My Week - Trucking In Germany

How on earth did you keep your sanity Bbulldog? Or had you already lost it... thats why you were there for 11 years

it was hard but us brits there kept the place going
i remember going for my interview and the boss, a brit of course, said "hi you'r a brit aren't you" to which i said "yes". "good" he said "start on monday"

but the yanks are different got many memories from there.
they did not even know where they were, they though Mönchengladbach was in Russia and we were all the enemy!!

but anyway who said i was sane

I remember not long before I got out of the army, an American Officer came up to our guardroom, introduced himself “ I’m Captain BlahBlah from the 71st Intelligence Corp… Could you tell me where I am?� to which came the inevitable comment from the back of the guardroom “Intelligence Corp? Not too fucking bright are you?�

Combining Brit military and yank is like trying to mix oil and water

Bbulldog, were you at JHQ?

i was a civilian working for the yanks in Mönchengladbach near JHQ but not in it.
was a place called the 14 CEC.

I was just asking as I had had a few good nights in The Ayrshire Bull (it’s a pub … honest )

I also knew the Provost Sergeant of JHQ very well (Dave B.), I was just wondering if you knew him, nice bloke…. as father in-laws go, as for his wife... lets not go there .

Hi Slackmack

yes i know the Ayreshire Bull very well
but the Provo Sargeant hmmm, when was that?
i worked in JHQ from 1978 untill 1981 when i went to the yanks.
i worked in one of the schools then in Garison Catering.

do you remember Pops and Eddies in Rickelrat?

About 88 - 93 he was there.

I think there was only pops still in business when I went there, cant remember much of that night tho

As for the Bull, I used to frequent that place when I drove for the army as a civvi driver on the (then) new Ryder fleet of Mercedes Tank Transporters, although I found the removal drivers a hard bunch to get on with.

Hi

yes those removal guys were kind of weird, and allowed to park on camp.
asa for pops and eddies i was in there very often can always remember going in but not often coming out
although on a sunday we used to walk from there into jhq and go straight to work for the monday morning. those were the days

well they both dont exist anymore one is now a house the other is a chineese restaurant

Slackmack I know exactly how you feel on all the subjects that you have mentioned on this thread from the sports car braking in front of you, ignorant motorists with a complete misunderstanding of the situation, brainless transport managers I only wish that I had your writing skills.
I do a round trip each week unloading and loading in Spàin usually for Feuchtwangen, Eisenberg, Mannheim or Duesseldorf then reloading again near Herborn for Holland before starting off down south again to spend the weekend in the dubious clutches of domestic management.

Hi Vas,

Thanks for the compliment.

love to all at The PDA Forum
(Professional Drivers Association, for those not in the Know)

Thanks Slack

I was in Feuchtwangen again this week and noticed that as the sun was shining the BAG were out in force like flies around the proverbial .
Having to use the A45 to go and reload near Herborn reminded me of the new German national sport for Brummi´s

When in truck no overtaking zone drive at 70 km/h
As soon as zone ends and others try to overtake immediately accelerate to 95km/h thereby leaving them stranded in the outside lane like idiots

And I thought that was just my imagination

Why do they do that?

No idea mate must be something to do with this teutonic insistence of being first all the time .
But even the most fanatical amongst them must realise that as soon as it starts going uphill again my Volvo 460 is going to flying past their 400bhp Merc without even breaking into a sweat

I may only have a 94l rated at 300bhp, but I put Merc 53's to shame on any hill with my power weight ratio

The biggest problem on today’s roads is this limiter lark, I've just had mine re-calibrated and as I suspected it was 5 Klicks out since new, now I can not only over take up hill as always, but they don’t come back past me on the straight... very slowly and blocking the car traffic.

Vas, have you seen the thread from trucknetuk re: stereotypes (main forum)? I know you don’t post frequently on there after words with Lucy (long while back that was eh), but basically it’s a link to another forum where we, as truck drivers, are accused of being murderers

Have a look, its great to see truckers sticking together and kicking the proverbial

here for discussion

Just read it the man wants shooting but it was nice to see Caveman standing up for us

The woman was Lucy... glad she's not living in my truck as a co-driver, tooooooooooooooo scary lol

Lucy is very scary

Now that winter is out of the way, spring is here… and with it comes new problems… bugger all to do with trucking mind, but that grass needs cutting again… then there’s the weeds, I’m sure I don’t know what I would do without my wife to remind me of my chores.

