Getting married in Germany - The American way

Ok so there might be a wedding in my near future and I need some info.

I know that in Germany to be legally married it has to be done thru the standesamt. But I also want a ceremonial wedding. Since I'm not catholic and my bf is, we wouldn't be able to do it in a church. So if we wanted to get married on some mountain or sumfin, how would it work? Who would marry us? Is it possible to have an 'amtliche' wedding outside of the standesamt? And what about traditions liek walking down the aisle with my father and the classic wedding song n groomsmen and bridesmaids n all that jazz? I've only been to one German wedding and there was none of that...so how would I go about arranging a wedding to incorporate those traditions?

And another thing... my family doesn't speak any German, and his family doesn't speak any english...how do we do the ceremony in a way that both families get whats going on? And would it be kinda awkward with a bunch of people who can't really talk to eachother? I guess it would be pretty segregated huh? Americans stay huddled together and the Austrians as well.

Anyway..I'd really like to hear bout others experiences in a similar situation!! Thanx!!

That's not entirely true. I recently spoke to a Catholic priest here in Munich about this and he said that in principle there's no problem at all getting a church wedding even if one of the partners is not Catholic.

Contact Fr. Bill Buckley for more information.

St.Kilian´s Irish Centre
Fr. Bill Buckley
Landsbergstr. 39
80339 München
Tel. (089)5003580
E-mail: st_killian@compuserve.com

You normally do the ceremonial wedding after you're already legally married (Standesamt). You must go to the Standesamt to do the official, legal wedding. It's considered a full legal process; if you're taping it they will tell you to turn off the camera for at least a few minutes of the legal mumbo-jumbo and the Beamter will probably make a lame joke about how "Unlike ze US ve don't hef kemeras in our Cherman courtrooms".

Who do you get to do the ceremony? Whoever you want who's willing.

Families: That's a tough one. Whoever you get to do the ceremonial wedding ought to be willing to switch back and forth, first speaking in German then saying the English translation. Guests may mingle some -- certainly a few of the Austrians speak a bit of English. When I was best man at my fried's wedding, only his bride's mother didn't speak English so when I made the toast, I spoke in English, then translated for her, at one point completely forgetting what I'd been saying.

woof.

Somewhat correct. From my understanding, you would have to have been baptized in any church. You both would have to promise to raise any children with a knowledge of the Catholic faith, you can eductae them in other faiths, but you must do it for th eCatholic faith as well. Some Priests may ask you to take a class together as well as discuss potential unforeseen problems.

friends (he's english, she's german) did it last summer. standesamt on the friday and then church on the saturday. neither are catholic but still had a protestant (or whatever you want to call it) service in the catholic chapel at schloss Oberschleissheim. i'll see if i can remember to find out how they arranged it this weekend.

as an aside, i've also been to a full-blown german catholic wedding. over 2 hours long in latin and schwabian. i cannot recommend this course of action!

Not true according to what I've been told.

That is the problem with the Catholic faith. Many preists do not know the information outlined in Vatican II and do not adhere to the same standards. But look here
"This is why preparation is also a "special opportunity for the engaged to rediscover and deepen the faith received in Baptism and nourished by their Christian upbringing. In this way they come to recognize and freely accept their vocation to follow Christ and to serve the Kingdom of God in the married state" (FC 51)."

" Spousal spirituality, by involving human experience which is never separated from moral life, has its roots in Baptism and Confirmation."

"47. However, the center of this preparation must be a reflection in the faith on the sacrament of Marriage through the Word of God and the guidance of the Magisterium. The engaged should be made aware that to become "una caro" (Matthew 19:6) in Christ, through the Spirit in Christian marriage, means imprinting a new form of baptismal life on their existence."

"53. This preparation for the sacrament of Marriage should be the culmination of a catechesis which helps engaged Christians to retrace their sacramental journey intelligently. It is important that they know that they are uniting themselves in marriage as persons baptized in Christ, and that they should behave in conformity to the Holy Spirit in their family life."

"64. Bearing in mind that marriage is normally celebrated during Mass (cf. Sacrosanctum Concilium, 78; Familiaris Consortio, 57), when dealing with a marriage between a Catholic and a baptized non-Catholic, the celebration will take place according to the special liturgical and canonical provisions (cf. Ordo Celebrandi Matrimonium - OCM, 79-117)."

Actually a better link is: (so you were right)
Code of Canon Law

"Can. 1118 §1. A marriage between Catholics or between a Catholic party and a non-Catholic baptized party is to be celebrated in a parish church. It can be celebrated in another church or oratory with the permission of the local ordinary or pastor.

§2. The local ordinary can permit a marriage to be celebrated in another suitable place.

§3. A marriage between a Catholic party and a non-baptized party can be celebrated in a church or in another suitable place."

"Can. 1124 Without express permission of the competent authority, a marriage is prohibited between two baptized persons of whom one is baptized in the Catholic Church or received into it after baptism and has not defected from it by a formal act and the other of whom is enrolled in a Church or ecclesial community not in full communion with the Catholic Church.

