Wedding receptions in Germany

Ok, so we're in the end stages of planning our wedding for next year. We'll be getting married in the States in Oct of next year. As many of you have read in another thread which I can't seem to find at the moment (maybe admin could crosslink it for me), I will be having a Halloween themed wedding and reception. Only thing left is to find a dress which fits with my costume and decide on a caterer. Yes, we're planning early because we had intended on this year but ended up having to postpone a year due to unforeseen circumstances. Anyway...

My fiance is German and much of his family and our friends here will not be able to make it over for the actual ceremony and reception We've decided to throw a party upon our return to celebrate with all the folks here in Germany. I'm at a lost as to where to start and what customs that I need to consider when planning this little shin-dig. We want something very laid-back and fun, but I'm afraid of what the new in-laws would think if we chose to follow the same theme as we are in the States.

Honestly, at the moment, I'm considering hosting it at our apartment which is about 200 sq.m. so should accomodate a fairly large crowd and we would have use of two balconies along with the main living space. I was figuring on sporting the Dirndl and having him wear his Lederhosen and providing traditional Bavaria food and beer (and lots of it). Anyone know if this would be an acceptable way of celebrating post-wedding? Any other suggestions from folks who have gotten married at the Standesamt (sp?)? I'm open to any ideas that fellow TTers might have.

Well, you can also have a pre-wedding party called a "Polterabend". It's a bit like a bachalor's Party but the couple is together. The tradition is different in each region, so you better ask your future hubby what the tradition is where he comes from.

Sorry, the above was at the future husband's suggestion. Guess I should have said "We're considering...". We talked about the "Polterabend" but both feel that it's kind of silly. At this point, I'm not so sure that he cares much about including his family and friends here if they aren't willing to come to the states. I think I'm more worried about the details like that then he. His focus is on us and this being our day which I understand. But I also don't want to exclude the future in-laws as the relationship there is strained enough as it is.

I just went to one of those two weeks ago in the Black Forest. It was fun. The main celebration for the polterabend was to bring plates and the guests all broke the plates for the groom and the bride to be. They then had to clean it up. This was really a truck load of plates. It tok them a good hour to clean up the mess. But wearing trachten can be considered formal attire here in Bayern. I see people often at the opera dressed in Dirndl's, so I think that would be considered quite normal.

Brokenm, people wear them to the opera, but they also wear them to the Ofest. There are dirndls and there are dirndls.

Your husband doesn't care about including people who aren't willing/able to spend a load of cash and several days minimum to come to your wedding? Hmm. Well, keeping my opinions to myself, I think a Polterabend before the wedding sounds like a nice compromise. The saying is that "Shards bring luck/happiness". The couple cleans it up together, with the significance being that although life will bring difficulties and messes to clean up, you get through it by cleaning up together.

We went to one last year complete with cup n' plate breaking etc. Twas great fun and an excellent way of getting rid of excess crockery.

Obviously I know nothing about your situation, but this:


...sounds a bit harsh.

I'm planning my wedding in Belgium in 58 days. All my in-laws will be there from the states, and some friends too, we would have more but for bad date and plane phobia.

Most of them see it as an excuse to visit Europe and they had only 3 month notice. His Friend and Family should take the excuse to visit the country of someone who enter their family/friendship circle.

I have to say that I don't know how many would have make the trip to the USA from Belgium. Her family like to travel.

My Advice : Do what please you. If they don't go to the states, bring the states to them. Turkey, sweet potatoes, corn bread, pumpkin pie, ... But keep the German beer.

Just remember the local custom of kidnapping the bride, and the groom then has to ransom her back (Usually a game played at the reception)

Be prepared that you might experience the following:
- "fun" games created by work colleagues or so-called pals so that you earn your gift. Especially if bilingual, such games take up twice as long as planned and every group of friends/family wants to make sure their party piece is done whether you like it or not.
- ballet dancing nieces, trumpet blowing nephews, an uncle with a table harp... never knew that members of your circle would want to show off their "talents" at extreme length in a "my family is better than your's" manner? You will now (although the Schuhplattlers I saw at one Bavarian wedding were fitting and fun).
- A PowerPoint presentation made by the best man/chief bridesmaid with every single bad photograph that has ever been taken of you sandwiched together with some random tales about embarassing things that you have done. All of them. In detail. At length. In full colour and with runing stitch-up commentary from your friends.
- formal dancing. Well, you've got to show off those years of learning the waltz at school haven't you? For your guests that have never learned, there is no escape. Resistance is useless.
Think I've been to too many weddings. Way too many.

several couples that we know, including my wife and i, are of 'mixed origin', my wife and i being scottish and swedish. it has become very common for us all to have two 'weddings'. we got married in sweden and then had a blessing in scotland. it's not cheap to travel to weddings, we've been to six this year including one on the states, so i can understand if some of your family and friends are balking at the thought. but it's also good to do something 'back home' for those who can't make it. i know this is your day, but it is also a special day for all those who know and love you. work on him, he'll come round; that's what a lot of marriage is about

Yes, it is a bit harsh. That's why I'm trying to convince him to have a celebration here as well, which he is not too excited about. I guess you would need to know more about the circumstances to understand. Basically, his parents (mom in particular) is upset that we are having the actual ceremony in the States. She sees it as giving my family and friends more importance. Our reasoning for getting married in the States is quite simple:
1. We met in the States and lived there together for a number of years before coming to Germany.
2. We have more family members and friends in the States than here.
3. It's simply easier in the States than in Germany (paperwork and legalities).
4. It's what we both want to do and it's our day. (selfish, maybe, but I think we are entitled to be a little selfish)

The truth of the matter is: we plan to have a civil ceremony at the courthouse in TN to make everything legal. This will be done several months before we share any wedding celebration with either side of the family and friends. The civil ceremony will include only 2-4 witnesses. Both sets of parents will be invited to witness and flights/hotels will be paid for by us if his parents accept.

Then we will host the Halloween theme "wedding" in the States for all my family and our friends there. I have a friend who will perform a "blessing ceremony" before we get on with the partying. This will be quite a large celebration as we will have a minimum of 75 people in attendance. My father's family is quite large.

We have agreed that we will host some sort of get together here in Germany for our friends and family here. But Mr. ajohnson is frustrated with the "petty attitudes" (his words) of his family over our plans that he really doesn't want to do much if anything to include them. So that is the sorry behind the quote that you pointed out.

We're trying to be fair to all involved but it is quickly beginning to be all about other folks. We want to share this experience with our friends and family, but quite frankly it's getting out of hand. we've decided to make plans the way we want and if people get their feathers reuffled then they just have to deal with it. It's not our problem.

I know that all may sound harsh; but I assure you that we have tried to include everyone and be fair about our plans. I hope this little explanation helps you understand where I am coming from with my comment.

elope :-)

I am new to the boards here and I just wanted to ask you several questions because I too am marrying a German in the Fall of 2006. Are you going to be moving to Munich or continue living in the States as it sounded as if you did. If you are moving to Munich what are you doing in terms of gifts?

We will be living in Munich for several years and then probably be moving back to the US. Lately it seems as though I have met so many people that are married to Germans but perhaps I am more aware considering I will soon be one!

I appreciate any of your help! Good luck on the wedding plans!
Emily

@ duellema - We currently live in Germany (near Munich). We've been here for about 6 months now. The wedding plans are a bit out of sorts at the moment. As for gifts, we probably won't bother. This is a second marriage for both of us and I (we) really don't see the point in it. Especially after paying for all the flights, etc. in connection with the wedding itself. Sorry, right now, I'm in a bit of a BA HUM BUG mood. But maybe someone else can help you out with some suggestions.