The best way to insult Germans

This comes from the problem of complete strangers abusing you either for something you have done/not done or because...well actually sometimes I dont know why they act so badly. But I am sure you get my drift.
I like Germany and funnily enough, what with this thread, also really like most of the people here too. This is not a thread on how to insult Germans generally but the best put downs to use against rudeness and also whether to use "du" or "sie" when telling them to go f*** themselves. What have you said or heard that was funny or just outright shocking?

I use the phrase when they try to push infront of me at the store, 'Oh, sorry, didn't know you were so important that you have to push infront of me to save 2 minutes time!'
Taking up 2 spaces at parking- Yes, we wouldn't want that piece of shit getting scratched now would we?

It may not insult the parties, but I feel better about it!

"Get out of my fucking way" works wonders. Hold a broken bottle in your right hand, and a cigarette held "football terrace" style in the left.

Sind Sie British oder was?

The BBC have added to their learn german website a great section on arguments, interjections and other stuff.

Each phrase is ranked

* = familiar, ** = very familiar, *** = vulgar, s = slang, Lit. = Literally

Willst du mich verarschen??

Sie Arschloch has a nice ring to it.

that would be sarcasm you're using Carm and, as such, likely completely lost on them.

what I've found really fucks with them is being silly. pretending like you don't know how to open the U or S bahn door, but standing close enough so they can't get in there. pretending to move out of they're way but not and giggling the whole while. silliness just does not compute here.

I actually used this comment last year without knowing it was a common saying. I actually said, "Wollen Sie mich verarschen?"

I went with five people skiing, me and my friend bought the whole day tickets, while our driver (who was next in line) only bough ta half day ticket. We then went back and explained that we only need the half-day ticket since our driver only bought that as well (total elapsed time two minutes from purchase). She said, that the information was written on the board and could we not read? I replied as written above. She answered immediately, "No, tut mir leid" and then exchanged the tickets.

for those of us with remedial German skills (at best) what does "verarschen" mean?

to make an arse out of

"make a butt out of someone" is about the closest you can get
edit: beaten due to slow typing

Or, in british english: "Are you taking the fucking piss?"

I always find asking them which part of Turkey they come from works wonders

I'd recommend staying formal (Sie, not Du) when insulting them. In my experience, this usually makes them realize that you're pissed off at them, and then they become nice. If you use Du, though, they'll continue to be assholes.

And if they still don't chill you can just switch to your most polite voice and suggest that:

"Sie, mein Herr (or meine Dame), haben Geschlechtsverkehr so nötig das Sie es von der Steuer absetzen dürfen."

I always say 'du penner'. 'du vikser' /sp?

that's fabulous, I might just have to nick that one

@worm - it's "wichser"

I don't understand exactly,

You, sir, need sex so urgently that you may deduct that from your tax??

The cost of the Prossy.

I assume it is saying that the costs thereby incurred ought to be tax-deductable.

It works on a lot of levels. First you point out clearly they are an ass, second you imply they need to pay for it, third you say that they are such an asshole that it would be worth state underwriting to get them laid just to cure the world of their attitude. Very nice indeed.

Not one that I would favour using. I always believe the best insults are the ones which refer directly to how the person is behaving. To bring out another insult independent of the action is petty. But I am certain Yeti can use those as well (judging by his posts)

yep, a German colleague confirmed this...'Sie Arschloch' is a whole lot more effective than 'Du Arschloch'. have yet to try it though cuz when I'm enraged, 'fuck off' just tumbles out of my mouth uncontrollably on reflex. usually quite effective though I have to say...in fact already used it this morning...

I'm the same as you, Moonboot - I generally swear at them in English. It makes me feel better than swearing in German.
And it has the added benefit of being less likely to get you into trouble

???
How about just saying "Ach, Sie Deutscher!"?

I usually just tut shake my head and say stupid arsehole - in German of course. The tut and shaking of the head really seems to wind them up and calling them an arsehole is just the icing on the cake.

yeah, I meant I swear at them in English
I've changed it now

I normally have the same problem as the people posting above. I'm fine speaking German, but as soon as I get wound up enough to insult people, I almost inevitably revert to English.