Can. 1125 The local ordinary can grant a permission of this kind if there is a just and reasonable cause. He is not to grant it unless the following conditions have been fulfilled:

1/ the Catholic party is to declare that he or she is prepared to remove dangers of defecting from the faith and is to make a sincere promise to do all in his or her power so that all offspring are baptized and brought up in the Catholic Church;

2/ the other party is to be informed at an appropriate time about the promises which the Catholic party is to make, in such a way that it is certain that he or she is truly aware of the promise and obligation of the Catholic party;

3/ both parties are to be instructed about the purposes and essential properties of marriage which neither of the contracting parties is to exclude."

Can. 1128 Local ordinaries and other pastors of souls are to take care that the Catholic spouse and the children born of a mixed marriage do not lack the spiritual help to fulfill their obligations and are to help spouses foster the unity of conjugal and family life.

Why not just by-pass the entire church/amt process and take a trip to Las Vegas!!! It would prob. be much easier and cheaper...

I was at a wedding in Germany last year involving a Brit and a German. Their families were also equally limited language wise as yours appear to be. The ceremony (standesamt) actually involved an interpreter so that went ok.

Then at the after wedding do most of the speeches were actually done by the people doing a paragraph in English and then repeating in German - it worked quite well actually. But yes it did end up being very segregated but there isn't really any good way to avoid that. Probably best to just accept it as so and have segregated tables rather than trying to mix people up in order to try and induce interaction IMO. As far as I was aware everyone just accepted it as so and there were no hard feelings or anything between the two groupings.

At my wedding we also had the problem with the German/English language thing. Since I only had maybe 10 English-speakers there and no interpreters in the village where I lived, I decided to do a little bulletin in English and German that printed out the service. It worked really well- my family and friends could follow along and had a good idea of what was being said. I would imagine with an interpreter it might break up the flow of the service. And anyway, get everyone a little liquored up at the reception and they'll all have fun- guaranteed.

As far as traditions and religious ceremonies go- some churches are very flexible. My husband isn't religious- but I was- and the church allowed the wedding. The pastor was also really open and we blended a mix of American and German wedding traditions, which was really cool.

You can get married at a lot of places other than the Standesamt- BUT you need to have the Standesbeamter do the ceremony- so you'll need to check with them anyway about your ceremony.

PS- If you haven't turned in the 50,000 pages of forms (all issued within the last 6 months and including their official stamps) to be processed and approved, you won't be doing any marrying in the near future.

I got married in Austria. Obviously the Germans may have different requirements for forms/paperwork than the Austrians. The Austrians had plenty of paperwork for us to fill out but it really wasn't bad or super time-consuming.

I can tell you that I (non-Catholic) had a Catholic church wedding (my husband is Catholic.) We did have to attend a day-long premarital course but it wasn't a problem. My not being Catholic wasn't even mentioned in the course and no one made me sign anything. I don't know about other dioceses but in Vienna (I think you said you plan to marry an Austrian), The Catholic church even had these premarital courses available for Catholic-Muslim couples-- so you and your future husband would not be the first Catholic-non-Catholic couple to approach the church about a church wedding.

We had a Standesamt wedding in the morning and our church wedding the same afternoon. Some people do it all the same day, while others have these two ceremonies on different days.

As for language-- Standesamt was in German only. The church wedding was mostly German but we said our vows in both languages and we had readings in both languages.

Reception-- German speakers and English speakers were sort of separated-- but I've been to weddings where everyone is from the same country and there's bride/groom side separation. Not such a big deal. And funnily I discovered that some people that never had spoken a word of English suddenly seemed to know some. And we combined some traditions. Here it's common (especially in smaller areas) to "kidnap" the bride (the groom has to come and find her. In America it's common for the bride to toss her bouquet (the story is that the woman who catches it will be the next to marry.) Both of these things occurred at our wedding. So it is indeed possible to combine traditions from both countries.

If you exchange vows, you could do it in German and he could it in English.
I saw this once and thought it was really cute

I'd be very interested in hearing about how that worked out, as we've considered doing just that...@ Schleissheim palace...

man if I ever get married I would never tell my parents about it.

that's a good idea, too

try asking the guys at http://weddinghelfer.de/ . They organized a friend's wedding fabulously. They're based in Munich and have lots of intersting ideas. Good luck!

I'd probably tell them after the event...

ok thnx for all the info. anyone know of any websites for wedding planning/info for germany or austria?

That's true and I've been to 4 such weddings (1 in UK, 3 in Bavaria).
It is at the discretion of the relevant priest but Fr Buckley (amongst others) will do such a ceremony.
You just don't have communion at the end of the ceremony. A communion can be held separately but the non-Catholics cannot take it.
If you wanted to marry in Berchtesgardener Land, I could give a name of a Father there who does such ceremonies.
St Kilian's also offer a pre-wedding course as part of the Ehevorbereitung Service where preparation courses are held for those with differing faiths and also sometimes offers multi-lingual seminars. I've only heard good things about these courses and the service pages have excellent links about what is involved in a Catholic service.

wedding planning info? yes.

i meant besides that site..already checked it out when it was posted the first time.

