuck to the under-side of a chair. ---[COLOR=blue]do you grope under the chairs when you sit down!!
2) Food or drink all over the floor. [COLOR=blue] ---Yep me too & also on the chairs.
3) People who have to talk at ten times the volume of everybody else---[COLOR=blue]most everyone it seems
4) People who sit there and just stare at you-[COLOR=blue]-- Now I just stare back
5) People who leave their feet up when there are no spaces left for other people
6) People who tinker with their bags next to them to indicate to on-coming passengers that the seat there is for their bags and that nobody should sit next to them. I deliberately sit on those seats sometimes.---[COLOR=blue] People who (when half the train is empty!) insist on sitting on the seat that I have my bags on
7) School children in the morning---[COLOR=blue] Noisy little S--ds
8) School teachers with children who bring all of their children onto the train and then ask you to move seats because they want all of their children next to each other.
9) People who pace up and down the train constantly for no reason---[COLOR=blue]Maybe they are afraid of DVT!!
10) People (usually old people) that have a 5 minute conversation about why they shouldn't sit next to you but should sit at the other end of the train.
11) People with around 2 or more bicycles in the way of the doors
12) Ticket inspectors
13) People who hang around ticket machines asking if they could share your Schoenes Wochenende ticket with them for a small fee. Although I like it that it saves me money, you always end up having to sit there and chat to this complete stranger.
14) Young youths with ghettoblasters, making you listen to their poor choice in noise/music.
15) Ticket inspectors that have a go at you when using some form of group ticket for not sitting next to all the people on the ticket.
16) People who walk up and down the train, dropping off little badges and asking for money for them.
17) The old chap on the way to Stuttgart who wants to sell me a religious magazine and then looks confused when you say "Nein danke".---[COLOR=blue]Had one like that at my house last night, just would not understand no
18) People who flick those little metal bins (may be Stuttgart only) open and shut, open and shut constantly.
19) Fat people who take up 1 1/2 seats and I'm the one squashed into the 1/2 seat----I would rather stand. I had one try that on a plane, she was trying to put up the armrest as it was uncomfortable, I am normally rather polite, but s-d that I paid for a whole seat not half one, I just put the rest down again & leant on it, luckily the plane wasn't full. I do understand that it's uncomfortable for someone who is on the large size...but hey why does that mean that I have to suffer too.
20) People who when the doors open, come barging in, not letting people off first.[COLOR=blue] ---Yes and they glare at you for having the audacity to try & get off!! As I normally have a large bag when I am on the train, I just swing it in front of me & push...

I am afraid that living here hasn't done a whole lot for my manners!!!

Just for the record, folks, I hate it when people put their (shoe-d) feet on train / bus / u-bahn seats. It really isn't
die feine englische Art , and it's that kind of thing that should set us apart from these plebby Krauts (only kidding Mickey and Hannah! ).

Seriously, though, it's just a matter of common sense, isn't it? God knows what kind of stuff attaches itself to your shoes in the course of a day and I really don't want it re-attaching itself to my trousers or jacket.

On a completely different topic, has anybody else noticed how most women, when standing still and having a cigarette, fold one arm across their chest and rest the other arm on it...? Is the cigarette too heavy otherwise?

Reggie ,

is your signature a quote from Basil Fawlty ??

cheers // Ian

Well spotted, that man!

nice Quote Reggie

as for the smoking: I smoke myself and actually, now after you said it, I must admit that I do it aswell , only if don't wear a jacket with pockets though. It might be just because the arm where you don't hold the ciggy would hang down useless? Don't think it's to hold up the tits

You could always use that arm to do the ironing, washing, cooking, ...

its all the lipstick that hangs on to the ciggy makes them heavier


thats what the stopemfloppem is for

could think of many things for the other hand but this is an open board

cant believe i just wrote that :$ :$

I was talking about icggy breaks in smoking room at work or outside in front of the building , there's not much to do with the other hand apart from the things Bully has in his (dirty ) mind

thanks Hannah

i think i will have to stop watching the adverts on telly after 10 O'clock