Now that we are into May and so far this year I’ve driven some 36,000 k’s and drank some 10,000 litres of diesel (no chance of matching that in beer… not even with Bbulldog and Charltonfan’s help !) life is continuing as normal… well, as far as my life style could be considered normal that is. I have to admit that I have had only a few run ins with our fleet manager while this column has been having a break, I’m sure he’s avoiding me, up to this week that is, it must be spring… his sap must be rising – which would be appropriate as he’s a total plank!

Monday night saw me raring to get off down the road, I love being home, but there is something about my lifestyle that draws me back to the steering wheel when I have been away from it for too long… and having my mother-in-law about for any length of time constitutes as far tooooo long! Before setting off down the ultra smooth quiet and holiday traffic free German autobahns (as you can see a break in proceedings has done bugger all to lessen the levels my sarcasm will stoop to) I did the same procedure as last week and that was run a big diesel engine outside my house on a Sunday evening just waiting for someone to complain… (and still no one has), its always the same procedure, start engine, replace removable face from radio, listen to Lisa Davis on the radio doing her Sunday night thing, fill out my first tachograph of the week, drive away from front door, pick up trailer, hit autobahn 33 enroute to the BAB44, join BAB7, go south lose Lisa before she has finished her show due to no longer being able to pick up the BFBS signal. Nothing out of the ordinary tonight except that I was going to head east after a short sojourn south. But before that part of my journey came into play I had to put up with another wank Porsche driver (what is it with Porsche drivers that just because they have a flash car they believe they have some god given right to the road… as said, its only a belief, and a bad one at that), unlike the last twat of a sports car driver that I upset, this one didn’t so much pull in front of me to slow me down, but he did pull in front of me after I took too much time over-taking another truck (not my fault, the slow truck driver decided he knew where the gas pedal was after all and left me stranded in the fast lane, git) and the blonde trying to look young and failing miserably Porsche passenger somehow managed to look up at me and look down at me at the same time, good trick if you can do it. Anyway getting back to the reason that the said Porsche driver is a twat, ok he didn’t so much pull in front of me and slow me down, but as we were at the end of the BAB44 and about to join the BAB7 (south) traffic does slow and he stuck to the letter of the law re: the permitted speed limit, that’s ok, but on the autobahn slip road joining the two autobahns its two lanes, up-hill and a sharp corner to boot, I have to overtake him because he is going to slow for my liking, snob twat can’t take a corner at anything that might bear a resemblance to quickness… what a class 1 wanker, I'm sorry if this offends anyone but for crying out loud, you have to put this into the right prospective, you’ve got a fully grown laden articulated truck overtaking Peter Perfect’s Porsche on the motorway, through a corner, for fucks sake there is no point having the tools if you don’t know how to use them. (Peter Perfect cruised past 10 minutes later, the stuck up blonde was trying to look cool but she failed miserably).

After about 3 hours on the autobahns I left the BAB4 at Götha and headed into the hills, I say hills coz they hardly classify as mountains, but it is a ski resort all the same. No snow was forecasted but that didn’t stop me from switching the digital display from trip-meter to outside thermometer, just in case there’s any ice out there, fore warned etc. I got to my destination (Zelle-Mehlis) before long and was able to get my head down without any further worries.

