Bringing drinks to a dinner party

Is it necessary to always bring drinks to a dinner party?

I hate the cliché of referring to "how we do things back in..." but I am confronted with how I do things when throwing my own parties and either buying tons of alcohol, which is cool, or telling people BYOB-"bring your own beer" (or BYOM - meat, -C Chips, F - Food, etc.) if I absolutely don't have to time to buy copious amounts of alcohol or whatever as the host.

So, question:
If you don't know, should you call and find out, or just bring your own, no matter what? Is it uncool to show up at a dinner party without toting alcohol?

When/If I throw dinner parties, you really don't need to bring alcohol, I've got that base covered, big time.

So, is it rude to assume the reciprocal and just show up sometime empty-handed?

Had a discussion with someone and we REALLY didn't agree.

I am stayin' open-minded on this one. Thanks in advance for your thoughts and strong opinions.

Tommer

I would always turn up with a good bottle of wine as courtesy or some port for after dinner.

I would bring a nice bottle of something alcoholic. The hosts aren't obligated to serve it at the party, if it doesn't go with the food or whatever.

I've noticed that other German guests also often bring a small bouquet of flowers.

I would usually turn up with a nice wine, maybe even a whisky out of courtesy too.

However, I would usually ask beforehand if anything else was necessary.

Depends on who you're going to dine with. Close friends, acquaintances, boss, relatives, neighbours...

... just don't show up empty handed or you probably won't get invited back...

There was a thing in the Sueddeutsche Magazine a few weeks back, they interviewed one of the bartenders at Schuman's. While his advice is probably too over-the-top for most of us TTers it does go to the 'better safe than sorry' school of thought. He basically said, either take a whole case of wine or a really special bottle of champagne, (whisky), etc. That way the host isn't forced to serve/collect a mish-mash of other people's taste in wine.

While you may not agree - or have the wallet to support such madness, in this money is no object city of Munich, you can at least see the sense of his comments.

Cinzia is right, a bouquet of flowers for the hostess and a bottle of wine for the host are considered comme il faut when invited over by Germans. I suppose we ex-pats are a bit more laid-back, but we always bring some kind of fancy alky to formal invitations from Americans.

Are you sure BYOC is "chips"? On my invitation it said contraceptives.

a whole case of wine!! I guess I see what he/you are trying to say, but I think a case is a little much, and in the worst case could perhaps even be taken the wrong way by the receipient. I think I might be a bit taken aback if someone turned up at my place with a whole case - but then again I've never hosted a Munich high society dinner party either. As others have said though, does rather depend on the people involved. And I agree with the standard bottle of wine or similar for most cases.

Wine & flowers are always the rule of thumb ... if you know the hosts well, you might want to offer to bring along dessert (leaving out the flowers then).

Surely it would make more sense to have it delivered?

get one of the servants to bring it along
you could even have the chauffeur carry it - multitasking, innit?

aye, times were hard when I were a lass
but we were 'appy!!
these pampered schicki-mickis these days, they don't know what 'appiness is

I usually turn up a bit tipsy anyway so if I bring something its usually something I have not finished off yet

If I showed up with a whole case of wine for the doorman at Schumann's, do you think he would let me in?

a BG collegue here told me if I do that, then it's an insult to the host cause then they would think i would think they don't have enough money to provide us guests with drinks. that we should bring, instead, an even number of flowers. odd numbers are for funerals.

@Cinzia, there is no doorman at Schumann's; everyone is welcome (although don't expect a table during prime time).

@Elfenstar, I know lots of Germans and trust me, not a single one would be offended if I showed up with a case of wine, the ones with no money even less so. Now if it was an invite to a stranger's house I agree, anything more than a nice bottle and flowers is going overboard and might be taken the wrong way.

I think she was referring to the way things are done in Bulgaria.

If you'd like to bring flowers to a dinner party, either bring them in a simple vase (or water-holding arrangement) or have them delivered/drop them off beforehand.
Why?
Because if the hosts are juggling cooking, getting everything done and the guests, they probably don't have time to find a nice vase for your arrangement and your lovely bunch will just get bunged into the nearest beerglass.
Which is a shame for the flowers.
Generally, I take a bottle of a good wine that I've previously had (not a new experimental one, I'll pull one out of my stockpile) plus something personal if I know the person well (on Sunday, my pal cooked me a roast dinner, I brought a great bottle of Shiraz plus Rowntrees Jelly Tots kiddy sweeties because he loves them, he tends to bring me Ginger Nut biscuits because I clear his house of them).

I always take a case of beer to dinner parties. Rude to assume you can simply drink all the hosts beer. Unless it was Crawlie, then I would take no beer, and take enjoyment from rudely caning all his booze. Class.
Think flowers are nice for da ladeeez, but frankly, I'd prefer people to bring random items. Keydeck oce came over for a beer and something to fodder, and bought a bag of flying saucers. You know, those sweets that are filled with sherbet. I wanna know what the catholic church is doing opening them up, removing the nice sugary bit, and simply serving the casing at half-time in the mass. It just seems to me that they should serve entire flying saucers instead. It'd make church much better. If I knew I was gonna get a glass of wine and some sherbet filled sweets, I'd probably go along to mass once in a while.

Well obviously. I would never invite you round my place without ensuring we have enough beer to last your average nuclear winter.

I would always bring a bottle and you can always ask beforehand what they are cooking and make your choice accordingly. Unless it is Don Riina, who does not know what he is cooking 10 minutes before he starts let alone 2 days, so it is all guess work. The wine would be for his missus anyway as he gets all irritated if he is not allowed beer and she is actually very co-operative (or tolerant or whatever)

Mate, nobody knows what you're cooking 10 minutes after you've finished it.

It fits snuggly between two slices of bread with a bit of cheese. It is food. Say no more

mwahahaahaahaaa. put those handbags away you two!

HE STARTED IT! Slagging off my singing yesterday and all that.

Well actually it was probably a comment he made to me in the Horse & Groom in 199whatever or something. Git.

For the record - I can cook and I can sing but not at the same time (food gets flung all over the place and it is a touch messy)

Just to add, don't bring the hostess chrysanthemums (especially not white ones). They have funereal connotations.
(this goes for French dinner party invitations too)

So what have we learnt? If it's anyone remotely English-speaking, bring booze. Other than that, it depends on the occasion, the formality, your relation to the hosts and their nationality.

@Showem
A+

it's simple. when you're invited, ask whether you should bring something. if they say yes, do it. if not, bring a bottle. the monkey who turns down a bottle is a fool!! don't forget that your hosts, whether they're from turkmenistan or a campervan, should realise that you are only trying to be polite too.