Like this incident last night, I ended up calling the woman a "stupid, fucking bitch" when I really should have called her a "verdammte Pfötze" which would have been so much more offensive...

that would probably annoy me too to be honest!

Um, well, no, if you said that you'd almost be saying "you damn puddle" (Pfütze) -- you were probably aiming for "Fotze" (cunt). No p. 'Course you could stick to Pfötze and defuse the situation by making her laugh at you.

Sorry - I meant Fotze of course. I can pronounce it, just can't spell the word. Until today, I had never actually written it down...

Not really German specific but definitely good for someone budging in line.
"Are all the people waiting in this queue assholes?"
they will likely reply, "no."
"Oh ok I guess you are the only one."

Can be easily translated into Deutsch

I called up at a Fitness Studio to inquire about the prices and the 1 year contract I had to sign etc. and the lady on the phone got completed annoyed for no reason at all. I told her "Sie können ein bisschen höfflich sein. Das tut kein weh".

She seemed to get her lesson and said "entschuldigung".

Germans need to be put in their right places.

even the none rude-ones (of which there are many) ?

I think we are talking about the RUDE germans here.

The problem with trying to being a smart alek in German is that you better make sure your grammer is perfect or else you just look like an idiot.

You are absolutely right..imagine you get stuck while swearing..its so insulting.

I think it would be better to pretend you don't understand them. Smile back and respond completely opposite from what they would expect. For example, Hazza could have said, "Aja, Es schmeck vorzueglich. Moechten Sie eine Probe? Ich mag Deutschland. So wo Kommen Sie her? Darf ich Ihre Telefonnummer haben?

I love it.. Love it! It used to be a problem for me to talk back, but not anymore. Usually, when people are rude I just stare at them to see what they do. This happened in the tram the other day- I got out to let everyone else out and slightly squished an old man who was trying to get out too, because it was his stop. He yelled, "hey, Mädel, ich muss auch hier aussteigen!" and I just turned around and looked at him and then he realized that I was getting out to let everyone else out, not because I was pushing my way to get off.

He just looked at me and said, "Entschuldigung, das war doof von mir." I just smiled and got back on, hoping he felt a little bad about his outbreak.

edit: and usually "fuck you" just comes out.. especially when on the bike, where most of the instances occur

To be quite honest, some of the time, a few muttered obvious english swear words will actually tempt angry foreigners into your linguistic territory, and they will erroneously attempt to engage in a verbal battle with you in English. The gutteral hun against the rapier like wit of an Englsihman. Pure, pure folly.

Wenn Sie irgendwann den Stock aus Ihrem Arsch entfernen wollen, stehe ich Ihnen jeder Zeit gerne zur Verfügung.

Strongly disagree. Germans get sarcasm loud and clear. The best way to get a German is to keep your cool. As soon as you lose your temper and mention 2 world wars, you've lost already.


Exactly, that's the way to do it. if you just point out to most Germans that they're being pricks, they normally take more than one step back. If you do it aggressively, they're obviously going to take up the challenge.

Obviously, if you're looking for a fight - and trust me Germans won't shy away from one contrary to popular Anglo-Saxon belief - you could always call them " Fotzendreck" or "blede Küh" with a nice Bavarian accent. Scheißdreck also goes and if you really want a fight, you can call always use the tried and trusted "deine Mutter hat mir gut geblasen". Be prepared to defend yourself though.

Why does this verb in the past perfect use Haben and not sein, since it is one of motion?

Since when does the verb "to blow" indicate motion? To where?

Don't which ones you have gotten, but I definitely notice movement.

and "to where" Whether or not a verb requires an object is dependent on if it is intransitive or transitive, not whether or not it indicates motion.
I ran yesterday. I ran to the pub yesterday. She blew me yesterday. She blew me down south yesterday.

Oh wow! Thanks Gen, I didn't know that one.

I agree that staying somewhat polite is the best way to go about the situation, but getting a little angry never hurts either. I have never had a german person remain unfriendly after they noticed that i got angry. And i'm not intimidating.

paradise?

or ditransitive

What about "Deine Mutter hat mich gut geblasen"?

Leave my mother out of this.

Sorry, but disturb me while I'm eating and you'll feel my wrath!!!