Tuesday morning started nice and late, after all the shop didn’t open until 9 so there was no need to roll out of bed at sparrows fart. The first drop went smoothly… if you call a delivery that is loaded onto pallets to be unloaded without the aid of a fork lift and having to handball the load off from the back of the truck alone… smooth… then it went smoothly. My next drop was to take me across country towards Fulda, oh what a joy that was, seriously, it was, there are times when I find driving an out and out total pleasure; the roads were narrow lanes winding through small insignificant valleys, every corner brought a new view, the sun was up, the sky was silver on blue, no time to daydream as my driving concentration needed to be 110%, the road was so unpredictable, wet and slippery under the wooded sheltered sections yet dry and adhesive in the open, every twist in the road brought a new road surface, hard work, yet thoroughly exhilarating to a professional driver. It wasn’t long until I was back into a civilised environment though, a scenery that comes complete with road markings and a higher traffic density.
Fulda went with out a hitch, I got my 3 customers off without much of a problem, I even made an inroad into the next days planned deliveries by delivering another two customers enroute to Giesen. On Tuesday I got my last 3 customers off before turning my sights for home before 10 o’clock, the sun was shining and the sky was clear… I knew things were going just too good but I couldn’t put off the inevitable call to my boss, I phoned in a quick report knowing she was bound to throw a spanner in the works. She did. She promptly showed her gratification of a job well done by informing me that my next run was taking me in the direction of Thüringen. Now there are a few phrases that my boss uses that I have learned over the years to be aware of… one is “There’s a small/slight/minor change of plan� this means “You've got a total klusterfuck to sort � the other is “In the direction of…� this could mean anywhere (she once gave me a run she described as “in the direction of Koblenz�, it was…eventually… albeit via Switzerland!�

As it turned out my run was starting in Erfurt. Getting there wasn’t a problem, Paddy (fellow Brit driver and partner in crime at the same firm) had given me directions to the new customer that turned out to be totally useless, (cheers mate), and I ended up going round and round in circles before committing the ultimate male sin and asking for directions. I got up nice and early Wednesday morning so I could boil some water for a flask of coffee. I was pretty pissed off when my first mug of coffee revealed a mug of shit, the milk had separated forming a scummy grey/white stuff floating on the surface of my brew, we’ve all seen it before but you have to be specially ill-fated to have powdered milk go off!

By Wednesday afternoon I was in the Coburg area delivering to furniture discount warehouse, the guy in charge of overseeing the unloading was wearing a sweatshirt with the words “Athletic Nike� blazoned across his chest, didn’t quite fit in with his huge fat gut mind, if he had done any exercise since being bullied by the PE teacher in school to climb the rope I’d be surprised. I don’t know why he was in charge of things because bright he was not, probably due to his low wattage brain; I had to explain everything to him twice and oversee everything he was overseeing! He and I were destined to fall out and it wasn’t long before he through his teddy out of his pram, that’s one thing about the Bavarians, when they get riled you can’t understand a word they say which results in me asking fat gut to calm down and speak “Hoch Deutsch� (English equivalent to someone speaking with a posh Surrey accent). Well to be told what to do in his working area and then being told to speak correctly by a foreigner was too much for him and whoooosh, his teddy went flying again, poor thing should claim air miles it fly’s so regularly. I was glad he was my last drop for the day my Tuesday night had been short enough due to the run down and I was looking forward to a nice lay-in Thursday morning before starting the day refreshed.

I got up quite early Thursday morning despite my best attempts at a leisurely start to the day due to some inconsiderate git of a driver who parked next to me with an old fridge trailer. For those that don’t know, all temperature controlled loads such as frozen food or fresh veg gets transported on fridge trailers that have an auxiliary motor that controls the load temperature, the problem is when the temperature drops or rises, that’s when a sodding loud diesel motor kicks into life for about 20 – 40 minutes then switches off again only to repeat the process again after 20 – 40 minutes, it’s a bit like the fridge in your kitchen; that also has a motor that changes tone when it has to regain the optimum temperature, same thing… bigger scale. It wouldn’t be so bad if it were a new generation motor that is quieter and/or runs continuously, but no, it had to stop and start the whole night through, the one morning that I have no need for an alarm clock I end up trying to sleep next to the equivalent of a mad diesel fitters workshop.
I remember a few years ago when I was at a truck stop, (war story time, pull up a sandbag and swing that lantern) I had parked next to a Brit truck when a freezer truck pulled up next to us with its freezer motor going full blast, the ignorant twat of a driver then proceeded to un-hitch the trailer so he could drive the tractive unit away and sleep elsewhere away from his noisy reefer (refrigerated load carrier). The other Brit who didn’t speak any German asked politely “ you aint finkin o leeven that fuckin there are ya?� (That’s polite!), the German gave him a look and an expression that means “huh? Not my problem�, as soon as he drove away the cockney gets his ladder out and reset the guys’ temperature to cook what ever he was loaded with. DIY justice, British style.

