Ode to love

I will be leaving TT (partly). This is not to be construed as a flounce, pounce or whatever. I just found that in my boredom and need to communicate with other native speakers after years of isolation from all things English, my soul is being sucked out and I am spending way, way too much time on TT. Last night, I lay in my bed swearing off Toytown and then what did I do first thing this morning? Post.

Someone needs to start a TTA. I can just imagine TTA meetings, “Hello my name is DanaRae and I am addicted to the post.�

Again, this is not a flounce. This is actually a thread about Love. I have tried to post and communicate to the best of my ability with the written word to invisible faces—but, it is just not my arena. Today, whilst PMing with another member I told her, “I hate to be misunderstood� and I do. The solution is just not to bloody post, because it is impossible to expect everyone to know what you mean or where you are coming from.

So I am leaving the Miscellaneous and Random Chat (so a mini flounce) with something that I wrote previously but never posted here. If you want proof then you can look at my web address.. just pm me. I imagine after calling me a militant feminist, JW might.

Instead of discussing god, rape, politics, abortion or Elmer Fudd. I am going to leave with a post about Love. Because I just can’t help myself. If you can find anything sensational about it, then more power to you. 

So, Ode to Love…..

I can not remember where I was or how old I was (although I was definitely over 25) when it first occurred to me that “LOVE� is not a feeling at all.

We are led to believe that. We read about love and feelings everywhere. We think we feel love for our family for our mate for our friends. But what does love actually feel like?

I came to the conclusion that love is two things: the choice to bond with another human being and the action of creating and maintaining that bond. Afterwards the only exhibition of our love is our reflection of it, more specifically our decisions on how to show it and how to teach ourselves to feel it.

I was happy to find out that I just may be right about my theory when I discovered the social philosopher, Erich Fromm (1900-1980), observed that real love "is not a sentiment which can be easily indulged in by anyone." It is only through developing one's total personality to the capacity of loving one's neighbor with "true humility, courage, faith and discipline" that one attains the capacity to experience real love. This should be considered a rare achievement. The active character of true love, Fromm observes, involves the basic elements of care, responsibility, respect, and knowledge.

One of the things that I admittedly got from my studies of the bible (I am agnostic but was raised Christian) is the concept that there are different kinds of love. Not only the Bible speaks of various love “arts� other philosophers through out time have spoken of brotherly love, motherly love, erotic love, self-love, and the love of God.

In my opinion one of the greatest social “mess-ups� of the past 30 years has been feminism. Yes, I am a woman and yes I have inherited by the right o my humanity complete equality with the opposite sex. But, I am not a man. I can not do everything that a man can do. I do not want to. I need to be different from men, I need to be a woman. Actually I need to be feminine and quite frankly the outcome of “Feminism� is as far from femininity as one can get.

This is what I think of Feminism: The road to hell was paved with good intentions. OK, actually I think a lot more than that, but it is at least a starting point for my opinion. I am indeed a feminist, however, it is a shame that I even need to be or be labeled as such.

As far as romantic love is concerned, Fromm was quite perceptive when he wrote that the lack of polarity between the sexes meant the death of love. In order for men and women to have harmonious relationships, they cannot be exactly the same. Without "viva la difference" there can be no eros.
But what does it mean to me, and to you to love a partner?

When I look at my man or think about him, I do not feel butterflies. I do not get nervous or shaky hands. I know that I love because I feel:

Peace

When he is around and when he is in my thoughts. A sense of calm that can only come from the constant state of loving.

One of the reasons for so many disappointments of the heart and mind is the confusion between the state of “falling in love� with the “constant state of loving�. When we meet a stranger who touches us and when we let down our guards to allow intimacy and along the way discover that this “stranger� accepts us-it is the most exhilarating feeling. It is so overwhelming that we often call it being “crazy for each other.�
Suddenly we are not alone. Suddenly we are reminded that there is something larger to being human that we are intrinsically a part of, by right.

But the constant state of loving is all together different. So different in fact that many never recognise it.
Why is it that once the “crazy for you� infatuation is nearing it’s end, do people become so nervous, so afraid? Is it because we know, that once we are no longer strangers, there is a jump, a plunge into “This is who I really am� and if you don’t accept it then this intensity was for nothing. Nothing but a game, a dance. And if you do accept me but I can’t accept you, what then? And if all goes well but I eventually loose you, what will I do? God, no wonder people are afraid to jump. So many questions and so little answers.
Do you remember the first time you stood on the high dive at the pool? The feeling in the pit of your stomach? The butterflies? Hmm..in what other application do we hear the phrase “butterflies in my stomach� being used?

But I remember that plunge and then the desire to do it again because it just felt so damn good! And I knew I was safe. Practicing this jump is mastering ourselves. I believe this applies to love as well. Mastery of one's fears, behavior. In all, the mastery of "me".

Then it was time to take my little sister and show her it's OK. Hold my hand and I will jump with you. She mastered herself when she chose to trust me.
Fromm said, “If love is an art then we must master the theory and let our soul flow into the application.�
Contrary to popular belief, LOVE IS NOT EASY. It is not “second nature�. If it was, well..the earth would be a much different place.

You and I. We both began our studies of love in infancy and the lessons seem to go on forever.
One way (but not the only way) to observe someone else’s love is to observe their actions, is it not?
Last night I came home from work, exhausted. My son had cleaned the kitchen and his room. And I thought “oh yes little boy. I love you too!� and smacked a big kiss on his little cheek.

Ciao everyone!!! You will be able to find me lurking somewhere in “Where can I get a brazillian wax or buy brown sugar?� threads.

Oh no, please don't go.

I believe that's the accepted (or expected) response to threads of this nature.

Well I'm glad you like my brazillian wax and brown sugar postings. Always good to get fan mail you know.

Sounds like a case of takingtoytowntooseriouslyitis

is that related to beingoverlyhighlystrungitis with takingthingspersonallthatyoushouldn't complications?

[img]http://www.keithball.net/img/toi_town/jelly.png[/img]

oh no, let's not start this up again

@Dana
Seems like you read Scott Peck as well as Fromm. Good stuff that, I suspect it might be lost here though.
Cheers!

No, I haven't heard of Scott Peck who is he? Oh, well, I will just google it.

God damnit!!!, I posted again.

Boomtown!! quick, pull out the meds.

ok, this one doesn't count I am jus curious about Scott Peck.

@Dana
He is an American psychologist who wrote a book called "The Road Less Travelled". I thought all American people have read this book already? His views on love are quite similar to Mr.Fromm's. Can't say I like his style much, though. He is way too religious.

ok, well you can tell me all about him over coffee. Because I have to keep to my word and not post here

I am so weak ...

I liked your post . Good brain food.

thanks Bubble Gum. Hey, I saw a pic of you on Papa_Geno's "other" site. cute!

thank you. Are you coming to the tb tonight?

EDIT: How do I get to pg's other site?

baby come back
any kind of fool could see
I was wrong and I just
cant live without ya
For the record Dana is the bets thing since audrey tatu(from Amelie)
*starts to drool*

oh my god! he knows Ambrosia!!

guess what my real name is?

Devon Custard?

I don't know, but I am curious

Perdido is food of the gods

I love that Eleanor Rigby

yes, he told me, I know his name now. How cool is that?!

As in Twat/Tits/Ass?
Hi, I'm am just here doing research. No, seriously.