Well as we came out of the Standesamt this morning from our final trip to the Anmeldung der Eheschließung meaning our wedding got officially started (and it was a sh*t load of paperwork) I think we pretty much know how it works (and I think we do the more complicated version of the Bamerican wedding).
a) go to Standesamt and get your blue sheet of paper - they check all the things you need.
b ) get all the papers they stated, get them translated
c) use the time inbetween to get an overview on sites, people and stuff you want and need.

PM me if you want more input.

www.weddix.de is a good one. They have lots of ideas. But you need to be able to navigate a site in German. I really like their section for games to play during the reception. I think that's one of the best parts about getting married here. (:

I've got a question. Anyone have any recommendations or heard of a good gospel singer who's for hire? I of course would be partial to an Americana. We're doing our church wedding in July and would love to include that music. Suggestions and ideas...?

My fiance is Bavarian and I am American... we found the easiest way is to do it in the US due to the buerocracy issues - if you marry in the US and aren't staying you don't have to fill out additional visas (namely the K1 fiance visa)... I will then be moving to Munich in the fall (after our August wedding). I would suggest eloping but my fiance was more of a bride than I was and wanted an elaborate wedding. Let me know if there is anything else I can help with!

My advice to anyone thinking of marrying in Germany is "DONT DO IT" and if you do "DONT COME WHINGING TO ME AFTER THE DIVORCE" and yes I am bitter.

can somebody please let me know if marriages in other countries(outside EU) need to be registered here as well? Or an official translation suffices.

thanks

ARGH! That's a bit of a harsh generalized statement, especially on a thread focused on people getting married. No offense, as I'm sure you have a very good reason to feel this way, but why in the world would you post it here?! I'm marrying a German (the sweetest man on earth EVER!) in 60 days and A. your post won't change my decision to do that and B. I wouldn't whinge to you anyway!

Please don't pee on other people's parades? Good luck with the next one Fuchs66, and try not to be bitter. It's a love-repellant.

A wise person learns from his / her mistakes a genius learns from the mistakes of others.

PM answered
Edit:
aren't they all? I married the sweetest woman ever, she also happened to be German (I divorced however a two timing money grabbing, b***h), I hope it goes well for you, but if it doesn't I do hope you have considered the possibility.

I hope not, I'm all for love, I'm actually deeply in love with my girlfriend, it's just marriage in general and marriage here with all the surrounding judicial crap that tends to put a damper on it for me, but if you feel you have to be married to love then fill yer boots.

Does anyone know how difficult it is for a US national to marry a Polish national in Germany? It would be a civil ceremony only as I'm not Catholic. We've been told it could take up to 6 months to complete the paperwork in Poland (unless I get out the wallet and start greasing some palms...)

Just for info... I got married in Copenhagen, Denmark last year. My wife is from Ukraine and I am British - marrying here would have been more complicated w.r.t visa and all the paperwork needing to be translated. In Copenhagen they need passports and proof that you are not resident in Denmark - e.g. Aufenthaltserlaubnis and for my wife , a valid Schengen visa. Nothing else is needed. The ceremony can be in Danish, English or German. The marriage certificates are in all three languages and need no translations or any other process for recognition here in Germany. Cost 67 Euros plus flights, hotel, dress, flowers, hairdo,... :-) I can thoroughly reccomend both marriage in general and getting married in Copenhagen.

Hi jg - Sounds fantastic! I just went to the Danish embassy site (http://www.ambwashington.um.dk/en/menu/ConsularServices/MarriageInDenmark/) and it looks good. Here is the clincher, How long did the process take? Can you fly there on Thursday, marry on Friday, return to Munich on Sunday? How far in advance did you have to provide the documents or can you present them the day of the wedding? Anything else you think we need to investigate or be wary of?

Thanks for a great suggestion!

Why not stay there for a few days? Copenhagen is lovely!

I know two couples living here who got married in Denmark - both are now divorced. Marry in haste, repent at leisure?

And I'm sure you also know many couples that got married anywhere from Alabama to Zanzibar and subsequently got divorced.

Didn't they close down Christiana?

I answered this following your PM but just to cover it here:
You can't do it in one trip - unless you plan to stay for a month or two! You both have to go in person to give notice, present passports and proof that you are not resident in Denmark - at this point they will set a date. This is typically about 4 weeks later (I think they said there is a minimum of two weeks).

Hotels can be a bit pricey but otherwise it is a great place to visit.


The decision to marry is made before the choice of location and maybe a hasty decision irrespective of the location. Personally, I would rather spend money on the dress and the honeymoon than filling the coffers of the local government or the pockets of official translators.

Oh - I forgot... As my wife does not speak German, we would have required the services of a simultaneous translator (German to Russian) for her at the ceremony.

It would definitelly be easier for you to get married in one of your home countries, saves the paperwork for one of you.

As for the wedding ceremony, we are having ours billingual with interpreter, so both sides of Family understand.

Oh Sigmund, wherefore art thou ?

Quick question - do the offices in Germany only do German ceremonies? If so, do you have to reply in German? i.e. 'ich will' or 'ich werde' or whatever 'I do' would be?

I presume it'd be ok if you first said 'I do' and then 'ich will' ?

Haha reminds me of Rammstein.