Thursday went without much of a problem, apart from my fleet manager (who has now resorted to sending emails to my mobile phone rather than speak to me) has decided that I am to work Saturday 29th of May taking trailers to be M.O.T’d, I’ve got news for him and its all bad… I don’t work Saturdays; if I do I’ll insist on my 48-hour legal weekend break starting after work Saturday, even though I’ll be expected to travel Sunday night, I’ll let him know a few days in advance … just to give him a chance to cancel his own plans because he will have to do it himself.
The only good thing that happened on Thursday was the rain; it gave me a fighting chance to get the splattered mozzies off my windscreen.

Friday’s customers were all off-loaded in the rain, I was glad it was a Friday and my working week was drawing to a close. I don’t know if it was me or because it was Friday or just due to the shite weather, but three of my last four customers were infuriating as hell, all I was attempting to do was give the most excellent service possible, offering my advice and experience gathered over 13-years in the job as to the best way to unload in the rain, but my experience counts for nothing when women are running the show and believe they know better, I let them get on with it, not worth the hassle really, 18 years of marriage has shown me that.

The return journey is always the same, boring as hell, no mental route planning as I know all routes home like the back of my hand, no scenic views due to the German road planners’ obsession with hiding the autobahns amongst the landscape with trees and embankments and as its not summer yet there are still no women drivers overtaking in their short skirts flashing their legs… and sometimes more to relieve the boredom, (but that’s another story). After refueling I took the truck through the truck-wash, it was a waste of time really because it hadn’t stopped raining all day, but I still had some insect splatts that needed to be removed from the bodywork. As per the norm my next trailer was already loaded and ready to roll, after a quick trailer swap I was heading home, hmmmm home (said in the same way Homer Simpson says beeeeeeeeeer).

Last Sunday was another Sunday night start for me, nothing much out of the ordinary there, but alas, no Lisa Davis on the radio . Lisa, just to re-cap is a radio presenter on BFBS radio; she has been with me for the start of my working week for so long now that I can’t remember what it was like to start without her. To briefly describe why I like her so much … she is like the girl next door, fanciable but at the same time also your mate, candid but sometimes shockingly honest, I have heard her once described as poor mans porn by another BFBS DJ … guess that would have to make me a poor man!

My first run of the week was to be what is definably becoming what is called in the trade “a milk-run�, which involves me running down to the same area as last week, and the week before, but Im getting rather fond of going down to the Dietzenbach/Hanau and neighbouring areas for a two day trip.
After picking up my trailer loaded with new furniture I joined the BAB33 and set off in the direction of “Wünnenberg-Haaren Kreuz�, (its the name of an autobahn junction) to join the BAB44. I was just getting my first couple of k’s under my wheels when Paddy phones, I’m pretty sure he knows, in fact I’m pretty sure all the drivers at our company know - if it’s a Sunday night… You’ll more than likely find Mac heading south, he asks if it would be possible to meet up and go some of the way together. It’s not really a problem; we have met up at a “parkplatz� on the BAB33 many times before so we can run together. Meeting up and running together in my opinion has a few benefits, the main and most important benefit is that we keep each other awake by chatting on the CB radio and another is the time and distance seems to get covered quicker, the only other benefit that comes to mind is the gossip, we both get to swap stories about the fleet manager. I ended up waiting just over ten minutes for Paddy to turn up which practically totally negated my decision to leave early to get a head-start on the other trucks heading towards the Kassel bottleneck, but what the hell, I was tired even before I set off due to having a busy weekend socially.
We were making good time and had just about exhausted the theme of slagging off a jumped-up-good-for-nothing-fleet-manager when I get a shout on the mobile from Klaus, Klaus is one of our German drivers, he and I actually got nicked together once when he drove for a different company many years ago by a Polizei helicopter for truck racing on the autobahn – but that’s another story best told over a couple of beers. Klaus usually runs south on Sundays along with another of our drivers, but I rarely ever meet up with them. The reason for Klaus phoning me is because he needs a helping hand; he’d only gone and got himself a flat tyre and no tools to change it!!! Ok not his fault; he has to drive a hired truck - that sadly does not come equipped with a full toolkit - until his brand spanking new Scania turns up. I asked him if he was running together with his usual partner in crime, he was, where the chuffing heck was Martin’s tools? Turns out neither truck had an extension bar for the wheel brace, and me being a professional … did, admittedly I won’t change a tyre unless I have to mind, but I do have the kit in an emergency. As luck would have it – according to the mile stones (miles stones are not in miles and not made of stone, they are the little blue signs you see placed on the hard shoulder crash barrier every 500 metres, they denote your position on the autobahn in relation to the entire distance end to end of the autobahn), Klaus was only 2.5 k’s ahead of me. He had limped into a lay-by with Martin tagging along behind, unfortunately the “parkplatz� was signposted cars only and there was us, all three of us with full-length artics blocking every parking space (Paddy had carried on, no point him stopping as well).
The changing of the wheel took about an hour, and as I was scheduled to be the first back to Paderborn, we loaded the shredded wheel into the back of my trailer so I could drop it off at our tyre dealer to sort.

It was to be the start of my “stating the bleeding obvious� tour. By every single customer, “ Oh you’ve had a flat haven’t you�? Would be the start of a short explanation as to what happened, in answer to the first enquiry about my flat tyre, I explained that it wasn’t mine, by the last customer to point out the bleeding obvious, my sarcasm was … well lets say it was ripe. The story escalated into a duel between man and machine just to keep it on the road after the front tyre blew out at 100kmph sending sparks and flames into the air. It wouldn’t have been so bad if they would just notice that the tyre was blown out, but no, they have to analyse the situation and tell you blow by blow what happened to cause such a blow out … for crying out loud, since when was a guy who moves pallets around a stock yard an expert on tyre forensics? Next time Klaus can take his own bleeding tyre back to Paderborn.

My first run went well as far as waiting time and general obnoxious warehouse staff behaviour, my second run of the week was considered easy enough to be completed in two days, it was, ok I had to bribe one of the warehouse sheisters to move me up the queue, but if I hadn’t I’d probably be still there now. Something I did notice while waiting though, I had the only German registered truck on the yard; there were about ten of us waiting in line, all the rest were from the former eastern block! Its no wonder the German furniture industry is on its knees when the shops are importing cheaper produced goods from abroad just to make a sale due to the high tax situation presently endured by the skilled workers, the way I see it is that there is a low disposable income presently in German pockets, so people are not spending on German furniture due to the high production costs, so they’re keeping what they have in their sweaty paws. There are so many companies going bust all the time, no job is a “job for life� anymore, the Germans are just not spending, it’s totally understandable, just in case they need a sum to tide them over if Herman suddenly loses his job. But it’s a huge downward spiralling situation that is going to get worse before it gets any better, there’s no easy solution but it was not exactly a surprise that the west was going to be bombarded with cheaper goods destroying the home grown economies when the Berlin wall came down was it, oh well, I know my job is not safe, but our competitors are suffering just as we are, many of them have all ready gone down the pan, who knows what the future holds.

I was running home again by Thursday afternoon. The reason for me getting a two day run followed by another two day run was because I had booked a day off on Friday. Since Friday was to see me leaving everyone and having a weekend away from the wife, kids and britboard.de. Thursday evening saw the racecar transporter already loaded with tools, jerry cans of 100-octane fuel, beer, spare parts and most importantly the racecar, a 1965 Ford Mustang GT. We were taking only one car with us to Zolder in Belgium, the new car, a 1968 Ford Mustang Boss Fastback (if you have ever seen the film Bullit with Steve McQueen, it’s the same as he drove in the car chase) is still not finished being built. On Friday all we had to do was wait for Ray our race mechanic to finish his day job and after loading up with food we set off.

And you’ll have to wait until next week to hear what happened…

There will be no further entries re: My Week.

I have written new entries and they can be found at my My Weblog